Donald Trump is momentarily not the biggest lunatic asshole in Midtown Manhattan, which comes to a surprise for us all. Earlier this week Attorney Aaron Schlossberg verbally assaulted a bunch of people at a Fresh Kitchen because he heard them speaking Spanish to each other. First of all, people at a Fresh Kitchen on a weekday at lunch are having a hard enough time, there’s no need to be extra rude to them. Second of all, and more significantly, he harassed them because they weren’t speaking English…in New York City. Home of the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Birth place of West Side Story. Cue an eye roll big enough to push him into the East River.

Who this this bigot in Midtown Manhattan? What’s his name?

Please share this.

Here he is harassing & insulting two women for speaking Spanish…TO EACH OTHER in the middle of Manhattan.

Trump has empowered ugly white people like this to say whatever they feel like saying. pic.twitter.com/WbHlet6H7c

— Shaun King (@ShaunKing) May 16, 2018

In the cellphone video of his racist ass rant, he threatens to call ICE on the people who are, by the way, MAKING HIS LUNCH. He also announces that he “pays their welfare” which is odd because they’re literally actively on the clock at their place of work. If I’ve ever learned anything, it’s don’t be mean to anyone with the ability to put poison in your food. Obviously, though, Mr. Schlossberg isn’t one to follow any decency guidelines.

And if you thought this was the only video of Schlossberg being a racist goon, think again:

This is the unedited video from October of 2016 of Manhattan Attorney Aaron Schlossberg assaulting, then calling a complete stranger “an ugly fucking foreigner” on the sidewalk on 5th Avenue.

The man he’s talking to, @morewillie, is a white man from Massachusetts.

He’s unhinged pic.twitter.com/epkpFWggx6

— Shaun King (@ShaunKing) May 17, 2018

In a beautiful twist of fate, his rant has gone viral and the internet has done what it does best, which is identify him and his workplace and “Yelp bomb” his company.  He has received so many 1 star reviews, if you visit it now, there is a notification saying the site is going through an “active cleanup.” Maybe while they’re actively cleaning up the Yelp page, they can sweep his ass up in the trash. Just a thought.

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In some of this week’s most satisfying news, it might not be amazing to be Harvey Weinstein right now. Weinstein, who was one of the major pervs that inspired the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements, was eating at a restaurant in Arizona on Tuesday night when a stranger walked up and slapped him in the face. It is with full journalistic integrity that I now pause to say YAAASSSSSSSS.

TMZ has a video of the whole thing, because obviously the gods were smiling down upon us, and it’s glorious. Harvey looks like he just spent a month living in the forest with only a single grey t-shirt to wear, which was maybe all he had time to grab before being chased out of Hollywood by a torch mob of actresses.

The slapper is a man who looks sort of ruggedly handsome from the quick glimpse we get in the video, and afterward he yells “Get the fuck out of here…you’re a piece of shit. Get your fucking ass out of here.” We don’t know who this man is, but we vow today that we will find him and marry the shit out of him. This is what we mean when we talk about male allies working to stop sexual assault and harassment, and this man deserves a fucking award.

Harvey Weinstein was apparently having dinner with his sober coach when the other diner (who was a little drunk) approached him, at first to ask for a photo. We’re sad the photo didn’t happen because we have a feeling there would have been a casual middle finger or something, but the slapping video is even better. If this man turns into the first big viral sensation of 2018, it’s going to be a good year. Now, I just need to know where Harvey Weinstein is at all times so I can also go and slap the shit out of him.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Anyone who’s ever stayed in on a weekend night (so like, all of us) has experienced the FOMO that comes along with a night of being responsible aka too hungover from the previous night. You settle in for a night of Netflix, but first you gotta check your apps. Facebook is the same—just some of your vaguely prejudiced friends posting veiled statuses in support of Trump, nothing new to see there. You check Instagram and have a few chuckles at some memes. But then you make the cardinal mistake of checking Snapchat, and you come to the realization that everyone is out having fun without you. Your friends aren’t holding a funeral service for your absence. Your coworkers who said they were doing nothing this weekend are all out drinking without you. Those bitches. But never fear, because we’re exposing the reality of all those “fun” parties you see in our new Social Media Vs. Reality video series. That lit house party you see your roommate at? Yeah, that’s probably like, three people and an iPhone. The crazy club night your cousin’s posting about? Think of it this way: If it were really that fun, she wouldn’t be constantly taking breaks from dancing to capture, filter, and upload selfies every 10 minutes. I know, I’m a genius.

Anyway, here’s what that house party you saw on Snapchat was actually like IRL. (Spoiler alert: You didn’t miss anything.)

It’s the middle of May and finally the weather has decided to fucking act like it aka reach temperatures above 50 degrees. About time. I only just stopped wearing boots like, last week. The weather finally getting nice means many things: day drinking. Walking (slightly) more than usual. The air conditioning in your building being at full blast and nearly giving you frostbite. But with warmer weather brings two kinds of people. You’ve got the Disney Princess betch who like, frolics through meadows and shit. Like, chill out, Pocahontas. Didn’t anybody tell you that pink lace dress makes you look like a baby prostitute? Reign it in.

As for the other type of person, well, we’ll let you draw your own conclusions by watching our video. But let’s just say, if you’re anything like us, then you’re definitely the second type of person. I mean, just because the weather is sunny doesn’t mean your personality needs to be. I’m not a mood ring—I’m not going to change my demeanor according to my body temperature. And don’t they always say that consistency is key? I think that’s what they say. Anyway, check out the video below and feel free to comment like “OMG this is soooo me!!” Because we know it is.

As you all know, Kendall Jenner stepped in deep shit last week with the release of her new Pepsi ad campaign, which more than casually suggests that all of the world’s problems could be solved with an ice cold Pepsi. Somebody send this girl to Syria! Would love to see that KUWTK episode. However, the Betches investigative team is fairly certain that the ad was only the tip of the controversy iceberg. Like, do we really believe that Pepsi had no idea this ad would go south? And sure, Kendall Jenner might actually be dumb enough to not get what’s wrong with the ad, but Kris Jenner is far from stupid. She’s kind of an evil genius, actually. Forget Russia. This shit goes deep.

But exactly how deep does the Pepspiracy theory go? We’ve broken it down in depth for you with an article, but for those of you who don’t read good (Kylie Jenner) and want to learn to do other stuff good just don’t have the fucking time to sit down and read a whole article, we’ve broken the whole thing down for you in just 30 seconds. 

Hear ye, hear ye, it’s time to get shitfaced celebrate because it’s Aries’ birthday month. Break out your pink plastic tiaras because these betches know how to keep it real, and this month it’s all about them. These ladies are relaxed enough to wear sweats beyond just Netflix and chilling, yet they still manage to look fierce AF when it’s time to get shit done. They can be impatient at times, but like, only when the Uber is taking 20 years to show up. They’re also totally confident enough to slip that hot bartender their digits when signing the check (take notes).

So let’s just take a moment to recognize all of the badass Aries ladies in our lives. Oh and probs buy them a gift too or else you’ll never hear the end of it. Typical Aries. Here’s a list of what makes Aries betches amazing—and other shit astrology told us about them.

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Since leaving office, Barack Obama has stunned us all with both his vacation and fashion choices. While we all watch as the new administration descends into a fashion abyss (Kellyanne Conway’s nutcracker outfit will give me nightmares for years), the Obama family has been making us miss them more and more by coming correct to every single photo opp available. Like, who can forget the photo of tan Obama windsurfing? There should be a painting of that in the White House TBH. I mean, once the current administration is out of power, which could be any day now (please?). Now, as far as fashionable Obamas go, Barack was always last on the list, not through any fault of his own but just because boring man clothes were never going to compete with the perfection that was Michelle Obama, or the I’m-A-Cool-Girl-President’s-Daughter style of Sasha and Malia. A suit, no matter how well tailored that suit may be, was just never going to compete with Michelle Obama dripping with white feathers, or Sasha and Malia in Coachella chic. It just wasn’t going to happen. 

But since leaving office (ugh don’t remind me), Barry O has been able to shed the suit game in favor of some far more fashionable options, and the results have been stunning. We examine these choices below: 

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