If there’s something everyone goes nuts over during the holiday season, it’s the ugly holiday sweater fad. TBH, IDK how or why this is even a thing, because every year I’m asked to wear one, I’d probs rather die. They’re literally never cute, and looking ugly at a party is not my aesthetic or sense of humor. I seriously go out when I need a boost of confidence because I know some drunk girl is going to make me feel like Beyoncé in the bathroom. However, like some of the worst trends of our time (unicorns, mom jeans, rubber slides), there’s no escaping this one either. If you’re going to this year’s SantaCon, favorite frat’s mixer, or cliché company party, you’re def going to need a non-fugly ugly holiday sweater, so here are 5 styles that you’ll actually want to Insta.
‘Tis the season for all that is cuffing-related, so if you’re not ashamed of letting your forever current relationship status show, you’ll want one that lets every man in the building know you’re ready to mingle after you’ve had four vodka sodas. The knit style is comfortable, kind of cute in a non-atrocious way, and actually gives back to the Boys & Girls Clubs of America when you buy it. You’re getting and giving in one shot, happy fucking holidays.
If wearing cheesy holiday designs and patterns makes you wanna vom (hi), then you can still go for a neutral holiday pattern and call it ugly. No one will question it, I promise. This soft knit sweater features a rounded neck and dropped shoulders for a casual and relaxed fit. You can totes wear it again outside of the holidays with its matching skirt or your comfiest leggings.
This is probs the cheesiest of my selections, but I’m trying to remain unbiased since this is probably of interest to some of you. It’s not the ugliest sweater I’ve seen, tbh, and it still makes you look like you have some sort of fashion sense with its trending choker neckline. You will most definitely get a shit ton of compliments on this (you’re fucking welcome) and put your friends’ sweaters to goddamn shame.
Yes, I know other holidays besides Christmas happen in December. Sooo, for my Jewish betches, I’ve found a moderately fetch, slightly humorous holiday sweater to ring in this year’s Hanukkah celebration. Don’t let the “men’s” category throw you off, because tbh, we all know that somehow, someway, men’s sweaters and hoodies are often way comfier than the shit we’re offered. You’re obvs getting lit this season, so this bright-colored cotton crewneck gets the job done. Just order a size down from your norm and mazel tov.
From yours truly, the Betches have the most non-fugly ugly Christmas sweater you’ll want to get ASAP. Since we know bright colors, sexualized Santa, and other shit are just fucking weird, this classic white style is lined in fleece and tells it like it is. Duh.