In our society, more often than not, weddings tend to look pretty similar. While people have different preferences about flowers, colors, dress silhouette, etc., most weddings still consist of your standard white dress and a big, beautiful cake. But not everyone has the same dream for their wedding, and for one bride, her dream wedding was more of a nightmare. To celebrate Halloween, Betches Brides style, we spoke to Dre Fox, a bride who got married last weekend in a true Halloween wedding extravaganza.
“As long as I can remember, I have been called the Queen of Halloween—always taking it WAY too seriously, spending months crafting and handmaking my outfits.” When Dre met her now-husband Josh, the two instantly bonded over their Halloween plans the night before, and last year they celebrated together in elaborate Beetlejuice and Lydia costumes.
So when it came time to create a concept for their October 26th wedding, a Halloween wedding was a no-brainer. “When we got engaged, I knew I didn’t, no, COULDN’T do the normal thing. I’ve always been an eccentric person and this needed to be no different.” This is not your traditional wedding, so take a deep breath, and let’s dive in.
The wedding was designed, planned, and coordinated by Ashley Nicole Affair, who went above and beyond to give Dre and Josh the spooky Hallowedding of their dreams. The ceremony itself was kept mostly traditional, with Dre, Josh, the wedding party, and the bride and groom’s parents dressing in conventional wedding attire. Dre walked down the aisle in a stunning Justin Alexander ostrich wedding gown, looking every bit the traditional fairy tale princess, but that’s where the “traditional” part ended. The guests attended in costume, so Dre and Josh got married surrounded by loving friends and family dressed as aliens, magicians, pirates and Freddie Mercury. As one does.
Dress designer Justin Warshaw of Justin Alexander was featured on the most recent episode of the Betches Brides podcast, where he talked all about what it was like attending such an unconventional event. Here’s the episode, where you can hear about Dre’s Halloween wedding, as well as some of the most-asked questions about wedding dresses:
As the day progressed and the celebration moved from the ceremony to the reception, like Michael Jackson in the “Thriller” music video, Dre and Josh transformed into beasts of the night with the help of CGI makeup done by Jen Hearts Art. The result was truly shocking, and not just because the couple looks utterly unrecognizable. Most people getting married spend inordinate amounts of money trying to look like the best possible versions of themselves for their big day. So you can imagine, asking a makeup artist to make you look hairier and uglier on one of the most important days of your life is not just unorthodox, it’s downright subversive. Honestly? I’m here for it.
Obviously, looking like this at your wedding is not what most couples would want, but I really admire their commitment to doing exactly what they want. And the commitment to the theme did not end with the reception attire. As a former pastry chef, Dre made all of the desserts for the wedding, including the bloody-looking wedding cake. Was it a red velvet cake? I need to know if it was a red velvet cake.
Josh’s bomber jacket was adorned with the phrase “JUST SCARIED” on the back, seating cards were made to look like toe tags, guests’ napkins were held together by vampire teeth, and appetizers were black and purple, in keeping with the spooky spirit of the evening. For entertainment, guests were treated to a caricature artist and a tarot card reader. I mean, this is dedication, and I have no choice but to be impressed.
While not every guest was on board with the couple’s vision for the wedding, Dre wouldn’t have changed a thing: “A wedding should be a representation of you. Not what or who everyone else wants you to be. It takes a leap of faith to follow your heart in the face of criticism, but the people that were there? Well, they understand what love without judgment and true acceptance looks like.” I’d say that warms my cold, dead, heart, but then I wouldn’t be staying true to the spirit of this truly remarkable wedding.
Images: Dre Fox; John Moody / Moodyography (4)
You know what everyone loves? Judging weddings. Go ahead and get salty in the comments — you know deep down your bitch ass loves hating on wedding shit as much as the next person. Why? Cause it’s fucking funny. In today’s edition of “Let Me Ruin Your Wedding Plans”, we’re tackling wedding centerpieces — you know, those big giant decorations in the middle of each guest table at the reception that are ASKING to be knocked over or stolen by the end of the night. A big vase of flowers, a few dimly lit lanterns, even some bare branches are all par for the course when exploring the wide (and exciting) world of wedding centerpieces. But in my Internet travels I’ve come across some real fucking travesties in the centerpiece department. If you want to be classy, here’s what to fucking avoid.
Anything Involving Mason Jars
I’ve included Mason jars in every post that includes the words “bad” and “wedding”. This shit was cute six years ago. Rustic weddings are more over than Donald Trump, Arie’s likeability, and shoulder pads on women. It’s over, it’s cancelled. Please stop working them into your decor.
Fucking Feathers
Unless you and your fiancé are Vegas showgirls and feathers are #life, there is literally zero reason they need to be worked into your decor and/or on your tables during the reception. Feathers make me itchy. They make people feel weird. No one really likes feathers.
Beer Cans Or Old Wine Bottles
I wouldn’t have felt the need to address this if I hadn’t seen it with my eyes on Pinterest and multiple articles about shitty wedding centerpieces. Really? A PBR can filled with flowers? What the fuck is wrong with you people? Yeah, old wine bottles are a step up, and I’ll argue there ARE ways to make them cute. But, chances are, if you’re using old wine bottles as a centerpiece, you lack the creative depth to do anything cool with them anyway.
Rocks
What? No. Rocks belong in Zen gardens and in dirt, not as your wedding centerpieces. If they’re inside a vase at the v bottom with beautiful seasonal flowers coming out the top, fine. But under no circumstances should they be strewn around the table or incorporated into any themed “scape” in place of where should be flowers or normal fucking wedding shit.
For the record, this Rock also has no place at your wedding.
Living Creatures
To the people that use live fish or other aquatic (or like, semi-aquatic) creatures as decor, fuck you. Idk if goldfish or beta fish have thoughts, but I can assure you that if they did, being a part of your wedding would really piss them off. “Hey Bob, are we getting adopted?” “No, Phil, we’re going to sit in this bowl in the center of a table at an uplight-filled wedding in Long Island while a bunch of extras for Real Housewives of New Jersey get drunk and slowly but surely work up the courage to see if fish can taste alcohol. Then we’ll die here, in this godforsaken place.”
“HELP US! WE’RE HERE! ON THE TABLES!”
Glitter
No. It is the herpes of craft supplies and has no business on your tables.
Disney Anything
It kind of goes without saying, but if you’re fucking old enough to be walking down the aisle and pledging to be part of someone else’s life forever, you’re old enough to have grown out of the Disney stage. I don’t wanna see any Mickey ears, princess figurines, or magical castles in the center of my table.
Go on, GIT!
Images: Annie Gray / Unsplash; Giphy (7)
Wedding season is almost upon us, meaning that it is nearly time for us to spend thousands of dollars on outfits and hair in hopes that a photographer will get a good candid of you that will serve as your prof pic for the rest of time. It’s an important time. Over the next few months, every couple whose engagement photos took over your news feed this year will again flood your newsfeed with pictures of their “Under The Tuscan Sun” themed wedding, at which point you will be free to look through every possible image of the event and judge whether or not it looked fun or tacky AF. Given that every wedding occurs within a 3 month period of time, a lot of couples will go out of their way to try and make theirs stand out amongst all the outdoor-rustic-sunset-mason-jar-wilderness weddings that seem to be out there and some of them will, inevitably, be extra. Here’s our list of 7 wedding themes that absolutely stop, or at least be viciously shaded in your group chat.
1. The Disney Wedding
We all have that one friend who is still obsessed with Disney despite the fact that they are now a grown person who does taxes and shit. When two such people inevitably meet by being placed in the same log on Splash Moutain, there will be a Disney themed wedding in your future. Either that, or the bride is just extremely overbearing and immature and the groom just doesn’t care. There are several issues with this: first off, no matter how beautiful a bride you are, or how long your fucking hair is, you are not a princess. You’re just not. When this wedding is done you and your husband will go back to your shitty apartment, make a Blue Apron, and watch Netflix. No magic carpet or castles involved. Secondly, you two are adults, and we are gathered here today to celebrate the fact that you will bang only each other for the rest of time. Let’s leave the children’s characters out of this. Third, and most importantly, it’s just not original. Google “Disney themed wedding.” Do it. Your computer will literally overheat just trying to load the results. This idea is so unoriginal that Disney literally has an entire website that is literally called DisneyWeddings.com dedicated to helping facilitate these freaks celebrate their love by pretending to be a fictional couple with troubling gender roles for a day. If you’re going to waste your wedding on a theme that screams “I am dissatisfied with my adult life” at least make it original. I know you guys want to live “happily ever after” but the way to do that is by learning about practical decision making, not whatever this bullshit is:
2. Destination Weddings
Destination weddings sound fun in theory. Who doesn’t want to go on vacation? But what they really are is a giant pain in the ass for everyone involved. Like, yes, spending a week in Bali sounds amazing, but spending a week in Bali with my high school lab partner, her new husband, and all of their extended family sounds less so. Also, I was saving up money and vacation days to go on my own fucking vacation where I could focus on me and do whatever the fuck I want. Now I gotta allocate some of my precious paid vacation and alcohol savings account to flying on Virgin America with you and 300 of your closest friends? No thank you. Just have your wedding in a nearby mansion that once housed slaves like a respectable person.
3. Harry Potter Weddings
Last year, Buzzfeed ran an article called “This Harry Potter Wedding Was Tasteful AF” and, spoiler alert, it was not (also Snape kills Dumbledore). You need only to look at the very first image of the bride and groom as Azkaban prisoners to see the truth. Harry Potter themed weddings are cute for about 5 minutes until you realize that butterbeer is actually really fattening, and “Hedwig’s Theme” is not nearly as fun to drunkenly sing along to as “Shout!” or “Hey Ya.” And look, I’m sorry, it seems like this couple spent a lot of money on this wedding and a lot of time thinking about detail but the bottom line is nobody gives a fuck. Seriously. You spent thousands of dollars on a cathedral and handmade wands for all of your guests that they will probably lose by the end of the night because, guess what, weddings are for getting drunk. Nobody will remember your golden snitch accent bracelet, or the fact that the shots came in little potion vials. They’re going to remember part of the ceremony and waking up in a cold sweat next to one of your groomsmen feeling like they just got hit by the Knight Bus. For all that money you could have gone to Harry Potter World in Orlando like four thousand times. Also don’t think I didn’t notice that you must have destroyed like 50 Harry Potter books to make that bouquet. Hermione would not be pleased.
4) Alice In Wonderland Wedding
This is a subset of the “Disney Wedding” for people who still shop at Hot Topic. We get it. You’re “dark”. You like the Disney movie that is about a little girl on an acid trip. You’re just a regular Tim Burton, aren’t you? We’re all so impressed. If you need any more proof of what type of person sends out wedding invitations that read “We’re All Mad Here!” then might I remind you that the most famous couple to ever utilize this theme was Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. Is that really who you want to be associated with? The only way that this theme could be worse if you added a Nightmare Before Christmas reception and dressed up your bridesmaids like Beetlejuice. If you really want to be edgy, don’t have a fucking wedding. No need to confuse the fuck out of your 95-year-old great aunt Muriel when instead of a priest you have a grown man in a pink cat costume reading riddles at you.
5. Rustic Hipster Barn Wedding
This wedding was really cool the first four thousand times, but now it is just over. I’m sorry. I can’t drink out of any more mason jars, and if I see another fairy light, I will explode. I don’t need to receive a free Polaroid camera with my place setting, and I definitely do not need to be dancing anywhere in the vicinity of an actual barn, farm, or livestock of any kind. Please just get a reception hall where there is no chance that I get drunk AF and wake up next to a live pig. People use these weddings to seem low-key and thrifty, but anyone who has ever been to one knows the truth. These weddings cost a shitload of money and take forever to plan. Are you seriously telling me that making your own DIY reclaimed wood place settings is more chill than just hiring a fucking wedding planner? I see you, rich hipsters. We all see you.
6. Native American Wedding (If You Are Not Native American)
When planning a Native American themed wedding, ask yourself one question: Am I Native American? Is my partner Native American? If the answer is “yes” to one or both of these questions, then proceed. If the answer is no—halt. Pause. Do not continue. Recall your invitations. It is 2017. We’re not dressing up like other cultures anymore. We’re not doing it. I get that you’re into yoga and wearing a bindi is fun, but Indian weddings are for Indian people. Same goes for Japanese weddings, no matter how “into anime” you are. Throwing an ethnic wedding for a race you are not a part of is a very good way to get on a Buzzfeed list of the 10 Most Cringeworthy Weddings or to be the subject of some righteous liberal Twitter freakout that will only end when you and every member of your family either changes their name or dies. Don’t believe me? Just ask the Shermans, whose Native American themed wedding featuring absolutely 0 Native Americans spawned this Daily Mail article and at least a thousand years of nightmares.
7. Shrek Wedding
As far as I can tell, the “Shrek Wedding” has only happened once, but I think we can all agree that humanity needs to do everything in its power to ensure that it never happens again. Why would anyone ever want to have a Shrek wedding? Honestly, I can’t say. I can’t get my mind into that place. And why would anyone, even if they were going to have a Shrek wedding, choose to dress up as Shrek and Fiona in ogre form, rather than in prince/princess form? There is truly no explanation other than that there are a lot of fucked up people in this world and sometimes two of them meet and get married.
To Anyone Who Aspires To Have a Wedding,
Pretty much every girl dreams about her wedding day, and everyone’s dream wedding looks different. That being said, there’s one important rule that needs to be stated. There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON your wedding should have a theme. Even if a wedding looks stunning, a cheesy theme is the fastest way to turn the best day of your life into a fucking joke. This sounds harsh, so let me explain further:
I can’t imagine anything more disappointing than seeing a bride in her beautiful gown, then finding out that the dress was “inspired by Cinderella’s ball gown.” Excuse me, are you a child? If this sounds like something you would do, you are taking the concept of a fairytale wedding WAY too seriously. Like, I’m pretty sure you don’t want a ton of mice and birds at your reception, so you can suck it up and leave the Disney magic at home for a day.
There are really only a few occasions in a betch’s life that warrant an elaborate theme, and a wedding just isn’t one of them. Honestly, your parents probably already dropped 20 grand on a tacky theme for your Bat Mitzvah, so the least you can do is make them pay for something a little more subtle than a giant fucking banner that says “Sarah’s Sweet Shoppe” this time around.
In a classic example of tragic wedding themes, Snooki had a Great Gatsby themed reception. Let that sink in. TBH, Snooki probably hadn’t even heard of Gatsby until the Leo DiCaprio movie, but obvi no one told her that this literally isn’t okay. I start to cry a little when I think of how many times they must have played that fucking Fergie song from the movie, and I wasn’t even there. Ugh.
To make the point clearer, here are some other wedding themes that need to not exist: Elvis. Country (fringe at a wedding is NEVER okay). Pixar. Sports. 60s, 50s, etc. Paris. Italy. New York. Hollywood. Downton Abbey. Portlandia. Mad Men. Frozen. Frozen. SERIOUSLY FUCKING FROZEN.
Just please, for the love of God, don’t do it.
Sincerely,
The Betches
Tired of cheesy bachelorette shit? Plan a betchelorette with Shop Betches. We will customize apparel for you and your squad! Tees, tanks, hats, robes, vintage denim jackets, swimwear — literally almost anything. We will create and submit your Snapchat filters. We will come up with creative and hysterical wedding and betchelorette hashtags. You can’t google how to be funny but you can ask us to be funny for you. I know, we’re like, such a good friend. For absolutely everything you need to know, click here!
