We know the world is fucked because Drake is dating JLo and Archie is becoming the new Gossip Girl, but just because everything feels like the Upside Down doesn’t mean you should veer into nicegirl territory. In case you need a refresher, we’re here to remind you that you shouldn’t lower your standards just because pop culture has lowered theirs. On that note, here’s a list of shit you should never say, because it’s nicegirl noise and we’re not about that.
1. I’m Not Like Most Girls.
If you say this you are exactly like most girls. Because most girls say this. A Cartier does not have to tell you it’s a diamond, because fucking duh. Ever notice how you enter the best bars and restaurants through unmarked doors? Because if you’re actually a betch and different from the rest, you wouldn’t need to advertise. It’s obvious AF.
2. I Don’t Know, What Do You Want?
When a guy asks what you’re looking for in a relationship, a nicegirl is afraid to answer truthfully for fear she’ll scare him away. A betch knows that the first rule of negotiation is to know what you want before you go in the room. If a bro can’t handle your relationship goals, he’s probably not good relationship material. And if you end up wanting different things, you can always change your mind if you decide you want to. That’s how negotiations work.
3. Do You Like Me?
If you’re asking this? Probably not. Can you imagine Alessandria Ambrosio asking this? If you don’t think someone likes you, that’s just unfortunate… for them. It’s like when someone says they don’t like The Bachelor—they’re probably a homeschooled jungle freak and it’s not really your problem.
4. I Just Get Along With Guys Better Than Girls.
It’s a well known fact that betches have higher standards than bros. Just ask a bro how often he washes his sheets. If you get along with guys but not girls, it’s probably because you suck. Betches hang out with betches, and everyone gets along with guys so if you have no girlfriends you’re a nicegirl trying to be a guy’s girl.
5. I’m Fine, It’s Fine. I’m Fine.
If you have to say it three times you’re trying too hard to convince yourself. It’s okay to not be okay. Even an ice queen freezes the castle every once in a while. If you’re pissed you should let yourself be pissed, especially if it’s warranted.
6. We Don’t Have To Talk About It If You Don’t Want To.
If you bring up a topic you clearly want to discuss like “what are we?” or “why were you making out with another girl at the mixer last night?” but a bro doesn’t want to respond, you shouldn’t just drop it. That would be like putting weed in a bowl and not smoking it. Nicegirls back down from confrontation, but betches know how to get real when they need to.
7. I’ve Never Been Happier.
If you have to qualify your happiness by comparing it to when you weren’t happy, you probably aren’t that happy. You’re not fooling anyone.
8. I’m Actually So Over Him.
Is that why you’ve been checking his Instagram daily? Nicegirls need to convince themselves they’re over a bro when they’re not. Betches rebound and move the fuck on.
9. I Need To Get Laid.
I mean, this should be self-explanatory. If you’re a betch that needs to hook up, you’ve got back burner bros in your phone you can text. Your dance card is never empty. Plus, it’s just gross. It’s gross when bros talk like this too, we’re not discriminating here.
10. Is She Prettier Than Me?
If you’re obsessing over whether you’re hotter than someone because she dated the guy you like, that’s going to make you seem needy and unattractive. Like, there’s a reason the step mother in Snow White was the villain. Other pretty people exist. If one of them is dating the guy you like, it’s probably over anyway. And if you’re obsessing over whether you’re hotter than his ex, you already won, so why does it matter?