On the last season of The Bachelor, as we watched Peter’s chance of finding love rapidly deteriorate, there was really only one thing that kept me interested: digging up Hannah Ann’s old modeling gigs and sharing them with the world. From yoga mat packaging to restaurant menus, Hannah Ann’s modeling career was far more entertaining than anything happening on the screen. While Clare Crawley’s season of The Bachelorette is far from a snooze so far, there’s always time for some more modeling photos from a contestant’s past, and the top model on Clare’s season appears to be none other than Dale Moss. Yes Clare, get that model d!
Over the weekend, my “there for the wrong reasons” spidey senses started tingling, and when I opened Instagram, I was greeted by the shocking sight of former NFL player Dale dressed in one of those oversized taco costumes. You know, the one that some guy at a frat party was always wearing, even though it wasn’t a theme party. Normally I hate these costumes, but somehow Dale still looks adorable with with a taco on his chest and maracas in both hands.
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But the taco costume was just the tip of the iceberg! Turns out, Dale modeled several costumes for Party City, including the taco (which is actually a couples costume for you and your dog), Superman, and a Roman centurion. Personally, I would have liked to see Dale in some costumes with a little less fabric (where is the Magic Mike costume!!!), but I guess Party City likes to keep it PG. Sad! Can’t wait for one of Clare’s jealous contestants to show Clare this photo and “warn her” that Dale wore a skirt one time.
Those Party City photos were the serotonin boost I needed on Saturday, and thanks to Dale, I was able to stop thinking about the soul-crushing reality of 2020 for a whole 30 minutes! But almost immediately, I was craving more. I knew there had to be more photos out there. You don’t just book a lucrative Halloween costume modeling gig and then never work again! Just like Hannah Ann, Dale has the perfect hot-yet-approachable look for a commercial modeling career, and lo and behold, it didn’t take long before another A+ set of photos fell into my lap.
On Monday, Betchelor follower Kait White-Ross came across Clare’s favorite guy on the HSN site, showing off some cool NFL gear. There’s both a zip-up hoodie and a T-shirt version, and look, it’s a customer pick! Even the HSN Karens shopping for their husbands can’t resist Dale’s smolder. If you’re interested in the hoodie, it’s currently on sale, so can save money and feel some kind of vague connection to Dale Moss. A win-win!
But before you go making assumptions that Dale is a fan of the Cincinnati Bengals (ew), it’s important to know that Dale modeled HSN’s NFL gear not just for the Bengals, but for 23 different NFL teams. Get! Those! Checks! Now, as someone who doesn’t have a lot of modeling experience, taking photos in that many different hoodies sounds like a lot of work, but don’t worry—Dale didn’t actually have to do that. Instead, HSN just photoshopped all the different hoodies onto the exact same pic of Dale. I present to you, my new phone background:
This is like the Bachelor version of those Andy Warhol paintings where he made Marilyn Monroe a bunch of different colors. What can I say, I love art.
UPDATE: I suspected there was more of Dale’s work out there, and it didn’t take long. Thanks to a tip from @pillerette on Instagram, we found Clare’s handsome prince modeling Dagne Dover’s Wade Diaper Tote and Indi Diaper Backpack. Basically, the man looks very good carrying a diaper bag, which will prove to Clare that he’s ready to be an on-the-go dad. These are actually modeling videos—prime content!—so they specify that Dale is 6’3″. Clare probably saw this when her contestants were first announce and was excited based on his height alone, and can you blame her?
I still have a feeling there are more of Dale’s modeling photos lurking out there on the internet, so if you find anything, please don’t hesitate to send it my way. This man has a face for middle America, so what family-friendly brand wouldn’t want to work with him? He may not have done anything as iconic as Hannah Ann’s Sonic ad, but we can’t all be legends like that.
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Images: ABC/Craig Sjodin; thebetchelor / Instagram; Party City; HSN