Oh my God, it’s over. We made it, fam. We don’t have to be subjected to any more Bachelor-related programming until at least January. Now comes the sacred time when the demigod of ABC, Chris Harrison, will feed off the tears of middle-aged soccer moms everywhere before returning to Valhalla to slumber.
We start with a recap of this bullsh*t show led by Chris in a v festive dark purple tie before being subjected to a film reel of all the happy couples waking up after a full night of boning.
Kamil And Annaliese, Part 1
Here are Kamil and Annaliese, snuggling. “Alright, babe I gotta go—lots of activities.” WTF activities you got planned today, Kamil? Are you going paragliding (and hoping for a terrible accident) before potentially getting engaged to this Stage 5 Clinger?
WHOA and we’re already at the Do-They-Don’t-They pavilion on Singles Beach. This b*tch really thinks she’s getting proposed to, what with her speech about charm and this Polish man’s ability to make her believe in love again after four failed romances in the previous six days, sunburn, drunken make outs, and about two weeks of face time, total. It’s a recipe for success.
Annaliese’s face totally sinks when Kamil doesn’t propose. He’s all, “yeaaaaaah let’s slow this down. I totally want our love to blossom and to keep boning you, but I don’t really want to sign a contract with ABC saying I have to pretend to be interested in you for the next 1.5 years.”
Annaliese is all “OMG same. Whatever you want. Do you wanna try a threesome? I love you forever.” Turns out being a psycho totally works, guys! Look at them, all happy and whatnot.
Jordan And Jenna, Part 1
Next up we have Jordan and alleged manipulative skank, Jenna. I only say that after doing a deep dive into the shady sh*t that Jenna is up to and, like, HOW COULD YOU. WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU.
Jenna: You make me want to open my heart again and you’re all I and my Instagram followers ever wanted.
Jordan: I believe in love at first sight and you made me feel lucky and (is he reading cue cards? cause it def seems like he’s reading cue cards) ah sh*t here’s a ring.
They hug and stuff and this all feels v anticlimactic. I figured they’d start making out with a bit more enthusiasm? I think Jordan is terrified of this woman—for good reason. Thank God he probs is dumping her as we speak.
Chris-Tal, Part 1
Sexy off-putting baby-voice haver, Krystal, and former fat kid, Chris, are snuggled in bed bonding over their auras and green juice. After Chris leaves to hunt down Neil Lane, Krystal is all “omg I’m so in love but I’m unsure. Will I still get as many Fit Tea deals if I say no or like how can I milk this for 15 more minutes?”
She shows up to the pavilion in a v odd romper combo and, IDK, maybe you’d dress up more for a potential engagement? Is she crying? There’s a lot of sounds but not a lot of tears.
Chris: You’ve totes changed me and I’m a better goose now than the goose I was before and this isn’t weird. I don’t want to leave here holding your hand though (GASP) I want to leave holding your heart (vomits).
Do you think this is the same ring that Jordan got, too? Like did Neil offer a two-for-one deal? Asking for a friend. Also, how long are we giving this relationship? I got May 2019.
The Reunion Spectacular
Time for the reunion spectacular and LOL NO ONE CLAPPED FOR LEO F*CK YOU LEO YOU, ANCIENT DISCO-HAIRED B*TCH.
Alright, so we’re gonna recap this again, apparently? Didn’t we just …? Alright.
We kick things off with Jordan making a terrible Venmo joke about John, who has APPARENTLY been playin’ games with Olivia. She’s all “yeaaaah I thought things were great and then John pulled the plug cause of long distance and started HOOKING UP WITH CHELSEA.”
I’M SORRY WHAT?! Chris quickly moves on and I’m like, v not done with this Chelsea and John narrative. No one explains further. Send help.
Chris focuses his sights on the human garbage pile, Eric. He’s still hanging on to this “we were just friends” thing and Angela’s all, “I totally played just the tip, like did that mean nothing?” Eric is confused. We’re all confused.
Next up is a 30-second fight between Benoit and Jordan. They discuss the merits of comfort vs. discomfort and Benoit is all “well I don’t compare women to foods” and Jordan is all “you’re a fly in my face” and Benoit is all “DON’T TALK ABOUT CLARE I STILL LOVE HER” and that pretty much sums up the convo.
Sigh, we also check in with Dr. Lisp, Colton, and Queen of Weiner, Tia. “We’re finally on the same page and totally just friends!” they both state and, like, I’m betting on at least one appearance from her on Colton’s Bachelor season.
And a quick note, David the Chicken and Jordan hug it out. That’s just so nice, you guys.
Astrid And Kevin
Alright, time to cover the most Canadian breakup of all time. Astrid is still v confused about WTF happened. Same girl, we’re all rattled. She also states that she and Kevin have spoken but are not dating and are in limbo which, wait, what?
Kevin comes onstage in a blindingly white shirt and still has no idea what to say or how to explain what happened. Basically, it comes down to the fact that Ashley I totally ruined his life and he wants another chance with Astrid.
Astrid is all “mehhhh I don’t trust you now,” but Kevin is like, “well my therapist told me I’m an idiot so I’m here to tell you I’m a moron please take me back.” Quote of the evening: “She’s one of the coolest people I’ve ever met.” Kevin, are we in fifth grade? I’m sure Astrid is like, so glad to hear how cool she is. OH, they’re totally still in love and I give this two more weeks at least!
Kendall And Grocery Store Joe
Now, we’re treated to a montage of how incredibly PURE Grocery Store Joe really is. Chris goes in for the kill and grills Kendall like, “when did you realize you made a HUGE mistake?” Kendall is v upset and she’s like “how’d I let him get away?” Turns out, she pulled a lesson out of Annaliese’s “How to be a Psycho” manual and flew to threaten see Joe. I and all of America are very suspicious of this meeting. Why did she bring cameras? Joe is all, “I DID love you when we left the beach and I came to my senses.” Basically.
Joe comes out and the audience collectively loses their sh*t. A saint is in our midst. Joe’s like, “I didn’t think we’d ever be a thing and she totes f*cked up because, like look at me.” They keep trying to play this whole thing and AHHHHHHHHH THEY’RE ACTUALLY TOTALLY TOGETHER YOU GUYS LOVE IS REAL. To crush his soul a bit further, ABC has demanded of Joe a sacrifice. He’s going to be on Dancing with the Stars.
Annaliese And Kamil, Part 2
Here comes Annaliese, who clearly saw how flat and sad her hair was in Paradise and picked up a good volumizing shampoo. She’s like, “yeaaaah long distance blows but like I’m willing to put in 80 % so he can do like 20% and let love conquer all.” Kamil skips onstage and oh God, this is going badly. He’s like, “yeah, she met my family and friends and buys me dinner and gives me 80% of her paychecks from Fit Tea but I need like, more.” He says they lost the spark after Paradise and Annaliese looks like she’s about to go full Carrie on everyone in the immediate vicinity.
Everyone is shook, the soccer moms in the audience are booing—Chris has lost control. Annaliese storms offstage and Kamil continues to sit there like a douche. Chris is like, “soooooo you couldn’t dump her two days ago, like, not on live TV?” Kamil is like, “I mean I COULD have but then I couldn’t have destroyed her in front of a live studio audience.” Annaliese comes back out and, in a VERY Jerry Springer-esque moment, starts yelling at Kamil about the airline tickets she bought, the flowers she sent his mom, and the countless hours she’s spent scrapbooking their life together thus far.
Chris, shooketh, is like, “GTFO KAMIL” and everyone is jeering at this European man. The BIP crew comes and hugs Annaliese while Kamil is backstage like “great now I look like a douchebag on TV again” hahahahhahaha.
Oh my God, they’re STILL arguing backstage and Annaliese is like, “I’ll totally move to NYC” and Kamil looks v afraid that she’ll actually do it. So she’s like, “whatever k bye”. And thus ends the saga of Annaliese and Kamil. May they rest in peace.
Jenna And Jordan, Part 2
Time for Jenna and Jordan to pretend they’re still in love. Jordan’s like, “mehhh she lives so far away”. Jenna is all “I was hoping someone would like me teeehee!”
Wtf they’re having a couples’ weekend making vision boards and talking about aliens and Golden Retrievers. I asked my husband why we’ve never made a vision board and he’s all “I can’t believe you’re making me watch this show.” Jenna and Jordan continue drinking mimosas and talking about how weird they are. That was a lot to process. They ask Chris to officiate the wedding on June 9, 2019, which, again, is hilar considering the whole Jenna text-gate situation.
Krystal And Chris, Part 2
Finally, it’s time for *yawn* Chris and Krystal, who are decked out in wedding attire. Real subtle, guys. Chris is crying because he’s nervous, and all of us are very uncomfortable. Krystal affirms that “this is my goosey” and I curl into the fetal position, counting the seconds left in this program.
Chris meets Krystal’s pupperinos and it’s borderline cute. They’re also moving in together which, okay fine. The moms are also now besties, which I accept. And then we have a lot of goose jokes and a crystal joke and can we be done with this?
IT’S OVER. WE SURVIVED.
Images: Courtesy of ABC; Giphy (7)
Welcome back to Bachelor in Paradise! The show that
keeps on giving leaves us shackled to our couches for 4-6 hours a week. When last we left off, Chris was interrupted in the middle of comparing living, breathing women to courses in a meal by Tia who, hopefully, came armed to this conversation with a shoe so she can beat him to death with it. I’m rooting for you, Tia!
TIA: You told me that I deserve the best.
CHRIS: You do.
TIA: But you made out with Krystal.
CHRIS: I did. But I’ll fight for you.
Okay, see this is what’s wrong with modern dating right here. They keep talking in circles around each other and Chris might as well be speaking in Pig Latin for all the sense he’s making rn. Tia is pissed because Chris told her he would commit to her, meanwhile Chris is saying that he did mention commitment to her but will actually do the opposite. But, hey, at least he said the word commitment! That’s got to count for something, Tia!
Jesus. This talk is making me want to call my internet company and abandon the sh*tty internet plan that makes it possible for me stream this abomination on clear, cloudless days only. Tia keeps saying Chris’s argument doesn’t make sense—and it doesn’t—but what really doesn’t make sense is how either of these women can fight over him while he’s wearing that fugly bandanna.
Moving on. Oh, that poor parrot needs to stay far away from Kendall. Next time we see it it will be on her wall.
Tia thinks that because Colton warned her about Chris, Colton is in love with her. It’s flimsy evidence at best, but her crazy ass will take anything she can get.
HAHA. Tia yelping “help” after realizing she’s insane is me in the mirror every morning.
Jacqueline and her monotone voice emerge from behind a palm tree. Idk why, but there’s something v unnerving about Jacqueline to me. I think it has something to do with the full set of baby teeth hiding in that tiny mouth of hers.
Bibi’s like “she doesn’t smell like Paradise yet. I’m screwed.” Bibi, this girl has the personality of a mechanical pencil. I think you’ll be fine, girl.
Jacqueline pulls Colton aside as Tia is literally in the middle of professing her love to him again. Lol this should be good.
JACQUELINE: Can I steal you for a second, Colton?
WHAT. Colton turns Jackie down?? First of all, you can do that? Second of all, he can’t say no to a date! What does he think he’s here for? To sip on his Mike’s Hard and work on his tan? Absolutely not. You’re never going to lose your virginity with an attitude like that, Colton!
Colton tells Tia that he’s still into her but he doesn’t want to, like, do anything about it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to stick my head in an oven. Are you effing kidding me with this, ABC? Honestly, this Colton/Tia thing has gone on far too long. I’ve had enough. Someone murder them both already. For f*ck’s sake.
Jackie picks Kenny for the date because one of the producers lost a bet and had to make this happen. That’s the only way these two on a date makes sense. I’ll be shocked if they find anything to talk about. Fingers crossed the producers don’t have to resort to poking them with sticks to generate any sort of human emotion!
KENNY: You’re pretentious, aren’t you?
Clearly this love story was written in the stars. Good luck, kids!
Back at the beach, Annaliese is patiently waiting for Kenny to get back from his date. She’s like “I have to
find love get a rose tonight. I. have. to.” Damn, this girl did not come to play. She immediately pulls Kenny aside to show him the pink goo she picked out for dessert.
OH MY GOD DID ANNALIESE JUST SAY SHE WANTS TO OPEN HER SEXUAL DOOR TO HIM? Does she mean, like, her back door? Is that what she’s trying to say? I’m confused.
Okay, Venmo John is killing it this season. Who would have thought a man with a decent job and a 401K would be more of a hot commodity than a former pro athlete? No, seriously. Who.
Meanwhile, Chris and Krystal are heating up. It’s disgusting. He’s like “I really appreciated you having my back when I was trying to dump my side chick. That was hot.” Krystal, is this what you’ve been dreaming about your whole life? Because if so, then I’m so glad you found your knight in shining armor!
Okay, Bibiana is a goddamn therapist at this point. She should honestly be charging by the hour for the amount of time and effort she’s putting into getting these losers to express basic human emotion.
COLTON: So my only choices are to date Tia or go home? Guess I’m going hom—
BIBIANA: B*tch, what did we just talk about?
Damn. Tia really wore Colton down. Colton decides he wants to give their relationship a chance and Tia actually screams in ecstasy. It’s v disturbing.
Also, Tia all you ever wanted was for him to “give it an honest chance.” No, that’s not true. You wanted to bully him into dating you. And it worked. Congratulations, you sociopath. (And can I DM you for tips?)
Moving on to the rose ceremony. I never thought we’d get here. I’m genuinely worried Bibi is going home, though. And what will her
patients cast mates do without her saving their boyfriends in rose ceremonies when they’re mad at them? Hmm?
MY GOD. What is Jordan wearing on his body rn? It’s like a vest/pant combo made out of the vacation section at a Goodwill.
Elsewhere, Caroline has Venmo John cornered on a couch listing off her demands for the rose ceremony.
CAROLINE: I just hate this campaigning for roses. I’m not that kind of girl.
NARRATOR: She absolutely was that kind of girl.
Then there’s Jubilee, A WAR VETERAN, who’s reduced herself to handing out back rubs for a rose. Is this really a back rub or is she actually using a tactic they teach in the army to get the enemy to submit? She could have some real tricks hidden under that crop top.
Lol David is over here trying to give Bibi a pep talk. He’s like “Kenny said he’s into you. He said you have a good booty.” What a strong foundation to build a relationship on! It’s worked out so well for the Kardashians.
WHAT. Kenny and Bibi start making out and I AM HERE FOR IT. Never mind that Kenny all of the sudden has half of Paradise vying for his attention. SAVE OUR GIRL, KENNY. I beg of you.
Jackie grabs Kenny next and is like “I hope you’ll still give me a chance now that I just turned 27. I read an article in the New York Times that says I’m past my prime now.”
Um, this man is the father of a 12-year-old college graduate, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give a sh*t if you’re old enough to pay for your own health insurance now.
Meanwhile, David pulls Jenna aside and gives her a giant-ass stuffed animal for her birthday. Omg. It’s literally a washed-up street dog. What was that, like, the only available thing in the prop room?
Jordan is piiissseddd. He starts dragging the dog down the beach AND THROWS IT INTO THE OCEAN. That is actually so f*cked up. I mean have I done the same thing to my ex-boyfriend’s beloved Kurt Cobain T-shirt after he dumped me in the middle of a beer pong game freshman year?
Yes. That’s neither here nor there.
Jordan is losing it and starts going OFF on Chelsea and Jubilee. And it’s, like, Jordan, you can’t start yelling insults at women to their faces. This isn’t MTV.
ANNALIESE: I would not be with a man who speaks to me that way. Nope.
JORDAN: Will you accept this rose?
ANNALIESE: Omg I would be honored.
Eric confronts Jordan and tells him he needs to apologize to all the ladies or else. Damn. I forgot how attractive Eric is. There’s just something about a man treating women like actual human beings instead of just props for their next Instagram post that’s so… sexy. I guess I’m just a hopeless romantic like that!
Eric is the perfect man. I rest my case.
Chris Harrison hauls ass and shows up at the rose ceremony before any other drunken fights can break out. F*cking finally, Chris! The rose ceremony goes as such:
- Jordan picks Jenna, who can barely open her eyes with all of that glue holding her eyelashes on. It’s possible she doesn’t even know Jordan is the one who picked her. Who can say.
- David picks Chelsea.
- Kevin picks Astrid.
- Chris picks Krystal. God help her.
- John picks Jubilee.
- Joe picks Kendall.
- Colton picks Tia. Vomit.
- Eric picks Angela.
- Kenny picks Annaliese. WAIT WHAT. HOW. OVER BIBIANA. How f*cking dare you.
And on that note, I’m out y’all. I have to go try and not have nightmares about Jordan chasing people in the rain. BYE.
Images: Giphy (5) @bachelorinsider /Instagram (1); @bachelorinparadise /Instagram (1)
It’s a sad day in Paradise, folks, because our favorite baby prostitute, Bekah Martinez, just dropped out of the season. That’s right, people, Baby Bekah, the beloved down-on-her-luck stoner who was just barely old enough to be Arie’s adoptive daughter but somehow almost made it to Hometowns, has just confirmed that she won’t be ruining her life on a Mexican beach this summer for our enjoyment. Boooooo.
If you’ll recall, Bekah was one of the first people to confirm her spot on BiP during Arie’s season on The Women Tell All, which is extra interesting because now she’s pretending like that never even happened. K. It’s like she doesn’t realize that I literally get paid to keep her receipts or something? Nice try, honeyyyy. Bekah’s saying the reason she won’t be getting carded by Wells in Paradise this season is because she has a new man in her life and realized that “it wasn’t worth it” to “possibly jeopardize what had with .” Okay, first of all, I call bullsh*t. I don’t for one second believe that Little Miss Age-Is-Nothing-But-A-Number would ever willingly give up a chance to stand on her boho soap box for national television. This is the same girl who graduated college and six months later decided that getting a funky hair cut and denying her real age would be the perfect way to launch her career as an Instagram model on The Bachelor. So, no, I’m not buying this “I found love IRL” excuse. NOPE.
^Does this look like the face of someone who isn’t trying to be the next sponsor for FabFitFun? Does it?!
There’s way more to the story here, which is why I’ve taken it upon myself to
start rumors get to the bottom of this with some v well-developed theories of my own. So put on your tin foil hats, people, because it’s time to talk conspiracy theories.
Theory #1: She’s Pregnant
I’m going to start off with the most insane but weirdly plausible theory first: Bekah M is pregnant. Stick with me here. There’s a rumor that’s been circulating for awhile now that Bekah is, in fact, pregnant, which would explain why she’s suddenly not going to be on Paradise. Reality Steve addressed the rumor on his site and said this: “This hasn’t been reported by a major outlet yet that I’ve seen, so I guess Bekah can pretend she doesn’t know the story is out there, even though I’m pretty sure she does.” EVEN THOUGH HE’S PRETTY SURE SHE DOES. Okay, so it’s not super solid evidence, but Bekah is always ready to start drama on Twitter so it’s curious AF that she hasn’t confirmed or denied said rumor yet. And if you think it about it, it kind of makes sense. I mean, how can one destroy their reputation in Mexico one piña colada at time if she’s pregnant? SHE CAN’T. Tbh I wouldn’t put it past her to pull an Ashley I and Jared and keep the pregnancy under wraps until ABC can blackmail People into reporting on it before the finale of Bachelor in Paradise. Mark my words, people, because I’m seeing into the goddamn future here!
Theory #2: Her Mother Threatened To Report Her Missing Again
No one can forget the infamous missing persons report Bekah’s mother filed while her daughter was off seducing a man in his midlife crisis—mostly because Bekah won’t let us effing forget. If Mrs. Martinez thought that watching a grown man fit his entire fist through her daughter’s hoop earring while making out with her was painful to see, then I can only imagine what she would make of the abominations that take place on ABC’s slice of Mexican beach. Considering my mother tried to rescind my college fund after I got my belly button pierced on spring break without her permission, I can only imagine the lengths Mrs. Martinez would go to stop her daughter from drunkenly defending her age to every available camera man on that island. Never underestimate the power of the person who pays your cell phone bills, amiright Bekah?
Theory #3: Tia & Raven Conspired Against Her
I know this sounds far-fetched, but again,
that’s my job hear me out. A few weeks ago Bekah put Tia on blast on Twitter for being a selfish bitch her relationship with Colton. She recently apologized for the rage blackout that inspired those beautifully savage tweets, which feels very off-brand for the girl whose motto throughout her entire Bachelor career has been #sorrynotsorry. Like, sorry not sorry Arie likes me, sorry not sorry I was born in 1995, sorry not sorry I’m ready for love. WE GET IT. So, yeah, this feels like Bekah is trying to get back into Tia’s good graces before they’re stranded on a literal island together. AND THEN right after she apologizes, all of a sudden she announces she’s actually not going to be on Paradise after all? It’s almost like that half-assed apology went over about as well as Becca’s formal wear this season? Look, I’m not saying Tia and Raven had anything to do with this but I’m also not not saying that Raven didn’t threaten to beat her with a shoe some shady business didn’t go down behind the scenes. I mean, production owes Tia big time for pity-giving Becca the Bachelorette spot this season, and if they had to cut Millennial Tinkerbell to do it, they probably would.
We may never know the true reason why Bekah decided to settle down with a rando who looks suspiciously like Arie (seriously look him up) instead of going to Paradise like God and Mike Fleiss intended, but I sure as sh*t do not buy that it was for love. I guess only time and refreshing People’s homepage one million times will tell!
Images: Giphy (4)
In case you were too busy blacking out this weekend to notice, Dean “I Still Hate You For What You Did To The Russian Orphan” Unglert fucked up once again. And, no, I don’t mean with women (for once). No, this weekend Dean spilled the beanies about Kendall joining the cast of Bachelor in Paradise this summer. Dean, along with some other Bachelor alums still clinging to their relevance with every Insta endorsement they can get their hands on, were spotted at Stagecoach this weekend looking like the reason my mother warned me against sorority mixers. He put up an Instagram photo with Kendall and crew that all but confirmed Kendall’s spot in Mexico this summer. You had one job, Dean!
Shall we take a look at the damning photo?
Take a look at that caption. At press time, it reads, “Altogether we have 7 BIP’s under our belt-buckles and we’re giving our best (unsolicited) advice to @keykendall88”. And somewhere by a pool Chris Harrison just choked on his margarita.
But seriously there’s, like, so much to unpack in this photo. First of all, Dean, I know this is Stagecoach and you five are going to use that as an excuse to live your best, whitest lives, but I am feeling personally victimized by that bandana. And also the entire outfit and vibe of this group outing. It’s v upsetting. Secondly, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? You can’t just leak classified information like that! I’m sure ABC probably had some expensive PR stunt lined up to announce Kendall’s Paradise debut and here Dean is, hopped up on denim and country music, just writing Instagram captions like there aren’t any consequences to his actions. Well, there are, buddy, just believe you me!
Since the photo wasn’t immediately deleted I’m assuming that ABC either okay’d this entire thing, or they just finally gave up trying to control the poorly trained circus animals they call their Bachelor alum. I, for one, am THRILLED that Kendall will be joining the Paradise crew. Kendall was the third runner up in
He Who Must Not Be Named Arie’s season and also, more importantly, was the girl who played with dead animals. Kendall captured America’s hearts by being weird AF and also Arie’s dick attention because I’m pretty sure he thought she’d be a freak in the sheets.
Kendall will be joining her bestie Bekah M, who’s the only other person confirmed as a Paradise cast member. We don’t know anything about the other cast members just yet, but I doubt we’ll have to wait long if all it takes is Dean getting drunk to break ABC’s air-tight NDAs.
Sources have also confirmed that Paradise might be getting some foreign cast members! That’s right, people, Robert Mills, ABC’s Senior VP Alternative Series & Late-Night Programming, has said that we should expect foreign Bachelors from across the globe to join the American beach trash in Mexico this summer. Mills alluded that ABC learned a lot from Winter Games last February and is thinking of combining elements of the two Bachelor spin-offs for Paradise this summer:
“There were a lot of learnings from Winter Games, where it wasn’t a show where you were bringing in people every week… There will certainly be the hallmarks of Bachelor in Paradise, but I think we will definitely take into account the stuff from Winter Games, where it definitely seemed to form some really strong couples, and at the end of the day that’s the goal.”
Lol k. First of all, the only thing any of us learned from Winter Games is that Americans would gladly throw away their virginities
for a Flat Tummy Tea endorsement if asked to, and that Luke Pell is trash. Secondly, strong couples, you say?? You mean Clare and Benoit, whose love blossomed out of Benoit sliding into her DMs post-show? Or Dean and Lesley, whose relationship lasted about as long as it took for Dean to restore his good guy image? Yes, based on that model, I can’t wait to see how strong and committed these new relationships will be!!
She says about the man whose proposal she accepted two episodes later…
Whatever. All I can hope for at this point is that Luke shows up in Mexico and Kendall skins him alive. It’s the little things that keep me going, ya know?
Images: @Deanie_Babies /Instagram (1); Giphy (3)