Last week, one lucky (then not so lucky) Senate intern got to say what we’ve all been thinking for a long time: “Mr. President, fuck you!” The 21-year-old hero female responsible had been interning for Sen. Maggie Hassan, a Democrat from New Hampshire, when she shouted the insult at Trump from behind a roped off area.  But don’t worry – Trump definitely heard her. Since the incident, the intern was confined Senator’s office space but not fired because why fire someone for doing the Lord’s work? Sadly, not everyone agrees that the intern’s actions were iconic justified. Now mad people are pissed that a government intern insulted the President and Capitol Hill Police got involved. Yep. That’s right. An intern said “fuck you” to Trump, and the police got involved. Why? It’s not like she was an 8-year-old selling water. 

WTF The Police Were Involved?

Turns out Capitol Hill does not take pranks and joking lightly, like at all. When the intern heckled Trump, it’s apparently considered a threat to THE President of THE United States… who knew? So Capitol Hill Police (yes, they have their own police force) had to track down the young lady and then decide if she was a threat or not. Wait, so saying “fuck you” to Trump is considered a threat to the president’s life? Brb…I have some tweets to delete.  

Luckily, Capitol Police were reasonable and determined the 21-year-old intern was not a threat, she was just fed up with Trump’s shit. Same. She was suspended for a week and had her Congressional intern badge revoked, but will ultimately keep her job. Because in 2018, yelling “fuck you!” at the president is not nearly the most offensive thing to happen in D.C. on any given day.

(Side note: If you ever call a member’s office and say “threatening things” about them or POTUS the Cap Hill Police will investigate you, so prob don’t prank call your senator or rep.)

WTF Do Congressional Interns Even Do?

So all of this begs the question “what do Congressional interns even do?”, because this girl being confined to her office sounds a lot like getting sent to your room. TBH being treated like a kindergartener sounds about right for an intern on Cap Hill. Most of them are college students, or recent grads that told their parents “One day I’ll be president!” So now they open mail, answer phones, and do other maintenance work. Congressional interns do have a lot of responsibilities for unpaid college students though, and access to plenty of restricted areas so obv they are going to do some dumb stuff.

Here’s a list of the Top 3 Dumb Things Congressional Interns Do:

1. Get lost – They all have badges giving them access to the basement tunnels in order to get around and make deliveries/ run errands. It is like putting a rat in a maze and forgetting to put in the cheese. During the summer seeing a 20- something looking lost is just Tuesday.

1. BS About Historical Details – Interns are responsible for giving personal tours of the Capitol Building to district guests. There’s a booklet and some training on how to do this, but we already know they all get lost and how can one intern know every detail of the building? It’s a running joke that interns will make up facts and dates, while unknowing visitors ooh and ahh. In reality the intern has no idea what they are talking about.

1. Get Lit – There are free happy hours thrown on Capitol Hill by interest groups almost daily for staffers and interns always sneak in. You are putting free alc in front of unpaid college kids… yeah it doesn’t always go well. Every staffer can tell which young group of interns snuck into a happy hour the night before when they show up hungover AF.

Interns are always making mistakes, but yelling at the president was 100% not a mistake and pretty brave to do (but also a little stupid). At the end of the day, letting the intern keep her job was the right move, and anyone who thinks she should have acted more professionally may want to take a look at the President’s tweets.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

We already know that working in D.C. under Trump  is chaos. Well, actually now it’s probs more like a ghost town. Seriously, who works there anymore? But no one seems to ever really think about the hundreds of people that work for Congress and WTF that’s like. What your office is like heavily depends on which member you work for, however there are some aspects of office culture that are the same everywhere on the Hill. Time to pull back the curtain and check out what it’s really like to work for a Representative or Senator in DC… it might not be what you expect.

You Can Delete Your Dating Apps

Wouldn’t it be so nice if you didn’t have to have 10 different apps just to get a date with a normal human? Almost forgot that meeting a guy IRL used to be like, a thing. Lucky for hill staffers, they have a massive dating pool right outside their office door. Did he graduate college? Check. Does he have a job? Check. And do we have shared interests? Check, check, check! It’s a common trend that staffers meet BAE at work and they run off into the sunset to have little politician babies of their own. So if you’re over texting a guy on Hinge for a week before he even suggests getting drinks, then maybe think about a career switch.

 Get Ready for Happy Hour

If you like free food and drinks… so if you have a pulse, then Hill receptions will be your thing. All sorts of lobbying and interest groups throw what are known as “receptions” for hill staff. They range in size and exclusivity, so obvs the best food is at the hardest to get into ones, ugh. There are usually a few options every night and people hop between them, then end up at the bars nearby afterwards. This is one of those places you’ll probs meet political bae. It’s also how a lot of staffers get their dinner, because they aren’t making enough to be spending money on going out. Just know that you’ll be feeling that cheap free wine in the AM.

 Who Run The World: Interns

OK so maybe not, but congressional interns easily keep the place running. If you’re supes into civil engagement or have at least heard about calling your Senator, the person on the other end of the phone was def an intern. These college aged kids either intern while still in school or are unpaid recent graduates. Yeah, that’s right, they work for free because offices can barely pay actual staff. They answer the phones, give tours, run errands, and keep the office snack bowl filled to the brim. The real heroes, if you will.

 Can I Have the Name of Your Party Please?

Stating your political affiliation is not that much different than stating your name and hometown in DC. While that may seem partisan AF, as soon as someone asks you who you work for you’ve already outed yourself, so it’s NBD. And while there is some me and mine vs. you and yours vibes between parties, that rarely carries over to individual relationships. It actually is super helpful to know before you start casually talking about tax laws (because who doesn’t always bring that up), so that you don’t end up having a political debate at a reception and instead just focus on getting drunk. That being said, once you choose a side there aren’t any takesies backsies, so make good choices.

It’s A Gossip. Mill.

You put a bunch of young people in a confined setting everyday, and you’ve basically recreated high school. Yay. And that means an endless loop of drama/gossip. The amount of gossip you know depends on how deep into the hill scene you are. If you’re deep in, you know about the girl who f***ed up at work last week, the guy that stops by that one office all the time to talk to that really pretty new girl, and which older staffers have dating histories. It’s a slippery AF slope though because all of those receptions with the free booze give you a few too many opportunities to act a fool or flirt with someone you shouldn’t have. People can get reputations real fast on the Hill.

You Don’t Make Money Moves

They are not in it for the money. Next time you complain that a congressional office is slow, remember that nine people work on legit no money, with no overtime at the most prestigious political offices in the US. My mom said it’s rude to talk money with strangers, but if you want to know how much people in your member’s congressional office make you can look it up, because the government is into this whole transparency thing rn. Get ready to feel super bad for the Ivy League kid who chose to go into politics and now has a job working at a clothing store on the weekends to pay the bills. Except like, a lot of people who work there had some help from mommy and daddy in the beginning, shoutout to privilege.

*Disclaimer: The above has like nothing to do with the actual kind of work you have to do on the Hill, it’s prob like hard or something.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Do you need an excuse to cry about the Obama years? No? You do that already every day before you get out of bed? Well, sorry in advance for triggering you, but The Smithsonian’s Portrait Gallery released Barack and Michelle Obamas’ official portraits today. I’d say it gave me “all the feels,” but I vowed to jump of a bridge if I ever used that phrase so, suffice it to say, they are very good portraits.

The official portraits. Barack Obama by Kehinde Wiley. Michelle Obama by Amy Sherald. pic.twitter.com/xZzBYTJhKn

— Dan Zak (@MrDanZak) February 12, 2018

Ya boy Barack chose African-American artist Kehinde Wiley for his portrait, who is most famous for his works which take famous portraits of old white guys saints and kings and shit, and replace them with black men and women dressed in either hip-hop or African attire. Michelle chose Baltimore native Amy Sherald, who is best known for painting portraits with a “social justice” bent. She wasn’t *supes* famous before now, but much like getting the first impression rose on The Bachelor, we predict getting Michelle’s portrait gig probs means she’ll at least get on Paradise do very well in the art world.

Now if you’ll excuse me. I need to go sit in a dark room and try to remember a time when seeing the president’s face didn’t make me scream, “Oh my god how is that even a face!?” at anyone who will listen.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!