The topic of wedding gifts, specifically whether or not a wedding guest must give one, is touchy. While it’s by no means mandatory to gift the happy couple, most consider it the right thing to do. It’s a gesture of goodwill and a lovely way to express your support of the newlyweds. That said, it’s highly likely that not every guest at a wedding will oblige. In fact, it’s been estimated that between 7 and 10% of guests at a wedding fail to give a gift. If, like me, you’re: a) petty AF and/or b) someone whose love language is receiving gifts, you may be wondering WTF is wrong with these people how to handle this situation. Fortunately for you, I’ve been through this and have some advice on the matter. To be clear, you should not accost every person on your invite list who failed to get you something off the registry, or make a passive-aggressive Facebook status derailing “how selfish people can be these days”. What you should do is take into account the particular circumstances, your relationship to the person, and act (or don’t act) accordingly.
1. The No-Show
Let me be clear. By “no-show,” I don’t mean someone that RSVPed “yes” and then failed to show up to the wedding at the eleventh hour. Barring a true emergency, that person should be ashamed and should absolutely send a gift to make up for the added stress and expense their last-minute ghosting caused. Instead, I’m talking about the person that RSVPed “no” from the get-go. While it’s certainly the classy move for such a guest to send a gift, it’s definitely not required.
How To Handle: This one is understandable, especially if the guest in question isn’t a close friend or family member. You may feel disappointed if the guest is someone near and dear to your heart, but there’s not much you can do or say without looking tacky. Make peace with the fact that this is perfectly acceptable and move on.
2. The Flaky Friend
We all have that one friend who is all over the place. They flit from event to event, and can barely remember to brush their hair, let alone put together a wedding gift. It’s inevitable that this friend is going to neglect to send a gift, even after a reasonable amount of time has passed.
How To Handle: What is a “reasonable amount of time,” you ask? Tradition has it that guests have up to one year to send a gift. But seeing as how we live in the age of next-day delivery and most of us can barely remember what we ate for lunch yesterday, this seems a bit antiquated. A couple of months appears to be the new norm. If at least that much time has passed, you consider this person a good friend, and are fairly sure it was an oversight, it might be worth having an honest conversation. But it’s important to make it about your feelings and emphasize that the nature of the gift is of no importance. For example: “I consider you a good friend and it hurt me that you didn’t even acknowledge the wedding with a card.” A true friend will immediately own the gaffe and make things right.
3. The Reciprocator
This should go without saying, but if you attended someone’s wedding and did not get them a gift, then you have no right to complain if they return the favor and arrive at your wedding empty-handed. While technically, two wrongs don’t make a right, your petty self should respect the game and do better next time.
How To Handle: Zip it, acknowledge your hypocrisy, and fix your life start practicing the Golden Rule.
4. The One Who’s Gone The Extra Mile (Literally or Figuratively)
It’s no secret that weddings aren’t cheap, especially when you consider all the other related events such as an engagement party, bachelor/bachelorette, or a bridal shower. For those guests who aren’t flush with cash, these costs can build up quickly, and adding a wedding gift on top of everything else might understandably be more than some guests can handle financially. It’s also important to consider the guests who have expended considerable time and money traveling to the wedding and other events, especially when these events are more than a brief car or train ride away. This is especially true for the members of your bridal party.
How To Handle: The best approach here is to be grateful for everything this guest has contributed up until the wedding. Whether it’s the bridesmaid who has spent hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars on celebrating you multiple times leading up to the wedding (and buying a bridesmaid dress she can never totally wear again), or the friend who flew in from a different continent to be there for your big day, try to channel your inner Elsa and let it go. If you really can’t help yourself, you can try sending a subtle hint in the thank you note by thanking this guest for their presence and see if they pick up on the signal. If they don’t, move on.
5. The Borderline Invite
This is by far the most frustrating one of the bunch. There’s always going to be at least one guest you’re hesitant about, who you ultimately decide to invite, whether it’s a colleague you’re lukewarm on, a distant high school friend you lost touch with, or some other rando. In my experience, these are often the people that treat the open bar like it’s their last night on Earth and/or end up half-dressed on the dance floor busting moves that even a dad would find uncool. This would be fine, except for the fact that these same people are the ones that conveniently forget to bring or send a gift, leaving you wondering why you invited them at all.
How To Handle: If you can’t avoid inviting this person and they do end up disappointing you, cut your losses and try to distance yourself where possible. When you do see them, be polite, but there’s no need to dredge up the subject with someone you didn’t care much about to begin with.
If you’re the type of person who doesn’t care at all about wedding gifts, you’re a unicorn and I commend you for your magnanimous spirit. For those not so blessed, it’s perfectly normal to feel slighted and a little offended, but it’s important to consider the specific circumstances and remember that it’s the gesture that matters (not how much money your guest dropped on the gift). And for those who want to drag me in the comments for having a strong opinion about this, to you I say:
Images: @oceanswide / Unsplash; Tenor (1); Giphy (5)
#Nonewfriends is the mantra you should live by when you’re creating your guest list for your wedding. Too often, couples let their guilt get the best of them and end up inviting people they don’t really want there. Let’s face it, there are going to be people on your proposed list that make you and your fiancé ask each other, “Do we really need to invite them?” Think of it this way: would you want a framed picture of you with them in your wedding dress hanging in your house in 10 years? If the answer is no, they shouldn’t make the cut. Here are five people you can definitely “forget to invite”.
1. The Sorority Sister Whose Wedding You Attended Five Years Ago
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You were thick as thieves in college, pregamed semi-formal together, and you even visited her hometown during summer break one year. She got married right after graduation and you attended her wedding. Here’s the catch: you haven’t seen each other since then and the only reason she knows you’re engaged is because she follows you on Instagram. You may feel like a huge bitch by leaving her off the guest list, but if you haven’t spoken to her in the last year (happy birthday texts don’t count), axe her. Weddings are priced on a per-head basis, so not inviting her will save you a few hundred dollars. Since you don’t see each other on the reg, you won’t have to face her and explain that her invite must have gotten lost in the mail. Let go of the guilt and move on.
2. Your Co-Worker
Just because you talk about your wedding with the people you work with doesn’t mean you’re obligated to invite them. Sure, they threw you a surprise party for your engagement and listened to you bitch about your fiancé’s lack of involvement in planning, but unless you regularly hang out with them outside of work, remove them from the list. They’ll probably be relieved not to receive an invite, especially if you’re getting married in a different state than the one you work in. If you’re struggling to figure out what to do about a specific co-worker, think of it this way: if you left the company tomorrow, would you still keep in touch with this person? If not, then they shouldn’t be at your wedding! It’s not in your job description to include everyone on the guest list, so invite who you want to invite.
3. Your Mom’s Cousin Twice-Removed Who You’ve Never Met
It’s possible you or your fiancé will see names of people on the proposed guest list that you had no clue you were even related to. In some cultures, it’s tradition to invite every single relative to the wedding, regardless if you’ve met them or not. If that’s not the case and your mom is pushing to add Great Aunt Sylvia to the guest list, approach mom calmly and explain that you and your fiancé want to keep the wedding to close friends and family. If that doesn’t work, bring up the money factor. Again, weddings are priced on a per-head basis, so if you show your mom how much she’ll save, she’ll probably want Great Aunt Sylvia to stay home. Plus, her hip is bad anyway, so you’re kinda doing her a favor.
No, you don’t have to invite your cousin’s 2-year-old daughter who cries whenever her mom isn’t near her for 10 seconds. Asking guests to leave their kids at home isn’t an unreasonable request, especially if you give them plenty of notice. Who wants seven attention-hungry kids taking over the dance floor at your reception or hogging the late-night snacks? TBH, your guests who have children will probably be relieved that they can’t bring them along. It’s a nice excuse for them to enjoy some kid-free time for a few hours. It’s important you don’t put this explicitly on your invitation, though. Put only the parents’ names on the envelope and make a note on your website that it’s an adults-only affair. You can even offer childcare if you know that a guest has no other option than to bring them. Bottom line: if you don’t want kids, don’t invite them.
5. Anyone Just Because They Invited You to Their Wedding
This is not a reason to invite someone. It might feel awkward not to include them, but think about the situation in reverse: if you knew you were being invited to a wedding solely because you invited them to yours, wouldn’t you feel a little less welcome? Guests at your wedding should be people you want to celebrate your love with, not people who are there because you feel like they should be. If you strongly believe it will be more awkward later on to not invite them, that’s your prerogative, but you’re not breaking any wedding etiquette rules by leaving them off the list.
Overall, push your feelings of guilt aside and be selfish with your guest list. There’s no reason you should feel like you have to invite anyone (unless mom insists and she’s writing the checks), so take that red pen and start crossing off names. Your wedding only lasts a day, so why spend it with people you don’t want there?
Images: Annie Gray / Unsplash; betchesbrides / Instagram (3)
Another day, another wacky wedding story thanks to the people who post their problems on Reddit for me to read and laugh at while I’m supposed to be working. I don’t know about you, but nothing truly gives me life quite like stupid wedding etiquette questions that seem pretty cut and dry to those of us who have, like, common sense. Today’s wedding story, though, is a little less black-and-white than our usual “Am I a bridezilla for telling my Maid of Honor to terminate her pregnancy so she does not appear pregnant in my wedding photos?” type stories. Let’s just get right into it, with a problem I’m dubbing “Mo’ Titties Mo’ Problems.” You’ll see why in a sec. Here’s the dilemma she posted on the Am I The Asshole subreddit, or r/amitheasshole. It involves a bra, a blue dress, some really stupid questions, and some fun word play. Let’s go.
So, our OP posted this f*cking novel to the AITA subreddit, and has been officially voted an asshole. For the uninitiated, Am I The Asshole (or AITA as it’s lovingly called) is pretty self-explanatory. People write in about various scenarios that have happened to them, and the good people of Reddit decide who was the asshole in that situation. So, strap in and get ready to judge strangers—our favorite pastime!
Here’s the rundown from the OP herself. Please note, all spelling and (atrocious) grammar has been left as-is:
“My boyfriend’s (M27) brother is getting married. I (F22) often don’t wear bras (free the titty). I wear them to work, in a (business) professional setting, but if I’m going out with friends and family I don’t wear them. My boobs aren’t huge enough to where the flop everywhere, but I’m not flat chested either. My boyfriend has informed me that his brother’s fiancé has requested I wear a bra at the wedding, quoting ‘I don’t want no free range titties.’ Their family really looks down on it and thinks I’m a hippie heathen that has abandoned God and is motor-boating Satan.
I respect that 100%, it’s her day. However I’m trying to match my boyfriend’s attire, which is blue. I even dyed my hair to his color as well. The dress (blue) that best fits for the wedding (I have no time or money to buy a new one) is not designed to have a bra. I have a few other dresses, but they’re white (big no). I have a black dress as well but I wore that to their grandma’s funeral (so also no). I have other dresses/gowns but they’re very fancy and I don’t want to out dress the bride.”
First off, this has got to be a troll post, but for my own amusement, I’ll pretend this is real. People do tend to do crazy things, so I guess this story could be true—but just know that I’m proceeding with caution, so don’t @ me in the comments that this post is “obviously fake”. Now that we’ve covered that aspect, there are a couple of things to unpack here—like how the bride is so morally offended by the existence of breasts but has no objections to this girl dying her hair blue to match her boyfriend’s outfit. Seems like a weird hill to die on (or dye on, lol) but ok.
But let’s talk about the problem at hand. Or, more accurately, the problem at chest. (Okay, you’re right, I’ll stop now.) On the one hand, I have a feeling that if this bride is specifically requesting OP wear a bra, her situation is more noticeable than she makes it seem. However, let’s please give this girl a Pulitzer for the phrase “motor-boating Satan.” I don’t know what exactly it is or why it works, but it speaks to my soul and has sparked joy.
On the other hand, does anybody else find it a little ridiculous that the bride went out of her way to ask one guest to wear a bra? “Free range titties” or no, it’s a weird thing to do. Like, I would think she would be too preoccupied with, ya know, getting married, picking out flowers, avoiding her future mother-in-law, etc. to care about one guest’s body. Also, I struggle to see how this is THAT big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Maybe, as the groom’s brother’s girlfriend, she’ll be in some pictures, but the OP isn’t a bridesmaid, so it’s not like she’s going to be in every single shot.
The OP then goes on to explain why she reallyyyy just cannot wear a bra, no matter how much she may want to.
“I’ve put on the bra with the dress, but it’s terrible and more offensive. You can see the straps and side of the bra, and a tube is still visible too. Even a cardigan can’t cover it fully. It’s not a provocative dress either, it wraps around the neck and shows some side boob but everything else is covered. No shoulder, hence seeing the straps of the bra. I have a bra with fancy straps and I’m thinking about just going French style (France sees bra straps as an accessory, compared to america’s ‘hey your strap is showing’).
Would I be an a*shole if I just taped my nipples and wore the dress? Or should I wear the most off white dress I own? I honestly don’t mind wearing a bra for the wedding, but the dress I would most like to wear isn’t made for a bra.
While I thought it wasn’t her place to say what I can and can’t wear, it is her WEDDING. Soooo… what do I wear?”
Honey, this is 2019. You have options outside of “wear a bra that will completely be visible” or “expose your free-range titties even though the bride specifically requested you not do that.” The Reddit community seems to think OP is the asshole in this situation, since her ultimatum has become “I’ll wear no bra with this dress I like” or “I’ll wear this white/off-white dress with a bra and piss everyone off even more.”
Also an important question: Has the OP ever heard of chicken cutlets? Strapless bras? Like, there are alternatives here.
The OP has since commented on the post and said she WAS thinking about wearing the sticky boob cutlets, but hadn’t considered them a “bra.” In this case, I think they would count. I feel like the bride is really just asking the OP to get a little support.
Reddit thought the OP was the asshole, with the top comment from u/kaitou1011 saying, “YTA because you’ve created a dichotomy of ‘I wear this dress or something much worse’ and ‘I wear this dress with a visible bra or with no bra at all.'” They continue, “You’ve picked a dress for the wedding, it seems, with the express excuse of going against the one thing they’ve asked you, and it seems pretty deliberate. You’ve got lots of other options, like buying a new dress that doesn’t have this problem (especially considering if there’s sideboob it’s probably not appropriate for a wedding of people who think not wearing a bra makes you a hippie heathen whose abandoned God and is motorboating Satan.). There are also some age-old tricks for hiding bras under revealing dresses, as well as actual products meant for that purpose like strapless bras or that one backless bra thing you can buy online for like five bucks which also gives really great cleavage too. But seriously, just go buy an appropriate dress at freaking WalMart.
I can see this point. It seems like this person wrote this entire post to Reddit just so that strangers could validate her choice, and had no intention to ever acquiesce to the bride’s request. We hate a validation post over on AITA. Reddit is a fickle beast, and the commenters do not always side with the OP.
That said, personally, I think both the OP and the bride are the assholes. The OP for the reasons laid out, and the bride for making this weird body-shaming request in the first place. It would be one thing if the bride asked nicely and acknowledged that this is a strange and low-key rude request, but she went about it pretty poorly, if OP’s account is to be believed. Also, the internet typically rules against brides who try to dictate their bridesmaids’ appearances, and I don’t see why this is any different. If you ask me, the bride is the bigger asshole for making a huge deal about something that probably won’t even matter. Sadly, we’ll never know what ended up happening, because OP has not provided an update.
Do you think the bride was the asshole, or the OP? Do you have any insane wedding stories to share? Let me know in the comments!
Images: Fahad Waseem / Unsplash
Everyone knows weddings are a ton of work. But the high cost, high stress, and just general tons of sh*t to do tend to bring out the best and worst in people. And usually it’s more of the worst. When you already have so much going on as a bride, it can really suck when your friends aren’t supportive or there for you. Or even worse, actually CONTRIBUTE to your stress. I mean, there are few things in your life that are as big a deal as your wedding. It’s like, the one thing your friends really have to show up and be supportive at (besides like, your funeral I guess, but you won ‘t even technically be there for that). If you’re thinking of getting married, planning a wedding, or are going to be a bridesmaid in your friend’s wedding, I assure you you’ll have a whole slew of sh*tty people to cut the f*ck out of your life afterwards.
Here’s the thing: as we get older, we totally outgrow people. Our bullsh*t tolerance gets much lower. And we dump people to make room for the good friends. It’s just part of growing up. So here are the friends you most definitely should dump after the wedding. Life is too short to deal with people who suck.
1. The Friend Who Didn’t Show Up
Now, this isn’t the friend that RSVPed “no” ahead of time. That is totally cool. Weddings are expensive and inconvenient, especially if they’re out of town. Letting someone know in advance you’re not going to make it is completely acceptable and ENCOURAGED. However, the friend who says they’re coming, RSVPs they’re coming, and then the week of gets the plague/has a work thing/is going to be out of town (wait what? Didn’t you book the trip post-wedding invitation then?)/has a brother that’s pregnant and somehow this affects your ability to go to a wedding, I don’t know. That friend. That friend that is constantly bailing, flaky, and full of excuses.
Sidenote: Sometimes people get sick and that’s fine, too, but I’m not talking about normal friends who always show up, I’m talking about the ones that ALWAYS have convenient illnesses. If they don’t show up to your wedding with yet another BS excuse on why they bailed last-minute, it’s time to cut them out. They obviously DGAF about you if they’re even going to flake on this.
2. The Friend Who Didn’t Show Up OR Send A Gift
The even worse version of the Flaky Friend is the Flaky Friend Who Didn’t Even Send A F*cking Gift. It’s pretty standard that if you’re invited to a wedding—especially a wedding that you already committed to, you need to at least send a gift. You left an $85 plate of food uneaten because of the short notice, the least you can do is send a blender. So if your friend bails with no warning in a sh*tty way, AND doesn’t have the courtesy to send a gift, definitely dump them. You had to get them a gift for their wedding and you showed up.
3. The Friend Who Threw A Fit About Not Getting A Plus-One
Remember that $85 plate of food? Would you like to pay for someone else’s $85 meal? How about 150 people’s meals? I don’t even want to buy McDonald’s for 150 people! Weddings are expensive as f*ck, if you didn’t know. Okay, now pretend you’re already paying for all of this food (or like, okay, your dad is) and then your friend throws a literal tantrum because you tell her you simply don’t have room for the random guy she’s been seeing for three weeks. You have been planning this wedding for over a year. If they can’t respect that you don’t want to waste a spot so she can bring her rando you haven’t even met, that friend needs to go.
4. The Bridesmaid Who Didn’t Try On Her Dress Beforehand
We’ve talked a lot about bridesmaid etiquette in previous articles. There are a lot of things to do as a bridesmaid that aren’t necessarily required, like going on the bachelorette trip, for example. The only true things that are required of you as a bridesmaid are to help the bride, show up at the wedding, and wear the frilly dress. That is it. So if your bridesmaid decides not to check that the dress she ordered probably nine months prior still fits until you’re walking down the aisle, that is pretty disrespectful. As with any important event, you need to try on that sh*t ahead of time, make sure it’s clean, not wrinkled, and fits properly. If your wedding gets delayed/screwed up because Becky realized her dress doesn’t zip right before the walk down the aisle, it seems like she doesn’t GAF about the majorly important events in your life or your friendship. And if she doesn’t care, you shouldn’t either.
5. The Friend Who Still Owes Money From The Bachelorette
What the f*ck is with people? If a bride or maid of honor planned a bach and fronted money for you, you pay them back immediately. If you can’t afford it, let them know ahead of time and don’t go. Or, at the very least, tell people so you can work out a payment plan. Don’t just pretend like you don’t owe them money! It’s called COMMON DECENCY, people. If you have a friend that ripped off your MoH or was a bitch about paying up the cash they already spent/agreed to, maybe it’s time to cut them out. It’s a shady thing to do and rude af to your friends who did come through that now have to pay more to makeup for it.
What friends did you dump after your wedding/or even a friend’s wedding? Did you have similar experiences to these? Let me know in the comments!
Images: Giphy (5)
Buckle up, buckaroos, cause we’ve got another round of bridal dilemmas, thanks to the lovely folks using Reddit in order to crowdsource opinions on their private lives. This is the sh*t I live for. Last round, we had a crazy bridezilla ask the subscribers of r/amitheasshole if she was being a jerk for demanding her friend help her redo her $30k wedding because she ruined her special day by being pregnant. (Spoiler: the bride was, most definitely, the asshole.) This go-around, we have a dilemma of bridesmaid etiquette. The central issue here comes down to what is and isn’t appropriate for a bride to ask of her bridesmaids on her wedding day, specifically, when it comes to their appearance. In the case of this particular Reddit rabbit hole, the bride in question wants her friend to cover up her tattoo—but not for the reason you might think. This begs the question: is it ever okay to ask your bridesmaid to alter her appearance for your big day? The answer, unlike our last Reddit dilemma, isn’t so cut and dry. So we asked Alyssa Longobucco, Senior Style + Planning Editor at The Knot, to weigh in on what is and isn’t appropriate when it comes to bride and bridesmaid etiquette. Let’s get into this beautiful mess of a tale, and Longobucco’s much-needed guidance.
The thread starts out fairly tame.
“I’m getting married this year, and my fiance and I are super excited. I got all the big ticket items paid for and ready to go, and all my girls have their dresses and will look phenomenal in them. Everything was going great until my one bridesmaid posted a picture of her newest tattoo … and now I am slightly mortified that it could end up in my wedding photos. Now all my bridesmaids have multiple tattoos. I have nothing against theirs, or any tattoos for that matter. And honestly if I wasn’t a chickensh*t, I’d have a few myself (but needles freak me out so it’s a hard no for me). So why am I thinking of singling out one bridesmaid for her one tattoo? Well. It looks like a giant..veiny..penis. My mother saw it, immediately called me and asked WTF it was, my MOH texted me asking why she got a d*ck tattooed and a few other bridesmaids contacted me asking what the hell was going on.”
Wow, wow, wow. I almost spit out my wine. I’m glad that the OP here points out that her bridesmaids all look great in their dresses and they all have multiple tattoos. It shows that she isn’t simply being a prude about her maids rocking some ink, which, in turn, makes her next points more valid. It also lends some credence considering that she, her mother, her MOH, and a few other bridesmaids all mentioned the phallic tattoo in question. So, it must be pretty bad for multiple people to have noticed it and pointed it out independently.
So, is it ever chill to ask a bridesmaid to cover up a tattoo or change her appearance in a certain way? Longobucco says, “Loving your friends is about loving all of them—from the personality quirks that drive you crazy, to the tattoo they rock with pride that may not be quite your style. There is no ‘right’ way to do a wedding—so why should there be a right way to look in order to be included in a close friends wedding party? This is a big nope for us!”
Ok, like, totally agreed, but what about PENIS tattoos. What then??
The Tattoo In Question
The OP goes on to explain about the real reason behind said tattoo: “The idea that she was going for was adorable, especially because it signifies her kid’s birthday. But it’s not what it looks like at all. It looks like the side profile of a headless penis. And it’s lightly outlined in pink and blues, so it looks like veins. And the trunk is detailed so it looks wrinkly and overall just a poor execution on what would have been a fantastic tattoo. Now if it didn’t resemble male genitals I wouldn’t care. But it’s a big piece and in a highly visible spot that will be in almost every single photo. I just don’t want a big penis in my final wedding photos. So Reddit, would I be the asshole if I asked her to cover it up? And how could I tell her I want it covered because her tribute tattoo to her little beautiful baby looks like a d*ck?”
I want you all to know that I scoured the internet trying to find a photo of this monstrosity and f*cking succeeded, so
give me a raise brace yourselves. I won’t include the photo here in this article, but you can check it out at this link. (I recommend not doing so if you are at work, in public, or another location where you don’t want people to think you are looking at porn.)
What, in the name of Jesus tap-dancing Christ, happened here? If I was given this tattoo, I’d sue. First of all, the only things that were pink on the OG sketch were the ears; why did the “artist” decide to make the whole damn thing pink?! Also, the bride says it’s in a prominent place, so I’d imagine the maids are wearing sleeveless dresses and this is on the maid’s upper arm. Class, class, class.
So, does the bride have a leg to stand on in terms of asking the maid to cover it up? Ethically, no, according to Lonbobucco. “Honestly, there is no real tactful way and we can’t reiterate this enough—just don’t go there,” she warns. “The most ‘control’ you have around anyone else’s personal presentation on your wedding day comes from asking them to wear a specific style or color of outfit or maybe doing their hair a certain way. But even that is pushing it—it’s unfair to ask someone you care about to spend money they can’t afford or look a certain way that they don’t feel themselves. If you keep running up against the thought that your friends’ appearance isn’t meeting your perceived wedding expectations, you should probably consider forgoing a wedding party all together and allow your friends or family to celebrate you the way they see fit.” The Knot pro also feels like asking a maid to cover a tattoo is sort of in the same vein (sorry, pun not intended) as asking her to dye her hair or get a spray tan. You’re asking them to be in your wedding, so accept them for who they are.
Hmmmm. In all other circumstances, I would agree. But for some reason, this one feels different.
After reading through the comments on the original thread, it sounds like the bride is going to work with her photographer to finesse the pictures so the tattoo isn’t front and center. She says that for the final photos—the ones that are going to be printed out and put in an actual album and given out to friends and family—the photog will pose her in a certain way so as to obscure the tattoo, and do some editing for those images. Thank god for Photoshop! But the bride-to-be specifies that the tattoo will not be covered up in every single photo, because she understands the meaning of the tattoo and appreciates the thought that went into it.
Is this a viable solution? Honestly, I think so—that is, until the bridesmaid sees the pictures hanging in the bride’s house and realizes her tattoo is totally gone. Then, there will probably be an awkward conversation or two. But, given the situation, this seems like a good compromise.
All in all, when it comes to asking your bridesmaids to change their appearance, Longobucco advises against it. Instead, she recommends putting things into perspective. “There are a lot of things you’re going to need to let go of expectations around on when it comes to planning your wedding,” she says. “Any wedding professional will tell you, there’s rarely an event that goes 100% perfect throughout the day. So focus on the parts of your day that you can control, like surrounding yourself with loving and calming energy, hiring the right team of professionals to execute your vision, and showing up ready to celebrate you and your spouses’ relationship. One thing that doesn’t fall under that umbrella of control? Anyone else’s appearance—or even their behavior, for that matter. Loving your friends and family means accepting all of them, perceived ‘warts’ and all. You’d want that for yourself, right? So why not give your loved ones the gift of that same kindness?”
Agreed, for the most part—I think you can try to control your friends and family’s behavior in the sense of like, making sure nobody gets so wasted that they embarrass you and/or themselves at your wedding. But the rest I agree with. To be honest, I’m just glad I am not the bride here.
Images: Samantha Gades, Unsplash; Reddit (1); Giphy (2)
I’ve been a bridesmaid a few times now, and next year will be my first stint as Maid of Honor. When you’re a bridesmaid, you basically are the bitch of the bride, set to do her wishes as a form of modern slavery, except you actually pay her in frou-frou tulle dresses and Vegas bachelorette parties. We all suck it up and do it in hopes that your friends will throw you an awesome bachelorette when you get married and also so our bride friends knows we’re excited for her and want the best for her and are totally not jealous. While a lot of it can suck, most of it should be a totally fun experience assuming your BFF isn’t The Worst. Try to make it easier on her by not doing these things as a bridesmaid:
As a MOH, I can tell you it’s really hard to coordinate everyone’s schedules for the bridal events. If you can’t make it, don’t feel like flying out multiple times, have a job that doesn’t give a lot of vacation, totally fine. Unless your bride is a monster, no one is going to be mad. Just be upfront about the conflict. The worst is when a bridesmaid is being difficult to schedule around, i.e., wants the bachelorette to be on weekdays, or demand it be one specific weekend because of their avid music festival schedule. IDGAF when Coachella is, don’t come then, Jen!
When it comes to planning an event with tons of people, it’s a majority rules situation. We pick the weekend most people can make. (And no, no one wants to do weekdays.) If you really want to come, you may have to move your schedule. And God help you if you try to interfere with the wedding day, which is usually determined by the venue. The only things the MOH and bride should have to plan around are if you’ve got another wedding, a trip pre-planned, or something else of ~actual~ importance. If it’s your dad’s birthday, you’re just going to have to celebrate when you get back. If we try to coordinate a trip around nine girls’ schedules and dad’s birthdays, we’ll never get to go!
Yes, the $300 tulle monstrosity is expensive. Yes, we all hate our hair in beehives. Yes, the Air BnB would have been cheaper but the hotel is walking distance to the strip so we don’t have to pay for Ubers. There are lots of things about being a bridesmaid that suck. We’re all aware of this. It sucks equally for all of us. So don’t complain about it. If you can’t afford something, politely talk to the bride about it separately and see what you can do. You are not required to go into debt for someone’s wedding or be like Annie from Bridesmaids with that ridiculous Fritz Bernaise. But just do it privately so you don’t ruin it for everyone else. Also? If you do decide to shell out the cash for all the bridesmaid stuff, don’t bitch about it later, especially to the bride, Scheana.
Cry About The Look
Coming off the tulle and beehives, don’t be a baby about the look the bride has envisioned. It’s just not about you. If she thinks dressing you all up as June Cleaver is *adorable*, let her (and mock the pictures for the rest of your life). The worst thing you can do is make a scene because you don’t like your hair or makeup. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where the MOH threw a screaming, crying tantrum at the dress fitting because she couldn’t fit in the sample size. The whole event was ruined, we all felt really uncomfortable, and we ended up just leaving. The MOH then got to pick out our dresses herself with the bride and we all hated them and they gave us literal rashes. Don’t ruin these things for everyone. We all look stupid together and you just need to be cool. No cares that you don’t have the body of a mannequin, we care that you’re a complete nightmare.
Back Out Of Events
As previously mentioned, if you can’t go, don’t go. If you can’t afford it, can’t take time off, etc., be upfront. It’s way worse to let everyone plan around you and then back out later. Bridesmaids are typically expected to host the shower and bachelorette. If you can’t do it, don’t. But if you all pitch in for a certain amount of hotel rooms, and then you bail last minute, the price will go up for everyone else. Same goes for hosting a shower. So tell everyone ahead of time if you can be a bridesmaid in the wedding but can’t afford to do all the extra events. That is totally okay. And if you have a conflict after committing, it’s better just to pay anyway so as not to screw everyone else over. Also? Don’t bail on something you already committed to because you get a better offer. These little events are really important to the bride and the bridesmaids will all remember how sh*tty you were about it.
Drop Out Of The Wedding
Number one on the list of things you should never do as a bridesmaid is drop out of the wedding altogether. Remember, this is really important to the bride and she wouldn’t have asked you if she didn’t want you there. The only reason to drop out of a wedding is a legitimate emergency or because the bride has become so unbearable that you’re willing to end your friendship over it. Which like, if I was expected to spend $1,000 on a dress, I totally would. But otherwise, it’s totally sh*tty to back out of someone’s wedding. This is your only true commitment: showing up and standing up there with the bride. If you have financial concerns, talk about it when you’re first asked and most brides will work with you so you can be there. If you bail, especially last minute, it probs will end your friendship.
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Yayyyyy your bestie is totally getting married. It’s time for you to suck it up, throw on a questionable dress, wake up at 4am to have someone jam bobby pins into your scalp, and take part in several different bridal things that will all blur together by the time the bride and groom run through that sparkler line. Supporting the bride as a bridesmaid is like, one of the rules of feminism. But there are several unknowns and, frankly, scary aspects to being a bridesmaid that you may not know about. Here are a few things nobody tells you about being a bridesmaid.
1. You’ll See The Bride Naked
I know my bridesmaids watched me pass out on a floor, get up, barf (while giving a thumbs up), then proceed to shed all my clothing. Get ready to shower the bride—like, literally give her a shower—after she spills a drink on herself or gets little too sloppy. Maybe she’ll try on her lingerie in front of you all. Who knows. Just remember: pics or it didn’t happen.
2. You’ll Never Wear That Dress Again
I don’t care what the bride tells you. “Oh you can totally cut this into a cute tea-length cocktail dress.” I could, but I won’t. Tell me when chiffon goes with anything. Tell me. Just buy it and accept that this will hang in your closet until you choose to donate or burn it.
3. Prepare To Fight
It could be a passive-aggressive tiff or a full-on drunk screaming match that gets you kicked out of the dueling piano bar. It’ll be entertaining if you aren’t involved. If you are involved, though, take it from me—hair pulling works really well when you’re trying to make a point. You heard it here first. Don’t @ me.
4. The Bride Will Go Crazy
Yep. She’ll either be crying because daddy won’t let her have an open bar or because Aunt Zelda isn’t coming or because she can’t lose those last three pounds. Or she’ll scream at you because you wore ivory to her shower. Maybe she’ll demand you pay $800 for the shoes she needs you to wear. It doesn’t matter. At some point, the wedding demons will overcome her, and she will lash out at you and everyone she loves. Don’t make her madder, fam.
5. You’ll Help The Bride Pee
Wedding dresses are a b*tch to potty in. You’ll need to hold it up for her while she yanks her Spanx down and hover-pees during the wedding. You’re there to be a supportive friend.
6. You’ll Never Talk To Half These Girls Again
Like, no, you aren’t REALLY besties with the groom-to-be’s cousin or the bride’s roommate from college. You just have to pretend to be for the year leading up to the wedding. You’ll see each other hammered; you may spoon while you’re drunk. You may even talk about how you’re sooooo glad you’re finally meeting and you’re totally gonna hang out this summer. You won’t. You’re forever bound by this f*cking wedding and the ugly dresses you’re all sporting, though, so that’s something.
7. It’s Your Duty To Party
I don’t care if you boofed all the drugs and got too f*cked up during the rehearsal dinner to party during the wedding. It’s your job as a bridesmaid to dance, make all the other guests dance, take shots, and assure the bride and groom that this is LITERALLY THE BEST WEDDING EVER. Leaving early is not an option. Suck it up, buttercup.
8. Saying No Is OK
Like, if the bride is asking you to buy a $1,000 dress or demanding you come to her bachelorette party in Mexico or that you buy her a $200 massage a day before the wedding, don’t feel like you have to just cause you signed up to be a bridesmaid. I mean, try not to be the b*tch that’s saying no to everything (“I can’t wear these shoes cause they don’t match my complexion” is different than “I really don’t want to cut my hair into a pixie cut so that you’re the only one with long hair”), but if you feel like the bride is completely out of control, it’s okay to check her.
Images: Andre Hunter, Unsplash; Giphy (4)
Wedding season has descended upon us. At any given time from June through September you may have to sit through an outdoor carnival themed hipster wedding, a classy vineyard wedding, or even a fucking non-airconditioned reception in a barn. So rude. But being a good wedding guest takes some learnin’, and if you’re not willing to not be a dick and follow our rules, then maybe you don’t get to go partake in the six-hour open bar, potential for one-night stands, or shithole DJ yelling “GET YOUR HANDS UP” or “WOOO” every three minutes. It’s gonna be a great time, guys. Here are some rules of wedding guest etiquette you need to follow if you want to sit with us (or more accurately, your friends at the next wedding—you get it). These summer wedding faux pas are social suicide.
1. Show Up In Minimal Clothing
Oh no, no, no. You aren’t going to the CLERRRBBB. You’re going to a fucking wedding. I get that the cute matching crop top and miniskirt set and 5-inch wedges will look totally fetch and def get you laid (which is like, so important cause it’s been a while and you’re starting to see sounds), but try to fucking chill. If you’re approaching 30, you shouldn’t be wearing a dress that’s six inches or more above the knee. And NO CROP TOPS (Scheana). Catholic school rules apply. No offense, but it’s true.
2. Wear White
This goes for any season, but it’s easiest to make the mistake when it’s fucking 95 degrees outside and the eighth circle of hell seems a lot closer temperature-wise than usual. Do not wear fucking white or anything remotely close to it. Only the bride should be in white/cream/champagne/blush (whatever) so don’t wear anything even CLOSE. You’re tacky if you do, and the bride’s mom will def tackle you because HOW DARE YOU UPSTAGE MY BABY. If you have to even ask if the color you’re thinking of wearing is too close to white, it is, and you need to put it back in the closet and save it for brunch or whatever.
3. Get Too Turnt
Again, this kinda goes for all seasons, but it’s easiest to fuck up during the summer. It’s hot, there’s an open bar, and wine spritzers go down reaaaaaal easy this time of the year. Try drinking a glass of water after each boozy drink so that you a) stay hydrated and b) don’t end up blacking out by the time the reception rolls around. No hoodrat shit.
4. Skip Deodorant
Yikes. I shouldn’t have to explain this one, but it’s hot. You may end up in a church without an AC, or you may end up wearing something that shows how much of a disgusting person you really are. Wear some fucking deodorant and bring a travel size one with you to reapply if needed. No one wants to smell your funk.
5. Bitch About How Hot It Is
WE GET IT. There’s nothing the bride can do about the heat wave, and I PROMISE she’s hotter in that 40 layer tulle ballgown than you are with your bare legs and updo. Get that bitch a mister and be nice.
6. Think You’re Too Good For Sunscreen
If this wedding is going to be outdoors at literally any point during the day, lather up. You don’t want some weird tan lines from your strappy cocktail dress, do you? Also, if you’re looking to hook up and you were outside without sunscreen, how long until your pink nose and lobster-like redness deter every eligible bachelor in the vicinity? I give it a few hours.
Images: Anna Utochkina, Unsplash; Giphy (7)