We Have To Talk About The Obamas’ Netflix Show

I always had a feeling that Netflix would heal this divided nation of ours, and now there’s further proof. We found out back in March that former President/forever bae Barack Obama and his incredible ride-or-die Michelle were in talks to get a Netflix show, and now that dream has become a reality. On Monday, the greatest collab since Nicki’s verse on “Monster” was announced. The Obamas will be producing content for Netflix, where they will be both on and off camera. Be still my heart. The Obama Netflix show will be produced via the Obamas’ new production company, which is called Higher Ground Productions because of course it fucking is.

So What Do We Know?

Umm…not a ton. We know that Barack and Michelle will be on camera in some capacity, so we can all pretend they’re still the first family and Twitter is just a place for stupid jokes and retweeting memes. Netflix has not specified a timeline for this show (rude), but the announcement did say the Obamas will “produce a diverse mix of content, including the potential for scripted series, unscripted series, docu-series, documentaries and features.”

So, all the docs-series and shit make sense to me but…a scripted series?!? So like…a TV show? Written by…Obama? What could it possibly be and, more importantly, how do I get cast in it? Or will Obama star in it? What if Obama wins an Emmy? What if Obama wins an Oscar? What if Obama gets an EGOT? My head is literally spinning.

This is the first time a former U.S. president has ever made a deal like this (most presidents confine their television career to before they take office), but it’s also the first time a former U.S. president has been attractive so it all makes sense. Anyway, IDK what this is going to be, but I’m getting my binge-watching body ready either way.

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Images via: Giphy (1)

Everything We Know About The Obamas New Netflix Show

I have some good news and some good news. The good news is that Barack and Michelle Obama might be getting their own Netflix show. The other good news is that Trump and Melania are not getting their own Netflix show. Everybody wins, except for Trump and Melania, which means the Obamas win, which means we all win. It all comes full circle.

The couple of the millennium are apparently in “advanced negotiations” with Netflix to produce their own series. Netflix and the Obamas have a lot in common. They’re both iconic, they both have been our main sources of joy in the past decade, and not having either of them around can cause severe depression. So when you combine the Obamas and Netflix, the outcome is sure to be nothing short of pure perfection. The possibilities are endless here. It could be a reality show with zero drama because they are a legit perfect couple, and I would still gladly watch. It could be a talk show where they just talk to each other and I would be like, “yup, mhmm, sign me up.” It could literally be live footage of them staring lovingly into each other’s eyes for an hour and I would watch it every night before bed and sob.

According to The New York Times, the series will not be any of the great pitches I just listed above. The format of the episodes is still undecided, but the idea is to give the former president “a global platform after his departure from the White House.” People who are involved in the development of the series have hinted that it may be a series of inspirational stories, highlighted by Barack and Michelle. Like I said, you had me at Barack and Michelle. Whatever it is, I’m in.

More deets about the show are sure to be coming soon, so stay tuned. Cherish this good news while you can, betches. Trump is sure to catch wind of it and will probably, definitely have something offensive to say about it on Twitter. Can’t wait.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Images: Giphy (2)

Donald Trump Might Ruin The Royal Wedding For Everyone

By now, it should be old news to you that Prince Harry is engaged to Meghan Markle. We’ve been over it, and it’s time to move on to more pressing logistical issues, like who is getting invited to the wedding of the year. Doing the guest list for a wedding would be stressful even if you literally only knew ten people, so you can imagine that Harry and Meghan have some tough choices. Word is that there’s been some drama with the invites, and shockingly, Donald Trump is the one causing problems.

Let’s explain. Basically, Prince Harry loves the Obamas. Join the fucking club, right? But while we just cry into our pints of Halo Top about how much we love them, Harry actually hangs out with them all the time. They’ve attended each other’s charity events, and the Obamas also posted a cute message congratulating the couple on their engagement. They’re like, real friends, and this is a problem.

The issue is that Harry obvi wants to invite Barack and Michelle to the wedding, but Donald and Melania are 100% not going to make the cut. Government officials in the UK are reportedly concerned that a snub for The Donald could lead to a negative reaction, and they don’t want to like, fuck up world peace because of a wedding invitation.

The dumbest part of this whole thing is that there’s actually not a precedent for U.S. presidents getting invited to royal weddings. When Will and Kate got married in 2011, the Obamas weren’t invited, meaning they had to wake up and watch that shit on TV at 3AM just like the rest of us. So Trump would have no legitimate reason to be angry, but oh yeah right he’s insane hahaha!!

Tbh before this whole Obama business happened, Trump had already screwed himself out of an invite for basically ignoring England in his first year as President. He was supposed to have a full state visit this fall, but that got pushed to 2018 before getting downgraded to a “working trip,” where he won’t even meet the Queen. Okay, a “working trip” sounds like the equivalent of spending a six-hour layover in Madrid and later telling people you “spent time in Spain.” Like, you were physically there, but you didn’t accomplish anything besides getting a photo for your Instagram.

So it sounds like there’s no way Trump is copping an invite to the hottest event of the season, but the question is whether the Obamas will make the cut. We’re conflicted, because we want the Obamas to literally rule the world and go to whatever the fuck wedding they want, but we also don’t want Trump to be all petty and like nuke London. It’s a fun world we live in!

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

This Picture Of The Obamas On Christmas Is So Cute It’s Rude

If you’re like me, remembering two weeks ago, let alone one year ago, is nearly impossible, especially if alcohol is involved. But if you reach back far enough in your mind, you might remember a time when the president wasn’t a racist ham with a Twitter account, and the first family was fun and not depressing. Much like an ex who you low-key know you should have treated better, the Obamas still exist for the sole purpose of popping into our feed to remind us that they’re doing great, and we’re doing terrible. I mean, I get that they literally gave up eight years of their lives to serve us but, TBH, their continued existence is, IMHO, very rude.

In continuing with their quest to remind of us of a time when we were tanner and thinner our democracy seemed relatively stable, the Obamas released this gorgeous Christmas greeting, and I am shooketh to my core:

How. Dare. You. Obamas. Ya’ll are really gonna come out here and show us this gorgeous picture of a functional family flanked with adorable elf children, while we all have to wake up concerned about this:

Why couldn’t you just spend the day tweeting about some bullshit you saw on TV and pretending you invented Christmas while casually ignoring the fact that you have three Jewish grandchildren like a *real* president? You guys are really gonna come out here with this symmetrical faced, color coordinated mess? Really? IDK if you’ve been paying attention this year, but poise and charm are out. Spray tans and wanton pettiness are in. Either have Malia leak her own incriminating DMs while Sasha is under investigation for the use of child labor in her clothing line, or GTFO. 

Please plan accordingly for all other holiday greetings. Keep the happy family shit to yourselves. We literally can’t handle it. If you need an example, look at this:

TBH, this is the happiest I’ve ever seen Melania, probably because she is alone. Who knew the only thing that could bring joy to a woman literally trapped in a marriage to a sociopath, would be an Instagram filter?

Actually I kind of did know that…

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

This Picture Of Barack And Michelle Obama On A Yacht Is Relationship Goals

It might feel like a thousand years and about 100 nuclear war-related panic attacks ago, but the United States used to have a president named Barack Obama, and he was cool AF. Equally cool was his First Lady, Michelle Obama, who you may remember for her crazy life choices, like actually living in The White House and not openly hating her husband. It’s hard to recall, but it was actually just three months ago when we had a President who didn’t keep his tie held together with tape, and a first lady who didn’t literally shudder at her husband’s touch. 

So look, Barack and Michelle have been #relationship goals for a long time now. Whether it be Obama tearing up while talking about Michelle in his final address to the nation, making cute faces at kids during the Easter Egg roll, or dancing romantically while Beyoncé personally seranaded them with “At Last” at his first inauguration, these two have done a lot to make us all look at our own cuffing season hookups and say “Yeah, this isn’t going to make it to summer.” And since retiring from what is quite literally the hardest job on Earth, Barack and Michelle have embodied the “work hard play harder” mentality by going on a series of lavish vacays with all of their A-list friends, making the weekend getaway to Rehoboth beach you and bae have been planning for months look like a couple’s wisdom tooth extraciton by comparison.

Since January, The Obamas have been spotted relaxing in Palm Springs, kitesurfing in the Virgin Islands with Richard Branson, dining at NYC’s hottest restaurants, and now, casually posing for Instagrams on a yacht

That’s right, a photographer snapped a pic of Obama snapping a pic of Michelle on a yacht (like ya do) and the internet is officially freaking out: 

Obama taking a fire pic of Michelle with his iPad is everything I needed tonight pic.twitter.com/8bb5oRQWkH

— Rosa [email protected]ón (@therealescandon) April 17, 2017

That’s right. While you’re out here stressing over North Korea and just tryna get a text back, Barack and Michelle are happily married for over 23 years and giving literally no fucks on yacht. Their biggest problem these days is making sure the iPad focuses right and the lighting is good. And here I am trying to explain to my boyfriend that in order to take a good pic of me in front of the sunset, you have to angle the camera DOWNWARD, not upward displaying my 17 chins. And if you’re wondering, wtf are Barack and Michelle doing alone on a yacht? They are not alone. Because unlike you and the annoying-ass fuckboy you’ve been getting in public fights with seeing for three months, Barack and Michelle have no shortage of people who want to hang out with them. Their yachting friend group includes billionaire David Geffen, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Hanks, and possibly Oprah. Damn. So let’s get this straight, Barack Obama became the first black president, saved the global financial market from collapse, passed the first meaningful healthcare reform in American history, and is 50% of what may be the best couple of all time?

Honestly, not fair. Next thing I know you’re going to tell me that Malia made it through her whole gap year without ever being ghosted, or that Sasha is actually making it work with Ryan Reynolds (after she turns 18, of course).  

Okay, BRB while I start a fight with my boyfriend that I say is about his poor text etiquette but is really just about the fact that we are not Barack and Michelle.