If you didn’t already think time was a social construct, the last six months have probably changed your mind. The movie you said you watched last weekend? That was two months ago. And the tweet you thought you saw last week? It was posted today. Since we’re all online literally all day and have nothing better to do than run a new meme into the ground hours after it’s created, new trends come and go faster than ever before. While the banana bread and sourdough baking phase is probably seared so permanently into your memory that you’ll be telling your grandkids about it when they ask about 2020, there are probably a few trends and moments that have already been erased.
The Carrot Challenge
Approximately two days into quarantine, everyone was apparently already so bored that they resorted to an Instagram challenge where they tagged their friends to draw a carrot on their story. It is truly remarkable to look back at this moment in time and realize how naïve we were that we could have possibly thought that was the worst it was going to get.
This feels like something from an entirely different time, back when there was still hope (aka mid March). Thanks to one of the first TikTok trends to pop up in quarantine, people everywhere were using the 20 minutes that they’d usually spend commuting to the office to whisk coffee into a froth. Given that I haven’t heard anything about this in a few months, it seems like people have now realized that time is better spent sleeping in.
this quarantine is really testing the limits of what photos make the cut for a throwback post on instagram
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) May 8, 2020
Another long-forgotten trend is the “Until Tomorrow” era, a time when you couldn’t open Instagram without seeing a feed full of embarrassing photos, bad selfies, and baby pictures (that would be taken down the next day to avoid total humiliation). Personally I think taking your photo down is a weak move, since true Instagram baddies have had embarrassing photos up since 2010 and never took them down no matter how bad (and over-filtered) they were.
“First Photo” Challenge
As I’m sure all the other single people quarantining alone would agree, this challenge felt like a personal attack. Seriously, couples posting their first pics together? Like, did I ask for every other Insta story to remind me that I’ll be riding out a pandemic alone and getting dressed up for FaceTime dates for the foreseeable future?
Remember that week (or was it a month? Who knows) where you got a notification every five minutes that someone was going live on Instagram? Including the girls from high school “running their own businesses” showing you how to use their essential oils? My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who accidentally joined someone’s live where there were only two other people watching. Leaving one of those is almost as uncomfortable as the split second of eye-contact you make with your boss every time you exit a Zoom meeting.
“See 10, do 10?” Yeah, I’m good thanks. I haven’t done a push-up since I was forced to for the fitness test in elementary school, and I won’t be picking those back up because someone tagged me in an Instagram story.
The memory of Tiger King feels like a fever dream. Like, we were really so desperate for entertainment at that point that we just ate that sh*t up and said “NEXT, PLEASE.” It’s kind of incredible that we got desensitized to the absurdity of every single event that happened in that series so quickly. But given how f*cked up everything has become since then, it was good preparation for coping with the rest of the year.
Zoom Happy Hours
if you're still scheduling 14 zoom happy hours every weekend you can chill, we all just want to sleep
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) April 24, 2020
Realizing that having a Zoom happy hour every night of the week does not make up for real-life interaction was a breakthrough that took longer than it should have. Playing drinking games at home is fun when you have somewhere to go afterward, not when you’ll just be sitting in your childhood bedroom, totally wasted, after you shut your laptop.
The “One New Thing A Day” Phase
I’ve been thinking a lot about the people who started quarantine by saying “I’ll be making one new cocktail a day!” or “Every day I’m going to make one new piece of art!” Where’d they go? Last I heard from them it was day 14 I think. Are they okay?
Instagram challenges and TikTok trends will come and go, but you know what will never go out of style? Wearing a f*cking mask.
Images: Mollie Sivaram / Unsplash; bigkidproblems / Instagram; betchesluvthis / Twitter
If you’re reading this right now, you’re probably bored at home. Honestly, I’m feeling pretty content with my social distancing situation right now, but we already know that not all celebrities are actually following the rules. But there are plenty of celebs who are staying at home right now, and I applaud them! But they’re obviously just as bored as the rest of us, and it’s causing a crisis of a different kind: they’re all joining TikTok.
Celebrities have been getting on TikTok since last year, to varying degrees of delight and cringe. Megan Thee Stallion twerking? I love it—can’t get enough. But for many of the other famous non-teenagers trying to stay relevant, the content is just not it. In this period of having so much time on our hands, let’s take a look at some of the celebs who might need to find a different hobby.
@officialhowiemandelRubber Glove Challenge ##rubberglovechallenge ##newchallenge ##nostalgia ##og ##howiemandel ##fyp♬ Hey You There – Soulja Boy Tell’em
As surprising as this may sound, Howie Mandel is not new to TikTok. He was an early adopter last year, and he has millions of followers. Good for him, but I’m sorry, I just don’t need to see an adult man trying to fit his entire head into a rubber glove. Watching this made me viscerally uncomfortable, and that’s not the kind of content I need in my life right now. Also, aren’t we supposed to be saving the gloves for healthcare professionals? Howie, please do less.
Hannah Ann Sluss
@hannahannslussCan I be your ##1 babyyyyy!?! @baskinchampion @aloyoga ##foryoupage ##fyp ##tiktok ##bestfriend ##kisses♬ Young Thug – Relationship (feat. Future) – oouumanii_
Of course Hannah Ann is on TikTok, and of course the videos are obnoxious. She’s posted two different videos doing this dance with different friends this week, which makes it seem like she’s probably not properly socially distancing. But more interestingly, the other woman in this video is Baskin Champion, who’s best known for having an extremely brief fling with Justin Bieber exactly two years ago. I f*cking hate that I knew that without even looking it up, but that’s just how my brain works.
@madiprewattempt number 1.. ##socialdistancing ##beach ##dancechallenge ##canttouchthis ##xyzbca ##fyp♬ original sound – madiprew
Misery loves company, and Hannah Ann isn’t the only Bachelor finalist trying too hard on TikTok these days. Madi has been struggling to learn a TikTok dance on a beach this week, so she should probably just cut her losses and go inside. Just last week, she was hanging out with Selena Gomez, but Selena clearly declined to be featured in Madi’s mediocre TikToks. Good choice, Selena.
@haileybieberwe finally joined the tik tok world! we tried 🤷🏼♀️♬ 2livesounds – 2live.d
This might be the most troubling celebrity TikTok of all. So far, Hailey Bieber has only posted one video, of her and Justin Bieber doing a dance. Justin looks like he’d rather be licking the pavement in Italy than doing this video, and I feel the same way about watching it. I really need to know how many times Justin’s publicist begged him to do a TikTok, because this feels incredibly forced. We’ll see how many more videos Hailey forces him to do before we’re allowed to go outside, but I won’t be following this cursed content.
@melissagorgaLove this song💕 ##sayso ##foryoupage ##quarentine♬ Say So – Doja Cat
More and more Real Housewives have been turning to TikTok in these dark times, and whatever, why not. When RHONJ star Melissa Gorga posted a video with her whole family earlier this week, I thought it was cute! Her kids are totally adorable, and I always love a Joe Gorga appearance. But now, it appears that Melissa has gone fully stir crazy, and is just posting lame dance videos like everyone else. To put it in Melissa’s own words, “STOP HURTING US.”
@ashleytisdaleMy work out while on Self Quarantine. I can’t believe I remembered it 😝♬ original sound – ashbash2425
Ashley Tisdale has been on TikTok for a few months, and whatever, she’s having fun. But this video of her doing High School Musical choreography really sent me over the edge. The problem here is that she says in the caption that “I can’t believe I remembered it,” but none of us are buying this. You know Ashley has been waiting YEARS to bust this choreography out to get some clout, so this is a literal dream for her! While Gabriella is over on IG Live getting herself canceled, Sharpay is totally cashing in on TikTok—good for her, I guess.
@hannahkbrownTHE CLOSEST* Tyler has ever gotten to getting in my pants. ##fyp ##fliptheswitch ##lifeathome @katedooley0 @olivia.faria @tylerjcameron3♬ Nonstop – Drake
As anyone with a working internet connection knows by now, Hannah and Tyler are currently with approximately six other people practicing some questionable social distancing in Florida. No one is cashing in on the quarantine clout more than Hannah and Tyler, who have gone from being secretive to flaunting their maybe-relationship in a matter of days. I really can’t with these group TikToks, because they just feel so thirsty. But really, I guess that’s the whole point of celebrities being on TikTok. Whatever, call me when they’re officially dating.
Which celebrities have been keeping you sane—or making you lose your mind—on TikTok? There is truly so much content happening right now, and I’m desperate for anything that won’t make me want to throw my phone out the window.
Images: Getty Images; TikTok