There’s something that’s just so fascinating about influencers and the lives they lead. Like, who takes all their pictures? How much money are they really making? I think the reason we all love to rag on influencers is that what they do is ridiculous, but we’re all still a little bit jealous. I’m convinced it’s why so many people have been following Marissa Casey Fuchs’s “surprise” live engagement that unfolded on Instagram stories. It’s why we all felt a smug sense of satisfaction when Arii couldn’t sell enough clothes to launch her retail line. And it’s why I f*cking cannot even with Amaryllis, a fast fashion brand that is taking a bunch of influencers on an “immersive travel experience” called #AmaryllisAbroad, where, according to the press release I received, “like-mind influencers will network, grow their brands, cultivate relationships and create lasting memories.”
Ugh, barf. This sounds like the most obnoxious bachelorette party ever. Like, really, what is an “immersive travel experience”? Just call it a trip. That’s what it is. All travel is immersive, I’m pretty sure.
So here’s what’s happening. Amaryllis Apparel is taking eight influencers to Turks and Caicos. The influencers will stay in a 15-bedroom oceanfront villa (but why, if there are only 8 influencers?) and “participate in a fun-filled itinerary which includes horseback riding on the beach, sunset cruises, spa days and brunches on the beach.” First of all, I will forgive you, Amaryllis, for losing my invite in the mail my DMs. Second of all, damn, this sounds fun. I’m not bitter, you’re bitter!
As for the identities of the hateful lucky eight recipients of this incredible trip? We’ve got Ashlee Nichols (@ashleeknichols), who has 235K followers on Instagram; Ashley Hargrove (@dtkaustin), who boasts 139K followers; Caitlin Covington (@cmcoving), with a whopping 964K (I bet Caitlin is pissed to be on the same trip as these lowly 100K peasants); Dani Austin (@daniaustin), with 261K followers; Jessi Afshin (@jessi_afshin), who’s got 295K followers; Jordan Underwood (@jordanunderwood), who has 277K devoted fans; Savannah Roach (@savrosee), who has A MERE 23.7K people “asking about her hair routine” (seriously, how did she get on this trip); and finally, rounding out this list is Shea Leigh Mills (@shealeighmills), with 220K followers.
Let’s take a gander at the lucky ladies, shall we?
Wow, what a truly diverse cast of characters we have here! I’m honestly surprised they aren’t all named Ashley and Caitlin, and furthermore, that we have no Laurens in the group. I guess being a travel/lifestyle/fashion influencer is mostly a white girl’s game, but not even one redhead??
#AmaryllisAbroad is happening now, from June 19th through June 24th, so you can hate-stalk all these ladies’ stories this weekend. Amaryllis also launched a collection called the #AmaryllisAbroad Collection, in case you want to dress like a person who starts 70% of their Instagram Stories with “Heyyyyy guyssssss.” The collection features pieces that are actually very cute and super affordable, like this $35 jumpsuit.
No matter what side of the aisle you’re on, basically everyone can agree that living in America is stressful as fuck right now. In fact, we could all probably use a permanent vacation, a lifetime supply of vodka, and a giant pile of puppies just to make it through the stress that has been the year 2017. And luckily, at least two of those are possible. Potcake Place, a dog rescue charity based in Providencia, Turks & Caicos, lets visitors to the island “adopt” stray puppies for the day. So please excuse me while I tell my family I’m actually going to Turks & Caicos for Christmas. They’ll understand.
By adopting a stray island puppy, you can help to socialize an uncivilized puppy (that makes them sound cuter IMHO), and the puppy can supervise an uncivilized you. It’s a match made in heaven.
And if you’re wondering wtf “potcake” means, potcakes are mixed-breed puppies native to several Caribbean islands. So basically, these puppies are exclusive island puppies you can only play with on vacay. I honestly didn’t know I could love something so much.
All you have to do to make your beach puppy dreams come true is to stop by the shelter and ask about a beach trip. They’ll arrange for you and your dream pup to take a walk down the beach and, obvs, will help you and your new potcake baby make it official once you inevitably fall in love and want to keep him forever. They’ll set you up with a vet and help you bring the puppy home, so you can come back from vacation with something more than a few cheap shot glasses and an STD for once.
