Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.
You guys know how livid I get when people suggest you do something for “exposure”. You know why? It’s never the legit companies and brands that will actually give you good exposure that pull this sh*t. They understand the value of work and talent. It’s always no-name brands that will offer to “expose” you to their 12 followers. Take it from someone who’s been there—any job worth the exposure would actually pay you. This upcoming story, though, is somehow even worse than your regular, run-of-the-mill, cheap-ass unknown brand looking for free work. Because it’s a cheap-ass unknown person who thinks YOU should pay for literally everything in her entire wedding. I know what you’re thinking, and no, she’s not even an influencer!!
The Set-Up
Today’s story comes from Reddit’s /choosingbeggars subreddit, where a total douche-monkey of a human posted the most asinine Facebook post ever. WHO is friends with this trash anyway to see this post, I ask you? It starts off like this:
Ah yes, a brutal reminder of why I hate the South. “Hi y’all!”—it’s like she’s already gearing up to pyramid scheme all of us. Why do I already want to punch this chick in the face? “I can lol I deserve it”! All I can think of is this:
Also what the f*ck is with all the typos? “Afe getribg”? Girl, with that kind of proofreading, you should be writing for BuzzFeed (ba-dum ching). All I can do with this so far is feel really badly for Mr. David. But of course we’re just getting started.
Mrs. David goes on to tell us that she got a free historic wedding venue because Mr. David’s godmother owns it. Cool, good for you, Glen Coco. She even says, “This means my wedding will be historical! Lol!” Oh yes, I’m so sure that one day children will study the dream wedding of Mrs. David in their history books. Lol.
The Entitlement
So because the estate is far away and they’re having their honeymoon in Dubai, Mrs. David reasons that she shouldn’t have to pay for a damn thing in her own wedding. Sure, sure. She already has a free venue but why should she pay for travel costs?
Or a photographer?
Or a caterer?
Or a dress?
Or music? Flowers? Seating? And BTW, it must be an orchestra, because “this will be classy”.
But don’t worry everyone! Because, and I kid you not, Mrs. David is starting AN INSTAGRAM SOON! So you will be, and again, I quote, “begging for the opportunity” to work for exposure! Because obviously, Mrs. David will be an instant Instagram hit, making millions and paying you back for feeding probably 200 people in exposure!
I honestly wish I was kidding:
I’m not actually convinced this isn’t satire.
My favorite part is how Mrs. David demands that everyone be a professional (“not a hobby but getting PAID AS A JOB”) even though she isn’t willing to pay them at all. Does she not see the irony? Let me tell you, if anyone is willing to work for free for absolutely no reason, it means they can’t charge for their work. Meaning they aren’t paid for the work. Meaning they are not a professional, which by definition means being paid for said work.
Also, here’s what I don’t understand. They can afford a honeymoon in Dubai, but didn’t plan even a minor budget for a wedding? Don’t get me wrong, I can get behind the idea—I’d much rather go to Dubai then have a wedding—but then just… don’t have the wedding? They’re not even paying for a venue, or a dress, like I don’t understand how Mrs. David thought she’d have an entire wedding for free? Paid for by whom? Like, all of these people would have to pay out of their own pockets for these services, so that Mrs. David and her seven followers will give them exposure? I cannot comprehend this at all.
The Closing
Mrs. David then wraps it up:
Yeah, I’m sure everyone is just gonna jump right on that. While I’m so grateful to the Redditor who posted this, I’m a little salty that they included no comments. Like, the comments have to be absolutely amazing, right? What do you even say to something like this? I’ve got to acknowledge that this story seems fake, like that other viral wedding story that turned out to be a marketing ploy, but it’s more fun for me to act as if it’s real. I mean, people do suck, so you really never know.
All I can say is good luck to Mrs. David and her free dream wedding, and to Mr. David, I only have three words: Witness Protection Program.
Images: Fernanda Prado / Unsplash; Reddit; Tenor
Weddings can be a pretty big f*cking deal—I mean, they don’t say it’s the biggest day of your life for nothing. It takes about a year to plan, an average of $36,000 to put on, and determining the place seatings alone is a strategic maneuver requiring a level of diplomacy that rivals the formation of many political alliances. Between pressures and conflicting desires from family, friends, in-laws, and the bride and grooms themselves, what is supposed to be the celebration of a newlywed couple can end up turning into a never-ending sh*tstorm of people to please, to not disappoint. So imagine planning your wedding for over a year, having a great time, thinking you’d pulled off a classy affair that still managed to showcase your personality, and then finding out that you’d become internet famous… for how bad it was.
That actually happened to Juliette Brandman, a New York-based bride. An avid Betches fan and listener of the Betches Brides podcast, she sent us an email: “So upon returning from my honeymoon, I see myself all over the Daily Mail Snapchat story shaming my wedding dress and shoe choices,” she wrote. The offender was, as Brandman explained, “an ex-girlfriend of a boy I knew in college” who had posted her wedding pictures to a Facebook group dedicated to talking sh*t about people’s weddings. Brandman had worn a short dress with feather details along the hem and sleeves for her reception, as well as sneakers, which were Christian Louboutin and, as members of the group pointed out in the comments, cost $1,000. But Facebook wasn’t where Brandman learned about it. She found out when The Sun picked up the post, and then the Daily Mail did a spin-off article (which has since been taken down). She saw it for herself when the Daily Mail put it on their Snapchat story and her friends started sending it to her.
At first, she thought one of her friend’s Snapchat had been hacked, and sending her her own wedding photos as part of the hack. “They’ve really gotten so advanced!” she initially thought. Then she Googled it, and found the story (which, for what it’s worth, was basically just a bunch of screenshots from the Facebook group, amounting to “People On The Internet Don’t Like This Woman’s Fashion Choices”. I know the Daily Mail is not exactly a bastion of investigative journalism, but come on). At that point, reality set in.
Image: Fred Marcus Studios
“I was like, ‘are you kidding me?’” she said. “It was shocking and I kind of couldn’t believe it. It was definitely hurtful, and you try not to read the comments, but curiosity got the better of me and I totally read them and was like, ‘okay, these are not super nice.’”
What made the Daily Mail and Sun articles especially shocking to her was how the internet’s opinion completely diverged from that of her friends and family. “Every single person at our wedding was obsessed with our shoes,” she said. “Like, people were taking pictures, they were like, ‘omg I can’t believe you are wearing these, these are so cool.’” So to see the internet take delight in having the opposite reaction was pretty jarring. “Those were my special wedding day shoes, and that was a fun part of something that I wanted to bring to my wedding. And I have now hundreds or thousands of people basically telling me I have terrible, hideous taste.” The girl who initially posted the photos to the group tried to qualify that when she initially met the bride, she loved her style—kind of the internet cyberbullying version of “you know I love you, but…”
The other factor that internet commenters didn’t think about when ripping Brandman’s fashion choices apart was the consideration that went into her choosing those items in the first place. “I am a plus sized bride, and, I’m a plus sized human being, so finding a dress, and finding something that I was comfortable in to wear for a second dress, was a big deal.” (The original poster to the group did clarify, “to be fair this was her second outfit,” as if that would help.) Umm yeah, I feel like if any of the commenters had considered that before slamming her, they might not have had as much ammo to rip her to shreds.
Image: Fred Marcus Studios
So, yeah. If you worked really hard on something and you found out that the internet was tearing it apart (while you were on your honeymoon, no less), you’d probably be pretty devastated. But actually, Brandman seemed surprisingly calm about the whole ordeal, and mainly just thinks it’s embarrassing. “It’s just uncomfortable because I spent over a year and a half dedicating my life to this wedding. I paid for that dress, I paid for those shoes, that was my gift to myself because I wanted to have something really fun at my wedding.” I, on the other hand, would either be scheming up petty ways to ruin the life of whoever posted me to that group in the first place, or orchestrating a relocation off the grid, so I admire her levelheadedness about the whole thing. She credits her friends and family, saying that since they were the ones who discovered the articles while she was on her honeymoon, they were able to come up with an action plan and support her the whole way.
Another wakeup call was the fact that Juliette barely even spoke to the girl who initially put her on blast. She’d added her back in college, but they hadn’t really been in touch since: “We don’t talk. We’re not friends, we don’t really have a lot of mutual friends.” She still doesn’t understand why the girl went to the trouble of sharing her pictures in the wedding shaming group, a concept she was also unaware even existed. (For the uninitiated, the gist is that you post photos sh*tting on someone else’s wedding, decor, fashion choices, or you can post stories about people who acted terribly at your wedding or a wedding you went to.) Talk about a rude awakening to the darker sides of Facebook. “I mean, it’s human nature to be judgemental,” she offered, “and especially with Instagram, you see everyone’s stuff. But like, you take things out and you privately message your friends about it. You don’t, like, put it on blast when you don’t know these people.” Now, Brandman is doing a Facebook purge, but she says she won’t let one salty girl deter her from posting pictures of her wedding.
“Looking back, I’m like, this girl literally spent the time from her day creeped through my photos and was like, ‘You know what? This would be great for the shaming group that I am a part of,’” she rationalized. “Like, I can’t even imagine.”
And as for whether she confronted the girl in question about putting her on blast? “Absolutely not.”
Images: Fred Marcus Studio
Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.
Once again, we prove two things thanks to internet stories. First, weddings make everyone lose all sense of proper decorum (if they ever had it to begin with, I guess, is up for debate). That’s why we continue to post these week after week. Second, which is not relevant to all crazy wedding stories, but certainly this one: The bar for men is literally buried roughly six to 20 feet below ground. It’s stories like these that make me thankful I’m married to a guy who is willing to make compromises and sacrifices, which is more than the groom in this Reddit story is willing to do. But, wait, isn’t that the whole point of marriage? That and the tax breaks. My husband also wore a suit to our wedding, which again, seems like the baseline standard, but is apparently too much for this Reddit groom. But enough from me—read the story for yourself.
The Set-Up
Reddit’s AITA (Am I The Asshole) forum proves, once again, that it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Today’s story is written by a groomzilla who insists he be wearing the most comfy clothes on his f*cking wedding day. Never mind that this is supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime event (or maybe not, given his attitude so far), that his bride-to-be seems to have some goddamn standards, or that you can’t put a price on class. He writes:
“Groom here. My fiancee and I are getting married in about a year. She’s already started shopping for her wedding dress and asked me to start taking a look at suits. Honestly, though, I’m really not much of a suit and tie kind of guy, and I dress extremely casually in my day-to-day life. Obviously, I’m going to make a point to look sharper than usual for the wedding. I’m planning to wear my favorite pair of jeans with a blazer and a decent button-up shirt, which should be comfortable while still looking nice.”
Awwww you poor thing! You aren’t much of a suit guy, huh? You, uh, can’t make an exception on your wedding day? Life sounds rough, bro! I wish we had a picture of this guy so I can settle in my mind whether he’s a douchey hipster with a man bun, a redneck that owns a small collection of Confederate paraphernalia, or a former member of TKE who owns a Crossfit gym and works the word “bro” into 90% of conversations.
Oh wait—he’s got a solution! He’s going to make A POINT to “look sharper than usual”! What a gem this guy is! And how, pray tell, does he plan to up his usual, I assume, Walmart sweatsuit look for the day he weds the love of his life? With his “favorite pair of jeans with a blazer and a decent button-up shirt”! Wow! Omg! This girl is LUCKY! I wonder how many PlentyofFish.com dates she went on before she met him? What a solid 10. I would give my left tit to shake his hand.
Fight Me
Mr. Personality goes on with his sob story about how he should get to wear whatever he wants without people judging him. It’s like women fighting for the right to wear cute sh*t without being cat-called, basically. I can smell his incredible activist spirit. This guy’s a true pioneer for men’s rights.
“My fiancee got really upset when I said I wasn’t going to wear a suit. She thinks jeans are way too casual for a wedding and says I’m going to look ridiculous and underdressed. But I don’t think that’s true. It’s not like I’m showing up in overalls and no shirt or something dumb like that, and I was a groomsman in a wedding just last year where all the guys wore jeans and suspenders.
I would never in a million years tell my fiancee what to wear to our wedding, because that would be insanely controlling, so I don’t think she should get a say in what I wear. AITA?
Edit: The wedding is in the woods at a forest preserve, if that makes a difference.”
There’s a lot to f*cking unpack here. Let’s go backwards: the wedding is in a forest preserve, as if that makes a difference. I’m pretty sure you should still wear something a bit more upscale than jeans to your WEDDING. Additionally, did you really bring in the whole “it’s controlling for my fiancee to tell me what to wear” argument? This is not the same thing as you telling her she can’t wear a low-cut top to go out with her friends because you don’t want guys checking out her cleavage. Plus, how f*cking stupid are you going to look standing next to a woman in a $2k dress while you’re in your “favorite” jeans?
My favorite argument point though, by far, is the “it’s not like I’m showing up in overalls and no shirt.” I’m sorry, but what? Neither jeans and a “decent button-up” nor “overalls and no shirt” are acceptable attire for a wedding. This brings me back to my “what kind of guy is he” question and, I think, clearly, the answer is option B, a redneck with Confederate paraphernalia. It’s the only way I can explain being a part of a wedding where gentlemen would ever consider wearing overalls on purpose.
Is He The Asshole?
Reddit and I have spoken and, yes, this guy is a f*cking asshole. Go ahead and @ me in the comments about men’s rights. There’s absolutely no reason this f*cker can’t dress up and throw his fiancée a bone for one day. Congratulations on your now-permanent position in every Facebook wedding shaming group of all time, Groomzilla. You’re arguing about wearing an outfit not acceptable to a job interview to your effing wedding. Give me a break.
My favorite comment, by far, on this thread comes from someone with the unfortunate handle of DefetiveCuckachoo:
There are two of you in this relationship. That means you need to learn to work together on common goals, and lift each other up, if you want to jealously assert freedoms and rights and boundaries then you aren’t partners, you are hostile neighbours at best.
Your fiance has normal expectations for your wedding day, and you are basically putting your feet up, rolling a blunt, blowing a cloud of smoke in her face, laughing about it and saying “IDGAF babe!” YTA.
PREAAAAAAAAACH. My only comment is that, hey, don’t bring the jazz cabbage into this.
Images: Waldemar Brandt, Unsplash; Giphy (3)
Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.
Welcome back to another Crazy Wedding Story of the week. This one is especially crazy and convoluted. It has everything: a ridiculously demanding bride, angry family members threatening to sue, and a twist you definitely won’t see coming. You’re so welcome that I’ve brought you this juicy incident to brighten your Wednesday. I know, I know—I deserve a f*cking medal. Or, in lieu of a medal, I will also accept $30,000 in donations—you’ll see why in a sec. I can’t really give an introduction to this story without giving too much of it away, so let’s just cut right to the chase.
The Set-Up
Today’s crazy wedding story comes to us via the Choosing Beggars subreddit, which proves in and of itself to be gold. The premise of the subreddit is exposing choosy beggars, i.e., people who expect ridiculous freebies for no good reason. Highly recommend for your procrastinating-at-work pleasure. So when someone posted screenshots to r/choosingbeggars of a Facebook post in which a bride reveals she’s canceling her wedding after receiving a whopping $30,000 in donations, the post quickly went viral on the subreddit. Just in case we have some dirty deleting on our hands, here’s the screenshot of what went down:
HOLY SH*T. First of all, it’s nuts that this couple managed to raise $30,000 BEFORE the wedding. But that’s obviously not the real issue here. How in the actual sh*t does someone think it’s okay to collect tens of thousands of dollars from their friends and family, then pull a bait-and-switch? Then ask for MORE money and gifts?? The audacity of these people. I would be mildly impressed if I didn’t want to slap the sh*t out of them.
The thing with donating money to a cause is that you typically expect the money you give will, in fact, go to that cause. Sooooo flip-flopping and saying that you suddenly need to use that money for a lavish honeymoon BEFORE you’re even married (which, let’s be real, is simply a vacation) and to get yourselves financially stable, makes actually zero sense.
Here’s a hot tip: if you’re not financially stable, you probs shouldn’t be taking a $30k honeymoon. I’m no business insider, but that seems like pretty legit advice, right?
Also, you know that “rescheduled wedding” ain’t happenin’ and this is just a blatant cash grab. If I knew this person, not only would they not get another gift from me for their honeymoon, but they would never see another cent from me as long as we both shall live.
The Backlash
NATURALLY, every family member, guest, and wedding party member rightly freaked the f*ck out. The screenshots for you, my loves:
There’s so much more than even these, but can I get a rich uncle who just gives me like $12k? That’d be tight. Also, can we not with the one bridesmaid that’s like “I gave you $200 and I love you—I’m such a good friend”? Alright, Gretchen Wieners, take it easy.
The Plot Thickens
If the initial post and comments seemed a little wild even for the average psycho wedding story, you aren’t alone in being all, “hmmm.”
The detectives at Buzzfeed did some sleuthing and it looks as though this entire incident could have been a marketing ploy by some bullsh*t company. I mean, good job, marketing assholes. The post went up on Reddit on Monday and quickly was shared, like, everywhere because of how purely insane it is.
More screenshots of the family responses popped up on Monday night, but only via some f*cking website we’ve never heard of called CapturedIt.club, which seems a little weird. When it did go up, literally NOTHING ELSE was on the website. Sketch.
Any additional “comments” from family members had the Captured It Club watermark, which, like, again, seems a bit odd. If these are real screenshots, why are they watermarked with some rando website’s name? Damn, how did none of us pick up on this? I feel like a fool. Even more questionable, none of the Facebook posts had any reactions, which is pretty weird. You would think something of this caliber would be a sea of angry face emojis, wow faces, and dislike buttons. The nail in the coffin, though, is that GoFundMe has no record of a bride named Pam and her supposed fiancé, Edward. And despite mentioning an Amazon registry in her original post, no such Amazon registry for a Pam and Edward exists.
And, after Buzzfeed published their article exposing the fact that this whole story may have been a PR stunt, capturedit.club took everything down off their website and replaced it with this screenshot:
So… it looks like we’ve all been hustled, scammed, bamboozled, led astray. But now I have more questions than answers. Who/what is Ben Hobbs? What the f*ck is the point of this capturedit.club website in the first place? Why were we all so eager to believe that someone would scam their friends and family out of $30,000?
I guess I’ve got to hand it to the people behind this weird-ass website for fooling us all. But, honestly, I’m kind of sad this isn’t real. What does that say about me? Perhaps I’ll grapple with these existential dilemmas in next week’s crazy wedding story.
Images: Vitaliy Karimov / Shutterstock.com; Choosing Beggars / Reddit (6)
I know what you’re thinking—that title has got to be clickbait, right? Nope, it’s not. In fact, it’s exactly as you read it. And, as bizarre as it sounds, it’s actually kind of sweet once you hear the story. Now, don’t get me wrong, putting a loved one’s ashes in your wedding nails is not something you see every day, and I’m not totally sure it’s something I would personally do, but I’m still in full support of this bride’s decision.
So the story is that this English bride, Charlotte Watson, tragically lost her father, Mick, to cancer just a few months before her wedding. Given her father’s cancer diagnosis, Charlotte and her then-fiancé, Nick, had even moved up their wedding date in hopes that Charlotte’s father could be there to walk her down the aisle. But unfortunately, he did not end up making it.
After Mick’s passing, Charlotte’s cousin, Kirsty Meakin, a popular nail artist with a big YouTube following, suggested that they use Mick’s ashes in the creation of the design of Charlotte’s wedding nails so that he could still be there with Charlotte on her special day. According to Fox News, they used “tiny bits of bone fragment” found in Mick’s ashes in the design of the nails, resulting in a glittery snowglobe-esque look that you really couldn’t even tell contained ashes unless someone told you.
Not only did the nails turn out incredible, the whole sentiment behind them is really sweet. As Meakin said of her own creation, “It was only when it was completed it sank in what it was. That her dad would be holding her hand on her wedding day.”
Charlotte said, “Having the ashes attached to my nails felt like he was holding my hand. I knew it wasn’t the same as him really being there, but it was as close as we could get.” She added, “It felt like he was there.”
Mick’s memory was included in other ways on the wedding day, BBC reports, such as pictures on the back of Charlotte’s shoes, in a pendant attached to her flowers, and a teddy made from some of his clothing, but the nails are definitely the most out-of-the-box element. And for those of you wondering, after the wedding, the nails were framed to still preserve the ashes and her father’s memory. All in all, it may sound strange on the surface, but it was a creative tribute that the bride and her family found moving—the bride said, “everyone loved the nails”—and clearly it made for a good story.
Images: @kirstymeakin / Instagram; Nick Karvounis / Unsplash
If that title doesn’t say it all …
As the internet is the gift that keeps on giving, we continue to find absolutely incredible stories about when absurdity meets weddings. This week’s ridiculous story comes from California, where a woman’s night terrors took a less sweaty and more ER-tinged turn.
Let’s dive in, shall we?
WTF Happened
Jenna Evans detailed that fun time that she literally swallowed her engagement ring in her sleep in a Facebook post that’s gone viral. Read that back again slowly. She actually, literally, had such nightmares fueling her sleep that she SWALLOWED HER ENGAGEMENT RING.
“So, in case you missed it, I swallowed my engagement ring in my sleep on Tuesday night. I actually remember doing it, but I thought I was dreaming, so I went back to sleep. On Wednesday morning, I realized my ring was not on my hand and had to wake Bob Howell up and tell him that I swallowed my engagement ring. I don’t think he believed me right away. We laughed pretty hard for about an hour and a half, called my mom, laughed until we were crying, googled ‘do other adults swallow rings” because kids do it all the time, but apparently it’s less common for adults.”
Let’s all pause for laughter here. I admire this girl for actually TELLING her fiancé that she swallowed her engagement ring, because I think I would have died of embarrassment first. Let’s continue.
“I went to urgent care where I struggled to explain why I was there, because I was laughing/crying so hard. The doctor ordered an Xray and seemed pretty shocked when she walked back in with a second doctor and showed me that sure enough, my ring was right there in my stomach! They called a gastroenterologist and decided it would be best NOT to let nature take its course. (Thank God) Before I left, she recommended seeing a sleep specialist as well.
Bobby took me to the GI doctor where I got to tell a whole new group of doctors and nurses that yes, I swallowed my engagement ring. At this point, I could definitely feel it in my guts, it was starting to really hurt and make us nervous. They decided an upper endoscopy was just the thing and said don’t worry its not big deal, but please sign this release form just in case you die.
Then I cried a lot because I would be SO MAD if I died. I waited a long time for that damn engagement ring and I WILL marry Bobby Howell DAMNIT. “
This girl GETS me. Like, you finally found the guy, got the ring, and are literally planning your dream wedding. I would be PISSED if I died and didn’t get to check that sh*t off my to-do life list.
So, Did She Die?
No, she obviously didn’t die, because she wrote about the story on Facebook—and thank God, because this story def makes for something to tell and re-tell her kids and grandkids for years to come. “Remember that time mommy ate her engagement ring while dreaming? Yeah, that was hilarious.”
“So they push the sleepy drugs, and right as I started to feel that wave of warm and fuzzy sleep I said to the doctors, Bobby would LOVE this. Everything went great, they found my ring just beyond my stomach in my intestines, retrieved it and gave it to Bobby, not me. ?
Apparently I don’t do great with anesthesia because I came out of it hysterically crying and was totally inconsolable. They got me out of there as quickly as possible and gave us a list of what I could eat (soup, crackers, light sandwich, yogurt etc.) So I demanded that Bobby take me to In n Out and Chickfila. He loves me, so he drove me through In n Out and got me a double-double, mustard fried with cheese fries and a chocolate shake but put his foot down and said no to Chickfila. I probably cried as I stuffed cheese fries in my mouth. I asked for my ring, he said no. Thank God I had that chocolate shake. “
Again, this girl is my spirit animal. I, too, would’ve broken down into hysterics had no one bought me Chick-fil-a after this f*cking ordeal. Like, I ate a diamond and had to BE PUT TO SLEEP to get it out again. That’s a rough day, no matter how you look at it. (Although I will not publicly support blatantly disobeying your doctor’s orders.)
“Bobby finally gave my ring back this morning – I promised not to swallow it again, we’re still getting married and all is right in the world.”
Wow, like, talk about a great story, guys. That was a wild ride from start to finish. I hope her promises mean something and she really does her best not to eat her ring again. I assume the doctors would find that super entertaining, though.
Wait, What Was She Dreaming About?
Thankfully, Jenna has also filled us in on exactly WHAT she was dreaming about that caused her to swallow her (apparently) giant engagement ring:
“**update- for inquiring minds, I was having a dream that Bobby and I were in a very sketchy situation involving a high speed train and bad guys (I have very exciting and vivid dreams) and he told me I had to swallow my ring to protect it; so I popped that sucker off, put it in my mouth and swallowed it with a glass of water riiiight about the time I realized what I was doing. I assumed this too was a dream, because WHO ACTUALLY SWALLOWS THEIR ENGAGEMENT RING, so I went back to sleep.
I also had no idea this would go viral – please be kind. I didn’t do it on purpose and I’m not trying to change the world here, just share a funny story and hopefully a good belly laugh. Pun intended.
Ring is lovingly made by Simone Jewelry Designs in Houston, Tx. Jewels so lovely, you could eat them. But dont – trust me on this.”
Dearest Jenna, we hope you have an amazing wedding, honeymoon, and marriage. Maybe don’t sleep with your ring on anymore—just saying.
Images: Scott Webb, Unsplash; Giphy (2)
Reddit is the gift that keeps on giving. On a recent AITA subreddit (if you aren’t familiar, that stands for Am I The Asshole), a former bride sounded off about a bridesmaid who she feels went overboard in upstaging her at her wedding and, thus, ruined her big, special, perfect day. As a former bride and current day-to-day bitch, let me just say: every bride wants to be the absolute 100% center of attention on her wedding day, whether you’re an actual brat or just act like one during your wedding planning process. Everyone should be complimenting you. Everyone should be telling you how skinny you look. Everyone should be telling the groom how lucky he is and to not mess this up. Everyone should be dancing and raving about the food and crying because they’re just so f*cking happy to be there. You feel me? So I understand why a bride might feel upset if all eyes were not on her the entire duration of her wedding day… but even I think this Reddit bride took things more than a little too far. Because our Reddit bride was not the center of attention on her wedding day, she feels like her bridesmaid literally owes her a do-over. That in itself is pretty f*cking crazy considering the bride admits her wedding cost $30,000, but her reasons why she feels justified in asking for this re-do are, shall we say, completely f*cking unhinged. Let’s take a closer look.
The Setup
The Reddit post begins, “My now husband and I got married 1.5 months ago. We had 6 people on each side of the bridal party. This wedding took 3 full years to plan and prepare for. When I got engaged, most of the bridesmaids were very single, including Anna, the ‘star’ of this story. Two of them were in long-term relationships. I wanted to just give the two partnered bridesmaids plus-ones. Anna seemed offended by this, because my wedding was then years off, and she was actually dating her now husband at the time (though it was casual).”
Alright, this seems within the realm of normal so far. You usually draw the line for a plus-one at serious partners or spouses—especially if you’re a bride on a budget. Then again, this bride puts in the subject of her post that her wedding cost $30,000, which is not super extravagant, but also not a budget affair. However, if it did take her three years to plan, it’s safe to say they were keeping an eye on cost. I guess if you’re broke and mom and/or dad aren’t helping and you’re drowning in student loans, that makes sense. But still, three years is a little bit long to plan a wedding, and there are people who would bristle at not giving members of the bridal party a plus-one, even if they’re not in a serious relationship at the time of your engagement.
Mom Knows Best
The Reddit bride continues, “I eventually got pushed by my mother to give all of them plus-ones. Anna actually continued to date that guy, and married him four months before my wedding at two months pregnant. She brought her new husband as her plus one (who I never met prior) and convinced one of the other bridesmaids to take her friend as hers (when she KNEW we didn’t like him).”
Oh, moms—always peer pressuring us. So, Anna marries the guy she was casually dating, and, considering it took three years to plan this wedding, that is actually very normal! Plenty of people get engaged and even married within three years of meeting each other. Three years is a long time! And it’s actually kind of weird that she never even met her friend’s husband in the entire three years it took to plan her wedding. The only thing I will say is that it’s kind of sh*tty to get a friend invited to a wedding whom you know the bride and groom don’t like. But, given the way this Reddit bride has framed her entire post, I’m calling into question that Anna knew the bride didn’t like the friend. This detail will become important later, for reasons you probably don’t expect, so just keep it in the back of your mind.
The Wedding
Here is where things start to unravel. The bride says of Anna, “She was hugely pregnant, and didn’t refrain from showing it off. We’re both fairly young (25) and in my husband’s culture, getting pregnant before late 20s/30s, married or not, is basically a teenage pregnancy and drew ATTENTION. She also has a vibrant personality and has a way of eclipsing everyone around her. Her husband is also very tall and incredibly attractive, which drew a lot of attention.”
Wow. Grab a suitcase, everybody, because we have a lot to unpack. Ok, first of all, if she’s hugely pregnant (by my calculations, about six months along), how can you NOT show it off? Like, it’s very out there, literally. What really seems odd is the whole “practically a teenage pregnancy” thing. Anna is married at this point, lest we forget. She’s in her mid-20’s. What culture says that’s “basically a teenage pregnancy”??? Am I just extremely ignorant of all non-American cultures? Probably, but I still need to know either way. And what’s with the comment about her friend having a “vibrant personality”? Is she mad that her friend seems like a fun, positive person? Also, jazz snaps for the level of petty you need to be to be MAD that your friend’s husband is hot (and tall). Like, would it have been okay if he was hot and not tall, or tall and unattractive?
Apparently, this all was just too much for the wedding guests to handle. “All anyone spoke about of was Anna’s pregnancy and her attractive husband. Even in the line, people were asking about that ‘electric woman’ and of her pregnancy/marriage/life. When they got up to dance, all eyes were on them. Anna’s friend ended up hooking up with my brother, outing him as gay and causing a huge scandal.”
Is it honestly Anna’s fault if she’s the life of the party? I guess bridezilla was hoping she’d tone it down, which I would understand if Anna is the type of friend to purposefully cause a scene every time she goes out to get attention—but we have no indication of that from this post. And like, IDK, it sounds like the guests were more intrigued by Anna and her husband than offended at their presence. The best part of this part of the story is Anna’s friend hooking up with the bride’s brother and “outing” him. That was probably uncomfortable with possible negative consequences for the brother, I’ll give her that. But it feels like all the anger is misdirected at Anna when really the bigger scandal was the hookup. And maybe the real problem is not that Anna’s friend ended up hooking up with the brother, but that there were homophobes at the wedding who were so scandalized by two men making out that it supposedly ruined the day.
The Aftermath
It gets more insane, if you can believe it. Reddit bride says, “I ended up leaving midway through the reception in tears, and never attended the next morning’s brunch. Anna and her entourage left early the next morning and also didn’t attend. I can’t even look at the pictures without crying and desperately want a do over. I’m not a bridezilla, but this was beyond the pale. It felt like a celebration of Anna’s marriage. I’m sorry, but I put so much planning, effort, and money into this while someone that got pregnant without a thought and married spur of the moment reaped the benefits. I honestly feel like Anna owes me a wedding and did all of this as revenge for me offending her years ago. Am I wrong?”
What a brat. Just to recap: you complained about Anna making a scene, her friend hooking up with your brother and making a scene, then left your own reception crying, creating MORE of a scene? Isn’t that kind of a slap in the face to all of the other guests who came to see you and have a good time? The same can be said of skipping the next day’s brunch. Anna wasn’t even there! That was your big chance to get some one-on-one time with your guests! You don’t get to complain about Anna ruining your day when you created just as much of an issue by leaving and not even enjoying your own brunch that you also presumably planned and paid for!
To go so far as to type out that Anna “did all of this as revenge” is so ludicrous I can’t even see straight. Anna dated a guy, got married, got pregnant, then came to your wedding and had a good time…all for spite? Is it cold up there in your ivory tower? To claim she did all this scheming JUST to ruin your day is absurd.
The commenters on the thread were pretty quick to side-eye the Reddit bride, too. “The biggest clue to me was ‘the wedding took a full three years to plan’. … OP is overly obsessed with her own wedding. When you put something on a pedestal that high, it’s always a disappointment.” Preach, commenter on this thread. If it takes you three years to plan your PERFECT day, then you’re so detail-oriented that nothing will ever be perfect.
Overall, most, if not all of the commenters agree that yes, this bride was the asshole. Her main issues with Anna seem to be that she has a hot husband, got married, got pregnant, and is a social butterfly. I don’t want to pile on the Reddit bride by calling her a horrible person or anything like that, though. More than likely, this bridezilla is experiencing a huge downer after the wedding, which is understandable when for three years you lived and breathed planning and budgeting for it and, in a flash, it’s over. Naturally, you’re going to pick it apart and try to find what you could have done better. But where she took it way too far was asking if she is justified in demanding her friend help her throw another wedding. Girl, no! Like, what, you think your bridesmaid is just going to Venmo you thirty thousand dollars because she had the audacity to have fun at your wedding? Yeeeah. Let me know how that goes.
Images: betchesbrides / Instagram (2); Giphy
