Whether it’s your first summer in New York City or you’ve been here for like, five years but have never even made it to Brooklyn, everyone wants to check out the most hyped up spots in the city. TBH, most of them aren’t worth the train fare. Like, if you’ve ever waited in a two hour line for a cronut at 7am, you know how much of a letdown it was, even after you got 200 likes on your Instagram. Luckily for you, we know the city pretty well and can tell you where not to waste your time this summer. Here are the most overrated spots in the city:
1. Cookie DŌ
The thought of eating a cup of raw cookie dough sounds unbelievable, but there’s a reason you’re not supposed to, and it’s not because of the Salmonella warnings on the package. It’s because it’s fucking gross, and so is this place. If you really want to wait in a three hour line with a bunch of NYU kids and food bloggers, be my guest, but I guarantee this cookie dough isn’t worth it and you’ll get over it after one bite. Waste of time and waste of calories. Do yourself a favor and keep walking.
2. Soho House
As betches, we’ve had the Soho House membership on our bucket lists since Sex and The City, but honestly, it’s overhyped and overcrowded. Having a pool in NYC in the summer is obviously a sick perk, and we have nothing against exclusive memberships, but this one’s just overdone. Like, the geotag isn’t impressive if you’re squished in the pool next to 30 gay guys who are hotter than you doing the exact same photoshoot. Find somewhere else to tan.
The concept of Smorgasburg would actually be cute if it wasn’t totally abused by every white girl in an 80 mile radius from the tristate area. At its best, Smorgasburg is an outdoor food festival on the water. At its worse, it’s an overly crowded, nauseating, claustrophobic, terrible excuse to take the L train anywhere except Chelsea. Like, if I wanted to Instagram a photo of me eating fried food, I would frame my Snap Story from last Saturday night. Do something better with your Sunday.
4. Trader Joe’s
Sorry to offend anyone who swears by their beloved Trader’s cookie butter or those random cookies near checkout that you didn’t even want, but Trader Joe’s is not worth the crowd or the line (anytime of the year but especially during the summer). Unless you have like, three Xanax on hand and an entire afternoon to kill, I’d skip the Trader’s shopping trip. I know it’s cheap and everything, but is it really worth it? Someone once said that time is money, and I never really thought that quote would come in handy but this seems like an appropriate time for it. Save your time. Stay away.
5. Poke Bowl Places
Okay, I’m not sure when the poke bowl became its own cuisine or why people started mixing Japanese and Hawaiian foods in the first place—like, isn’t it a little too soon?—but these places have taken over the city, and they’re just so overrated. First of all, I’m not a health code inspector or anything, but there’s no way that raw fish being scooped out of a metal bucket is at all fresh. I mean, the whole bowl idea is kind of cute (I guess), but we’d still rather be ditching the line and getting real sushi instead.
6. Central Park
I know Central Park is a New York landmark and it’s beautiful and blah blah blah, but it also low-key sucks. Like, all these randoms are congregating on the grass in their bikinis with no body of water around, and the only view for like five miles is some little league baseball game. Plus, the only food around is a random hot pretzel cart, so you have to literally pack a picnic bag like you’re spending the day at the beach or something. It’s a hassle and it’s not worth it. Oh, and don’t even get me started on public restrooms. I’d rather stay indoors all day.
7. Soho/Broadway Shopping Area
Soho has gotten a lot of hype from movies and TV shows, but any New Yorker knows it’s not that great for shopping and it’s filled with tourists who don’t fucking move. Like, Nolita brunch area is super cute and we’ll be hitting up Butcher’s Daughter regularly, but the Broadway shopping situation sucks. Here’s a better plan: order your clothes online, skip the Topshop dressing room line, and spend your summer elsewhere. Solved!
8. Times Square
Just avoid. At all costs. There are literally grown men in Elmo suits and annoying tourists posing with Minions on the red steps—need I say more? Plus, you actually can’t even walk around because everyone is so damn slow. Have we said enough?