Apparently low-rise jeans are making a comeback, which is the least surprising news ever if you really think about it. Every couple of years, the jean style you swore you’d never wear again sneaks back into your closet, kind of like when you hang out with your ex but you’re definitely not together again. We all promised to ditch low-rise jeans and their horrible short zippers when we discovered the slimming capabilities of super high rise denim, but obviously that trend wasn’t going to last forever. I’m not saying you should get rid of your high-waisted jeans, and I’m definitely not saying you should pull out your old boot cut True Religions with bedazzled butt pockets. I’m just trying to prepare you for a painless transition from one denim trend to the next. Here are a few pairs of low-rise jeans that won’t make you look like a Laguna Beach walk-on that never got a more detailed on-screen name credit than “Brody’s friend.”
1. The Legging Step Hem Ankle Skinny Jeans, AG Jeans
These AG jeans are basically as close to a denim legging as you can get without wearing literal Pajama Jeans. These may be low-rise, but they also have a step hem and a distressed wash, so they’re way more 2017 than 2007.
2. MOTO Winter Bleach Lucas Jeans, Topshop
These are kind of like mom jeans, but they’re low-rise, which helps prevent serious mom butt. They also have a slouchy fit but don’t have holes, so you can pull off a relaxed look without every old dude you see in a day asking how much you paid for jeans with holes in them.
3. Boyfriend Low Ripped Jeans, H&M
On the off chance that you do want every old dude you see in a day to ask how much you paid for jeans with holes in them, this is a pretty good pair. Plus, they’re just from H&M, so if you accidentally rip through the knee hole with your foot, it’s not the total end of the world.
4. Harper Low-Rise Super Skinny Jeans, Abercrombie & Fitch
Before you stop reading and close this article out because I just suggested you buy jeans from Abercrombie, hear me out. Do you still drink the cheap vodka you blacked out off of in college? Yes, of course you do. You just don’t take photos of the bottle anymore. This is kind of the same scenario. A&F finally stopped putting their signature pocket stitching on most of their jeans, so you can still wear their super comfortable, actually affordable denim without rocking an infamous Abercrombie butt.
5. Low-Rise Skinny Fit Jean, Tommy Hilfiger
As long as you don’t wear these with like, a pink polo with a popped collar and oversized fake pearls, you should be fine. Gigi Hadid is desperately trying to make Tommy Hilfiger a thing again, so you might as well join in on that movement.
Being short sucks. Trust me, I’m five feet tall. With the exception of the brief period when Deena and Snooki made “meatball problems” a thing on Jersey Shore and the fact that I could meet the height of any fake ID I used in college by carefully selecting my heels, it really isn’t a whole lot of fun. Short betches understand that standing at under 5’3” means packed bars are a nightmare, getting lost in crowds is a legitimate concern and that even if you’re a grown-ass adult who doesn’t ever smile, people still tend to call you cute. (Yuck.)
As if dealing with random douchebags who think it’s funny to pretend to use your head as an armrest wasn’t enough, we also have to figure out how to find clothes that don’t make us look like we’re playing dress up. It’s probably easier to find a rich, hot, non-annoying boyfriend than it is to find pants that fit. Historically, petite sections fucking suck… unless you’re into wearing professional-length shorts from Ann Taylor. (Vom.) This season, there are tons of cool pant trends that include interesting hems, which means we can’t really get them tailored. Thankfully, a few online retailers got their shit together and whipped up a few pairs of dope pants for us.
1. Topshop Petite 28” Front Lace Jamie Jeans
The lace-up trend clearly isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, so it’s probably worth it to get these pants. These will also make your legs look longer, because of the exposed strip of skin that runs straight down the leg. Plus, they’re cropped and will actually hit your legs where they’re supposed to, so maybe you’ll finally look like a full-sized adult human for once.
2. River Island Petite Black Floral Tassel Cropped Pants
Bold floral prints and fringed hems are also really popular this season, and these River Island pants are a pair that you can finally wear without needed to rock heels.
3. ASOS Petite Linen Culotte Pants
Apparently, culotte pants are super comfortable. I wouldn’t know, because like I said, I still haven’t broken five feet and I know that I’m just going to end up swimming in any culottes that are designed for girls with average length legs. These pants are also linen and super loose fitting, so they’re perfect for nasty humid days in the summer.
4. Missguided Petite Black Double Frill Pants
To be honest, my reaction when I found these pants was so embarrassing that if someone had filmed it, I’d probably be made into a life-ruining meme. These are the kind of pants I always assumed only like, Kendall Jenner could wear, but Missguided finally made a pair for girls under 5’3”.
5. Missguided Petite Grey Satin Paperbag Waist Cigarette Pants
Missguided’s petite clothing selection is so good, I had to give them two spots on this list. I really never thought I’d ever want anything with the words “paperbag” and “cigarette” in the name (like… is this a bar in Staten Island or a pair of well-tailored pants?), but these are kind of perfect. Plus, the high waist will make your legs look longer, so they’re pretty much a necessity.
