Sadly, this season of The Bachelorette is coming to a close. We all learned a lot, mostly about implicit racial biases and what cheek implants look like, but that’s still a lot. Soon, we’ll know who Rachel has chosen *cough* BRYAN *cough* and we’ll be ready to move onto the next phase of The Bachelor franchise aka Bachelor In Paradise aka the best of all Bachelor Nation shows. Now that the scandal is behind them (is it??? idk), BiP will finally be able to focus on the beloved personalities that make them shitloads of money America has grown to love. Anyone who is a long time Bachelor fan knows the general categories that every person who agrees to fall in love on television and propose to a relative stranger falls into. There are the openly crazy ones, the subtly crazy ones, the ones who you really don’t feel like are crazy but then again they’re on The Bachelor so something must be wrong with them, and the dental hygienists. Season after season we inevitably are tricked into caring about these gorgeous idiots and their love lives, so much so that suddenly it’s the “Men Tell All” and you’re literally crying over Dean and his adorable camo suit jacket, a phrase you’d never thought you’d say.
Lucky for us, we here at Betches got a sneak peek at some of the incredible personalities we’re likely to see on the forthcoming season of The Bachelor, and we’re ready to share them with you. Check out our video below.
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Going to brunch is a sacred rite of betchdom, and the brunch crew that you assemble to meet every Sunday for mimosas is low-key the most important relationship in any betch’s life. I mean sure, family is up there, but is family gonna be there for you when you black out at 1pm on a Sunday and end up texting your ex a screenshot of Taylor Swift lyrics? Nah. That’s a job for your brunch crew. Within that crew, there are very specific roles that must be played. Each brunch crew must have:
1) “The Social Media Addict,” aka the person who spend the entire brunch on her phone, snapping photos and demanding you like them. This behavior is only annoying until she takes a fire pic of you in amazing lighting that gets 100+ likes. Then you remember why she’s such an integral part of the crew.
2) “The Deathly Hungover One,” aka the person who should actually be in the hospital but somehow made it to brunch. This person will puke 3-4 times throughout the meal and somehow also drink more than anyone.
3) “The One Who’s Always Extra,” aka the one who always brings the drama. Every week, some catastrophe has befallen this person, whether it be running into her ex at the bar or being tagged in a sub-par photo. 90% of brunch will be spent figuring out this betch’s life problems, and she will ignore 100% of the advice your crew provides.
4) “The Annoying Healthy One,” aka the one who just came from hot yoga and won’t shut tf up about it. She’ll order the tiniest salad possible and spend the entire brunch talking about her diet. Most of the time you want to kill her, but she’s great for that one week a month where you decide to go to the gym.
5) “The No-Show,” aka the person who was maybe kidnapped last night. Has anyone seen Emily? Who was the last person to get her? Wait…
Check Out Our Video ‘The Types Of Girls You Meet At Brunch’ Below:
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