We’re 15 days into 2020, and is it just me, or has it felt like five years? I have aged so much over the past two weeks that I might need botox and to start dyeing my roots. (I mean, I’ve been doing that for years anyway, but still.) We’ve already had a sh*tshow of a news cycle this year, and it looks like there’s plenty of ugliness coming our way in the fashion department too. If you hated tiny sunglasses and biker shorts, just wait until you see what the weirdos tastemakers have come up with for this year. Start mentally preparing yourself now, because before you know it these ugly 2020 fashion trends will be on every Kardashian lookalike you see on Instagram.
1. The Single Earring Trend
SVNR Nassau Single Earring, $150
All trends are innately try-hard, but this trend, in particular, is very try-hard. It’s the kind of trend that only someone who would also say “it’s called fashion, look it up” would wear. This trend has been lurking among fashion people for a few years now, but according to Vogue, the trend for single earrings is still around for 2020. Not only do I despise the way this trend looks, it’s financially irresponsible. The fact that individual earrings are even being sold to accommodate this trend hurts my brain. And it hurts my brain that much more to think that people would actually buy one single earring. Stop this before it gets out of hand!
2. Dramatic Puffy Sleeves
Baum und Pferdgarten Chiffon Puff Sleeve Top, $199
The puffy sleeves have continually gotten bigger…and bigger and bigger and bigger. I’m honestly not sure how much bigger they can really get at this point but hey, where there’s a will there’s a way! Plus, we know fashion people will go as big and weird as necessary to stand out so they can make up for not having a personality, so beware. Especially since this trend dominated the runways, we can definitely expect to see it all year.
3. Extremely Oversized Hobo Bags
Considering celebs have gone so far as to carrying purses even too small for a Polly Pocket, 2020 is guaranteed to flip to the total opposite end of the spectrum. Think huge oversized hobo bags circa early 2000s. Think Olsen twins in their prime of looking homeless. (I say “prime” because obviously they still look homeless and all, but the whole look was at least kind of cool back then.) According to WhoWhatWear, extra large totes were all over the runways—and hey, as a girl who carries glasses, floss, and more meds than I care to share with you all in my purse with me at all times, this is a trend I’ll get behind.
4. Actual Bras as Tops
Rhoda Black Triangle Strap Detail Bralet, $15
According to Harper’s Bazaar, this year crop tops are out and bra tops are in. We had the lingerie slip dresses trend, the super-sheer-basically-naked trend, and now, 2020 brings us the year of the bra-top trend. So basically just bras—bras are a trend for 2020. As someone who has been pushing the boundaries of what constitutes a bra vs. a top since college, I’m ready for this.
5. Vests
ASOS DESIGN Tux Suit Vest, $40
Serena van der Woodsen is the only person I’ve ever seen make a vest look cool, and like, she was a fictional character. And kind of an annoying one at that. Yeah, I said it. Anyway, vests are going to be cool…unlike Jenny Humphrey who never will be cool. Sorry, lil J.
6. Aggressively Oversized Chains
PrettyLittleThing Gold Chunky Multi Layering Chain Necklace, $18
Clearly, the trend I’m foreseeing here for 2020 is everything obnoxious and oversized. I’m not a professional trend forecaster, but this seems like a direct response to the tiny trend of 2018-19. Such is life. So along with oversized sleeves and extremely oversized hobo bags, I’m thinking we’re going to see some oversized rapper-level chunky chains… but like, on a petite wanderlust influencer. According to The Zoe Report, chunky chains were all over the runways which means both the trend, and the chain itself, will be increasing in size this year.
7. Boilersuits
ASOS DESIGN Boilersuit with Zip, $60.50
The name alone of this trend makes me feel weird. If you’re not familiar, boilersuits are traditionally a one-piece protective garment worn for manual labor. Now obviously, fashion puts a “sexy” spin on the traditional boilersuit, because of course influencers are going to take manual labor and make it bougie and obnoxious. The name alone leaves me picturing Hopper from Stranger Things getting ready to go back into that spooky hole to the upside down. So I don’t know, it’s kind of hard for me to really get into this trend when all I can picture is Hopper in his full hazmat suit.
Trends are only getting more and more absurd, so there’s no doubt in my mind that we’ll see at least one of these aforementioned ugly 2020 fashion trends consuming our Insta feeds at some point this year. Here’s to hoping we realize this sh*t is hideous and get our act together before then, but I doubt it!
Images: @mixedhype/ Unsplash; SVNR; Verishop; Etsy; Pretty Little Thing (2); ASOS (2)
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I have two passions: obsessing over high-end fashion and making fun of said high-end fashion. Lately, it seems as though fashion designers are becoming bored and unoriginal, just like Disney when they keep remaking every single one of their classics instead of coming up with a new story line. Look, I understand that fashion trends tend to come and go, with many being completely recycled. However, 2019 seems to be the one year that’s receiving the sh*t end of the stick when it comes to throwback trends. New York Fashion Week is almost two weeks away, but we’re getting some sneak peeks for what’s to come from menswear and couture runways. From tie dye to cow print to cargo pants, here are the hideous throwback trends that are making a comeback this year.
1. Cargo Pants
When I think of cargo pants, I shudder at a time when we, as a society, thought they were ever moderately attractive. In 2019, these can now be modernized to look more feminine and chic with scrunched waists, hems, and sleek patterns, but come on. They’re f*cking cargo pants with tacky, big-ass pockets that can’t possibly be good or cute. Sure, you can fit your wallet, keys, phone, a granola bar, and first born child in them, but at what cost??
2. Tie-Dye
I swear I love Bey as much as the next person, but when she can’t even convince me to wear an upcoming trend, it’s not promising. Yes, I loved tie-dying my shirts and socks when I was like, 12 years old and in summer camp, but there’s a reason I don’t still wear the same sh*t I did when I was 12, and it’s because most of that stuff was hideous. This year, expect to see the pattern on our favorite pieces such as puffers, rompers, palazzo pants, and crop tops. What’s next, scrunching our hair with so much mousse and gel that you get stiff curls that wouldn’t even move in 100mph winds? Because that’s the last time wearing tie-dye was relevant.
3. Platform Shoes
Please, god, no. I’ll literally do anything to keep these stashed away in the 2000s where they belong. I don’t think I ever owned a platform sandal when it was acceptable, Lizzie McGuire fan or not. Even back then, I knew to always stay far away from these cringeworthy shoes. Like, just put on a pair of stacked heels like a goddamn adult. Be ready to embrace this year’s next “ugly” shoe. In the very near future, our fave retailers will be selling them as huge sneakers or strappy slip-on sandals.
4. Big 80s Shoulders
This may look decent on Lady Gaga, but on anyone else, it could very well look like trash. The streets aren’t a Michael Jackson music video waiting to happen—save that for Halloween. The ginormous shoulders will be featured on formal dresses, streamlined jackets, and especially business casual suits to wear to the office. Regardless, the shoulder pads may be a yes from my mom in the 80s, but they are a hard no from me.
5. Neon
From Kardashian swimsuits to fashion runways, pops of neon color are showing up everywhere. Whether it be skimpy triangle bikinis, workout leggings, or even mini dresses, I feel like you’d have to be a really bold, confident, and color-coordinated person to remotely pull this off for any occasion. If you’re having the slightest doubt, I’d stay away to refrain from looking like a walking highlighter.
6. Cow Print
It’s true. Animal print is here to stay, but instead of the cheetah and leopard pattern we’ve reluctantly grown to tolerate, the next big thing is looking a lot like a cow. Soon, we’ll be seeing the pattern on heeled booties, designer handbags, and well, now, one-piece bathing suits. I’m baffled that anyone could honestly take this seriously. I can’t even excuse Kylie Jenner. Maybe she was joking. Maybe this is for a western makeup collection. Here’s to giving anyone the benefit of the doubt if they dare to wear the grotesque print.
Photo: Allyson Johnson / Unsplash; Instagram (6)
Fashion trends come and go. F*cking duh. That’s what makes fashion generally so interesting, enticing, and well, fun. You never know what’s going to be worn on the runways or be photographed on a Kardashian next. Really, it should be a drinking game by now. It could be something cute (and normal-looking) like a midi floral dress or it can be something fugly af like Balenciaga’s crocs. Although each year has brought us many unforgettable trends we’d proudly wear out in public, even we can’t lie to ourselves and think all of them are still relevant today. Honestly, some of the things we’re wearing in 2018 are hideous, and quite frankly, like, need to die asap. There’s a reason why we cringe when we look back at our old Facebook pictures. Here are 7 of the worst fashion trends that just need to die for once and for all. I MEAN IT.
1. Jorts and Bike Shorts
I am literally trying to think of one good thing about either of these things and I can’t. I feel like we should just stick to jeans or denim shorts—nothing in between. In fact, anything that covers your bottom half above the knee that isn’t a skirt or a dress should probs just GTFO.
2. Groutfits
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Wear this on your couch for hours on end while you nurse a bad hangover, I don’t care. But unless you want to commit social suicide, I advise that you refrain from wearing any gray on gray outfit outside. Not even to the grocery store or local postal office. Just…no.
3. Colored Lenses
IDK we’re just not in the ’70s anymore and while in that decade these may have been poppin’, they’re just no longer necessary in this day and age. Do these even block out the sun? I mean, is there a real purpose for masking your eyes in yellow or bright pink lenses? Someone LMK.
4. Chunky Dad Sneakers
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good sneaker that is both trendy and comfortable, but this style has got to leave as quickly as it entered the Instagram sphere. Not only are they super out there, but they’re literally not even cute. Nope. Not even a little, so I can’t even give you the benefit of the doubt.
5. Crocs & Birkenstocks
The resurgence of Crocs and Birks was one of the worst fashion trends we saw this year. I might be incredibly biased; I just really effing hate both of these styles. I feel like they were created for the sole purpose of becoming viral memes and that is it. I don’t see any attractive aspect about either of them, tbh. And like, okay, so they’re comfortable. Great. Wonderful. The thing is, there are plenty of other comfortable shoes that are equally as chic as they are comfy, and for probs half the price.
6. Vinyl/Latex Anything
I don’t get how wearing this can be even slightly comfortable, so I guess that reasoning is out the window. Sure, the material accentuates your curves, which is always a plus, and it makes you look like a sexy badass, but unless you’re a model, I bet it makes you feel like an un-sexy sausage. Hard f*cking pass. When I die, bury me in…anything but a latex dress.
7. Transparent Shoes
Thanks, but no thanks, Ye. These were cute in the sense that I thought the “trend” would last a good 24 hours, like it was a cold going around or something. It did not think it would last for many months. Feet are weird in general and looking at scrunched toes (painted or not painted) in stilettos is even weirder. Something tells me wearing sweaty plastic heels all night cannot be good or sanitary for your toes. Girl, bye.
Images: goodamerican, kimkardashian, greyoutfits, bellahadid, haileybaldwin, crocs, kyliejenner, alldatnoise / Instagram
