Remember that dress that blew up the internet a few years back? You know the one I’m talking about. The one that was either white and gold or blue and black, depending on
how much weed you’d smoked that day the construction of your retinas or whatever? Well, now it’s back, only this time, in the form of a pair of sneakers. On Wednesday, a Twitter user who has since deleted her account (but y tho?) posted a picture of a pair of Vans, asking the internet what color the sneakers are. And boom went the dynamite. I saw these sneakers on Instagram yesterday and was pretty convinced it was an internet hoax. Like, you know the memes that are so purposefully un-funny they’re kind of funny? I thought it was like that. But no, this is real. People are really seeing these clearly TEAL AND GRAY sneakers as white and pink, proving that there’s a large group of people out there who need help.
For reference, here are the offending sneakers.
NO. You’re lying. I will not go through this again, do you hear me?? I WON’T. Those sneakers are as gray and teal as Trump is racist. I realize that analogy probably left some ambiguity for the Trump supporters out there, so let me clarify that with the following qualifier: VERY. THEY ARE VERY TEAL AND GRAY. No amount of squinting, staring at it, or looking away and then looking back is going to change my mind.
Someone else uploaded another image of the shoes in question, explaining that the bad flash and lighting gave them the gray/teal appearance.
And like, fine. Okay, that time I see it. The shoe is a very light pink, and the stripe and sole and laces are white. I accept it. BUT YOU CANNOT PUT THAT PICTURE SIDE-BY-SIDE WITH THE TEAL ONE AND TELL ME THEY ARE THE SAME. You cannot. Don’t believe me? Fine, I’ll put them next to each other for you, ya lazy ass.
Do those look the same to you?? DO THEY??
If both of those images look pink and white to you, stop reading this article; you need to go get your eyes checked.
With the exception of a few pairs of heinous mom jeans and the fact that people are contouring their butts with glitter, 2017 has been a pretty sick year for trends so far. I mean, fashion has basically evolved to a point where we no longer really have to wear anything that’s uncomfortable. Bras? Haven’t touched one in years. Jeans? Yeah, no. Sign me up for leggings. Heels? LOL, nope, we do sneakers now.
Wearing sneakers is a lot like being drunk. If you’re betchy enough, you can pull off either one of those things whenever you want. Not to get too inspirational on you, but if you’re confident enough to rock sneakers with a silk slip dress, you can rock sneakers with a slip dress. It’s just like pregaming a trip to Whole Foods. Most people would look like a bum, but if you look good, you can probs pull it off. Anyway, here are the sneakers you should be wearing this year.
1. Vans Old Skool
If you follow just like, one fashion blogger or any of the Kardashians, you’ve seen these shoes with every kind of outfit imaginable. From sundresses to sweatpants with fishnets (I’m not sure how this became a thing, but like, whatever I guess I’m into it), Vans Old Skools are to 2017 as UGGs were to 2007. You can literally just wear them with anything.
2. Reebok Classic Leather
Gigi Hadid keeps promoting these with Instagram #ads, so you know every 14-year-old mall rat with more followers and prettier hair than you already has them. It’s just like how she convinced everyone to wear Adidas Superstars last summer, even though that shell toe makes everyone’s feet look effing massive.
3. Adidas Gazelle Lace-Up Sneakers
Speaking of Adidas Superstars, it’s prob time to get rid of those. They’ve made too many appearances on your Instagram feed as it is. Like the girl in your sorority who got a super subtle nose job one summer, there’s something just a little bit prettier about the Gazelle shoes.
4. Vans Checkerboard Slip On
Vans are like, really having a moment, so they’re getting two spots on this list. This style pretty much serves the same purpose as the Old Skool, but because betches hate decision making and love shopping, you might as well get both.
5. Literally Any Platform Sneakers
From Fenty Creepers to Gucci’s $1,000 platform sneakers, this is the best way to channel your inner Spice Girl. The Kendall + Kylie Reese Platform Sneaker definitely screams “Hi-ci-ya hold tight,” but like, not in a weird way.
Read: The 5 Trends You Need To Purge From Your Closet During Spring Cleaning