As a newbie to the reunion episode game, the past two weeks of Vanderpump Rules have been thrilling for me. Andy Cohen is out here asking questions that therapists usually wait six months to get into, and the cast, as usual, is holding very little back. This past week, for example, we finally heard Lala open up a bit about her “man.” Specifically, she listed the many, many things he buys her, a list I then aggressively relayed to my less-than-thrilled boyfriend. I know, I’m almost as petty as Scheana. (She also mentioned that her man watches VPR with superfan Martin Scorsese, but meh. At most, Randall was once like “look at this show that my girlfriend’s on” and Scorsese was like “that’s nice.”) Anyway, somewhere between the footage of Lala getting out of her BMW i8 and all her recent Instagrams decked out in designer gear at Cannes, I suddenly got a lot more curious about who exactly Lala’s man is. These aren’t just established middle-aged man gifts—this is serious money. So, who TF is this guy, and what exactly is he buying Lala? Let’s dive in.
Who Is Lala’s Man?
Lala’s man is named Randall Emmett, and he’s a producer of some pretty legit films. His most recent big movie was Scorsese’s Silence, which lends some credence to the whole Scorsese watching VPR lie theory. He’s also currently debuting a film at Cannes called Gotti, which I was convinced until about three minutes ago starred 50 Cent. (It doesn’t, and the score is composed by Pitbull, which is…disappointing.) Nonetheless, Randall is at Cannes, works with big actors and directors alike, and is undisputedly legit. (If you don’t believe me, scan through Randall’s Instagram. It’s basically the picture version of his IMDb.) In other words, he absolutely has the Hollywood power and money to take Lala’s life to another level.
On a personal level, he was previously married to Ambyr Childers, who is 17 years younger than him. (For reference, Lala is 19 years younger. I’m not loving the pattern.) I’m not going to discuss the state of his marriage when he met Lala, but you’re welcome to read about it here. Lala stated on Monday that he was legally separated when they met, FWIW, which our independently conducted research seems to support. He has two children, also heavily featured on his Instagram. He also regularly posts motivational “Torpedo Tuesday” videos, in which he screams at his followers to GET UP GET OUT THERE AND MAKE THAT MONEY. All of which really make me wonder who would win in a screaming match between James and Randall.
What Is Lala’s Man Buying Her?
Let’s start with the list Lala rattled off on Monday night. She mentioned purses, jewelry, cars, rent, and rides on his private jet. For the cars: he pays for the lease, she pays for insurance. For rent, he pays up to an agreed-upon cap, which Lala said she is “well over.” I can’t imagine how big and nice of a place she has if it’s well over what I’m sure is a generous cap, but it definitely made a sad contrast with the footage they showed of James sleeping on the floor of a slightly too-interested middle-aged dude. Bleak. And for the record, a BMW i8 starts at $147,500, so excuse me while I cry into my coffee for a minute.
Now let’s talk about the other stuff. Since beginning her relationship with Randall, Lala has landed a starring role in a movie (produced by Randall), produced the hit song “Boy,” and launched the makeup line #Give Them Lala Beauty. While she insists that her music and beauty pursuits are exclusively funded with her own money, the movie is literally her boyfriend’s movie, so we can add that onto Randall’s tab with a small degree of confidence. BRB, gonna go ask my boyfriend why he hasn’t given me a lucrative job yet. “Give a man a fish… teach a man to fish…” and all that, ya know?
So, how are we supposed to feel about all this? Well, if you’re like me, lightly devastated. For one, Lala is three years older than me but looks like she’s three years younger. And the amount of money I’ve described in this article alone seems like more than I’ll earn in my lifetime. On the other hand, Lala reportedly was already getting her breasts done when she was 20, so she’s been hustling and betting on her appearance to get her places for a long-ass time. And I have to show some admiration for Lauryn Kent from Salt Lake City getting to where she is now. You can find their relationship cute or disgusting, I don’t really care, but you can’t deny that you’d enjoy certain aspects of her life.
As a final note, I do wish that Lala would stop personally victimizing me saying the only reason other girls can’t ride on private jets, etc. is because they’re not hot enough. Lala herself admits she’s gotten injections and plastic surgery to enhance her appearance, so what are the rest of us supposed to do if we get paid hostess’ salaries and we don’t have rich boyfriends covering our rent? It feels like when you have to have 5 years’ job experience to get an entry-level position. Lala took a very specific route to get what she wanted, and she has a right to feel pride in it. But I imagine she put in a lot of effort for many years to get to this place, and that’s something I’d really like to hear more about in step-by-step detail. You know, for a friend.
Images: Instagram (2); Giphy (1)