Last week, Taylor Swift took to Instagram to brag about how she’s had the best year ever, and it’s probably gotten better since then. A few days ago, she launched her first app, The Swift Life, and her teenage fans have probably already spent countless hours obsessing over it.
When I first heard about the app, I was honestly pretty confused. Is it a game? Is it like Facebook but you’re only allowed to post about Taylor Swift? I guess it’s a little bit of both, but it leans toward the Taylor Swift Facebook. It’s definitely no Kim Kardashian Hollywood, but we can’t all be winners.
When you download the app, you’re immediately transported into a strange world where everyone spends their time making fan art or posing for extra AF photos in their Taylor Swift “REP” sweatshirts. There are drawings of cats, collages dedicated to Taylor, and seriously a lot of photos in those sweatshirts. You can like and comment on the posts if you’re into that sort of thing, and if you’re really lucky Taylor might even repost your shit.
The game portion is pretty lame, but here’s what it is: doing certain shit in the game earns you music notes, and if you get enough music notes you unlock “Taymojis.” So yeah, she just blatantly ripped off Kimojis and put them in her app, so don’t say Kim Kardashian never had a good idea. There are over 300 Taymojis (it still hurts to type it) to collect, but I only played long enough to get 3, one of which is an unsettlingly realistic human heart. This girl has no chill.
My personal capacity for using this app was somewhere around 10 minutes, but some clearly are loving it. I found one user who had already collected 288 Taymojis, and somehow has 19,000 followers on the app. Like, I would sell my soul for 19,000 followers on Twitter, so does that mean I need to start fangirling over Taylor Swift? Ugh, I’m over it.
The Swift Life app is available for free on the App Store if you have a secret desire to post your fan art, or you can just use social media like a normal person.
If there’s anything we know about the new Taylor Swift, it’s that she shares the old Taylor’s (RIP) love of putting her face on every goddamn thing that she can get her hands on. These days, Taylor Swift has her own DirecTV channel and, for some fucking reason, is the official face of UPS. (If anyone has any info on how or why that happened, please slide into my DMs ASAP because I have questions.) Now, Taylor will add to her
narcissim media empire by launching her own “digital entertainment project”—aka an app—called The Swift Life. Never before have I both despised and desired an app so completely.
The Swift Life will, according to the press release, be a “deeply social environment” where
certifiable psychopaths Taylor Swift fans will get access to exclusive content, photos, and, most interestingly, be granted “direct engagement with Swift.” Apparently, Taylor ’s intern will be directly interacting with fans via the app, so if you’ve ever wanted to pay money to have Taylor Swift like a comment you wrote, this app is for you.
Oh, and if you didn’t think this app would come with Taylor’s very own Kimoji rip-off called “Taymojis” then you don’t know shit about Taylor Swift. I wonder how many of said “Taymojis” will be snakes. 100? 200? All of them? My vote is for all of them.
The Swift Life is set to launch in beta sometime in 2017, which doesn’t leave very much time, so keep an eye out for her starting some random-ass drama with a Kardashian sometime in the near future to get her name in the press.