Love her or hate her, you can’t deny that Taylor Swift has had a pretty iconic decade. Today, she turns 30, which surprised me at first, but then I remembered that being born in 1989 is like, a major part of her image. We’ve followed along with Taylor’s life since she was a teenager, so I guess this should make me feel old, but really I’m just taking this as an opportunity to reflect. Not on like, my personal growth or some boring sh*t like that, but on all the amazing moments Taylor has given us this decade.
It might sound like I’m sucking up to Taylor here, but I don’t just mean “amazing moments” like her winning awards and selling a bunch of albums. I mean all the petty, passive-aggressive, and cringeworthy moments that only Taylor Alison Swift could possibly have created. My personal relationship with Taylor has come a long way in the last 10 years, so it’s time to take a walk down memory lane. Here are all the best Taylor Swift moments that you might have forgotten about in the past decade.
The Kanye Phone Call
Kim exposing the phone call between Kanye and Taylor about his line in Famous. RT to save a life pic.twitter.com/FLBkEXkJTZ
— claire 🌻 (@ohaiclaireee) July 18, 2016
Okay, so no one has really forgotten about Taylor’s decade-long feud with Kanye, but this one specific moment felt a pivotal moment in our pop culture history. After Taylor Swift publicly called out Kanye West for his lyric about having sex with her in his song “Famous”, Kim Kardashian defended her husband by releasing a video of Kanye calling Taylor to get her approval before the song ever came out. It was the Snapchat story heard around the world, and it re-ignited one of the biggest celebrity feuds ever.
In response to the video, Taylor clarified that she was actually angry about the use of the word “bitch” to describe her, and that she would very much like to excluded from this narrative. Her lawyers also reportedly sent Kim and Kanye a letter demanding that they destroy the video, which, as you can see from the video embedded above, was too little, too late. Taylor then went on to release an entire album inspired by Kanye being mean to her, and it’s fair to say that they’ll probably never truly get along. God, I love Kim for being messy and posting this video.
The Time She Was (Allegedly) In A Box
Taylor Swift has reportedly been carried out of her house in this massive suitcase https://t.co/iIeamTRfFM pic.twitter.com/bdmZyIKIsB
— SPIN 1038 (@spin1038) July 17, 2017
This is a deep cut from the Taylor Swift vault, but I felt it was vital to include. Back in 2017, paparazzi service Splash News published a bunch of photos with the caption “Taylor Swift being transported in a huge suitcase from her Tribeca apartment into her truck.” They later retracted the caption, saying that it wasn’t verified, but a huge rumor had been born nonetheless. We’ve never gotten confirmation one way or the other, but I personally 100% believe this to be true. If you asked me which celebrity would make people carry her inside a giant case to avoid photographers, it would absolutely be Taylor Swift.
We’ll probably never know for sure whether Taylor is inside the box, but we got a major clue last year, when Zayn mentioned in a British Vogue interview that Taylor “was traveling around in a suitcase.” SEE?!! Say what you will about this theory, but it’s basically confirmed in my mind.
As if the box mystery wasn’t compelling enough, let’s move onto another legendary mystery about Taylor Swift’s life: the infamous scarf. In her 2012 song “All Too Well” Taylor sings about her relationship with Jake Gyllenhaal, which you also may have forgotten about. The song is masterfully written, but there’s one lyric that fans couldn’t stop thinking about: “I left my scarf there at your sister’s house, and you’ve still got it in your drawer even now.”
For years, people fixated on this scarf, and whether or not Jake (or Maggie) Gyllenhaal knew its whereabouts. Then, in 2017, the pop culture gods smiled down on us, and Andy Cohen asked Maggie about the scarf when she appeared on Watch What Happens Live!. Maggie said that people always ask her about it, but had no idea about what the song was actually referencing. She did say, though, that “it’s possible.” Case closed, Maggie Gyllenhaal has Taylor Swift’s scarf somewhere.
No It’s Becky
If you know anything about Taylor Swift, you know she’s always been a Tumblr girl at heart. She prefers a petty text post to a Notes App apology any day, and she’s also not afraid to troll the good people of Tumblr. To understand this story, we have to go back to a vintage Tumblr meme:
God, I loved Tumblr. This whole post is iconic, but “no its becky” literally needs to be carved on my grave. This post made its way around Tumblr for a few years, and then in 2014, it reached a peak. Taylor Swift stepped out in New York wearing a T-shirt that said, and I cannot make this up, “no its becky.”
PEOPLE IN NYC WILL BE CONFUSED THATS BECKY OKAY NOT TAYLOR SWIFT SHES BECKY pic.twitter.com/o566D7fPo1
— chels (@taylorspurr) September 25, 2014
Tumblr, and the internet as a whole, obviously ate this sh*t up, and I have to hand it to Taylor. This was really an epic moment in pop culture, and it proved that despite being annoying sometimes, she really does have a sense of humor.
The Tom Hiddleston Relationship
Is there anything more cringeworthy in Taylor Swift’s history than her short-lived relationship with Tom Hiddleston? I mean, maybe she once waved at someone she didn’t actually know, but I haven’t heard about that, so the Tom Hiddleston relationship it is! We all know how this began—with that awkward dance at the Met Gala. I’ll take any opportunity to use this gif, so feast your eyes on this baby.
I guess they really did find love in a hopeless place. If your eyes aren’t bleeding after watching that, let’s continue. Taylor and Tom had a brief but intense relationship, getting photographed up-close in multiple locations (Rhode Island, Italy) that some people thought it was a fake relationship just for a music video. The embarrassment culminated in his appearance at her Fourth of July party wearing an “I Heart T. S.” tank, which thankfully, Robert Downey, Jr. won’t let us forget. You’re doing the lord’s work, sir.
After that, they quickly broke up, and Tom Hiddleston presumably burned that hideous f*cking tank top. I hope he spent a lot of time thinking about what he had done, because honestly, what was he thinking?
Her Relationship With A Kennedy
Of course we haven’t forgotten about Taylor Swift’s high-profile relationships with celebs like John Mayer or Harry Styles, but when was the last time you thought about Conor Kennedy? He and Taylor dated in the summer of 2012, and my favorite moment was when they crashed the wedding of another Kennedy family member, an event which thankfully made its way to the tabloids. Specifically, the bride said that Conor texted her an hour before the wedding asking if they could come, and she specifically responded “Please do not come.” Well, they came anyway, and the bride asked Taylor to leave. Why don’t more people know about this??
taylor meeting an american man after dating conor kennedy pic.twitter.com/MGERoH1XDx
— giselle🧚🏼♂️ (@inagetawaycar) September 24, 2019
Additional fun fact: since her relationship with Conor, Taylor has never dated another American guy. Guess he ruined Americans for her, sad!
The Apple Music Letter
While the wedding crashing wasn’t her best behavior, Taylor has frequently used her power for good. In 2015, she penned an open letter to Apple Music, bashing them for their announcement that artists wouldn’t be paid for streams during users’ free trial periods. This was obviously a f*cked up decision, and Apple quickly walked back their earlier announcements, but the damage was done. Taylor withheld her new album from the streaming platform, and also pulled her music from Spotify over their less-than-ideal payment system.
In the years since this went down, Taylor Swift has fixed her relationship with Apple, and her music is also back on Spotify. But in that moment in 2015, she proved that she wasn’t afraid to use her voice to fight for what she believed was fair. She d0esn’t always get it right, but this was a pretty great moment.
The “Bad Blood” Video
No one does petty like Taylor Swift, and what’s pettier than assembling an entire group of friends to sh*t on someone you don’t get along with? For Taylor’s “Bad Blood” video, she did just that, giving life to the “girl squad” trend and basically throwing Katy Perry under several buses.
While Katy obviously didn’t make an appearance (that would take a few more years), this sh*t had Selena, Gigi, Martha Hunt, Cara Delevingne, Karlie Kloss, Jessica Alba, Lena Dunham, Mariska Hargitay, Ellen Pompeo, and Cindy Crawford and other people that I haven’t even listed here because I’m sick of commas. It was a huge deal, and premiered during the Billboard Awards. And then Taylor continued to trot out her celebrity friends like pretty little show ponies for the entirety of her tour. Still mad I didn’t buy tickets tbh.
The Scooter Braun Feud
This drama recently unfolded, so if you don’t remember what happened you probably need to use more anti-aging cream than me. DM me your address and I’ll share my routine. We’ve covered the multiple stages of this feud in detail, so I’ll just link info here and here, but we can’t just not mention it here. This summer, Taylor Swift made everyone choose sides (and Google “what are masters”) when she accused Scooter Braun and Scott Borchetta of basically ruining her life by buying her entire musical catalogue.
Then, a few weeks ago, she started phase two of this war when she claimed that these men weren’t going to let her perform her old hits at the American Music Awards. Scooter finally posted a lengthy statement, refuting her claims claiming that he was receiving death threats, and Taylor performed her old songs without a mention of the drama. I don’t know where this feud is headed in the future, but it’s definitely been a bumpy ride this year.
I could talk about Taylor Swift all day (and I kind of feel like I have), but if anyone deserves the attention, it’s her. Whether you love her, or love to hate her (or fall somewhere in the middle), she’s had a massive decade, and I’m sure her 30s will be no different. Taylor—keep being petty, I literally don’t know what I would do without you!
Images: ohaiclaireee, spin1038, taylorspurr, inagetawaycar / Twitter; Watch What Happens Live / YouTube; dundermilfflin / Tumblr; Giphy (5); robertdowneyjr, scooterbraun /Instagram
Taylor Swift’s birthday, and after having a full year to reflect on her Reputation (see what I did there?) it’s time to answer a question that has plagued the nation since Taylor first burst onto the scene as a crimped-haired 16-year-old from Pennsylvania who inexplicably plays country music: is Taylor Swift still annoying? And readers, I’d go so far as to pose another question: was she ever annoying? Or is her “annoying” reputation just mirror, a mere reflection of society’s own annoyingness?
Okay so maybe I took that one step too far.
After a lengthy examination of my own beliefs (I was on the “Taylor Swift is a psycho” bandwagon until this year), my answer to the “is Taylor Swift still annoying?” question is a resounding no. This will probably come as a shock to OG Betches fans, who know that we’ve been casually (and not-so-casually) shading Swift for years, but I am here to make amends. I repent. I take it back. A lot of Taylor’s “annoying” reputation (okay I’m going to stop saying “reputation” now) comes not from things she’s actually done, but from what we think she’s up to. In this essay, I will examine all the reasons Taylor haters (Tayters?) think Taylor Swift is bad, debunking them one by one. Yes, this is my job and sole source of income.
Taylor Swift Is Annoying Because She Writes About Breakups
So, we’ve covered this topic extensively in our article “Why Is Ariana Grande Celebrated For Doing What Taylor Swift Is Mocked For?” (hello Pulitzer), but let me just say, as a person who once made this argument, this argument is bullsh*t. It is *dusts off Women’s Studies degree* steeped in misogyny. Men sing about heartbreak and love all the time. Ed Sheeran was literally created in a lab for this exact purpose. Drake has called his exes out by name and place of employment (hi, Courtney from Hooters), and nobody has come after him over it. Furthermore, other women sing about breakups and heartbreak all the time (see: Adele’s entire career) but for some reason Taylor is the only one who gets slammed for it. Why? Because Taylor’s songs are perceived as being not just for women, but for young girls, and because society does not value young girls, they do not value Taylor. Never mind that plenty of women in their late 20s (me) listen to Taylor Swift regularly, she is mostly associated with speaking about the thoughts and feelings of young girls, and for that she must be punished.
Taylor Swift Is Annoying Because Of Her Dating Habits
This is a difficult one because I can’t just sit here and deny the facts. Taylor brings this criticism on herself by exclusively and publicly dating other celebrities, then hiding clues about them in the liner notes of her songs and/or trashing them at public appearances, A brief list of the people Taylor Swift has dated includes (but is not limited to): Harry Styles, Jake Gyllenhaal, John Mayer, Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, Cory Monteith (RIP), Conor Kennedy, Calvin Harris, and Tom Hiddelston (though I think we can all agree that last one was fake). So yeah, that’s a lot. And I still maintain the fact that she tried to buy a house next to Conor Kennedy’s house after three months of dating is the most certifiably insane thing I’ve ever heard—but now, rather than hating on her for it, I f*cking love it. Yes b*tch! Get down with your crazy ass! Who among us hasn’t wanted to spectacularly drag their exes on the world stage? Who among us would not date a string of handsome celebrities, if a string of handsome celebrities wanted to date us? I know I would!
(Except for John Mayer. I would never go anywhere near John Mayer.)
Furthermore, Taylor appears to have turned a new leaf with boyfriend of two years Joe Alwyn. Sure, she still wrote a f*ckton of songs about him on Reputation, but their relationship has been relatively private and low-key. Rumor has it that she is “more serious” about Alwyn than any of her previous boyfriends, and an even more scandalous rumor says he may be looking to propose.
Of course, that could all just be some fake bullsh*t designed to keep Taylor’s name in the papers. Which brings us to…
Taylor Swift Is Annoying Because She Is Fake
So let’s first start off by saying that every celebrity is fake. Every single one. Some have fake bodies, some have fake souls, some have fake bodies and fake souls, but all of them have a team of people crafting their image at all times. The only thing Taylor Swift is guilty of is being less adept at hiding it.
The world first started getting wind of Taylor’s supposed fakeness during the 1989 tour, when suddenly every model that had ever walked the runway was Taylor’s best friend. How did this friend group form so suddenly? Could it be…A PUBLICITY STUNT? This, coupled with the fact that she was engaged in a pretty obviously fake relationship with Tom Hiddleston, did not look great for Tay’s authenticity.
Things only got worse in February of 2016 when the Kimye feud exploded. For a refresher: Kanye wrote the lyric “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex/ Why, I made that bitch famous” in his song “Famous.” Aside from the fact that Kanye did not make Taylor Swift famous (she was actively winning a VMA when the infamous “Imma let you finish but…” incident went down), Taylor didn’t love being called a bitch and made a speech at the Grammys that was seen as a dig at Kanye. Then there was some back-and-forth over whether or not Kanye had cleared the lyrics by Taylor ahead of time, which all ended in Kim releasing footage of Kanye asking Taylor about the lyric ahead of time.
And yes, Taylor did come across as supportive of the lyrics in the leaked video, but contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t actually contradict what she said. Kanye only runs the first part of the lyric by her, leaving the “bitch” out. Should Taylor have made that more clear/maybe just not f*cking said anything at all about this? Sure. But after watching Kanye’s behavior this past year, I’m ready to retroactively support Taylor in this feud.
Taylor Swift Is Annoying Because Her Music Is Bad
Taylor Swift Is Annoying Because Her Politics Suck
Okay so this one takes a little bit of explanation. During and after the 2016 election (remember it?), many people noticed that T-Swift was conspicuously silent on the political front, in contrast to her women’s marching, Hillary-voting counterparts like Ariana Grande and Katy Perry. This led to a lot of speculation from
me all corners of the internet that Taylor was either a) not speaking up about politics because a lot of her fans might be Trump supporters and she needs that $$$ or 2) a secret Republican herself.
This was all made worse in May of 2016 when neo-Nazis declared Taylor to be an “Aryan Goddess” who was just waiting for Donald Trump to become president so she could announce her new role as Lady Hitler. VICE did a deep-dive into the Nazis’ half-joking love of Taylor, including claims that her songs “red-pilled” America into being conservative (kill me) and that her many lyrics about blue eyes were secret Nazi code.
It even went so far as to lead Swift to file a lawsuit against a writer who claimed she’d hidden Nazi imagery in the “Look What You Made Me Do” video. This, combined with Taylor’s admittedly white fan base and friend group, plus the manic hysteria that befell the country as soon as Donald Trump took office, was a v powerful combo. The host of The Apprentice had just become president! Was it really so far off that one of the top pop stars of our era could also be hiding a bubblegum statue of Richard Spencer in her closet?
I mean, yes, it was. But again, it was 2016, and we were hysterical. It goes without saying that just because someone dates people with blue eyes, it does not mean that they believe white people are the master race. It just means she likes blue eyes which, by the way, are a genetic anomaly that can occur in individuals with a variety of racial backgrounds.
Even if you didn’t believe Taylor Swift was like, a Nazi-Nazi, rumors about her political affiliation and speculation about her beliefs persisted until the year of our Lord 2018 when she rocked the world by announcing she would be voting for Democrat Phil Bredesen in Tennessee’s Senate election. She followed this post up with several notices about early voting, and vote.org saw a major spike in voter registration following her post.
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I’m writing this post about the upcoming midterm elections on November 6th, in which I’ll be voting in the state of Tennessee. In the past I’ve been reluctant to publicly voice my political opinions, but due to several events in my life and in the world in the past two years, I feel very differently about that now. I always have and always will cast my vote based on which candidate will protect and fight for the human rights I believe we all deserve in this country. I believe in the fight for LGBTQ rights, and that any form of discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender is WRONG. I believe that the systemic racism we still see in this country towards people of color is terrifying, sickening and prevalent. I cannot vote for someone who will not be willing to fight for dignity for ALL Americans, no matter their skin color, gender or who they love. Running for Senate in the state of Tennessee is a woman named Marsha Blackburn. As much as I have in the past and would like to continue voting for women in office, I cannot support Marsha Blackburn. Her voting record in Congress appalls and terrifies me. She voted against equal pay for women. She voted against the Reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act, which attempts to protect women from domestic violence, stalking, and date rape. She believes businesses have a right to refuse service to gay couples. She also believes they should not have the right to marry. These are not MY Tennessee values. I will be voting for Phil Bredesen for Senate and Jim Cooper for House of Representatives. Please, please educate yourself on the candidates running in your state and vote based on who most closely represents your values. For a lot of us, we may never find a candidate or party with whom we agree 100% on every issue, but we have to vote anyway. So many intelligent, thoughtful, self-possessed people have turned 18 in the past two years and now have the right and privilege to make their vote count. But first you need to register, which is quick and easy to do. October 9th is the LAST DAY to register to vote in the state of TN. Go to vote.org and you can find all the info. Happy Voting! ????????????
So let this be a lesson to all of us—just because a person doesn’t scream about politics constantly in their daily life (hi, me), it doesn’t meant they’re like, heiling Hitler in private.
Taylor Swift Is Annoying Because Her Fans Are Annoying
Okay so this one is actually true, but it’s not Taylor’s fault. As previously discussed, Taylor’s music resonates most closely with horned-up 13-year-olds aka the most vicious group of individuals who exist on the internet. Taylor cannot control this. Horned-up 13-year-olds cannot be controlled.
So happy 29th birthday to Taylor Swift. I have gotten you the gift of being declared officially “not annoying” as of today. Try not to f*ck it up, okay?
If you felt the sudden urge to be petty af today, or to hit up your ex boyfriend just to confuse him, that’s probably because it is Taylor Swift’s birthday. We’ve seen Taylor grow from a 16-year-old country music star with impossibly curly hair to a 28-eight-year-old pop music graveyard girl with shorter impossibly curly hair. It’s kind of inspiring. Being that Taylor is almost 30 (gasp!!!), it’s probably time she update some of her more teenager-ey tunes to reflect her late-twenties lifestyle. You know, replacing the references to high school with references to LinkedIn, and adding in more lines about how you thought you’d be married or have a house by now, but instead you still have 5 roommates and are trolling for dick on Hinge. Inspiring stuff.
Anyway, to help welcome Taylor into the world of old millennials, we’ve updated the lyrics to her song “22” to reflect her new 28-year-old lifestyle. It’s a lot less dressing up like hipsters and clubbing, and a lot more putting on sweatpants (because your metabolism has slowed down irreparably and they’re the only thing that fit you right now) and texting your mom about how sad you are. It’s honestly better than it sounds.
“28” by Taylor Swift (sort of)
It feels like the perfect night to put on pajamas
And binge watch Netflix uh, uh, uh uh
It feels like the perfect night to but shit off Amazon
And fall asleep early, oh yeah
Yeah, we’re anxious depressed overworked and hangry at the same time
It’s miserable and miserable oh yeahhhh
Oh fuck I realized I forgot all my deadlines, oh shit
Sorry I was late, but now I’m twenty eight
I cancel basically all my plans now, you’re lucky I came out
You don’t know about me, but I’m almost thirty
I don’t really need new friends, but I’ll act fake now ‘cuz I’m twenty-eight (twenty-eight)
It seems like one of those nights
I’m leaving early. This place is too crowded. Too many college kids, uh uh, uh uh
It seems like one of those nights
We Irish goodbye
And drink some boxed wine
Sorry I was late, but now I’m twenty eight
I cancel basically all my plans now, so you’re lucky I came out
You don’t know about me, but I’m almost thirty
I don’t really need new friends, but I’ll be fake now ‘cuz I’m twenty-eight