Photoshop Fail Of The Week: The Real Housewives Of Facetune

There are few people that abuse Facetune more than the Real Housewives of literally anywhere. Of course, the Kardashian/Jenners are the world’s worst offenders by far. But Housewives come in a close second. With all the fame and money, many of them are no strangers to surgically altering their appearance. But apparently, that isn’t good enough for them, so they take to using apps like Facetune to blur out every last little line and give themselves entirely new features and a scary cinched waist. I really could do this post with every single Housewife—I can’t even think of one that doesn’t use Facetune. But because I don’t have that kind of time, here is a selection of some of the worst offenders. This is your friendly reminder that what you see online is not reality.

Teresa Guidice

Oh, Teresa. Teresa has been through some sh*t these past few years, and I applaud her strength and the way she’s kept it together for her four kids. Teresa has aged so well, you would never even guess she’s been to prison and endured such an unbelievable amount of stress. That said, even though I hardly see a single line on her face, Teresa takes it upon herself edit her photos by airbrushing her skin completely, painting her face a single shade of beige, making her eyes larger, moving up her hairline, and basically cutting off her entire nose. I’ve said it many times, but your facial features are what make your face your face. You can’t just get rid of your whole nose and think this is what you look like! Stop it, all of you! Also, there seems to be some v strange skin warping from the poor editing. No idea what’s happened there.

Ramona Singer

Ramona Singer really is basically ageless, she looks absolutely incredible. But this one really made me laugh. I mean, WHO IS THAT in her Instagram version? It doesn’t even look like her! I would have no idea who that is a picture of! It’s like a time warp of what Ramona probably looked like in the 80s! But no, she posted that as a recent photo. If you can’t tell what was done, Ramona erased every single line on her face, shrunk/completely changed her nose, enlarged her eyes and brows, and airbrushed herself beige. Why is it always beige?

LeeAnne Locken

I recently watched all of The Real Housewives Of Dallas, and can I just say, I CANNOT listen to LeeAnne talk about her inner child for one more second. I mean, enough, woman! Thankfully that chapter of Dallas is over, because LeeAnne decided to be a piece of sh*t and be racist. Let’s hope she’s learned something. That said, I’m surprised she doesn’t edit her photos more, but it seems like all she really uses Facetune for is to take the MS Paint bucket and color fill BEIGE all over her face. Seriously, have you ever seen a face so matte? It’s like a cartoon. This color must be the foundation default for Facetune because I don’t get it.

NeNe Leakes

NeNe Leakes stars in this article series very, very often, and with good reason. I MEAN, look at her. Who IS this person she edits herself into? And for the love of God, why is she also beige?! NeNe regularly removes her nose, enlarges her eyes, makes her head larger, erases all skin tone and every line and pore, and narrows her face. At this point, should we just call this The Housewife Special?

Kyle Richards

When I found the real photo of Kyle, I was like, “Hang on, how old is she?” Kyle looks absolutely amazing. She has literally zero reason to use Facetune. Her skin is totally perfect and she has minimal lines. But then I went to her Instagram and found a Facetuned job. I actually had trouble lining up these photos, because as you can see, Kyle has almost zero nose in her own edit. I’m not sure why she thinks filtering herself orange, making her eyes like an anime doll’s, erasing half her nose, and airbrushing every single line is attractive, but I can tell you Kyle, you don’t need it! But hey, at least she’s more orange than beige? That’s new and different.

Because the beige thing is so ridiculous, I actually decided to swatch each of their skintones for you. Behold, the colors of our Real Housewives:

Such diversity!

Guys, seriously, stop MSPaint Bucket-ing yourselves beige and accept that you have a nose. I mean, honestly. People are going to look back on this photos and be like, “What the F*CK were these people thinking?!”

Images: Rodin Eckenroth/Getty Images; Johnny Nunez/WireImage via Getty Images; Michael Ostuni/Patrick McMullan via Getty Images; Charles Sykes/Bravo (2); @teresagiudice; @ramonasinger, @leeannelocken, @neneleakes, @kylerichards18 / Instagram

5 Signs A Real Housewife Needs To Retire

Just weeks ago, a grown woman was caught on film having a meltdown while on the job. She yelled at her boss, suggested that she was the reason for his success, and publicly shamed a coworker with same-sex proclivities, saying, “We don’t do that” and “Turn it down!” In any other functional workplace, this behavior would get a person immediately fired, but in Real Housewives land it gets you ratings and a promotion. Of course, this isn’t the first time Vicki Gunvalson has gone off the rails, but it is the first time it has felt like a palpable line had been crossed. After her entitled and delusional outbursts at The Real Housewives of Orange County season 14 reunion, it became clear that she had fallen prey to some classic Real Housewife pre-retirement symptoms, suffered by many fellow Housewives, past and present. Read on for the signs a Real Housewife should leave the party.

1. Not Fully Participating in Filming and Reunions

There are always going to be parts of our jobs that we don’t like, for example, having to interact with other human beings partnering with coworkers on group projects. However, we’re paid to fully execute our responsibilities, and a Housewife’s duties are no different. This means showing up to all filming obligations, regardless of whether you feel like it or are getting along with your fellow castmates. Unfortunately, Lisa Vanderpump didn’t seem to understand this concept throughout season 9 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, when she just decided to stop filming midway through and chicken out on the reunion because she wasn’t getting along with the other women. It’s no wonder she was fired won’t return for the upcoming season. NeNe Leakes is also currently suffering from a similar delusion on this season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. She’s barely been a presence and is leaving the heavy lifting to “friends of” like Marlo Hampton. It’s like asking an intern to bear your entire workload. Aspirational, but not how it actually works. If the Bravo execs have any sense, they’ll give Ms. Leakes her walking papers.

2. Forgetting The Show Is An Ensemble Effort

It’s natural that in any season there are going to be fan favorites and breakout stars. But Housewives get into trouble when they start believing their own hype and convincing themselves that they are the stars of their shows and their fellow castmates are merely supporting players. Vicki demonstrated this over and over again on the season 14 reunion, constantly making references to “my show” and saying “Get her off my show!” in reference to Braunwyn. Teresa Giudice is also guilty of using similar language on multiple occasions. What both Vicki and Teresa fail to realize is that they are on a show that thrives—nay, depends—on the interactions between cast members. Unless you’re Bethenny Frankel, you’re not compelling enough to carry your own show. Suck it up and know your role before you find yourself out of a job.

3. Crossing Moral And/Or Legal Boundaries

As Housewife fans, we live for drama, but when that drama derives from behavior that is immoral or downright illegal, it becomes hard to stand by the Housewife in question. We can never forget Vicki’s entanglement with real-life Dirty John Brooks Ayers, who spent the bulk of season 10 perpetrating a cancer scam, and although she was fully aware of this claimed to know nothing about it, she lost a lot of her luster with fans and the storyline was widely considered a low point for the series. Behavior that goes even further and ventures into criminal territory will get you fired, as Phaedra Parks learned after the revelation during the season 9 Atlanta reunion that Phaedra spread defamatory rumors claiming Kandi and Todd wanted to drug Porsha in order to take advantage of her. Attorney Phaedra should have known better than anyone that no one wants to deal with lawyers.

4. Being Inauthentic

We’ve all deduced by now that “reality” television is hardly real in the way, say, documentary footage or live news reporting is real. Plots need to be fleshed out, and at times that leads to storylines that can come off a bit contrived. However, when a Housewife herself is inauthentic, it’s a deal-breaker, and a telltale sign that she has no business being on the show. Tamra Judge on Orange County is a perfect current example. A woman who was once a pot-stirring firecracker prone to taking her top off is now, over a decade later, a pot-stirring firecracker prone to taking her top off. Only now it’s no longer novel and comes off as a desperate attempt to stay relevant on a show that is evolving without her. Another party guilty of inauthenticity of a different type is Dorit Kemsley on Beverly Hills. Forgetting about her put-on accent, Dorit’s refusal to air any of her real-life controversies makes her one of the phoniest Housewives we’ve ever had. It’s unclear what she brings to the show, other than a piggish husband and a penchant for over-the-top, label-displaying fashion she can’t actually afford. Yawn.

5. Avoiding Drama

Just like part of the job is showing up to filming at the appointed times, another integral part of being a Housewife is getting into it with other Housewives. Yet, year after year, there are always several women who complain that they “don’t want any drama” and refuse to go toe-to-toe with the others. In fact, aside from Puppygate, the entire cast of Beverly Hills built a whole season around this ethos, leaving us with one of the most boring seasons of the show we’ve ever seen (and that’s saying something). Even Namaste Teresa is a shell of the table-flipping, prostitution-whore-calling woman she once was, staying out of the fray and letting other people like Danielle Staub do her bidding. One might say this is growth and one might be right, but we all know dignity and maturity have no place on reality television. If I wanted to watch respectful and thoughtful people politely interact with one another, I’d put on The Great British Bake Off. Pick a lane, people!

It will be interesting to see what Bravo does with its OGs, who are some of the worst offenders when it comes to this list. While there’s something comforting about keeping around those who have been there from the beginning, getting rid of the women who aren’t pulling their weight keeps the others on their toes, especially those who lack the self-awareness to course-correct like Lisa Rinna, who does her best despite her drama-eschewing castmates. What other signs are there that a Housewife needs to go and who do you think needs to get off our screens? Let me know in the comments!

Images: Paul Morigi/Getty Images; Giphy (4); Tenor (1)

The Craziest ‘Real Housewives’ Scandals Of The Decade

If you’re a dedicated Real Housewives fan, then congrats, because we’ve made it through a lot in the last 10 years. There have been hundreds of episodes, dozens of over-the-top trips, and too many petty arguments to even count. But out of all the drama, there are certain scandals that stick out more than your average dinner party disagreement. As the 2010s come to a close, let’s take a look back at some of the craziest Real Housewives scandals this decade has brought us.

Cancergate

Over the course of 14 seasons, The Real Housewives of Orange County has seen it all, but no storyline was quite as shocking as the season 10 revelation that Vicki Gunvalson’s fiancé, Brooks Ayers, lied about having cancer. As the other ladies grew more and more suspicious, Vicki didn’t do a great job of making herself look innocent, even though she’s adamant to this day that she really thought he was sick. 

What began—like all good Real Housewives storylines do—when a psychic raised questions, spiraled into a full-scale investigation, all led tirelessly by Meghan King Edmonds. Never forget when she went to the radiology center to see if the formatting of their results paperwork matched up with the ones that Brooks falsified. It’s for this reason that I’m excited by rumors of her return to RHOC, but either way, I’m thankful for her service against the evil that was Brooks Ayers. 

Luann’s Legal Issues

At the beginning of the decade, Luann de Lesseps was still busy preaching to her fellow Housewives about etiquette, but that, uh, didn’t last. Everyone watched in dismay as she married and divorced Tom D’Agostino in less than a year—after he cheated on her, at the Regency, in front of everyone. 

Luann’s divorce sent her on a downward spiral, culminating in her getting arrested in Palm Beach on Christmas Eve, 2017. The story of her kicking a police officer and slipping out of her handcuffs is a scene I picture in my head at times when I’m feeling down. Since then, the Countess has reinvented herself as a cabaret star, because why not. Life is not a cabaret, but these days, Luann’s life basically is.

Teresa & Joe’s Legal Issues

Even if you don’t really watch RHONJ, you’re most likely still aware of Teresa Giudice’s legal saga. We watched in real time as the fallout from Joe’s shady business dealings played out, ultimately leading to him and Teresa both spending significant amounts of time “at camp,” as Teresa likes to say. However you feel about Teresa, watching her reunite with her daughters after almost a year in prison was a seriously emotional moment. 

Things didn’t go so great for Joe, though. After finishing his sentence and spending several months in ICE custody, Joe was finally deported to Italy this fall, where he’s still waiting on his immigration appeal. Just last week, he and Teresa announced their separation, which I’ve personally been waiting for ever since he called her the C-word on camera way back in 2012. Arrivederci!

Michael Darby’s Sexual Assault Case

If you still haven’t gotten into The Real Housewives of Potomac, let me just tell you that it is… f*cking insane in the best way. The ladies on RHOP always bring the drama, but the most shocking event of this past season had to do with one of the husbands. Ashley Darby’s husband Michael was charged with felony sexual assault after he allegedly touched a cameraman inappropriately. 

The charges were eventually dropped, but we got to watch the whole thing play out on camera, and the Housewives’ reactions to hearing about the charges were truly priceless. The messy AF producers then dropped the bomb that there was audio of the incident, and the ~unseen production footage~ is legendary. 

Lesbiangate

Phaedra Parks was a mainstay on RHOA for seven seasons, but on the season 9 reunion, we watched as it all got taken away in a matter of minutes. In seasons past, Phaedra and Kandi Burruss were close friends, but that changed, and their relationship got more and more toxic. 

Throughout season 9, there were mysterious rumors that Kandi was a lesbian, and specifically that she and her husband had plotted to drug and sexually assault her castmate, Porsha Williams. The source of the rumors was unknown for the entire season, until the reunion, when Porsha revealed that Phaedra had told her they were true. Kandi’s iconic “YOU SAID THAT?” line was born, but Phaedra basically had nothing to say for herself, and she’s never been on Bravo again.

Taylor & Russell’s Marriage

From the moment The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills premiered, it was obvious that things in Taylor Armstrong’s marriage weren’t great. As we watched her grapple with her abusive relationship, we could all tell things weren’t headed in a good direction, and just before season 2 premiered, the Housewives world was rocked with the news that her husband Russell had committed suicide. 

The second season, which was filmed before Russell died, is honestly scary to watch, with a morbid sense of dramatic irony that most reality TV shows would never even want to deal with. Still, it made for one of the most interesting seasons of RHOBH, and none of us will ever forget the time that Taylor hid in a suitcase.

Puppygate

Sadly, the most recent seasons of RHOBH have lacked the hard-hitting drama of the first few seasons, but season 9’s Puppygate was still a pretty major scandal. It began when Dorit adopted a dog from Vanderpump Dogs, but later gave it away to someone else. What could have just been a personal issue between LVP and Dorit escalated to a war within the cast, complete with leaked stories to Radar Online and a lie detector test.

Ultimately, Lisa wasn’t willing to make it work with Kyle or Dorit, and she cut ties with the rest of the cast, essentially leaving the show in the middle of the season. Whether you’re an LVP fan or not, it was a messy way for an OG to go out. 

What’s the Real Housewives scandal that’s made your jaw drop the furthest? Hopefully the 2020s will be full of many more unbelievable moments, because I can’t get enough of this sh*t.

Images: Giphy (7)

Why Teresa And Joe Giudice Should Go Their Separate Ways

It was a big weekend in the Bravo universe, as Joe Giudice was finally released from ICE custody and returned to Italy. Before he even got off the plane, his eldest daughter Gia posted a FaceTime selfie, which was the first photo we’ve seen of Joe since 2016, and no one could stop talking about his dramatic weight loss transformation. Joe is now in Italy with his brother and other family members, and Gia has been posting excitedly about going to visit in a few weeks.

But with Joe in Italy, likely permanently, fans are wondering what this means for his marriage to Teresa. Are they going to split, or stick it out? Will Teresa move to Italy and start an international Real Housewives franchise?

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so happy your together right now.. enjoy see you in a few weeks daddy❤️❤️

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Over the weekend, Radar Online reported that Teresa will travel to Italy with her daughters in the first week of November, and they’ll be bringing the RHONJ production crew along. Teresa is reportedly getting a large bonus for filming these extra scenes, and as a fan of the show, I’m definitely glad that we’ll get to see the family reunion. But after Teresa does the big reunion and collects her Bravo check, I think it’s time for her and Joe to seriously reevaluate things. I’m glad that he’s free from ICE custody and will get to see his daughters, but that doesn’t mean I’m rooting for Joe and Teresa to pull through as a couple.

We’ve watched Joe and Teresa’s story unfold for over a decade on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and a lot has happened in that time. We’ve seen it all, from the birth of their youngest daughter, to financial ups and downs, and of course, the legal troubles that led to both of them spending time behind bars. But even in their better times, their marriage has been far from perfect. During the show’s fourth season, the cast was on a trip to Napa Valley when Joe left the table to take a phone call. We still don’t know who the call was from, but it really seems like it was another woman. On the phone, he called Teresa bitch and a c*nt, which is obviously not okay.

After the infamous phone call, Teresa threatened to leave him if the behavior continued, but she also made excuses for him, telling In Touch magazine that Joe was “stressed after a crazy week.” Yeah, that’s not a good enough reason to call your wife the C-word, buddy. Over the next few years, we watched as Teresa was dragged into Joe’s legal issues, which ultimately caused her to serve 11 months in prison. On RHONJ, Teresa acknowledged that her husband’s mistakes had put the family in a bad place, but she always stood by him. That is, until last season.

While Joe was away serving his prison sentence, a couple of things happened. First, rumors started swirling that Teresa was living a new life, dating a younger man and focused on moving on from Joe. But more importantly, it started to look more and more likely that Joe wouldn’t be coming home once he had done his time. On last season’s reunion, though she denied the rumors of a new boyfriend, Teresa told Andy Cohen for the first time that she “is not doing a long-distance relationship,” and that the only way she would move to Italy is if her daughters told her they wanted to go.

This was a major development at the time, because it represented a shift in the way Teresa talked about her marriage. Before, she had always brushed off the issues, and maintained that she and Joe were going to make things work no matter what. But as the threat of deportation became more real, she started to sound more realistic about the way things were actually going to happen. After watching Teresa for nine seasons, it’s not a stretch to say that Teresa can be a little delusional about things in her life, but she finally was saying things that made perfect sense given the situation.

But now that Joe is actually free, I have to wonder how things will actually shake out. Conveniently, the new season of RHONJ premieres in just a few weeks, so we won’t have to wait long to see how Teresa has handled the last year of waiting to find out Joe’s fate. Has she been living like a single woman, or holding on to the possibility that Joe might be coming home? Leaving a marriage is a major decision, but for Teresa’s sake, I hope that she has the strength to move forward with her best life, and I don’t think that includes a husband who is 4,000 miles away (and also might not be that great of a guy). Teresa and Joe have been through a lot on this crazy journey, but there’s no shame in calling it quits, especially given the circumstances.

Images: Shutterstock; _giagiudice / Instagram; Giphy

Teresa Giudice’s Husband May Be Getting Deported

I’ll have to level with you all: I don’t watch the Real Housewives. I’ve watched, like, maybe one episode of New York (just enough to know that I love Dorinda and Bethenny is pretty good and Luann is nuts), but I’m not like, a fan. But I know who the Housewives are (except Potomac—does anybody care?). Even still, I was just as shooketh as all you diehard fans when I read that Teresa Giudice’s husband is getting deported after he gets out of prison. Like, what? And also, he’s not an American citizen? Even though he is married to an American? Seems like a missed opportunity. Then again, I hate filling out paperwork and dealing with government bureaucracy, so I get it.

PEOPLE reported on Wednesday that Joe Giudice will be deported to Italy at the end of his prison sentence. Joe is currently serving a 41-month prison sentence for mail, wire, and bankruptcy, and is set to be released in 2019. Fine display of Trump’s immigration plan at work we have here.

If you’ll recall, the Giudices first got in trouble in 2013, when they were accused of hiding money in a bankruptcy filing. Joe was also accused of not filing tax returns for four years, between 2004 and 2008. Then, they got in even more trouble with the government (technical term) when they failed to thoroughly fill out probation reports that they were supposed to complete. Basically, the Giudices were supposed to list all their assets for the court to review, but still neglected to include about $75,000 worth of stuff. Like, c’mon guys, you had one job. So they both were sentenced to jail time and now I guess Joe’s on crack getting deported.

Joe has 30 days to appeal the decision, but if I were him I don’t know if I would. Like, have you seen what America is up to these days? If I had citizenship in another country I’d be cashing that sh*t in right about now. Plus, I really think Bravo would benefit from expanding the Real Housewives franchise. I would watch The Real Housewives Of Saronno, I don’t know about you. Ciao!

Images: Getty Images

Teresa Giudice Tried To Come For Sofia Vergara And Missed

Okay friends, it’s time to face a harsh reality: Teresa Giudice hasn’t been the same since she came back from prison. We’ll admit it, we miss the trashy, table-flipping times of 2009. We’re not sorry, and as much as we want to love Teresa, we really can’t get behind some of her latest comments.

It all happened last week during a panel discussion called “Gettin’ Real With the Housewives,” which is already a major eye roll, but Teresa got asked by an audience member about her best and worst celebrity interactions. She took the opportunity to randomly tear into Sofia Vergara, who allegedly stepped in front of Teresa at an event last week. Teresa said Sofia also complained about taking a photo with her.

Okay, so realistically, does Sofia Vergara even know who Teresa Giudice is? We have a feeling her answer would be an overconfident yes, followed by the crazy eyes that mean she has no idea who Teresa is. Like, why would Sofia know who Teresa is? Do you think she really spends her free time watching second-tier Bravo shows? Doubtful.

The real problem was after that, when Teresa said that Sofia is a bitch and that immigrants should be nice. What? Okay like, we know that everyone should technically be nice and blah blah blah, but what the fuck is Teresa saying? Saying all immigrants should be nice is like saying that no one should commit tax fraud, but Teresa apparently missed the memo on that one.

So, Teresa, next time you’re looking to pick a fight, stick with Danielle or Caroline, not Sofia and immigrants as a whole.