UPDATE: Aaaand just like that, it’s officially over. After a few days of rumors, Tayshia finally took to Instagram on Wednesday afternoon to confirm the news that she and John Paul Jones have decided to go their separate ways. Sad! Tayshia says in the post that she likes to keep her personal life private, which is pretty hilarious for someone who’s been in multiple reality TV relationships in the past year. Obviously, she realized this too, and it’s good to hear the news straight from the source.
She says that after a while, the fact that they live across the country was just too much to handle. Truly like, shocking that long distance isn’t easy, huh? Tayshia says sshe and JPJ are still “the best of friends,” which like, who knows if we actually believe that. But John Paul Jones did comment on the post with a heart emoji, so at least we know they haven’t blocked each other. So yeah, we’re saying farewell to this BiP couple, but it seems like things are on pretty good terms.
View this post on Instagram
I know you guys have been asking about John and I recently, and as much as I like to keep my personal life private, I realize you have all watched and been a part of our journey from the beginning. Therefore to stay true to that, I need to be open and honest with you in order to heal and move on. John and I had something incredibly special. We fell for each other in Paradise, and everything was a whirlwind after that. When the show ended, I truly went back to Maryland to see if what we had was something we could build on without cameras, a production crew, and without feeling any pressure: to simply figure things out on our own terms. But the reality was, we were living on opposite coasts, and working insane schedules that made it impossible to see each other and build a life with each other. We truly did the best we could, but at this time have decided that what is best for the both of us is to go our separate ways. We are the best of friends and will continue to remain in each other’s life because regardless of the situation, we make each other happy💕💕
It’s been a cool two months since Bachelor in Paradise ended, but if you think we here at Betches have been sleeping on the statuses of these couples just because of a little thing like production ending, then you’d better think again. What else am I supposed to do with my time during regular business hours if not aggressively deep diving into these people’s private lives? Actual work? Nah, I don’t think so. Well, the Demi and Kristian breakup rumors aren’t the only couple updates we need to talk about. It’s recently come to my attention via a Reddit thread (a place where all hard-hitting journalism stories truly begin IMO) that BiP prom king and queen John Paul Jones and Tayshia Adams might be officially over (as if they were ever really together to begin with).
When the two hit it off in Mexico this summer, I just instinctively knew that it was entirely for ratings. I mean, Tayshia referred to John Paul Jones, a man I’m convinced was only a part of the Bachelor franchise because he lost a bet to his frat brothers and was blackmailed into going on the show, as an “old soul” and “very deep” after he butchered some Shakespeare lines on national television.
A deep thinker, indeed.
And while most of the reality TV-loving world has been shipping these two since Tayshia ran down the beach wailing “I’M SORRY JOHN”, I’ve had my doubts as to the legitimacy of their relationship for awhile now. Turns out, I was right to be skeptical, because apparently Tayshia was caught RED-HANDED out on a date with another man last week.
Reddit user Poopburb (not a great username I know, but a whistleblower nonetheless!) posted in a thread that their coworker’s neighbor spotted Tayshia out on what appeared to be a date that wasn’t with JPJ in Newport Beach on October 24th. The coworker’s neighbor said that Tayshia and the mystery man were “flirting and touching all night” and there’s even video evidence to back up the claim. If you watch the video, Tayshia is most certainly with someone who doesn’t have the hair of a long-lost Hanson brother but, like, she could also just be catching dinner with an old friend. Fans are saying the video is damning because Tayshia and her date are sitting on the same side of the booth, which apparently means they’re dating. Again, not really rock solid evidence of a break up with JPJ so much as rock solid evidence that Tayshia might be a sociopath, because only monsters sit on the same side of the booth as the other person they’re dining with, but fine Reddit.
This isn’t the first time it’s been speculated that JPJ and Tayshia’s relationship was all for publicity. Reality Steve tweeted that the couple had broken up way back in September, and were only keeping up appearances on social media for the fans and sponsorship deals. While fans were outraged at that accusation, Tayshia and JPJ haven’t exactly been flaunting their relationship, and by that I mean they’re about as active on each other’s socials as I am with the cousin my mother guilt-tripped me into following on Instagram (you know who you are, Sabrina!). In fact, they’ve almost been nonexistent from each other’s Instagrams, until October 7th, when Tayshia was briefly mentioned on JPJ’s IG feed while both were at a brunch with other Bachelor alums. Tbh to me, their lack of vom-inducing posts says more about their relationship status than this shaky 30-second video.
But all of this speculation on Tayshia and JPJ’s relationship has made me wonder about the other couples from last season’s Bachelor in Paradise. Are they still in love and dry humping on my Instagram feed? Pretending to date the other for spon-con purposes? Broken up and summoning a vengeance demon to plague the other with incurable acne and a mild case of crabs? I’ve done some digging and here’s what I’ve discovered:
Hannah G & Dylan: Definitely Still Together
Okay, was this even a real question? These two have been going strong ever since they got engaged in Paradise, and I know this because Dylan won’t shut the f*ck up about it on his Instagram. But, I mean, every happiness to you both!
Katie & Chris: It’s Complicated
Moving on to Katie and Chris. Their reunion on the BiP after show was hard to watch. Katie admitted that Chris is a piece of sh*t and Chris looked like he would just rather be excluded from this narrative. After the finale aired, it appeared the couple had made up and were giving their relationship another chance because
ad revenue true love is real after all. That said, Chris has been suspiciously absent from Katie’s Instagram ever since the After the Final Rose episode aired, but she was also seen wearing her engagement ring at some sort of influencer retreat on October 11th. Chris also shocked us all when he posted a photo with her on IG a few days ago. So, like, maybe they are fine? Either that or they don’t want to give Neil Lane his ring back! I’ll let you be the judge!
Demi & Kristian: Probs Broken Up:
We already talked about this, so click here if you want all the details we have so far. Long story short, it’s not looking good. There’s plenty of evidence, but this shady comment that Kristian’s sister left on Demi’s photo is probably all you need to see.
NOT DESPERATE AT ALL. Y’all I’m dead. Deceased. The comment has since been deleted, but god bless the internet and rabid Bachelor fans for always doing the most when it comes to screen shotting the evidence. Since this feels like a comment I have definitely left on my sister’s ex-boyfriend’s new “in a relationship” status on FB, I’m going to go ahead and say I’m pretty sure Demi and Kristian’s relationship status is deader than my last house plant.
So there you go! That’s the status on all the Bachelor in Paradise couples as far as I can tell from judging their social media posts. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go explain to my mother what spon-con is and why people would fake a relationship to get it. TTYL!
Images: Giphy (1); @chrisjbukowski /Instagram (1); @dylanbarbour /Instagram (1); @its_thesnatchelor /Instagram (1)
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Welcome to week four of Bachelor in Paradise! This week was sort of a snooze for me, but that might just be because John Paul Jones got approximately 1.5 hours of speaking time last night and listening to him formulate a thought is equivalent to watching my fingernails grow. But, nevertheless, I persisted! (If you count drinking half a bottle of wine and fantasizing ways to get JPJ alone in a room with a pair of scissors “persisting”). Moving on! Last week, Demi and Kristian solidified their relationship, Grandpa Chris went on a date with Jen Sav, Katie cried, and, as Tayshia put it, Hannah and Dylan slept on a daybed for five years.
Which brings us back to this week. We open back in Paradise, and for once no one is bringing dishonor to their family name by crying on Wells’ barstool or describing in great detail the sexual acts they partook in during Stagecoach. Instead, the camera pans to all the happy couples. There’s Dylan napping with Hannah, Demi holding hands with Kristian, Caelynn straddling Dean in the pool, Clay running into the ocean to avoid Nicole’s singing, and Derek, who asks Clay and Nicole to put him out of his misery and bury him alive.
Look, I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again but
I AM IN YOUR DMS HELLO good guys never finish first with this godforsaken franchise. You hate to see it.
Meanwhile, Kristina and Tayshia discuss their relationship statuses. They both aren’t that into their romantic prospects thus far: Tayshia with JPJ and Kristina with that sand dune. Kristina declares that Tayshia should just date Derek because, let’s face it, JPJ has that hair so he’ll be fine. Tayshia agrees so fast that it’s almost as if this storyline was preordained by production or something. It’s crazy!
Okay, I don’t think we’ve been giving Tayshia enough credit for how manipulative she can be. She tells JPJ that she wants to see other people but instead of just saying “I’d like to explore other connections” she asks HIM if HE is hoping to see another girl walk into Paradise. When he says he only wants to go on dates with her she tells him, “no really, it’s totally okay to go on other dates.” She’s Jedi mind tricking the f*ck out of him, and that’s something I’ve been trying to perfect with men my entire life. Then again, I guess I’m pretty good at it since every man I’ve ever dated has felt free to go out on dates with other women…
JPJ: You look like Beyoncé if Beyoncé had crazy eyes.
TAYSHIA: Thank you?
Another girl walks into Paradise and we are told that she’s from Colton’s season and that her name is Tanzania. Or something. Idk, I’m two glasses of wine deep. She says she was on the show for “two seconds” but production can’t even produce any video footage to back up this claim, so it seems suspicious to say the least. I would say she’s another paid actor invited on the show to stir up drama like “Christian” was, but production’s budget is not big enough to secure the talent that is Tahzjuan. Seriously, this girl is a star in the making. Mark my words.
She asks JPJ on a date straight away. I guess when she pictures her future husband she pictures a guy who brings his fraternity paddle into the bedroom. Got it. JPJ, even though he doesn’t want to go on this date at all and is absolutely still interested in and loyal to Tayshia, takes this as an opportunity to shave his entire body before heading out. He’s like “I don’t want to go on this date, but if Tayshia wants me to, then f*ck it!” and then proceeds to shave his balls on national television. He takes the term “taking one for the team” to the next level.
This date is so painful to watch, I swear to god. They both have nothing to say to each other so they just maniacally giggle until the intern refills their drinks. JPJ gets so drunk during the meal he confuses the date food with something actually edible instead of the half-priced gag gift ABC got from Spencer’s. JPJ dry heaves no less than 6 times, but by now we know that’s just his foreplay. And then, of course, there’s this horrifying exchange of conversation:
JPJ: Your name is so interesting, what country is it from?
TAHZJUAN: Well my dad’s name is Juan, so Mexico I guess.
JPJ: But you’re.. *whispers* black…?
John Paul Jones! You can’t just ask someone why they’re black! God, Karen!
Back at the beach, the rest of the couples and Derek are playing a game of truth or dare. I remember my first boy-girl party too. So cute! Someone asks Sydney who the worst person she ever kissed was and she says Colton. The rest of the women from Colton’s season collectively agree that he was a terrible kisser. I’m sorry, but is this supposed to shock us? This is the same man who told us he had never seen a ladie’s bathing suit parts before and asked Chris Harrison if it hurts during the guy’s first time too. I’m not surprised he has no idea what to do with that tongue.
Meanwhile, Caelynn cannot stop gushing about how great Dean is, as Wells and Demi exchange horrified expressions. She’s like, “I love vans, they’re my favorite! Vans have running water though, right? And WiFi? And, like, a permanent address for all my FabFitFun and Revolve partnership packages?”
CAELYNN: Dean is definitely going to propose at the end of this!
DEMI & WELLS:
Wells and Demi proceed to give Caelynn the intervention she did not ask for. They tell her that she needs to be real with Dean about wanting an actual relationship because they don’t think he’s as serious about her. I love that Wells is like, “he’s my friend but he’s a piece of sh*t, you know?” Boy, do we know, Wells! Also, I can’t believe that Caelynn needed a girl who can still fit into Limited Too’s spring line and a wannabe bartender to tell her that a man who lives in his van is probably not ready for anything serious.
Caelynn asks Dean what his intentions are, and he looks at her like he thought he made that clear when he mentioned needing a shower on their first date. At least he’s honest!
DEAN: I want a girlfriend but, like, not for the nine months that I want to take off in my van you know?
NOT DURING THE 9 MONTHS I WANT TO TAKE OFF IN MY VAN. Caelynn, girlfriend, I don’t even like you that much but I know you’re better than this MY GOD.
Listening to Dean describe what kind of relationship he wants is making my blood boil. Caelynn asks for commitment and he says, “you’ll have to convince me first.” Right away the power dynamic shifts in his favor, and it’s f*cked up. I’ve dated guys like this before, the ones who would like to still hook up, but not commit to you beyond what’s convenient for them. So they tell you that, but in a way that makes it sound like they *could* change their minds should the right
blow job relationship come along. It’s this line of reasoning that let’s f*ckboys sleep through the night while we spend $200 an hour making our therapist watch us cry. Sorry, Joan! You’re a real one, girl!
Also, does Dean forget that he was top FOUR on Rachel’s season of The Bachelorette, a show where you PROPOSE at the end of it? Like, why even come on Paradise if you can’t even pretend like you might consider settling down? I know he needed those rolls of toilet paper production promised him for his van, but damn.
Meanwhile, one half of Bachelor Nation’s Hot Twins walks into Paradise next. I love that Tahzjuan thinks that twins can’t exist apart from each other. She’s like, “but… her sister isn’t here, so how does that work?” I get what she’s saying, though. How can you be a Professional Twin if there’s just one of you? Instead of being one half of a dynamic comedic duo, she’s just a former Vegas cocktail waitress with a limited vocabulary and great eyelash extensions.
Hot Twin asks JPJ on a date because she says he seems like the most “husband material” out of all the guys, and I’m sincerely concerned about what these girls deem acceptable behavior for husbands.
As Hot Twin and JPJ walk off into the sunset, Tahzjuan licks her wounds by getting hammered by herself and drunk eating spaghetti in the pool. Look, I know eating noodles in the pool should be illegal and a lot of people will come for Tahzjuan’s, er, erratic behavior, but y’all, I’m LIVING for this bitch. As the designated Single Girl in my friend group, my friends are always asking me to sign up for a Bachelor casting call and I always tell them I can’t because I don’t have a good TV personality, when what I really mean is that I would act like Tahzjuan.
In fact, her behavior is right on point with mine after day drinking for 8 hours. Splashing that drink around, complaining about being hot, crying every time she sees a happy couple. It’s like looking in a mirror.
TAHZJUAN: I’m really glad you showed up Haley! Also, I would like to spit in your drink!
The Rose Ceremony
Chris starts off the cocktail party by giving one of his signature pep talks. He’s like, “for those of you in relationships, drink up! For those of you still single and pathetic, Idk! I gotta get back to my mojito.” Wow, that was inspired.
Caitlin takes this pep talk to heart by trying to seduce Blake with her very own makeshift Stagecoach set-up. Honey, I don’t think it was so much the Stagecoach atmosphere as it was the amount of drugs and alcohol that I’m sure was flowing when he made the decision to bang two girls in 24 hours, but okay.
Kristina has other plans in mind. Since the most action she’s gotten all season is from the camera man fixing her mic, she’s in trouble this rose ceremony and wants Blake to give her a “friendship rose.”
KRISTINA: I want Blake to find love and that’s why I kept him here, but not if it means I’ll be kicked off this free Mexican vacation, ya feel me?
JPJ says he’s going to have a very tough decision at the rose ceremony. On the one hand, he has a girl whose name he couldn’t pronounce to save his life, and on the other hand, he has Hot Twin, who apparently “looks like a movie star and has the intelligence of a doctor.” That feels like a stretch. This is the same girl who knows that pigeons and seagulls are different somehow but couldn’t tell you exactly how they are different except that one is “from the sea” and one is “from the earth.”
As JPJ struggles with his decision, Caelynn continues plan out her future in Dean’s van. She wants his rose but she can’t be sure he’ll give it to her because even though she’s spent every waking moment with him for the last two weeks, he’s still Dean.
OMG. It’s Caelynn’s bday?! Dean says he’ll be right back, and if he comes back with a cake I’m f*cking done. For those of you who don’t remember, the commissioning of a cake for a girl’s birthday is sort of like his big move in Paradise. He did this last time he was on Paradise for D-Lo when he was still hooking up with Kristina, which drove Kristina to say that her time in the Russian orphanage was preferable to her time in Mexico.
HE CAME BACK WITH A CAKE. I’m dead. If I’m having PTSD with this, then Kristina must be rocking in a corner somewhere. Kristina, blink once if you’re good, twice if you want me to report his van for expired tags!
We haven’t seen much of the Katie/Chris/Jen love triangle that was introduced to us last episode, but apparently it is still going on. I only know this because Katie pulls Chris aside during the last seven minutes of this episode to declare her feelings for him. Jen has still spoken zero words. I can’t even be sure she has working vocal chords or if she communicates purely through blank stares and subtle shifts in her eyebrows.
Moving on to the rose ceremony. Chris starts things off by speaking again and this is truly the most dramatic season ever because this is the second time tonight he’s spoken words to the contestants. He says that Demi gets to give out a rose because apparently there are no rules here anymore! Rose ceremonies are basically the equivalent of a fifth and cups mixer—so long as you have someone willing to metaphorically handcuff themselves to you while you finish a fifth of tequila then you’re good to stay.
The rose ceremony goes as such:
Demi picks Kristian
Dylan picks Hannah
Clay picks Nicole
Mike picks Sydney
Dean picks Caelynn
Blake picks Kristina
Derek picks Tayshia
JPJ picks Haley
Chris picks Katie
The episode ends with Dean realizing that by handing out his rose to Caelynn he may have signaled to her that he’s willing to be monogamous for more than 12 days.
HAHA. The look of sheer horror in those eyes. I can’t. Dean tells Caelynn they need to talk. Just by his tone, she knows that she’s about to get dumped. Caelynn lets out a half-hearted “but it’s my birthday you can’t break up with me!” and it’s like girlfriend, I’ve been dumped on my birthday, Christmas Eve, and Labor Day Weekend. Nothing is sacred to these people!
And on that note, I’m out, kids. See you betches tonight!
Images: Giphy (6); ABC (1); @blackbachelornation /Instagram (1)
We have made it to week nine, and I can’t believe it’s taken more than two months for us to reach the high point of this season. No, not referring to a proposal, I’m referring to a fence jump that we all could EASILY see if we watched any episode of COPS. The fact that we’ve been waiting this long to see Colton jump over something that’s shorter than his stack of expired Trojans boggles my mind. Let’s see if it lived up to the hype…
Monday’s episode kicks off with Chris Harrison and Colton sitting on the steps of the house from Forrest Gump, where Colton is requesting sleeping bags to be present in the unavoidable and dreaded fantasy suites. After telling him “We can’t do that, but I’ll look into bunk beds,” Chris settles Colton’s nerves and reassures him that it’s just like riding a bike. Yea, but this 20-something-year-old’s bike needs training wheels.
As a last attempt to gain platinum status on United, Colton and the three remaining girls pack their bags and head to Portugal. Realizing that this may be the country where he loses his virginity, Colton takes several selfies in order to compare ‘Before’ and ‘After’ look. Spoiler alert: you look the same after having sex. But who’s going to have a shot at stealing his V-card first? Tayshia, you’re up to bat.
As Tayshia is walking through the streets of Portugual looking for the nearest payphone to arrange a getaway car, she stumbles upon Colton, and realizes that she might as well go on this date. After seeing that Colton has an Enterprise Helicopter key, her mood perks up. For those keeping track at home, this is the third time they’ve been in the air together. Bungee jumping, skydiving, and now a helicopter. (Air Colton > Ground Colton, apparently.) After talking about Portugal’s chief exports (don’t watch if you’re narcoleptic, as this date is sleep-inducing), they land, and then head to a cliff to enjoy a picnic with a view. Except they don’t. That picnic basket is emptier than Chick-Fil-A on Sundays. Because making out on a cliff is too cliché, they head to a lighthouse, where kissing is not only welcomed, but encouraged.
Wardrobe change, aka, night date time! Tayshia and Colton chat over dinner about her previous marriage, and how she divorced him because he refused to put the toilet seat down. (Statistics show that this is the cause of 80% of divorces.) Sticking with the week one storyline, Colton continues to talk about what could be about to happen in the next couple of hours, and how he’s open to it. The whole date, he continues to say: “I appreciate you.” Colton, Colton, Colton. This is where you say: “I love you.” You say: “I appreciate you” to someone who bails you out of jail, or to a friend who buys you a drink because you left your credit card at the bar the night before.
Upon opening the fantasy suite card, we see two things. 1. That Chris Harrison writes in Comic Sans and 2. This boy is nervous! Tayshia takes Colton up on the invite to the suite, and Here. We. Go. In the background, they have the soundtrack to Aladdin playing, and you just know it’s about to be “A Whole New World.” Except it wasn’t. By all indications of how Tayshia woke up the next morning, that bed definitely had a pillow wall between the two. There are “after sex” cues that should be visible the next morning, and Tayshia had none of them. She looked upset, hair was fresh from the beauty salon, and she was still wearing her belt from last night. According to my math, adding all those things up equates to no sex in the champagne room. If the deed was done, Tayshia would’ve woken up dehydrated, hair in ponytail, and stumbling around the apartment butt-ass naked looking for pancake mix. Verdict? Virginity still intact.
Realizing that Cassie has been twiddling her thumbs for 48 hours straight, Colton makes his way to pick her up in a Model-T Ford from the 1860s. After spending some time walking around town, dancing with Portuguese mistresses, and trying to fight his way into the friendzone, Cassie and Colton sit to reflect about hometowns. He tells her, “I could really see myself being a part of your family,” and she responds with, “I like string cheese.” To be fair, who doesn’t? But Cassie, come on, wrong place, wrong time. Cassie has not been emotionally available for Colton this entire season, and like his NFL career, it’s not going to happen anytime soon. Colton is really laying it on thick, but he does tell Cassie that her father didn’t give him his blessing. Cassie seems shocked, but I’ve seen better acting from a puppy in a PetsMart commercial. Not buying it.
In typical father fashion, Cassie’s dad shows up unannounced in the first ever Bachelor minivan to let her know “Just so you know, Colton is not invited to the cookout.” He lectures her about how you know when you love someone, and Cassie communicates that, like learning pre-calculus, she’ll get there eventually. The luggage-less father returns to the airport to fly home because he left his hazards on at LAX, and they don’t play around at Arrivals.
After the impromptu visit from her dad, Cassie has made the decision that since she’s paid LA rent for all these months, she’s going to go home and get her money’s worth. The night portion of the date is filmed in a Portuguese open house, and this is where the episode starts to be somewhat interesting. Colton continues to tell her he loves her, and Cassie dodges those bullets like 6th grade dodgeball tournament.
How long are Cassie & Colton contractually obligated to sit on this IKEA living room set??#thebachelor
— Diggy Moreland (@diggymoreland) March 5, 2019
Transcript of Colton & Cassie’s Date:
Colton: “I love you.”
Cassie: “Portugal is amazing.”
Colton: “I hope I’m with you in the end.”
Cassie: “Bacon is my favorite!”
Colton: “I feel differently with you.”
Cassie: “Wool scarves makes me itch.”
Cassie tells him that she doesn’t think she can get there, but she wanted to tell him in person, because this is her favorite dress and she thinks America will love it too. He then throws every Hail Mary in the book, including “I think of you even when I’m with the other girls.” Cassie says “That’s cool and all, but can you drop me off at the airport?” Finding her own ride, Cassie leaves, and Colton heads back to his room…alone. Seeing that room service forgot to make him a towel swan for the day, he screams “I’M DONE!” and starts running. Production, stray dogs, and even Chris Harrison in his Patagonia quarter-zip (in the midst of his cucumber facial) chase Colton as he storms off the property. The only thing preventing him from leaving the property is this white fence, and Colton shows that, unlike the movie, white men CAN jump, and even gets a perfect score from the Russian judge on the landing. He sprints out into the Portuguese night, nowhere to be found. I mean, he has to return right? Not only does he have the only key to Hannah G.’s room, but continental breakfast on the property ends at 11am. Only time will tell…or the spoilers.
The Women Tell All
Before we get to find out if Colton even wants to know what Hannah G. is like in the third fantasy suite, these women get their last chance to solidify Instagram deals say their peace. As an only child, I’m not sure what growing up with siblings is like, but after seeing this, I’m DEFINITELY glad I didn’t grow up with a house full of sisters. With all these girls talking over each other, my Closed Captioning went into overdrive and knocked the power out of an entire Chicago city block.
Not gonna lie, when they introduced the cast, I was 100% sure that most of these people were paid actresses, since I don’t remember them AT all. They start off with Catherine, and she decides it’s too sunny in the studio, so she provides a few fellow cast members with some shade. I just wish someone would’ve commented on her pantsuit that would’ve made Roseanne jealous.
Nicole and Onyeka revisit their “feud,” and this is far from family-related. Onyeka proves that she wasn’t a bully by breaking down the Oxford definition, and Nicole proves that she’s a mime, because she doesn’t say sh*t. I actually feel bad for Nicole, because she’s trying to get a word in, but Onyeka’s mouth runs on diesel, so you know it’s not stopping soon.
The bomb that Katie dropped on her way out (“You have some people remaining not here for marriage”) is addressed and she mentions names this time: Caelynn and Cassie. Caelynn is the only one there to defend herself, and she does say she was there for the right reason, and that was to get sponsored by Crate & Barrel, because she’s too old to sit on IKEA furniture she can’t pronounce. Other girls pile on Katie’s side, and at the same time, are uninviting themselves to Caelynn’s C&B housewarming party in the process.
Demi vs. Courtney might be the best battle of the night. I wouldn’t call this World War 3, but more like, “Battle for the Last Pair of XS Lululemon Yoga Pants.” Demi comes out with several clapbacks, and Courtney sits there silent, not blinking, like she’s at an optometrist appointment. Courtney, can you read these letters on the chart: “U–R-Done.” After being called “bed bugs of the house,” Courtney puts her tail between her legs and retreats.
Hannah B. and Caelynn get their time to say their peace as well. Hannah B. says she’s still looking for someone to love her fiercely, but more importantly, ABC lets her redo her disaster of a toast, which is already better because she used actual words this time. Caelynn got to confront Colton about what really happened, and he pretty much told her he found out she still owed past due fees at Blockbuster, and he didn’t need anyone that irresponsible in his life in 2019.
Next week is the FINAL week, and then we get to return to life as normal. Wait, has someone let Hannah G. out of her room yet?!
Images: ABC; Giphy (4); @diggymoreland / Twitter