Listen, we all know the struggle—you’re so pale in the dead of winter that even self tanners are too much, and you don’t want to hit the tanning bed because, well, wrinkles. So you accept defeat and embrace the paleness, but even then your pasty white skin tone isn’t the only eyesore; everything else starts to look less than attractive, starting with your teeth. When you’re the same color as Casper, your teeth start to look more eggshell than white. Since you can’t go the whole winter wearing a paper bag on your head (
paper bag but make it fashion), we’ve come up with a list of the best teeth whitening treatments to make your teeth brighter than your skin.
Getting shiny teeth actually can be black and white: Curaprox’s Black is White toothpaste is a black toothpaste that whitens your teeth, and pretty fast at that. This activated charcoal-infused toothpaste removes discoloration—say, from all of those bottles glasses of Pinot Noir or your addiction to cold brews. The good news? Besides seeing a difference in the color of your teeth fast, this toothpaste is gentle and non-abrasive. The bad news? It does leave a black residue in your sink that you’ll find yourself cleaning up after every brush if you’re a clean betch. It costs $30, which is kind of pricey for a toothpaste, but give it a little bit of time and you’ll see the same sort of results that you get from some of the more expensive whitening treatments.
The OG teeth whitening system and perhaps the longest lasting. Simply apply the strips once a day for 30 minutes while you’re doing your hair, makeup—whatever—and after three days you will actually see a difference. After those first three days, use once or twice a week in the weeks following, and, I shit you not, your smile will begin to glow. Pale or not, people will start complimenting you on how white your teeth are—the second best compliment to, “OMG, you look so skinny!”
If you don’t have the patience for the at-home whitening treatments, Luster NOW! really does make your smile brighter pretty instantly. The toothpaste contains exclusive Bluverite technology that deposits tiny blue microparticles onto your teeth as you brush. The little blue particles then soak up surface stains on your teeth to make teeth appear whiter. Kind of like when your friends force-feed you pizza when you’re shitfaced to soak up all of the alcohol in your body to make you appear more sober.
Okay, another teeth whitening product you’ve probably seen on social media—but this time, advertised by the likes of Amber Rose, the Kardashians, etc. This sort of system has actually been around a lot longer than Instagram, which means it actually works/doesn’t NEED social media “influencers” to endorse it. You simply paint your teeth with the Teeth Whitening Pen and shine the Teeth Whitening Light into the mouth (hold it under your lips, kind of like how you would a mouth guard). Leave on for 10-ish minutes once a day for three days, and people will start to bring back the word “lit” just to refer to your smile. Use three times a week to maintain the smile, but if your teeth start to feel sensitive, lessen your time to 5-7 minutes each use.
Another teeth whitening system where you only need three days to see a difference. The biggest pro of this treatment? You simply paint the GLO vial cap and brush tip applicator onto your pearly whites and go on your merry little way. No strips, no trays, no nothing. Brush the whitening gel onto your teeth and leave on for 20 minutes once a day for three days in a row. We suggest rinsing your mouth with water before eating or drinking, but other than that it’s the easiest system of the bunch and reveals results just as fast as its counterparts. The only downfall? It’s on the pricier side at $75, but, in our opinion, totally worth it.
Image: Vincius Wisehofer / Unsplash