With the Bachelor in Paradise scandal unfolding before our very eyes, anyone even vaguely associated with The Bachelor franchise has been coming out of the woodwork to squeeze in an extra 15 minutes of fame weigh in on the controversy. The latest to give his opinion on everything that’s happened is none other than The Chadelor himself, Chad Johnson. Chad took to Twitter to share his thoughts, and well, it’s the most Chad thing you could possibly expect. Side note: Remind me to bookmark Chad’s Twitter for later, because it’s fucking ridiculous.
Chad’s first tweet came, I imagine, back when we all thought Bachelor in Paradise was suspended over accidentally filming a soft-core porno. Below, his profound insights on the matter:
I’m excited for The Bachelor in Pornadise
— Chad Johnson (@realChadJohnson) June 12, 2017
We all see what he did there with that very clever word play. Then Chad offered up this brief history lesson:
TV Shows I’ve been on – 4
TV Shows I’ve messed up so bad that they had to stop filming – 0— Chad Johnson (@realChadJohnson) June 12, 2017
Not sure if that’s a subtweet at DeMario, the producers in general, or anyone else, but no matter who this is directed at, the shade is palpable. Also, Chad may not have messed up so bad that they had to stop filming, but let’s not forget that he 1) shat himself on national television (#neverforget) 2) never lasted longer than the second episode because he threatened other cast mates/generally acted belligerent. Might want to dismount off that high horse, I’m just saying.
Then, Chad offered up his own (very strange and definitely not true) version of what caused producers to stop filming.
UPDATE: Sources say that the previous statements were false. BIP was actually shut down because Robby Hayes grabbed everyone’s weiners. Lol
— Chad Johnson (@realChadJohnson) June 13, 2017
UPDATE: Sources say that he would walk up, stare deeply into cast & productions eyes, grab their weiner, and then say “ooooh that’s nice”
— Chad Johnson (@realChadJohnson) June 13, 2017
UPDATE: He was then seen relaxing in the hot tub giving himself tittie twisters while drinking a mimosa and staring into the sunset.
— Chad Johnson (@realChadJohnson) June 13, 2017
UPDATE: Russia used a private server to manipulate Robby Hayes into weiner grabbing-tittie twister loving actions.
— Chad Johnson (@realChadJohnson) June 13, 2017
I mean… okay. Aside from the fact that a grown man is using the word “weiner” MULTIPLE TIMES, this is all just so un-funny that it’s almost kind of hilarious (key word being almost). This incoherent rant has everything: the word “weiner”, involving Robby for no apparent reason, some half-baked political joke… it’s all there, and it’s all bad.
Like, sigh. I would wonder if Chad’s Twitter was hacked by a 12-year-old who only has video games for friends, but sadly, this is all very Chad. Elite Daily already covered how obviously tasteless of a response this is and got an invitation to fight from Chad, so I’m not going to go there considering I’m 5’2″ and I’m pretty sure Chad could buy, and then subsequently murder, me and my entire family. Yes, Chad’s response is not appropriate or helpful, but then again, this is Chad. What you see is what you get with him. Given that, I sadly have an inkling that this man has a bright career ahead of him in American politics… *shudders*
I’ve almost got to admire Chad’s relentless dedication to his personal brand. Never change, Chad. (Except maybe work on your anger for like, the benefit of society in general.) But for the purposes of my entertainment, never change.
Update: It looks like Chad has since deleted all the offending tweets, so either he’s a changed man or someone with some common sense got to him. Thank the lord.
Look out world, Corinne Olympios is ready to get some sand in her platinum vagine on Bachelor in Paradise.
Last we really saw Corinne she was getting dumped by Nick Viall. Let that super embarrassing situation sink in for a minute. Nobody likes getting dumped, but it would certainly be worse if the person dumping you was Wisconsin’s worst reality show star.
Anyway, Corinne seemed to bounce back in the best way any Bachelor contestant could hope to: by turning all of her TV quotes into merchandise and advertising shit on Instagram. Thankfully, for Corinne that is, she’ll have more ridiculous comments to turn into cash as an official cast member on Bachelor in Paradise. A source confirmed her appearance to E News on Thursday.
Corinne did admit that she’s “nervous” about doing the show because there are rumblings that her arch-nemesis Taylor Nolan will also be on the show. Like, no shit. No way the producers are missing out on an opportunity to have those two argue about emotional intelligence again. Side note, I feel like we always talk to the producers like these big bad puppet masters, not unlike how the president refers to “the media”. But, nevertheless, this is a ratings dream come true. What’s easier TV than putting two girls who already hate each other on a beach together?
Weirdly, though, for being kind of hated while in the Bachelor mansion, Corinne is somehow tight with her cast mates now. Remember how she was included in the group that game Rachel dating advice on the first episode of The Bachelorette? Weird. The source also told E! Corrine was excited to have her friends from the house have her back at beach. Those friends are rumored to include Raven Gates, Alexis Waters, and Jasmine Goode.
Corinne allegedly is also not that interested in finding love i.e. she’s ready and willing to nap through all of the rose ceremonies. The source says she’s going for the ride and to be a great wing woman for her friends. Is it because she is already dating someone, or is she just that committed to her personal brand? We’re here for it either way tbh.
That’s bad news for all of us who really wanted Corinne and Chad to hookup and make meat-eating, margarita-drinking, nap-taking babies. The Chad confirmed his appearance on the show back in February and has also mentioned that he and Corinne have talked. I’m taking that to mean they just developed a plan to be the most outrageous they can be on TV to turn that into Instagram marketing gold later on.
Bachelor in Paradise starts August 8, and with the way the cast is stacking up, we’re all pretty excited to recap the shit out of these episodes.
The makers of The Bachelor must have decided that things were going way too smoothly and that they needed a lawsuit to shake things up. Why else would they invite a human time bomb to join the cast of Bachelor in Paradise again?
That’s right, The Chad Johnson is coming back for season 4 of the skanky little sister of The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise aka Bachelor In Paradise. In an interview with The Tea (It’s okay, we didn’t know what that was either) Chad said “I will be on ‘Bachelor in Paradise.’ I’ve already agreed to do it. I hope I don’t get kicked off the first night.”
We hope so too, Chad. Actually, we hope you and Corinne have a crazy-ass fling and end up eating a platter of meat covered in whipped cream while screaming obscenities at each other and bragging about your bodies. Ah, a girl can dream.
In order to gird our loins/prepare for your triumphant return to TV, we’ve rounded up some of our favorite bat-shit crazy Chadster moments.
1. The Time He Ate Deli Meat During The Rose Ceremony
It doesn’t get much douchier than not being able to put a turkey meat roll-up down long enough to see 15 roses handed out. Are you really that obsessed with gains? MMMM yeah, I guess so.
2. The Time He Ate A Sweet Potato Whole
We knew eating meat like a mad man was a sign that Chad is pretty fucked up—beyond normal bro status, that is. But eating a sweet potato like a banana was somehow even more disturbing. Who just does that?
3. The Time He Ripped Evan’s Shirt
Okay, so during The Bachelorette, Evan did kind of seem like a whiny little bitch. I like him a lot more now that him and Carly are a thing, though. Anyway, The Chad did not like it when Evan took the chance to make fun of Chad for being impotent. In order to prove he has a dick that works, Chad ripped Evan’s shirt. Makes sense.
4. All The Times He Punched And Kicked Things
Nothing says “stable personality” like someone who punches and kicks inanimate objects. First it was this poor pool floaty, next it was a door/wall thing on a group date. I mean, I’m actually pretty surprised it never escalated into punching another dude’s face. I guess that’s what we have to look forward to on BiP.
5. The Time He Called JoJo Naggy
Isn’t it in a douche-centric instruction manual that you’re supposed to insult girls to get them to like you? I actually think Chad wrote the Ass-Hat Code of Honor in meat juice at one point. I’m pretty sure archaeologists will discover the writings underneath the Bachelor mansion hundreds of years from now.
Related: An Ode To The Chadelor
6. The Time He Packed His Own Weights
Not wanting to be without seriously heavy objects, Chad packed his own weights to the Bachelor mansion. Thank goodness because his good buddy Daniel forgot his set and had to share. Awww, besties!
7. The Times He Threatened Basically Everyone
Getting in a good threat is a Chad staple. Who didn’t this guy threaten? I’m pretty sure Chad would have had words for JoJo’s parents if he got the chance to meet them. Jordan Rodgers was actually probably freaked out when Chad said he would look for him after the show. I mean, we all know Aaron would tweet Jordan’s address or some shit if he wasn’t such a classy guy. And telling Alex “I will buy your whole family and make them my family?” Classic, if not completely psychotic.
SIGN UP: Our Bachelor emails are the only thing more scandalous than the Fantasy Suite.
8. The Time He Stole Robby’s Ex
Sorry, Trey Songz. Chad properly earned the title of “Mr. Steal Your Girl” after trying to bang both Robby and Grant’s exes. Of course, posting an Insta or two of you with someone else’s ex isn’t “Chad” enough. Oh no. He had to bring it up during the “Men Tell All” special. Classic Chad.
9. The Time He Drunkenly Shat His Pants
I feel like Chad is best remembered on BiP for having a weird one-day fling with Lace and then yelling at Chris Harrison. The most important part about that night, though, is that Chad shat his pants. Just take a minute to think about how gross a meat-shart is…
10. The Time He Refused To Leave The Show
JoJo kicked Chad to the curb on her two-on-one date with Alex. Once the guys back at the house found out he was gone, they celebrated by tossing Chad’s protein into the air. He must have smelled the protein powder or the happiness of others, because he decided to go talk shit to the guys one last time. Nice, Chad. Nice.
11. THE WHISTLE
It’s hard to capture in words just how creepy the Chad whistle is. But if you say it doesn’t haunt your dreams, you’re probably lying. Every good villain needs a theme song, and The Chad made his own.
Until Bach in Paradise 4, Chad out.
