20 Quarantine Tweets That Will Make You Laugh Instead Of Crying

How are you surviving your quarantine? Drinking every time you feel an overwhelming feeling of existential dread (every passing moment)? Checking the fridge every 15 seconds to make sure you’re still aware of what’s in there (nothing, you ate all your quarantine snacks already)? Going live on Instagram like literally no one asked you to (please don’t)?

However you’re choosing to pass the time, I sincerely hope you have found a way to not go completely insane yet. Personally, I have been using this new abundance of free time to work on creative projects and deep clean my apartment scroll through Twitter, much like when I used to use company time to scroll through Twitter. Nice to change things up.

Lucky for me, Twitter is straight-up poppin’ right now. Social distancing and self quarantining has given content creators the opportunity to thrive with their front-facing videos, hot takes, and Twitter jokes. We love to see it.

In case you’ve missed out on this premium content, have no fear, I have curated a list of some of the best tweets that have gone viral in the good way during these trying times. You’re welcome!

1. Time Has Collapsed On Itself (@BrotiGupta)

And March is still not over.

2. Literally what is a 401(k)? (@calebsaysthings)

Ahh, yes, times are so terrible I may have to downsize my butler staff. Woe is me!

3. Stay the fuck home. (@AliseNavidad)

If you were this girl, you should be ashamed.

4. Capitalism strikes again. (@MikiZarzycki)

And they all said my fake job would be worth nothing…

5. Some things remain the same. (@5foot1girl)

At least nothing has changed.

6. Oh hi, Aunt Carol. (@megstalter)

Where have you been?!

7. Grocery store workers need a raise yesterday. (@blairsocci)

They are doing the Lord’s work.

8. We are taking any friends we can get. (@alyssalimp)

Think Kendra can join in a FaceTime next week?

9. Brb, sending this to my therapist. (@LukeMones)

Shouts-out to all the therapists who are going to be having the same conversation, day in and day out, for months.

10. FOMO is dead. (@ilazer)

The one silver lining of this whole pandemic.

11. Third breakfast is in T-minus 15 minutes. (@stellaboonshoft)

Aren’t we all, though?

12. #KeepIdrisSafe (@marcellacomedy)

…But if he needs someone to suck the corona out of his d*ck, I might be available.

13. If you know, you know. (@Rachel_Sennott)

Still waiting for any kind of apology or acknowledgment.

14. I’ll wait. (@nnschiller)

Sigh.

15. Hindsight is 2020. (@handsdickie)

The marketing glow-up nobody saw coming.

16. Can we all agree sweatpants are the official uniform of quarantine? (@sarafcarter)

We get it, we get it: you want to make sure your pants fit. You’re better than us.

17. Deep sigh. (@pareene)

Have we learned nothing?

18. I am begging you. (@Rachel_Sennott)

The quarantine 15 is the new freshman 15.

19. Finally, a use for my one talent. (@ziwe)

Been training to stay inside and not talk to anyone my whole life.

20. @betchesluvthis gets it 😉

At least we have one thing to look forward to.

Images: Mike Coppola/Getty Images

Leo Dottavio Had A Complete Meltdown On Twitter

Happy Thursday! I’ve woken up in a world where recent Bachelor in Paradise reject, Leo Dottavio, had a very public meltdown on Twitter last night. You know, the guy who gaslighted the sh*t out of Kendall, threw a drink in Joe’s face, and otherwise trashed whatever goodwill he’d earned on The Bachelorette. Over the past 24 hours, Leo has tweeted what some perceive to be attacks on former friends, threats of violence, and messed-up views on masculinity. While we expect this kind of behavior from our government, it’s much more unsettling when it comes from a Bachelor in Paradise contestant. Let’s take a look at how this spiraled out.

Apparently, things kicked off with this tweet from previous contestant Amanda Stanton.

Just got a lovely DM from Leo calling me a “piece of shit” & that my tweet about him last night is going to “come back to haunt me”…so i guess he can never blame “editing” #BachelorinParadise

— Amanda Stanton (@amandastantonnn) August 29, 2018

Oh, and in case you were wondering the HEINOUS tweet that sparked his outrage:

Catching up on #BachelorInParadise from last week. Thoughts: 1. I’m glad Jacqueline went home. She was too good for this show. 2. I love seeing @JubileeSharpe1 face on my TV! 3. Leo scares me.

— Amanda Stanton (@amandastantonnn) August 28, 2018

There was also, reportedly, a comment about Leo’s place of employment. The Daily Mail reported that Amanda said, “Slightly off topic but Leo did get fired from WaterWorld, right? Need to make sure before I take the kids…”

Apparently Leo has some sort of Jonathan Cheban-level radar for his name (as one commenter pointed out, she didn’t even tag him).

Original tweets have been deleted from this point on, but luckily US Weekly has done some detailed reporting,  and Instagram account @thebachelorbanter is here with the receipts. Leo reportedly fires back with the following:

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife! . . . #thebachelorbanter #batchybantz #bachelorinparadise #bip #thebachelorette #thebachelor #thebacheloretteabc #thebachelorabc #bacheloretteabc #bachelorabc #bachelornation #thepsychopathtest #bachelor #bachelorette

A post shared by The Bachelor Banter (@thebachelorbanter) on

If you’re unclear what this is about, please see Bekah and Leo’s interactions from earlier this month. Basically, Bekah got some DMs from women alleging Leo had sexually harassed them. He denied everything and had his lawyer send Bekah a letter demanding she retract her statements and issue an apology. He insisted, as he still does, that the harassment claims are false.

At this point, Tanner (another former contestant), suggests that Leo needs help. Leo responds with a joke about being a narcissist, then tells him he wants to fight him. Again, I’d recommend reading this in full, but he really gets into the masculinity politics with the ending: “When I knock you out can I stand over you and call you a beta?” I can only hope this is a joke and real men don’t call each other “betas” and “alphas”, except I read enough Reddit to know that there are absolutely people out there who use those terms in earnest. I just can’t be sure if Leo is one of those people.

With that tweet, Leo sets off Nick Viall’s spidey senses for when a sensitive male Bachelor contestant is needed. Either that, or he felt an interaction involving the Bachelor franchise had just gone on too long without him. He chimes in with the following tweet:

Breaking news: Self proclaimed Alpha suggests Charity boxing match with someone they have a clear physical advantage over as means to inflate their own ego all while further demonstrating their deep insecurities. https://t.co/EyyR0qC6xZ

— Nick Viall (@viallnicholas28) August 29, 2018

Look, Nick Viall’s never been my favorite person. But someone if someone is going to call out toxic masculinity, the guy who cried in every episode of The Bachelor seems like a good candidate. Again, Leo deleted his responses, but US Weekly reports the following response: “Hey nick how about you and tanner at the same time vs me?… For allllll the marbles let’s goooooo.” Nick’s response to this is still up—as are the comments.

Wait … you can beat us both up at the same time? … that’s like sooo cool https://t.co/TNcyTnUBnS

— Nick Viall (@viallnicholas28) August 29, 2018

Now, maybe there’s some fun new youth lingo I’m missing out on, but I truly had no idea where Leo was going with the “marbles” comment. So I have to say that Dean’s responses are my absolute favorite here. NO, NOT JUST BECAUSE HE’S SO PRETTY. (Hi Dean!) Look how funny this is:

Are marbles still a thing? Why would anyone want ALL the marbles. Honestly, that seems like a burden.

— Dean Michael Unglert (@deanie_babies) August 29, 2018

A BURDEN. Dean. I’m laughing, I’m crying, I’m gazing into your blue, blue eyes…ugh. This brief moment of lightness is interrupted by Leo’s now-deleted tweets back at Nick, reportedly saying the following:

“Jesus your forefathers would frown at your weakness my friend…This kind of adherence to physical altercation is what makes high school kids turn to guns. Be a good example and stand up to a cyber bully like I am… in person.”

I don’t think Leo knows what “adherence” means or how to use it. But I think he meant to say that refusing to engage in physical violence is the reason why kids shoot up schools…? It’s not the guns that are the problem; it’s the fact that boys are no longer beating the sh*t out of each other on a regular basis. Someone call Betsy DeVos and get mandatory fight clubs in school across the nation.

Finally, I happily don’t have to deal with his “forefathers” comment, because Nick Viall did it for me:

Apologies for the delayed response. I went to a WaterWorld to look for you but you weren’t there.

To be honest, my forefathers might have frowned at my support of feminism and gender/race/sexual orientation equality too …so like, it’s fine https://t.co/iAPuaRg8CP

— Nick Viall (@viallnicholas28) August 29, 2018

For those of you who have lives outside of this, the WaterWorld dig is a reference to the fact that Leo reportedly works or worked there. And look, I hate to give Nick Viall the “feminist hero” title he’s so blatantly vying for, but if the gender-neutral cape fits…

Even Deanie Babies, who in all other instances wins me over, was a little off the mark with his response. He commented “I would have forgotten we’re living in the 1920’s without it,” which misses the point that sadly, this kind of garbage is as prevalent in 2018 as it ever was.

Leo ended the feud with a very confusing comment that amounts to “real men don’t shoot up schools”. No, I’m not sure how he got there, either, or if he watches the news. What I’m also not sure of? How many brain cells I lost in following this feud.

Mostly, my feelings from all this are outrage toward ABC. ABC, you need to screen your contestants better before you give them a national audience. First of all, for the safety of ALL contestants, and second of all, to give our eyes a break from this guy who is, at best, woefully inept at successfully pulling off sarcasm. 2017 me is shocked to hear me say this, but praise be for Nick Viall and Deanie Babies—the true heroes of last night’s saga.

Images: Twitter; Instagram; Twitter 

Roseanne Is Canceled (Literally)

Expect a bunch of angry Facebook posts about the First Amendment from your uncle in Ohio, because ABC just canceled his favorite TV show. That’s right, the Roseanne revival is no longer, after show creator/star/Trump-loving troll Roseanne Barr tweeted a super-racist “joke” about former Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett and now Roseanne is canceled.

On Tuesday, Barr evidently decided that tweeting conspiracy theories about George Soros wasn’t enough to fill the gaping emptiness inside her, so she hopped on a Twitter conversation about Jarrett, who is African-American. Barr tweeted, “Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj.” Almost immediately, the internet called her out on her bizarre, racially-charged straight-up racist tweet, despite Barr claiming that it was a joke. (For a woman who makes her living from comedy, it’s v. weird that Barr forgot jokes are supposed to be funny.)

It wasn’t the first time that Barr has gotten controversial on Twitter. She’s messed with Stormy Daniels (dumb move, because Stormy is a social media ICON), and tweeted about all kinds of right-wing conspiracy theories. But up until now, ABC gave her a pass, probs because Roseanne’s ratings were so high that Trump actually stopped golfing for one minute to call and congratulate Barr about them. 

Barr deleted the tweet and issued a longer apology, but ABC did the right thing for fucking once and canceled the show, with ABC Entertainment president Channing Dungey saying, “Roseanne’s Twitter statement is abhorrent, repugnant and inconsistent with our values.” Weird how her posing in a Nazi costume while putting human shaped cookies in an oven didn’t tip them off about her views, but, just like with your monthly period, late is better than never.

The only downside to this news is that now you’ll probably be getting a lot more Farmville requests from your uncle while he waits for Last Man Standing to come back on the air.

UPDATE: Roseanne is now blaming her late-night racism on “Ambien tweeting”. First of all “I was on Ambien” works as an excuse for booty calling your ex, not overt racism. Second of all, does this mean that Barr was on Ambien for all the other racist shit she’s done? Has Roseanne Barr been in an Ambien daze for the past five years? Honestly, doesn’t sound that crazy when you think about it…

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Images: Giphy (1)

John Legend Hopped In On The Kanye West Twitter Drama

Kanye West has lost his fucking mind in the last few days. Okay, to be fair, he may have lost his mind long ago, but this week’s Trump-loving Twitter rampage has made it apparently clear that our favorite genius is problematic and unstable. We’ve already gotten Kim Kardashian’s take on her husband’s tweets, but we’re still waiting to hear from lots of Kanye’s famous friends. Luckily, John Legend stepped up to the plate, and there’s a lot to unpack here.

Starting on Wednesday, John Legend started tweeting about his friend Kanye’s trash political views, but in a tasteful way that didn’t come across like a straight up drag. John went for my personal favorite internet format: the thought-provoking tweet thread. Without ever mentioning Kanye by name, he wrote about how people with privilege can’t just ignore racism and injustice and hope it goes away.

I imagine there's some comfort in imagining a future without racism and projecting that onto the present. Thinking if we just deny the truth, it doesn't exist. If history is erased, we don't have to deal with its consequences. However…

— John Legend (@johnlegend) April 25, 2018

John Legend also added after his masterful thread that you can’t really just say you like Trump but aren’t into racism. “The defining trait of Trump’s campaign and political profile was his embrace of white supremacy. He made it clear every time he spoke. Some serious cognitive dissonance to ignore that for the other x% you might find appealing. I guess I agree with >1% of anyone’s thoughts though.” This is so accurate on every level. Like, there are a lot of shitty people who like bottomless brunch just as much as I do, but that doesn’t mean I actually want to go to brunch with them. No racists allowed at my brunch reservation!

Because John Legend is obviously a solid friend, he reached out to Kanye about his views. And, because Kanye is in the sunken place the mood to tweet literally anything, we have the screenshots.

pic.twitter.com/L9a7OeywJ6

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 26, 2018

Okay, first of all, John Legend is being literally so nice. He fully just called Kanye “the greatest artist of our generation,” and he is also an artist who would probably like to be the greatest. Meanwhile, Kanye sounds like a doomsday prepper who’s probably hours away from building a Kimmy Schidt-style underground bunker. Seriously, what is going on in this man’s mind?

pic.twitter.com/zxcloMEj9I

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 26, 2018

Again, look at John Legend being an actual angel and bringing up good old fashioned concepts like empathy. And then, showing that he’s truly learned something from being married to Twitter queen Chrissy Teigen, he spots a golden opportunity to plug his latest single. Solid move, especially considering that I had no clue there was a new John Legend song *saves on Spotify*. Kanye seems very much not in the mood to accept advice from anyone, but maybe the wisdom of John Legend will embed somewhere deep in his brain. It might be our only hope at this point.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Images: @johnlegend / Twitter; @kanyewest / Twitter (2)

ALERT: Kim Is Responding To Kanye’s Latest Tweetstorm

As we all know, Kanye West has been on a bit of a Twitter spree lately, in which he talked about his love for the Twitter-Man-In-Chief Donald Trump. Obviously, after reading the tweets, we all wanted to know how Kim K felt about this and, luckily for us, the Kardashians waste no time making sure we all know exactly what they think about everything. Kim Kardashian responded to Kanye’s tweets just hours after they were posted and, tbh, we’ll just let Mrs. Kardashian-West speak for herself.

To the media trying to demonize my husband let me just say this… your commentary on Kanye being erratic & his tweets being disturbing is actually scary. So quick to label him as having mental health issues for just being himself when he has always been expressive is not fair

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2018

Yesterday it was announced that Kanye had parted ways with some business people and media outlets made this about Kanye’s mental health. Rather than just a simple business decision. So I’m glad he tweeted about the state of his company and all of the exciting things happening

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2018

He’s a free thinker, is that not allowed in America? Because some of his ideas differ from yours you have to throw in the mental health card? That’s just not fair. He’s actually out of the sunken place when he’s being himself which is very expressive

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2018

Now when he spoke out about Trump… Most people (including myself) have very different feelings & opinions about this. But this is HIS opinion. I believe in people being able to have their own opinions,even if really different from mine
He never said he agrees with his politics

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2018

Kanye will never run in the race of popular opinion and we know that and that’s why I love him and respect him and in a few years when someone else says the same exact thing but they aren’t labeled the way he is and you will all praise them! Kanye is years ahead of his time

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2018

Mental Health is no joke and the media needs to stop spitting that out so casually. Bottom line

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) April 25, 2018

Now, I just need to take a moment to say: this is exactly why I keep an alert up for Kim Kardashian’s tweets. Sure, 99.9% of the time it is updates about her new but .01% of the time you strike gold, and the makes it all worth it.

So let’s address Kim’s actual points. First, she’s low-key right about the mental health thing. As fun as it is to armchair diagnose celebrities on Twitter, we probably should leave that kind of shit for doctors. Just because you took Psych 101 and have seen a therapist since you were six doesn’t mean you’re like, an actual mental health professional. On the other hand, Kanye just tweeted three days’ worth of nonsense peppered with coded alt-right language so like, you can’t blame people for thinking something is off.

Secondly, are we sure that Kanye is *out* of the sunken place? Because this new Kanye seems a lot like a guy who is and  currently having his body inhabited by some elderly white man who loves Twitter and bought him at an auction. Are we not 100% sure that elderly white man is not Donald Trump himself? Just saying…

Thirdly, I am glad to know that Kim does not agree with Kanye about Trump, but he literally tweeted that he “loves” the president, so saying “he never said he agrees with his politics” is kind of a stretch. He also just tweeted this, which makes me feel like Kanye does, in fact, agree with Trump’s politics:

we got love pic.twitter.com/Edk0WGscp6

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 25, 2018

Honestly, I cannot wait to see the KUWTK episode that addresses this. Kris is probs already planning a three-part release and product launch to commemorate it. In conclusion, I’m just gonna leave this right here:

Thank you Kanye, very cool! https://t.co/vRIC87M21X

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 25, 2018

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Images Via Giphy (2)

I Regret To Inform You That Kanye West Is Cancelled

All good things must come to an end, and today that good thing is “my undying love and admiration for Kanye West.” As we all know, Yeezy has been on a bit of a Twitter spree these past few days, and at first it was all good. He was just tweeting things like “we should be like water” and “the world is our office.” You know, typical Kanye shit. Sadly, things changed dramatically today and Kanye’s tweets about Donald Trump mean that he is cancelled until further notice. As a wise man once said – I miss the old Kanye.

This shit all started last week when, amidst a flurry of tweets about “free thinking,” Kanye praised Candace Owens. If you’re wondering who tf Candace Owens is — congrats! You don’t watch alt-right YouTube. Candace is a black conservative woman whose main claim to fame is thinking Black Lives Matter are a bunch of whiners, and that liberalism has enslaved the minds of African Americans, who need to free themselves by becoming “free thinkers” aka “Fox News junkies.” Grool.

I love the way Candace Owens thinks

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 21, 2018

Hmmm…Kanye I’ma let you finish but, “thinking” is not how I would classify what Candace Owens does. This, combined with the fact that Kanye casually met with President-Elect Trump at Trump Tower in 2016 (approximate 334,530,304 scandals ago) already put Yeezy on shaky ground, but today was the final blow:

You don’t have to agree with trump but the mob can’t make me not love him. We are both dragon energy. He is my brother. I love everyone. I don’t agree with everything anyone does. That’s what makes us individuals. And we have the right to independent thought.

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 25, 2018

I have so many questions. Namely, is dragon energy what is keeping Trump alive despite his McDonalds obsession? Also, what does Kim think about this? Also also, did Caitlyn convert Kanye to conservatism? (Say that five times fast.)

Kanye followed up with:

If your friend jumps off the bridge you don’t have to do the same. Ye being Ye is a fight for you to be you. For people In my life the idea of Trump is pretty much a 50 50 split but I don’t tell a Hillary supporter not to support Hillary
I love Hillary too.

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 25, 2018


Sooo….half of Kanye’s friends support Trump. I guess that’s what happens when you’re rich. I need to know what percent of that fifty percent has the last name “Kardashian” ASAP.

So where does The New Kanye’s love of Trump come from? According to Hot 97 host Ebro Darden, Kanye told him during an interview that he “reached out to Obama for years” to have a meeting but Obama was — for some insane reason — busy with other things. Trump, on the other hand, met with Kanye right away. Take from that what you will.

If I had to hazard a guess, this also might have to do with the fact that Obama famously called Kanye a “jackass” in an interview and never apologized. Just sayin…

So RIP Kanye (specifically, The Old Kanye), who is cancelled until further notice. Also if anyone wants to go in on a bet with me, I’d put money on him calling his next album some variation of “Make America Think Again.” How depressing…

UPDATE: In the time it took took to post this article, Kanye also tweeted this clarification, which is important only because it shows that Kim is not down for any of this nonsense:

my wife just called me and she wanted me to make this clear to everyone. I don’t agree with everything Trump does. I don’t agree 100% with anyone but myself.

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 25, 2018

Damn. Can’t wait for the KUWTK episode where we get to see that phone call. In addition to updating us about his marriage, Kanye has also tweeted this, which is open to interpretation:

I’m nice at ping pong

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 25, 2018

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

The Definitive Ranking Of Ivanka Trump’s Fake Moments

Sure, Ivanka is the hottest Trump, but she also looks like a barbie-robot brought to life by an IV of white wine spritzer. I would feel bad for reducing her to her looks but I just straight up don’t I don’t because she is literally the worst. Ivanka is faker than that knock-off Coach purse your cousin got you for secret santa, or that spray tan your aunt insists is “natural” in the dead of winter. Literally every time Ivanka opens her mouth, or in most cases, takes to Twitter, she has some fake shit to say about an issue she clearly doesn’t GAF about. We rounded up the top 5 fakest moments of Ivanka’s hopefully soon to be over career. We suggest you put on some sunglasses for this to avoid the glare of the cold, shiny, hard plastic you are about to witness.

The Oprah Tweet

We’ll start with the latest and greatest. Ivanka tweeted out some praise for Oprah after her Golden Globes speech, and even added a #TimesUp hashtag. Let’s unpack here. First of all, the second coming of Christ Oprah’s speech blatantly threw shade at Trump. Pretty sure it’s not part of your fake job to join in on shit-talking your boss, leave that to the actual decent humans, please and thank you. Second, this tweet came after a day of news reporting that Oprah may be running for prez in 2020. This is literally the best news we’ve ever heard, but Trump Daddy’s little girl should not be publicly supporting it. Lastly, it is LOL that Ivanka thinks she can use the #TimesUp hashtag while working for a literal alleged sexual assaulter. GTFO of here.

Literally Anytime She Talks About Women’s Issue

Wow, great segway by me. Pretending to care about the #TimesUp movement isn’t the first time Ivanka has spewed her fake feminism to get some RTs. Just to recap, Ivanka is one of Trump’s “advisors,” aka she has no real job and is just using the fact that her dad wants to fuck her in order to move up in the political world because apparently nepotism is low-key legal now. We would appreciate that kind of shadily strategic move if she wasn’t supporting a pussy-grabbing, less hot oompa loompa while pretending to be a feminist. She’s constantly going on about equal pay, maternity leave, and other feminist issues, and then – in classic Trump form – not doing shit about it. She literally works for an administration that wants to take away women’s reproductive rights. Until that changes, we got nothing but side eye for you, Ivanka.

The Tweet To Meghan Markle and Prince Harry

Okay, this one is just sloppy. Ivanka tweeted to the newly engaged royal couple in what can only be described as the most transparent beg for an invite since that time I kept liking my high school enemy’s Instagram posts in hopes that she would invite me to her open bar holiday party. Rumor has it the royal couple doesn’t want the Trumps at their wedding and clearly Ivanka is thirsty for a Save the Date. Maybe next time try something more subtle, like not being a garbage human who doesn’t deserve an invite in the first place.

The LGBTQ Tweet

Ivanka tweeted out some support to her supposed LGBTQ friends in June, and it came back to haunt her in July when her dad literally banned Transgender people from the military. Clearly Ivanka doesn’t really care about LGBTQ issues, she just wants support from the LGTBQ community. Sorry, honey, this isn’t a 90’s rom-com where the white girl gets to use her gay BFF as an accessory in a shopping montage. 

Wearing Her Company’s Clothing During Political Events

Again with the transparent dumbassery. Ivanka has been using her public platform to promote her fugly clothing line, and it’s a clear violation of the ethics program which states that you are not allowed to use your government position for private gain. And yet, here Ivanka is, publicly modeling some shit that even Nordstrom refuses to sell. It’s almost like she spends so much time surrounded by dumbasses that she has forgotten that not everyone is a legit idiot. We see you, girl. And honestly, you should try Sears.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

 

The Official Trump Tweet Drinking Game

I think we can all agree that 2017 was the worst, mostly thanks to the fact that we had Donald Twitter-Fingers as our fucking president. Literally every day was a waking nightmare as we waited to see what petty drama our Commander in Chief would start on Twitter. Good times. Lucky for us, alcohol exists. And lucky for you, we’ve created a drinking game for Trump’s Tweets so that you can at least blackout in 2018 while waiting to see if he’s going to casually start a nuclear war via hashtags. Yeah, you’re welcome.

Take A Shot

If he misspells something like a dumbass. Apparently Trump still hasn’t discovered autocorrect, because the guy has more typos in his tweets than my drunk texts to my ex.

Take A Swig

If he mentions his crush,“Fake News.” Literally, he is obsessed. 

Chug

If he talks shit on the Democrats, as if he isn’t the fucking president who is supposed to lead and bring together both parties. I just…I can’t.

Down Your Drink

If he mentions making America great again. Then turn and look at the world burning around you. Cool cool cool.

Sip Your Drink

If he ends his tweet with something in all caps, like a GD psychopath. Like, at what point is he going to be like, “Whoa, sorry, caps.” There’s no way someone can mean to have caps lock on that much and be a sane, healthy person. Oh, right. Got it.

Finish Your Drink

If he says some petty shit about “Crooked Hillary.” I would say pour one out for HRC in this instance, but honestly you’re gonna need that drink, honey.

Make A New Drink

If he @’s the wrong person. You deserve it, your president can’t even figure out how to win the electoral vote properly start shit on twitter.

Honestly, Just Chug The Whole Bottle

If he says something sexist/racist/transphobic/homophobic/Islamaphobic, or casually threatens to start World War 3 with North Korea. Time to blackout, betches.

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