Here’s a fun fact: it’s technically illegal to have sex in Virginia if you are not married. Are we all having fun?! This is one of those laws that exists but isn’t really enforced. Like white people smoking weed. Or the president abusing his power. Or rich white men doing literally anything and everything illegal. Good stuff.
Anyway, Dems in Virginia think it’s maybe time to get rid of this law that bans adults from having consensual sex in the year 2020. Ya think?
The Virginia House of Delegates has introduced legislation to repeal the law, but as it turns out, people have been trying to get rid of this law for a while, but to no avail. The Virginia Supreme Court struck down the law in 2005, Delegate Mark Sickles attempted to strike it in 2014, and Delegate Mark Levine tried to repeal it in 2018. Levine is the dude who is again trying to repeal it now. Why do I feel like Mark Levine fucks?
As it stands, the law against fornication in Virginia is punishable by up to a $250 fine. Imagine getting fined for having sex lol. This feels like the law making money off of people having sex, which feels like sex work, which feels rude since the law bans sex work. Just sayin’.
And Virginia isn’t even the only state that has a law against unmarried couples having sex. In North Carolina, an unmarried man and woman “lewdly and lasciviously” sharing a bed or cohabiting could be sentenced to six days in jail and a $1,000 fine. In Mississippi, fornication can get you up to $500 each and up to six months in county jail.
While these laws aren’t heavily enforced if they exist they can still be used to fuck people over when the law feels like it. I think we can all agree that in 2020 it should be legal to get your freak on, no?
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Guess who’s back, back again. Dems are back. Tell a friend. If you forgot that there were some v. important elections yesterday and neglected to perform your civic duty (seriously? You had one job…), here are the results. Elections were held in 33 states yesterday, but the major ones that had everyone holding their breath were the races for governor in Virginia and New Jersey. And, drumroll please…the Democratic nominees swept in both states!! Somewhere, a relieved Hillary Clinton is silently thanking the woodland tree spirits she has been praying to in the hopes that the world will soon restore itself to relative normalcy.
What went down in VA?
Virgina’s win went to former Democratic Lt. Gov Ralph Northam, which is a pretty clear signal that VA is still not here for any of Trump’s bullshit and intends to keep it that way. Virginians can’t stand Trump (gee, wonder why) and demonstrated how completely fucking done they were by making sure Northam not only defeated Republican nom Ed Gillespie, but absolutely crushed him. VA is also a swing state – and the only Southern state that went to Hillary last year – so electing Northam is a huge plus for Democrats when it comes to future elections. This win for the Dems is literally all Trump’s fault (as is every shitty thing that has happened in 2017 IMO), so I’m sure ol’ Twitter-Fingers will have a lot of feelings to waste his new 280 characters on. Oh wait, he already did.
Another badass victory in Virginia went to Democrat Danica Roem, who won a seat in the Virginia House of Delegates, ousting the Republican incumbent, and one of the most anti-LGBT politicians in America, Robert G. Marshall (the one behind the fucked up bathroom bill *cough* asshole). Oh, and Roem now just so happens to be the first openly transgender person to be elected to and serve in a state legislature. Revenge is a dish best served fierce.
Gym, Tan, Democracy?
The Democratic nom in New Jersey, Phil Murphy, also took the W, snatching the seat away from Chris Christie’s Lt. Gov. Kim Guadagno. Man, you cause one little traffic jam, and also sit on a beach you close to the public one time, and also support Trump, and…alright, yeah, Christie was a POS and after 8 years of nonsense, NJ Dems are RECLAMING THEIR TIME.
Why does this even matter?
This is actually a pretty BFD for the Dems when it comes to future elections. The diverse roster of elected officials and strong Democratic lean in multiple states proved that the majority of sane Americans are rightfully horrified by the way things have been going under Trump’s reign of terror so far, and want to gtfo his crazy train as soon as humanly possible. It’s looking like there’s a decent chance I won’t spend Election Night 2020 the way I spent 2016’s – crying into my beer and writing an overdramatic FB post aboutlosing all faith in humanity. Maybe we’ll even get an impeachment before then. Or maybe even…
Hey, a girl can dream.
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
If you think that elections are like, so last year, you’d be very wrong. Elections are like my fuck buddy on the hockey team- constantly around and a necessary evil (cat’s gotta eat, amiright?). Anyways, what I’m eloquently saying is that elections happen pretty frequently throughout the nation, because there are like, a lot of elected officials. Obvi you can’t keep up with all of them, because ain’t nobody got time for that, but some of them are preettttty important, even if they don’t take place in your state. Because like, we’re one nation under all, yadda yadda, and our government is legit a flaming trash pile right now. On November 7th, two pretty important elections are taking place in Virginia and New Jersey, so I’ll tell you what you need to know, because I’m like, such a good friend.
What’s going on in VA?
Virginia is voting on several things, most importantly their governor. The current governor, Democratic Gov. Terry McAuliffe, has decided to peace the fuck outta there (smart dude), and the race is now down to Democratic Lt. Gov. Ralph Northam against Republican lobbyist and former George W. Bush administration official, Ed Gillespie. This whole election is really focusing on all things Trump and social issues that have now been put through the fucking shitter thanks to the Head Cheeto himself. This race is important because Virginia is a generally Democratic swing-state and the race is close af, making it hotter than a shirtless Cameron Dallas picture. Also, it’ll be a test to see exactly how Trump-lovin’ Virginia is, since good ole’ Ed feels comfortable using Trump jargon (aka “being racist”) in everyday life.
If You’re A VA Voter: Polls are open from 6am to 7pm, and you can find your polling place here. Remember to check VA’s voter I.D. laws so you don’t get turned away at the polls without a sticker. That would be like, so devastating.
What about NJ?
People are trying to distance themselves from the old New Jersey, apparently. First, by MTV rebooting Jersey Shore and moving it to “Floribama“, and now, on a less important note, by saying “PEACE BITCH” to grade-A shitbag, Chris Christie. Being the aforementioned grade-A shitbag that he is, Chris Christie is (not surprisingly) super unpopular. So unpopular, in fact, that Republican lieutenant governor, Kim Guadagno, who has worked with him for 8 years, has tried to distance herself from Christie because he’s basically a death trap for her campaign. Who knew causing traffic would be so unpopular? Guadagno is going against Phil Murphy, Democratic nominee, who has led consistently in the polls and spent a shitload of money on his campaign. Bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it works out for him.
If You’re An NJ Voter: Polls are open from 6am to 8pm, and you can find your polling place here. Remember to check NJ’s voter I.D. laws so you don’t end up looking all embarrassed and shit like that time your state bird (Snooki) got arrested.
Big Picture of Why TF These Are Important
Basically, a year into this colossal fuckfest of a presidency, this election acts as a big heads up to both parties. There are a v. casual 45,000 candidates running across 33 states (including NY, hello!), so figure out if your state is in the mix and vote. If the Dems lose, it’s a clear sign that something is not right in the Democratic Party DUH), no matter the recent changes they have tried to make. If the Republican’s lose, it’s a sign that the Trump Era is, uh, not faring too well for their party (FUCKING DUH). So, set your Twitter alerts for tomorrow, or like, read The Sup on Wednesday morning because shit is going down.
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
