Trying to get in shape is no easy task. It feels like there are constantly things pulling you in the opposite direction of your goals, like the Shake Shack that so conveniently sits on your route home from work or the couch that literally absorbs you oh so comfortingly when you even have a thought about going to the gym. Luckily, Sami and Aleen spoke to celebrity trainer Jordan Syatt on the latest episode of the Diet Starts Tomorrow podcast to pick his brain about the most effective ways to go about staying committed to a fitness goal. Spoiler alert: most of them have to do with your attitude, so prepare to be told to stop whining and making excuses for yourself (in a nice-ish way, though, because believe me I understand the struggle).
1. Not Every Workout Is Going To Be Great
In order to stay motivated, you have to accept the fact that not every single workout you get through is going to be life-changing and exponentially increase your strength, just like you (unfortunately) can’t expect a six pack after doing sit-ups once. “For every five workouts, you’re gonna have one workout that’s f*cking amazing, you’re gonna have one workout that’s f*cking awful, you’re gonna have three workouts that are like, ‘eh, I got it in,’” Jordan says. “When you know that ahead of time… there’s no need to feel like ‘ugh, what’s the point’ and quit and just go off on a bender and not go back for a week.” So he’s basically telling us to suck it up and curb our need for instant gratification. Fair enough.
2. Stop Villainizing The Scale
Jordan thinks the way people are so scared to step on the scale and avoid it because they can’t possibly bare to handle its toxicity in their lives is so counterproductive to being strong and stable enough in their pursuit of fitness. The reason he believes that people shouldn’t allow themselves to be so sensitive to the scale is because the number the scale tells you is so arbitrary and has so little to do with actual fat loss. “Remember your weight will go up and down, and just because it goes up doesn’t mean you gained fat, just because it goes down doesn’t mean you lost fat,” he explains. He says your weight can spike and drop day to day, which he has proof of because he has literally graphed where his weight was every day for a 90-day period. “We should teach people how to step on it without making it an emotional thing… and really just to start looking at it objectively rather than a pass/fail.” A more accurate way to track your progress with the scale is by checking your weight not daily or even weekly, but only monthly. A month leaves enough time of progress to show the true trends of where your weight is going. “It’s all about consistency over time, and the more you can be logical about it and not let your emotions control your actions… the more successful you’ll be,” Jordan tells Sami and Aleen.
3. Determine Whether You Want To Lose Fat Or Just Get Healthier
If your goal is to live a healthier lifestyle but you don’t feel like you need to lose weight in order to do so, eating clean is a good way to go. But if you actually want to lose a substantial amount of fat, then you simply need to be eating at a caloric deficit. According to Jordan, “Even if you eat clean, too many calories is too many calories. If you want to lose fat, you need to be able to eat the right amount of calories for your body to do that, regardless of whether you’re eating Twinkies or avocado.” If you ever slip up with keeping your calorie intake low, though, it’s really important not to treat it like the end of the world and feel like you’ve totally failed. “No one ever got skinny from eating one salad, no one ever got fat from eating one donut.” One mistake definitely won’t reverse all your progress, so it’s worth it to keep going.
4. Don’t Get Discouraged By A Plateau
When your body seems to be at a standstill and you go some time without seeing any further tangible results, Jordan says to keep in mind that “You’re still making progress, your body’s just catching up.” If you stick with your routine and persevere through the plateau, you will begin to notice that progress again. “Let’s say you’re on the train and the train stops to pick other people up. Do you just say ‘Ah, f*ck it I’m going home. I quit, I’m turning around’?” Obviously thinking about it this way makes giving up seem totally illogical but I WANT A FLAT STOMACH AND I WANT IT NOW, DAMMIT. It’s so frustrating when I can’t enjoy pasta AND I don’t even feel like it’s benefiting me in the way it’s supposed to, but I guess it’s worth it to keep trying.
5. Don’t Use Factors You Can’t Control As Excuses
Ugh, it brings me at least a little bit of comfort to think the way I look is because I just didn’t get the skinny gene, but apparently I can’t even do that anymore. “Genetics play a role in everything, but they do not determine your success,” Jordan says. What he means by this is that a person’s DNA can influence how and where they carry fat and other such things, but it can’t prevent them from getting in shape. People often try to even attribute their struggles with weight and fitness to things actually medically wrong with them at a hormonal or metabolic level, just to find out after a doctor’s visit that they’re totally fine. Jordan thinks these excuses people make for themselves just get in the way of actually doing anything productive to their health.
6. Believe In Your Ability To Succeed
I know this sounds like something you’d find on a cheesy inspirational poster in a high school classroom, but it’s so true. If you don’t think at all about the things that could potentially hinder you from your goals and instead focus on what you can actively do in order to achieve them, it will be so much easier. Jordan says, “If I can leave people with one message, it’s that you can’t f*ck up as long as you get back on track.” YOU GOT THIS!
To hear everything else Jordan Syatt had to say, listen to his Diet Starts Tomorrow episode below.
Images: Inspired Horizons Digital Marketing / Unsplash; Giphy (6)
Summer seems like the most fun time of year almost by default, but it can be tricky to navigate for the people who are trying to stick to healthy habits. Temptation is everywhere: there are drinks constantly being poured, fried food, ice cream, and your skinny friend who orders whatever the f*ck she wants because she has that gene you weren’t blessed with that allows her to eat literally anything without gaining a single pound. While all this swarms you, there also exists the perpetual thought looming over your head of most of your body being exposed when you want to lay out in the sun or go for a swim. It seems almost impossible, but surviving a beach weekend really doesn’t have to be so difficult if you keep some healthy hacks in mind that will trick yourself into feeling like you’re actually indulging, which we talked about on the latest Diet Starts Tomorrow podcast episode. Here are some of the best ways you can skip both the food FOMO and the diet-breaking regret.
1. Bring Frozen Fruit To The Beach
Eating frozen grapes, mangos, or pineapples is basically like eating nature’s version of an ice pop. Freezing these fruits not only turns them into healthy and delicious snacks, it also makes them stay cold and fresh for longer when it’s hot out and slows down your eating to add a little extra control. If I went and ordered ice cream and then my friend whipped out some frozen mango I would feel like an unhealthy piece of sh*t who is jealous of her tasty-looking frozen mango.
2. Start Your Day With A Walk Or Bike Ride
It’s scarily easy to spend an entire weekend at the beach lying on a lounge chair and barely moving a muscle. If you decide to start your day with a nice walk, though, you will feel good about taking in the summer air and being somewhat productive, which will set the tone for a healthy rest of the day. You can also post an early morning Insta story to show everyone that going out the night before didn’t stop you from being the epitome of wellness and serenity that you obviously are.
3. Don’t Fall Prey To High Calorie Drinks
Squeeze half a grapefruit into a vodka on the rocks and you have yourself a nice, refreshing summer drink that will get you good and f*cked up without the calories of rosé or a margarita. Plus, grapefruit is great for your metabolism. You could also soak berries in vodka if you feel like supplementing your alcohol with some antioxidants, or if you want to go the extra mile, you can even put seltzer in a wine glass and then just use your imagination.
4. Do Not Skip Any Meals
Skipping breakfast or lunch during a beach weekend seems like an easy way to cut out calories but it ends up working in the opposite way. You’ll be so hungry that you’ll want to eat like a pig later, and you’ll feel like you deserve it because you didn’t eat before. It may seem annoying to stay on top of your usual eating schedule when you’re trying to enjoy and relax at the beach, but your body will thank you for it later.
5. Bring Sporty Games To The Beach
If you bring fun activities to the beach, you’ll get in a workout without even realizing it. Bring a volleyball to play with or a football to throw around so you get your body in motion. The best way to do a workout in disguise, though, is by playing paddleball. Passing a tiny ball between wooden paddles is all fun and games, but when the little f*cker gets caught in the wind and you have to chase after it through the sand, you get some serious cardio in. You could also take advantage of the body of water in front of you and actually go for a swim. Fighting the current takes some exertion and makes you do more than just snore under the sun.
6. Bring Healthy Crackers Instead Of Chips
All the delicious crunch and none (or at least not as much) of the fat. If you must snack, eating fiber-filled crackers instead of chips will satisfy you AND keep you full. Keep the Lays out of sight and out of mind so you can stay on track like the healthful goddess that you are. I believe in you.
7. STAY HYDRATED.
This seems like an obvious one, but for some reason, it is truly so hard to remember to drink water. If you’re out in the sun all day and especially if you’re drinking, your body literally needs you to stay hydrated. Also, drinking water will keep you full so you won’t feel like you have to snack as much. So just do it! Drink water and while you’re at it put on some sunscreen so you can make the most out of your beach weekend as YOUR! BEST! SELF!
For more healthy eating hacks that will save you this summer, listen to the full episode of Diet Starts Tomorrow below.
Images: Giphy (7); Vitaly Sacred / Unsplash
The following is an excerpt from our new book, When’s Happy Hour? Work Hard So You Can Hardly Work, on sale NOW.
If you’re trying to get promoted or advance in any significant way in your career, one of the most important qualities to cultivate is self-awareness, and the ability to self-evaluate and figure out where you need improvement. And then actually do those things, obviously. One of the hardest things in life is seeing your own flaws, but you have to see them before you can admit to them, and you have to admit to them in order to change them. Here are some ways to go about finding your flaws and really understanding what they are:
Actually pay attention at your employee evals: If you want to know what your boss thinks of you, unshockingly, all you have to do is just pay attention at your yearly (or whatever) evaluation. Your boss is literally forced to formally rate your strengths and weaknesses on paper, so like, don’t just let that be a wasted half hour. If they say you take too long to answer emails and it pisses clients off, just like…respond faster. Most of the time, the answers to fixing your shortcomings will be spelled out for you if you’re willing to be open enough to listen to feedback and change habits.
Ask a coworker who isn’t catty and whose opinion you respect for honest feedback: This is pretty hard because it requires being a bit vulnerable, and we’re not saying you should definitely do this unless you’re sure that the person you’re asking will give worthwhile feedback. Otherwise you just put yourself out there for no gain, and we can hardly think of anything worse than that. The person you ask should be a little more experienced and higher up in the office, and they should be someone who is widely seen as hardworking and drama-avoidant. The last thing you need is someone gossiping about your vulnerable moments to the entire break room.
Ask your friends and family: As much as we want to think that we can put on a flawless act at work, that’s really not possible. Like we mentioned earlier, who we are in life is who we are at work, just with a little more polish. You might be a little better at faking it with your coworkers than with your boyfriend, but the fundamental flaws themselves will probably be the same. If you really can’t be organized enough to ever get to brunch on time, chances are that you’re also disorganized at work and tend to be late to meetings or whatever. Take some cues from your weekend self, as explained by loved ones, and ask yourself if any of that is reflected in your job. Then work on that sh*t and use your personal life to practice as well. Maybe if you started getting to the restaurant in a timely fashion, you would not only piss off your friends less but also the habit will spill over into your work life and benefit you on multiple fronts.
Pay attention to what you criticize other people for: The traits we notice and critique about other people are often—surprise—actually the things we do ourselves. It’s called projection, and it’s really easy to detect—thanks, Freud. For example, it bothers the sh*t out of you how Michelle is constantly sucking up to your mutual boss and trying to undermine you and your coworkers by subtly throwing shade about everyone else. Meanwhile, you just spent a half hour plotting how you’re going to make Michelle look like an idiot in the next meeting by criticizing her project and then offering to fix what she did. Sound familiar? Yeah, because you’re actually doing the exact same thing that you criticize Michelle for. Next time you hear yourself talking sh*t about a coworker, ask yourself if you might actually do the same thing you’re calling them out for. Once you’ve answered yourself, you can keep bitching about them, but then change your behavior after.
We’re not saying it’ll be easy. Getting to know yourself and admitting your faults is honestly kind of the worst. But if you value yourself, you’ll value your own self-improvement and you’ll be okay with suffering a little and making changes for the sake of a better future.
Want more amazing career advice? Order our new book, you won’t regret it.
Images: Giphy (4)
No one ever intends for it to happen. You’re out to dinner with friends, someone mentions an acquaintance’s house party and 3 tequila shots later you find yourself somewhere you never thought you’d be: a hipster’s living room. It’s not just the faint smell of pot or even the stack of vinyl records piled in the corner that gives it away; it’s the dingy window sills and overall lack of cleanliness that confirm your location. It feels more like a commune than a house with the 2-day old pizza and bags of weed out for everyone to enjoy, bathrooms lacking doors but overcompensating with incense, and home-brewed kombucha jugs lining the kitchen counters. There are no framed pictures of important events: birthdays, girls nights, nothing. What does fill the lackluster walls are homemade signs (“keep the damn door closed”) and 5”x7” prints of paintings no one outside their circle would recognize.
Now that you’ve taken in what is around you, it’s time to figure out who is around you. Hipsters are kind of like vampires in the sense that they only come out at night and are pale AF. Seeing them in their natural habitat can be both frightening and unsettling. First of all, you realize that you are the only one within sight whose outfit did not come from a garage sale. Your Tory Burch riding boots might as well be a neon sign reading “basic bitch.” The only similarity between the smorgasbord of mismatched outfits around you is the fact that none of them are worn with bras. Apparently saggy tits are in this year. Other than that, the styles range from 90’s grunge to flapper girl. Denim jackets, suspenders, crop tops, the shoes Louisa May Alcott wore, and velvet for days. You are also quick to realize that you are the only one with perfect vision (because all these bitches have glasses) and you seem to be the only one wearing any form of foundation/tinted moisturizer… the time hipsters put into their lipstick must be to blame for the neglect shown towards their shiny foreheads.
Pretty soon your perfect outfit, perky boobs and flawless complexion will draw the attention of the hipsters around you. They may be super high, but they can sniff out mainstream-ness in any level of consciousness. Should you run? Sudden movements will only make them paranoid. Plus, your ride home is somewhere in this house so you have no choice but to accept that you’re balls deep in hipster town. Your survival instincts will start to kick in. First, search the house for converse and oversized sweatshirts; there’s bound to be some that fit you somewhere. Run your hands all through your hair so it gets oily and stringy and pull it into a messy braid. Use whatever you can find to alter your appearance. Hats are always a good idea. Whatever you do, keep your bra on. Your Victoria’s Secret push-up is the only thing keeping you from losing your dignity.
Next, find alcohol. If all you find is an empty gin bottle (of course they’d only have fucking gin), find the closest gas station. It won’t be more than a 2 minute walk, guaranteed. For being such avid fans of growing their own food and being all natural and shit, hipsters can always be counted on to live within walking distance of modern conveniences so they can buy cigarettes and take advantage of public transportation. Once you’re there, buy something big because it has to last you the next few hours. I recommend a bottle of your favorite wine or better yet, champagne. If there was ever a time to drink champagne out of the bottle, now would be the time.
When you get back to the house, you will most likely find yourself forced into a conversation you don’t understand or care about. Mumbling things like “the 1 percent”, “farm-to-table” or even just nodding will keep you in the convo for as long as you need to be. This could also be a great time to catch up on any sleep. Hipsters may judge a bitch for being put together and having exceptional taste in makeup, clothes, etc, but they have no problem with coked-out weirdos falling asleep on their bathroom floor. So, find a couch that looks asbestos-free and sleep off this whole nightmare.
If you should choose to stay semi-conscious during the next few hours, you’re going to have to be smart. You may find yourself tempted to dabble in the hipsters’ drugs as they start bringing out the cocaine and various pills. Taking advantage of free drugs may be fun among friends, but these people are definitely not your friends. Yes, you need to numb yourself to the fact that you are surrounded by the underbelly of society with no way out, but you can’t completely lose your inhibitions. Do you want to wake up tomorrow wrapped in the soft arms of a mustachioed mixologist? Fuck that. Talk about sleeping with the enemy…
As more and more people either start passing out or heading to another location (probably a bar too “hip” to have a name), you will most likely be able to sort through the sea of hipsters to find your (asshole) friend who brought you here and GTFO. If her eyes are glazed over and she’s using words like “typography” or is raving about the IPA she just drank, no worries. It’ll wear off soon.
When you get home, shower (really scrubbing may be necessary), check for new tattoos (real or temporary), take three Advil PM’s, download every episode of The Hills, and fall asleep to the soothing sound of Lauren Conrad’s voice. You’ll wake up refreshed, rejuvenated and last night’s events will be nothing more than a distant memory.
Looking for a good mint jubilee recipe that doesn’t taste like straight up dick aka whisky. I want to look classy look the part you know when you think of mint you think it would taste like a mojito but is actually a mint jubilee?? Please help a sista out by Saturday so I can still be classy hosting and toasting a Derb party. Also maybe an article on what not to wear, caption so you don’t look basic..(talk derby to me Insta caption once more…)
I am looking for a mint julep recipe, but I do not know that’s what it is called. I would prefer it taste good, and not like a penis, which is what I think whiskey tastes like. Please help me, your fellow woman, to acquire such a recipe in time for my Kentucky Derby party this Saturday. Please also tell me what to wear, and what to post on social media so that people think I am cute, funny, and know the correct names for drinks. I do not have Google.
Dear Lizzie P,
You’re lucky we’re feeling so generous today and kudos to you for celebrating the whitest, richest sporting event there is. To reward you, your mint julep (what the fuck is a mint jubilee? Get your shit together) recipe is below. As far as it tasting like whiskey—well, it’s a fucking whiskey cocktail, so aside from watering it down with ice and mint there’s not a whole lot you can do. Suck it up. Also, I assume you may actually be from Kentucky based on your poor sentence structure. Good luck with that by Saturday. We’ve also listed out a few things to wear so you like, fit in.
Mint Julep Ingredients
· Handful of fresh mint
· 1 tsp. sugar (I guess more if you’re trying to drown out the whiskey)
· 3-4 oz. bourbon
Grab your pre-chilled old-fashioned glass or pewter cup and place 7-8 mint leaves in the bottom. Add the sugar over top, then start crushing with a muddler. Don’t go too crazy—just enough to really bruise the mint and smash some of the sugar.
Pack some finely cracked ice over top, then pour the bourbon over the top. Stir quickly until the whole glass gets super cold and frosts. Add a little mint on top and bam, mint julep.
What To Wear
Giant cute sunhats or classy fascinators: Go for something Kate Middleton wouldn’t be embarrassed of.
Classy sundresses: Banana Republic, Lily Pulitzer, Club Monaco, J.Crew, etc. all have some basic AND awesome shit, so choose wisely. Vineyard Vines is the official style of the Kentucky Derby. Check out their line here.
Banana Republic bow-neck dress
Strappy, cutesy heels: The key is being graceful—try these J. Crew satin sandals with ankle wraps which go with literally everything.
J.Crew satin sandals with ankle wraps
An outfit in which hat and dress work together: If one is loud and colorful, the other should be subdued, fucking duh.
Feathers: They’re allowed on cute hats.
What Not To Wear
Think of me as your personal Clinton Kelly, except I’m obviously not giving away a $5,000 Visa giftcard.
Denim anything: It’s social suicide.
Fugly wedges, gladiator heels, or sneakers: Just no.
Sequins: They’re unacceptable on anything for this event.
Shorts or a T-shirt in ANY fashion: The derby is a classy fucking event. Leave your garbage clothes at home.
Anything with a logo that isn’t associated with rich people: You know what we mean.
What To Put For Your Captions
Download Capgenius. You’re welcome.
Unless you’re a virgin who can’t drive, you know that sex takes a lot of work. You have to coordinate body parts in weird ways, bend yourself in even weirder ways, and heaven help you if you don’t have a sense of rhythm. Then there’s the fact that on top of the busy work of gettin’ busy, you have to worry about what not to do in bed so you don’t end up acting out a scene worthy of Broad City. Awkward sex is only funny when it’s happening to someone else.
You might think that some of the following advice is obvious, but trust me. It is not. Here are nine things to never do in bed if you ever hope to hook up with the same person more than once.
1. Don’t Immediately Go For The Weird Stuff
You know that scene from the first season of Girls when Adam’s dirty talk takes a nose dive into some fantasy about slutty homeless women? If you don’t watch Girls (wise choice), all you need to know is that it was so awkward I had to leave the room and refused to come back until the scene was over, and it wasn’t even happening to a real person.
Look. We’re all into weird shit—some of it weirder than others—but IDGAF how open-minded your hookup seems, you always want to start out sex with the basics. Check any potentially awkward fantasies at the bedroom door, or you’ll wake up one morning and find your hookup story turned into some fuckboy’s submission for Total Frat Move. Once you’re fairly certain he’s caught feelings, or the chemistry starts to pop off and he’s low-key signaling that he’d like to take it to the next level, then feel free to start calling him Daddy or whatever.
2. Don’t Babble
Dirty talk is almost always welcome, but control yourself. If you’re a nervous babbler, know your limits—it’s better to shut up while you’re ahead than come to a point where you’re at a loss for words and start rambling about cleaning your toilet. That rule from second grade applies: If you don’t have something nice—or in this case, sexy—to say, don’t say anything at all.
3. Don’t Fantasize About Your Ex
Only TV characters yell out the wrong name during sex—I’m not convinced it’s actually a thing that happens IRL. However, no self-respecting betch should allow herself to be so hung up on some fuckboy that she thinks about him while hooking up with someone else. That’s just like, the rules of feminism.
4. Don’t Yank On His Head
Congratulations on finding a dude who isn’t terrified of cunnilingus! (Side note: fuck the patriarchy, they shouldn’t be that hard to find.) Now don’t fuck it up by
grabbing digging your claws into his scull and holding on for dear life. If you don’t let a dude do it to yoiu, you should extend the same courtesy to your partners. A post-orgasm head massage is always welcome, though.
5. Don’t Break His Penis
This is the absolute lowest bar you could set for sex, but it needs to be said. I know you’re probably so excited that you finally are hooking up with the hot guy in your Creative Writing class or whatever, but don’t get overly excited. Be (fairly) gentle—nothing kills the moment like a trip to the hospital. In that same vein, stay away from reverse cowgirl unless you’re a seasoned veteran. Just trust me on this.
6. Don’t Get Overly Ambitious
Normally, ambition is a good thing, but this isn’t your career trajectory we’re talking about. Don’t try to, like, give BJ with your legs crossed behind your head unless you know for a fact that this is a move you’d be interested in trying in the future. Remember, that first hookup will set the standard for the rest of your relationship so if you’re not interested in doing acrobatics regularly, maybe start off with positions you could execute three tequila shots deep. If you’re absolutely desperate to try incorporating some back bends into your love making, be prepared to fork over money for like, three months of yoga classes first.
7. Don’t Let Your Mind Wander
This just in: Sex is awesome. If you fantasize about reorganizing your closet instead of, like, actually enjoying what’s happening, it’s not a good sign. Either switch the sex up so you’re more into it, or find someone who knows how to keep your attention. Life is way too short for bad hookups. Plus you know you’ll never actually remember that grocery list you made mid-bone sesh by the time you get to the store.
8. Don’t Let Your Pet Watch
I shouldn’t have to say this, but thanks to the advent of the internet and #WhitePeople, I cannot leave this stone unturned. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, have sex with your pet in the room. WTF is wrong with you? No moment is so hot that you can’t take 15 seconds to shoo away your cat. You fucking perv.
9. Don’t Fake An Orgasm
IDGAF how fragile your fuckboy’s ego is. Faking one orgasm leads to faking others, and before you know it you’ve forgotten what an orgasm even feels like. That is not a way to live. I and the feminist movement will not allow it.
Say what you will about all the political insanity in 2017, but it has one thing going for it: Women don’t have to pretend to be delicate flowers who blush at the mention of sex anymore. (Even if we still have to fight for our right for contraception if we decide to have said sex. But anyway.) We’re modern fucking ladies, and we obviously enjoy sex as much as any fuckboy, provided he can keep up. That’s what the Women’s March was about, right? Uh, right. The only problem is that if a guy can’t keep up with your uninhibited libido, you’re faced with the female version of blue balls (blue ovaries? Blue tubes?) while you struggle to hide your disappointment and tell him that everything’s fine, you totally came and it was great. That, or you’re Googling ways to make sex last longer, hoping you don’t die in mysterious circumstances before you can delete your browser history. Nobody, especially not the dedicated detectives who make up the elite squad investigating your death, needs to know your sex life is anything less than screaming, orgasmic perfection every time.
But that’s what strangers on the internet are for—to tell you how to have good sex that lasts longer than your last pap smear. So if you’re at the “desperate Googling” stage of banging some bro with poor stamina, my advice is to try these tactics—because it’s generally frowned upon to pull a Rachel Green and tell him, “It’s not that common, it doesn’t happen to every guy, and it is a big deal!”
1. Hold Off On The P-in-V
Your vagine is a miraculous place, so maybe dudes can be forgiven for coming too fast. If your fuckboy comes as soon as he thinks about putting it in, there’s an easy solution: Don’t put it in as quickly as possible. Hold off on the P-in-V bit until you’re closer to coming, so you don’t have to play sexual catch-up. This is a double win for you because now your guy really has no excuse not to give you more foreplay. Isn’t logic amazing?
2. Make Things Awkward
If you’ve been banging the same guy regularly, you obviously know each others’ bodies well—maybe too well. Try something new in the hopes that the unfamiliarity (read: probable awkwardness) will make him last longer. Branching out also has the bonus of ensuring you don’t turn into the kind of couple that has sex under the covers in the missionary position once a month and goes to bed at 10pm every Saturday.
3. Try Condoms
Every fuckboy reading this probably just died inside a little, but too fucking bad. I know, I know, what’s the point of being on birth control if you’re going to use condoms anyway? (STI protection. That is the reason.) But the same complaint that most dudes have about condoms—that they dull sensation—actually works in your favor if you’re trying to make sex last longer. If condoms make things less intense, he shouldn’t come as quickly, and your blue ovaries/tubes/lips?? may finally be at an end. Halle-fucking-lujah.
4. Get Your Top Model On
AKA “…you wanna be on top?” See what I did there? Here I go with the basic logic again. If you control the pace, you can slow down when he’s getting too close and hopefully prolong things. It might not work miracles, especially if it turns out he’s really into women on top, but it’s worth trying positions where you’re in charge. Besides, IMO anytime a woman is on top (in sex, work, etc.) is basically a win for feminism.
Also, please don’t take this as a recommendation to go all Fifty Shades without warning. That’s how you end up traumatized and abruptly single, right after you finally got him to wear something other than polos and board shorts.
News flash: Men can apparently benefit from kegels, too. Is it emasculating as hell? Probably, but so is premature ejaculation.
6. Take Care Of Yourself First
If there’s anyone who knows how to get you off, it’s yourself. Don’t kick someone out of bed in favor of your vibrator, but figure out a way to incorporate masturbation into foreplay—ask if he wants to watch, do it while you’re waiting for him to get home from work, whatever floats your boat. That way, once you actually get around to banging each other, you’ll be on the same turned-on page.
BTW, it doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship or Netflix and chilling every Friday night; if foreplay isn’t a regular part of your sex life, there are bigger problems at hand than stamina. Any fuckboy that doesn’t have time for his partner is not worth fucking. Duh.
Even if you’re Lizzo, you have times when your confidence isn’t through the roof and you don’t feel like you’re 100% that bitch. No one can prance around totally ~feeling themselves~ à la Beyoncé and Nicki Minaj all the time. If you’re being real, sometimes your self-esteem needs a pick me up, and who better to give you the tips for how to achieve that than Denise Bidot, who’s truly changing the damn world with her body positivity on social media and through her No Wrong Way Movement, which grew from her always saying “There’s no wrong way to be a woman.” She was the first plus-size model to walk in New York Fashion Week and she is honestly so f*cking beautiful. And she smells amazing. And I’m obsessed with her but that’s besides the point. She joined Sami and Aleen on the latest episode of the Diet Starts Tomorrow podcast, but that’s not all… she’ll be headlining the DST Live Show at the Gramercy Theatre on July 31st, which you can buy your tickets for here. So without further ado, here are her best tips for boosting your self confidence and living your best life.
1. Create An Alter Ego
Take a page out of Erika Girardi/Jayne’s book and let your best self live, even if you have to consider it a character separate from yourself at first. As Sami pointed out, this is an actual therapeutic technique. Denise developed an alter ego named Misty in order to turn herself into someone fierce AF who doesn’t give a f*ck. She describes her as “a bombshell sugar mama who’s really badass,” which honestly is what we all aspire to be. Once you’ve acted like your boss betch counterpart enough, she’ll just morph into your personality and become who you really are.
2. Laugh At Yourself In The Mirror
Denise described laughing at herself in the mirror as the first real technique she ever used in order to feel good about herself. She said, “I would stand in front of the mirror naked and make fun of, if not joke about things that I did not love… and I’d be like ‘Oh my god, I love that cellulite’ or ‘Oh my god, I love your uneven tits’… and slowly but surely I began to laugh at them and they became not as powerful over me.” Ummm, this is genius. It’s not hard to call out the parts of our bodies that we aren’t crazy about, so why not just make a joke out of them? I LOVE THIS. It’s like standing up to the bully and taking its power away by not letting yourself be victimized by it anymore. LOL stretch marks, you cute! I see you!
3. Do Whatever The F*ck You Want With Your Body
When Denise mentioned that she was approved by the doctor to get a breast reduction when she was only 16, Aleen opened up about her own breast reduction and how happy she is with the results. Even though Denise never ended up getting one, she said she has major respect for the ways that anyone reaches peace with themselves and happiness with their bodies, whatever they may be. “I do think that there is a happy place for everyone and finding that is what’s really important. It doesn’t look one way or any way. Like, if there’s a girl who wants to get her lips done or a girl who wants botox, do what makes your soul happy as long as you’re doing it for you and not for anyone else,” she so wisely said. She really is that betch.
4. Don’t Retouch Photos
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Denise shared that she has made it a point to not retouch her photos on social media, however brutally honest they may be, which Sami bonded with her over because she has stopped editing her own pictures after looking back at pictures of herself and realizing that’s not what she actually looked like back then. Once you start accepting what your photos look like and being vulnerable enough to share them with the world, the more comfortable you will naturally become with yourself. You’re also promoting body positivity to literally everybody else and spreading the message that it’s okay to look human and not fakely perfect all the time! Being honest with yourself and everyone else and owning how you look is a huge step towards accepting and loving yourself.
5. Realize How Fake Everyone Else’s Photos Are
Even though everyone would be following tip #4 in a perfect world, this is reality and Facetune exists. Denise told Sami and Aleen about photoshoots she’d done with photographers that claimed they wouldn’t retouch the photos and then did. Even skincare campaigns that are supposed to show how good a certain product can actually make your face look are totally photoshopped and distort everyone’s perception of reality. Next time you see a totally smooth body on Instagram, consider that it’s literally not possible for anyone to look like that naturally, so it’s just not realistic for you to expect yourself to look like that. Just look at one of our many Photoshop Fail articles and you’ll see.
6. Take Risks
You don’t have to do anything too crazy, like invest all your money or jump off a bridge or anything. Those are a little extreme, but taking risks on things that could bring you closer to your aspirations goes hand in hand with your self confidence. Denise explained that a teacher of hers taught her, “Here’s the thing about risks. You can either take the risk and worst case scenario you can end up right where you are, or you can take this risk and actually reach your dreams.” Ever since, she’s had a YOLO attitude of considering that the worst that could happen actually isn’t that bad and it’s totally worth it to shoot your shot. She said that she never even considered going into modeling because she thought she could never pull it off, until she realized if it didn’t work nothing would change but if it did she’d literally be a model. If you have the balls to take a risk you have way more confidence in you than you thought.
7. Listen To A Song That Empowers You
Denise described the experience of doing her first lingerie photoshoot and being terrified of posing in front of everyone with most of her body showing until she told herself to just listen to the Christina Aguilera and Pussycat Dolls songs that were playing and dance. This is such a great way to loosen TF up and start feeling yourself. Put on “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo or “Flawless” by Beyoncé and THRIVE, BETCH!
To hear more from Denise on Diet Starts Tomorrow, listen to the episode below.
Images: Tenor (6); denisebidot / Instagram