As much as I love it, there were a lot of things that were annoying af about Real Housewives of New York this season. Ramona being herself was at an all-time terrible. Sonja being a bitch to my girl Tins. And last, but certainly not least, Luann not shutting the fuck up about how much she loved Tom and being married and other romantic bullshit. That’s why it was at least semi-surprising when they announced their divorce just a few weeks after they filmed the reunion and Luann wore her goddamn rehearsal dress. Surprising that the guy who cheated on her with an ex and asked for a hall pass the day before his wedding wasn’t prince charming after all? No. Just that the countess didn’t try and save face for longer. And while we all thought this was drama was over and they would divorce civilly and next season would have the triumphant return of slutty single Luann, shit’s getting heated because Tom is allegedly already engaged to someone else, to which I must say…
The new unlucky lady is reportedly Anna Rothschild, a socialite, publicist, and most importantly, Luann’s “worst enemy” according to “sources” so I’m sure that’s a very legitimate, accurate claim. Apparently, Anna and Tom were friends for years aka they’ve screwed a lot and were first spotted out together again over Labor Day weekend, which was two weeks ago. Is this dude’s dick on fire or something? He gets engaged to Luann after a couple months and then dis bish after two fucking weeks? What’s your hurry, bro? And didn’t he and Luann call it quits because he can’t stop making out with people at The Regency? Why is he getting married again? Why male models? I have so many questions.
Another dagger is that the ring the new future Mrs. D’Agostino has been spotted with on her ring finger looks exactly like Luann’s. I guess it probs could be a new one and he just has an affinity for large canary diamonds, but I highly doubt that. I mean, taking the ring back? That’s low even for Tom.
And while all of this is fucking sucks for Luann and the human in me really feels for her, the miserable reality TV worshipper part of me is really excited to watch all this play out on my TV in… oh let’s say… 10 months?
Luann D’Agostino of Real Housewives of New York City just took to Twitter to announce that she and her husband, Tom, are filing for divorce after seven months of marriage. Typically, I’d give a person some serious shit for announcing a divorce in a tweet. However, this is 2017 and the President of the United States announces stuff in 140 characters or less on the daily, so I’ll let it slide.
It’s with great sadness that Tom & I agreed to divorce. We care for each other very much, hope you respect our privacy during this sad time!
— Luann D’Agostino (@CountessLuann) August 3, 2017
Divorce is usually a sad thing, I guess, but this one wasn’t much of a surprise. I mean, if you’ve been following RHONY at all (I don’t write these weekly recaps for shits and giggles, so you better be), you know that Luann pretty much said she’d rather go through with the wedding and get divorced than call it off beforehand. For those of you who haven’t been in the loop, Tom was spotted with like, a million women while they were together and everyone in Manhattan tried to warn her not to go through with it.
At the risk of sounding like thaaat betch (JK, I kind of am that betch), I’d just like to point out that I pretty accurately predicted this divorce. I gave Luann and Tom until the reunion, and next week is the finale. If they could have just waited like, two weeks, I’d probably quit my job and become some kind of pop culture oracle.
Since we all knew Luann and Tom wouldn’t last long enough to still be married before the first rerun of their wedding episode played, I guess the real question is to ask what we’re supposed to now call Luann. Her Twitter handle is still @CountessLuann, so maybe she’s just trying to keep her old title? Who knows.