Oh god. Here we are again with tips and tricks on how to cut costs on your wedding and have it not be a precursor to your poverty. If you want things in life like the down payment on a house or a honeymoon that isn’t at a cheap resort in Mexico that serves tainted alcohol, you’re going to need to chill on some wedding day stuff. Everything from food to flowers to photographers costs a lot of money, and you need to prioritize where it’s cool to pay a couple thousand and where it’s like, uncool. Maybe none of this applies because Mommy and Daddy are footing the bill, but, like, maybe they aren’t. Or maybe you’ll piss them off so much that you’ll be paying for it yourself.
In any case, here are a few ways to cut costs on your wedding.
1. Chill On Your Dress
Do you honestly need the custom designer Oscar De La Renta dress for your wedding day? Yes, it’d be nice to have, and yes, everyone would be super jealous (especially your cousin who literally always tries to one-up you). However, at the end of it all, is it necessary to spend more than $5k on a dress you’re going to wear once? There are millions of beautiful dresses below the $5k point, many in the $1,000 to $3,000 range. If you NEED the designer dress, check the sale racks or shop sample sizes if you’re #blessed enough to be a size zero or two.
2. Don’t Use A Florist
Flowers are going to kill your budget. All of your flowers are going to die three days or less after your reception. I’ve heard of people quoted $30k on flowers (she wanted an entire altar made of roses, but that’s neither here nor there). Knowing these cold hard facts, go ahead and get your bridal bouquet and potentially bridesmaids bouquets from a florist. But when it comes to decorating cocktail hour serving areas or adorning tables in the reception hall, go for dried arrangements of lavender, baby’s breath, and eucalyptus from your local Michael’s (I know you have a coupon) or mixed floral bouquets from spots like Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods. Grocers have fresh flowers delivered on the reg and will prevent you spending a metric f*ck ton of money on the same effect you’re getting from the florist. If you put gas station roses on a table, chances are your guests will be too drunk to realize you spent $12 instead of $100.
3. Stock Your Own Booze
Although some of us (me) think it’s tacky, soon-to-be-wedded couples sometimes do a “stock the bar” party instead of a bridal or wedding shower. The object is to guilt guests into buying all the booze for your event so that you aren’t forced to pay a couple thousand dollars for an all-night open bar. You could also slowly buy nice bottles of top shelf liquor and use that, depending on the size of the wedding. The moral of the story is that having an open bar with a bartender with top shelf liquor at a venue is often extremely expensive. So, if you’re able to at least stock the bar with your own beer, wine, and liquor to offset some costs, go for it.
4. Limit The Guests
I know your mom is dying to invite your third cousin twice removed, but if you want to count pennies for this shindig, limit the guest list. Every person you invite is going to cost you between $50-100 depending on the size of the wedding. Once you think of everyone as a dollar sign—dollars that could be spent on wine during your honeymoon—you’ll stop feeling so obliged to have them sit through your special day.
5. Buy Used
Check out Etsy, Craigslist, weird garage sales, flea markets, etc. for wedding decor like lanterns, tea lights, vases, etc. Chances are, you’re going to find little corner-filling items for a lot cheaper (and in probs fine condition) by perusing used items versus going to a planner and having them source stuff for you.
6. Nix The Programs
You know what costs money? Printing programs. I printed 160 programs for my wedding which hosted a guest list of 150. I still have about 100 said programs laying in a v sad, handwritten book basket in my office. If you want everyone to know the correct Psalm number with which your reading coincides, get a giant, adorable chalkboard, frame it nicely, and have someone with lovely handwriting get to work.
7. Don’t Bother With Favors
Save your money. You just gave these ungrateful plebs an all-you-can-eat buffet and free booze. They don’t need a personalized tea light or Mason jar of local honey that they’ll forget about and leave in their car. It may add up to just a couple hundred bucks, but every little bit counts when you’re trying to buy house wares like that margarita machine, amirite?
8. Go Buffet
When it comes to food, obviously, a plated dinner is nicer, fancier, and classier. However, if you really want two weeks in Corsica after the wedding, opt for a family style meal or buffet which is almost always cheaper (don’t @ me). People can eat as much or as little as they want (less food waste which is like, v planet-friendly), go up as much as they want, and you can have an assortment of mains and sides.
All these tips AND MORE can help you save thousands of dollars on your big, giant, one day party. Remember that when you’re drowning in invites and custom napkin colors and your bridesmaids refusing to wear pink: it’s a big party. What matters is the person waiting for you at the end of the night; the person you can pass out and throw up on this night and every night for the rest of your life.
Images: Anne Edgar / Unsplash; Giphy (3)
Planning a wedding is tricky, because you have to find a way to pull off an event that is trendy, but still timeless, and blows every other wedding out of the water. Sure, having like, a goat as your ring bearer may seem like a good idea now, but are you going to look back at your wedding photos in 20 years and regret it? Yes, absolutely. Here are a few outdated wedding trends that haven’t fully transitioned into faux pas quite yet, but are quickly on their way to being severely overdone.
Cupcakes, in general, are not trendy anymore. They’re basically the Michael Kors of baked goods. I might accidentally eat a cupcake in a moment of weakness, the same way I might accidentally purchase a Michael Kors coin purse when I’m ripping through TJ Maxx like a hurricane. You can definitely have cupcakes at your wedding, I guess, but like, they’re not a cool, new innovative thing anymore, so get over them. Donuts are also in the same category, but are actually worse because your guests can’t eat them with a fork and they’ll screw up everyone’s makeup.
2. Customized Jackets For The Bridal Party
A year ago, when photos of hand-painted jackets first started to flood wedding Pinterest boards across America, this was definitely trendy. However, everyone has kind of already clued into them, so they’re not really unique anymore. Sorry, but you’re just going to have to find another uniform to force your bridal party to wear. Like maybe this…
From left: Shop Betches I Said Yesh flowy tank; Shop Betches That’s What She Said flowy tank
3. Anything That Says “Best Day Ever”
Having stuff that says “Best Day Ever” at your wedding is kind of like having stuff that says “HUSTLE” on your desk at work. It’s still vaguely a thing if you really want it to be, but it’s super overdone. Sure, you’ve been telling yourself that your wedding is going to be the best day ever just to get yourself up at 5am for spin every morning for the past six months, but the guests that have four other weddings to attend this summer prob don’t share the same sentiment.
4. Mason Jars
I feel like Lauren Conrad probably Instagrammed a very minimalist photo of a single flower in a mason jar a few years ago, and the entire Pinterest community latched on and decided that mason jars were the new Holy Grail. I don’t care if you’re filling them with tea lights or mimosas; mason jars are not new or trendy anymore, so stop trying to find new ways to make them happen.
5. Snapchat Filters
Lucky for you and your drunk alter ego, nobody really watches Snapchat stories anymore. Custom wedding Snapchat filters were definitely the move about a year ago, but now that Snapchat sucks for anyone who isn’t an aspiring influencer trying to scam us into watching a public story, trying to get your guests to use a filter will just mean they’ll have to take all their photos in Snapchat just to upload them to an Instagram story.
Images: Giphy (4); Shop Betches
You know what everyone loves? Judging weddings. Go ahead and get salty in the comments — you know deep down your bitch ass loves hating on wedding shit as much as the next person. Why? Cause it’s fucking funny. In today’s edition of “Let Me Ruin Your Wedding Plans”, we’re tackling wedding centerpieces — you know, those big giant decorations in the middle of each guest table at the reception that are ASKING to be knocked over or stolen by the end of the night. A big vase of flowers, a few dimly lit lanterns, even some bare branches are all par for the course when exploring the wide (and exciting) world of wedding centerpieces. But in my Internet travels I’ve come across some real fucking travesties in the centerpiece department. If you want to be classy, here’s what to fucking avoid.
Anything Involving Mason Jars
I’ve included Mason jars in every post that includes the words “bad” and “wedding”. This shit was cute six years ago. Rustic weddings are more over than Donald Trump, Arie’s likeability, and shoulder pads on women. It’s over, it’s cancelled. Please stop working them into your decor.
Unless you and your fiancé are Vegas showgirls and feathers are #life, there is literally zero reason they need to be worked into your decor and/or on your tables during the reception. Feathers make me itchy. They make people feel weird. No one really likes feathers.
Beer Cans Or Old Wine Bottles
I wouldn’t have felt the need to address this if I hadn’t seen it with my eyes on Pinterest and multiple articles about shitty wedding centerpieces. Really? A PBR can filled with flowers? What the fuck is wrong with you people? Yeah, old wine bottles are a step up, and I’ll argue there ARE ways to make them cute. But, chances are, if you’re using old wine bottles as a centerpiece, you lack the creative depth to do anything cool with them anyway.
What? No. Rocks belong in Zen gardens and in dirt, not as your wedding centerpieces. If they’re inside a vase at the v bottom with beautiful seasonal flowers coming out the top, fine. But under no circumstances should they be strewn around the table or incorporated into any themed “scape” in place of where should be flowers or normal fucking wedding shit.
To the people that use live fish or other aquatic (or like, semi-aquatic) creatures as decor, fuck you. Idk if goldfish or beta fish have thoughts, but I can assure you that if they did, being a part of your wedding would really piss them off. “Hey Bob, are we getting adopted?” “No, Phil, we’re going to sit in this bowl in the center of a table at an uplight-filled wedding in Long Island while a bunch of extras for Real Housewives of New Jersey get drunk and slowly but surely work up the courage to see if fish can taste alcohol. Then we’ll die here, in this godforsaken place.”
No. It is the herpes of craft supplies and has no business on your tables.
It kind of goes without saying, but if you’re fucking old enough to be walking down the aisle and pledging to be part of someone else’s life forever, you’re old enough to have grown out of the Disney stage. I don’t wanna see any Mickey ears, princess figurines, or magical castles in the center of my table.
Images: Annie Gray / Unsplash; Giphy (7)
So you’re having a winter wedding. Pause for a slow cap at how basic you really are and how clearly you stand out from the pack of spring and autumn brides. Well, basic but daring. You’re playing with fire—err, ice—waiting to see if a blizzard hits on your super special day. How do you know ice won’t prevent gramma and grampa from getting on their flight? What if sleet totally ruins your plans for the outdoor hot cocoa table?
Regardless of what nature throws at you, your winter wedding won’t even be worth having if you have or do these unforgivable and overly basic things.
1. A Cape
You aren’t a Disney princess or a princess, period. You’re a bride. Capes belong in children’s movies and odd fantasy films. Get a faux fur wrap and knock it off.
2. Icicle Lights In Any Capacity
This is not your neighbor’s front yard—it’s a goddamn classy wedding. Don’t hang these from the ceiling. Don’t use them with tacky purple uplighting. Don’t even use them to strangle a bridesmaid.
3. Ornaments As Decor
No! Unadorned and carefully crafted mini pine trees are okay for some greenery, but adding in shiny ornaments of multiple colors leaves way too much room for interpretation. Chances are, your design likes aren’t going to be the same as your helper’s/wedding planner’s.
4. Fake Snow
Ew! What is this, a ski lodge in Florida? If you happen to be #blessed with real snow on your wedding day, embrace it. Otherwise, don’t try to replicate. It’s tacky, like you.
5. Red Roses
Nope. We’ve told you before that red roses are basic gas station flowers and have no place in your wedding, PERIOD. If it’s red flowers you want, opt for something interesting like cockscomb (LOL) or even tea roses. Just plz don’t go the red rose route.
I shouldn’t even have to explain this one. If your idea of fun is getting the groom’s drunk and v creepy uncle to dress up as Santa and “entertain” the group, you don’t deserve my presence or a gift. Santa belongs in the shopping malls of America and in the imaginations of children younger than 10. Outside that, he becomes v off-putting.
7. Candy Canes
Unless they’re v tastefully placed in my v alcoholic eggnog, I don’t wanna see any goddamn candy canes hung around. It is way too difficult for the average bride to pull these off without having it look like Candy Land. Go ahead and cross this off your list of decor ideas.
It’s wedding season, and we here at Betches have expresse several strong opinions regarding trends in wedding themes, favors, and engagement photos that we believe should, for lack of a better word, die. Basically, we’re running an internal competition to see how many comments we can get about how we’re “ungrateful” for being invited to weddings and that “we shouldn’t judge people” etc… from people who are clearly confused about the point of this site (being ungrateful and judging people). First of all, if you’re having a giant wedding, you’re BEGGING to be judged. You’re literally putting your life and love on display for 300+ people, and you’re damn right I’m going to judge it. Yah, I appreciate being invited but only if the food and music are good … if they’re not, god help you.
Next on our list of
unsolicited very good wedding advice is the décor, aka, “the reason Pinterest exists.” Here’s a list—not comprehensive because we could be here for days—of wedding décor I better never, ever see again. Some of it was cute and perfect five years ago, but its time has passed and we all need to move on for the good of the species.
We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again. Burlap had its time in the wedding world—namely, right around when Pinterest started distracting us. But that time has passed. Come on, anything that can double (and was intended) for legitimate farm usage doesn’t belong at your wedding. Not on your tables, not as a runner, not as a bow, and for fuck’s sake, not on any person in the wedding party.
2. Mason Jars
Stop. Enough. Mason jars are used for canning and stacking cute desserts in, not to hold flowers/candles/sparklers/water lilies/pictures … what the fuck ever. Again, these had their time thanks to Pinterest, but they need to go the way of burlap and other rustic wedding shit and die.
3. Disco Balls
Sorry I even needed to type this one. Unfortunately, some DJs and bands bring décor, and if they bring a disco ball, hang on to your butts, cause this wedding is about to get real trashy real fast. Anything that came into existence in an era of ALL the cocaine, white tuxes, and enough hairspray to kill a puppy doesn’t belong at your wedding.
4. Large Framed Portraits Of Yourself
Stop it. This isn’t your version of My Super Sweet 16; this is your wedding day. Have a little class. I understand that you spent top dollar on your engagement photos and want to show everyone that you def have a future in modeling if you don’t get fat in the next month, but, honestly, relax. This isn’t an exhibition.
5. Camo Anything
I’m upset that I even need to list this shit, but here we go. Once you go below the Mason-Dixon line or into the far realms of Pennsy-tucky, be prepared to see camo worked into weddings. I’ve seen it (via Pinterest … I wouldn’t be caught dead at any wedding for human beings who believe integrating hunting attire into a celebration of love is okay) on cakes, on dresses, entwined on Mason jars, on hats resting upon groomsmen—the list goes on. Please, keep camo where it belongs: in the dark recesses of America where cable probs doesn’t reach and on the backs of soldiers.
Yes. People use fish in fish bowls as fucking centerpieces. First of all, where did you get all the fish? Who set them up? And what happens when cousin Will gets drunk again and tries to get the fish drunk? Rude. Who takes the fish home? So, you see where I’m going with this. Please don’t integrate living creatures into a celebration where 99% of people will be too drunk to care for even themselves.
7. Fake Flowers
Yikes. I understand that the real thing can be expensive, but if you have any money for décor, don’t waste it on silk flowers. It’s super rare that they can look realistic, let alone decent. Get creative with other shit like dried flowers, eucalyptus, etc. before you go trudging through Michael’s aisles and aisles of silk nightmares.
Don’t make these mistakes. Or do. I guess it’s your wedding. Just know I will subtweet the shit out of you if you do.