Welcome home fam, you’ve arrived. At long last, Taylor Swift’s new album, Reputation, is here, and we have all the details so you can let your group chat know which songs require the most attention. Fasten your seatbelt, we have a lot of shit to talk.
Before I even started listening to the album, I was already annoyed. In a classic move, Taylor decided not to put her album on Spotify and other streaming services for the first week of its release (she clearly needs the money), so I spent $13.99 on iTunes just to get you this review on time. Don’t ever say that the Betches have easy lives.
“…Ready For It?”
We’ve talked about this before. Even if this was the best song ever, I still can’t get the image of that naked Taylor mannequin body shit from the music video out of my mind. This song is a little bit of a banger, but only in the most annoying possible way. It at least makes sense as the first song on the album?
“End Game” (feat. Ed Sheeran & Future)
First of all, “Taylor Swift feat. Ed Sheeran & Future” is one of the most confusing things we’ve ever read. Future looks like he would eat Ed Sheeran for breakfast, but whatever. Taylor shouts (tries to rap?) something about big reputations at the beginning, but tbh she’s very overshadowed here by both Ed and Future. She is clearly the third best rapper on this song. Also shout-out to the MVP worst lyric: “I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me.” Girl, next.
“I Did Something Bad”
Okay, the title of this song is literally me texting my roommates after every single night out. Taylor thinks narcissists are obsessed with her, but narcissism means…being…obsessed with…yourself? Yeah, she doesn’t know what that word means. The chorus of this one is kind of cool, but we could do without the gunshot noises. Taylor probably doesn’t even support gun control, ugh.
“Don’t Blame Me”
This one has more of a sensitive, mellow vibe, which lets Taylor open up about all the hearts she’s broken, and it really doesn’t seem like she has any regrets. She says that love makes her crazy, which we can honestly relate to, considering that we make psycho decisions about boys who literally don’t know we exist. We have our shit together, don’t worry.
Taylor says her reputation has never been worse, and she’s not wrong. Glad we’re on the same page, girly! This sounds like it could have been on one of her old albums, except if she was singing through a robot voice machine. Sad!
“Look What You Made Me Do”
Still hate it. No other comments at this time.
“So It Goes…”
I’m pretty sure four of these songs so far have had the exact same chorus? She’s not a bad girl, but she’ll do bad things with you. Oooh, sick burn. Is Taylor one of those adults who still think “doing bad things” is, like, letting a guy feel you up?
If you’ve ever heard of the band CHVRCHES, this is exactly like their music, but worse. These lyrics are very cookie cutter Taylor Swift and we could fall asleep at any minute. The old Taylor is certainly not dead.
“It was the best of times, the worse of crimes.” Sometimes her lyrics make me want to throw my computer out the window. This song sounds exactly the same as the rest of the album so far. Have I said that I’m bored, because I’m fucking bored. Also, why is she singing about being at a motel bar? I refuse to believe Taylor Swift has been to a motel in the last decade.
“King of My Heart”
This sounded exactly the same as the rest of the album, but then Taylor started rapping, so it got worse. But then the chorus sounds the same again? There are some cool drums happening for a minute, but seriously she is out of ideas and it’s a little sad. And no, Taylor, you’re not my American queen, whatever that means.
“Dancing With Our Hands Tied”
I really don’t hate this one, mainly because it actually sounds different from the rest of the album. It’s pretty catchy and there’s no rapping, thank God. There’s a reference to an invisible locket that’s a little middle school for my taste, but really I’ll take what I can get from Ms. Swift.
Sweater! Scarf! Sock! See, I can do it too. OMG, there are lyrics about being drunk and taking a dress off and is Taylor…a badass?!?!? Nah, just a 27-year-old white woman doing normal shit and expecting a medal. *pours another glass of wine*
“This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”
Okay for real, this bitch is so extra with her song titles. I hate this one a lot. She says something about “feelin’ so Gatsby,” and then the chorus sounds like someone put a basic hip-hop beat under a children’s song. There’s more angsty speak-singing, which is definitely my least favorite thing about this album.
“Call It What You Want”
I’ll call it a lame, misguided attempt at a career reinvention, thanks! Taylor says she brought a knife to a gun fight, which is funny considering I’m positive Taylor has been invited to 0 (zero!) gun fights ever. This is not one of the worst songs on the album, but I’m still bored.
“New Year’s Day”
Last song!!! This one is actually kind of nice, just a piano and some convoluted story about some promise she made some dude about holding onto memories. All this shit about memories sounds annoying, but at least there aren’t like, airhorns during the chorus. Remember when Taylor, like, played instruments? Man, those were the days.
So what’s the verdict? The album has a few high points and a lot of low points. Like her shaggy hair, it could use a trim and some additional styling, but there will always be the next album. Or, maybe she’ll quit music and just be an annoying cat lady full-time. We wouldn’t complain. And if you see me singing this shit at the club, don’t @ me.
Buckle up betches, because I’m about to offer a hot take on Reputation that you likely won’t find anywhere else on this site: It’s good. Feel free to light me up in the comments.
Full disclosure: I’m a Taylor Swift fan. Have been since Fearless. It’s a dangerous stance to take these days and one that I don’t generally discuss, unless I’m drunk and yelling at someone in a bar about Red’s tragic Grammy snub, something that happens far more often than I’d care to admit.
That being said, I was skeptical when it came to Reputation. The singles, while enjoyable in their own ways, hadn’t reached the caliber of what I’ve come to expect from Taylor. If I’m being honest, they are some of my least favorite songs on the album, which I’m starting to think was purposeful.
Say what you will about Taylor Swift, but she’s smart. No move she makes is without meaning, without intention. The singles painted a picture that the internet relished in mocking: Perpetual snake and die-hard romantic Taylor Swift has decided to become a bad girl in the way that you did after one trip to Hot Topic in 7th grade. It was laughable, predictable, and, what I’m now realizing after one listen through of the entire album, 100% planned.
Maybe this new Taylor isn’t the one we needed, but it’s the one we deserved: darker, sultry, kinda pissed off, synth heavy, unapologetic af, and most importantly, honest. She’s open in a way that she never was before, and it’s provided me with something I never thought I’d get: Taylor Swift songs that I can pregame to. God bless.
Sure, the old Taylor drank, and had sex, and made mistakes, but the new Taylor actually talks about it. At 28, Taylor Swift has finally cursed in a song. She’s finally talked about intimacy. She’s not only recognized her reputation, but owned it.
Nowhere is this more obvious than in the Hiddleswift songs (“Getaway Car” is a BOP), which offer up a side of Taylor that we haven’t really seen: one who has fucked up and doesn’t give a shit. She’s open about the fact that maybe she didn’t treat Tom the best, but what’s important is that she’s not apologizing or asking for forgiveness. It’s a refreshing stance for her, and one that I want six more albums of.
Reputation represents a new era for Taylor Swift, that’s been clear from the start. But it’s so much more than just an “edgy” image and some questionable fonts: It’s extreme character development. After being nonstop shit on for a year (or if we’re being honest, her entire career) Taylor has stopped defending herself. She’s stopped trying to win people over and, ironically enough, that might be what actually does it in the end.
You can mock Reputation all day long, but at the end of the day you’re still talking about it. Hate her, love her, make money by talking shit about her on the internet—it doesn’t matter, because she’s already won. Now excuse me while I spend the rest of the weekend listening to this shit on repeat.
Peace and blessings.
If there are two things Taylor Swift loves, it’s her fans, and suing people. This year alone she’s sued a sexual harasser for $1, threatened to sue a blogger for calling her an “icon of white supremacists” (I mean, we’re not not saying that…), and now she’s allegedly gotten Perez Hilton suspended from Twitter because he posted a picture of the track list from Reputation, her allegedly over-hyped album that is allegedly coming out on Friday. Allegedly.
In a six minute video posted to YouTube, Perez Hilton allegedly alleges—we’re being careful because like, yes Betches is a poppin’ brand, but we don’t have T Swift lawsuit money—that shortly after receiving a “take down notice” from Taylor Swift’s team, Perez’s personal Twitter account was taken down.
So to recap: Being a Nazi = blue check on Twitter, 280 characters, RTs for days
Posting a picture of someone holding Taylor Swift’s album which will be released in two days = How dare you? Suspended. Cancelled. No tweets for you.
So like…should we be getting our legal team together for even posting this? Does the ACLU have a Taylor Swift-related hotline we can call when this type of thing happens? If they don’t, TBH, they should.
Luckily, Perez is back on Twitter now and probably learned a very valuable lesson about never doing anything that might anger Taylor Swift ever again. Either that, or she has now made a powerful enemy who will come for her with the power of a thousand fiery Suns. It’ll def be one or the other. With Taylor Swift, there is no in-between.
Hmm…a super famous person who should have better things to do but spends all their time responding to petty nonsense on Twitter? I wonder who that reminds me of…
IDK, I’m stumped.
Update: We spoke to Perez, who confirmed that the takedown notice came from Twitter because they received a DMCA notice regarding his account. He told us, “They did not reach out to me directly.” A quick Google search reveals that a DMCA Takedown happens when content is removed from a website at the request of the owner of or the owner of the copyright of the content. In other words, even though the email didn’t come from Taylor Swift’s team directly, the DMCA notice itself still could have originated from her camp.
As far as how Perez got back on Twitter, he says, “I had to contact Twitter myself. And make my case!” Regarding the posting of the cover, he insists, “I was totally legally protected in posting the damn album back cover! Totally fair use. And newsworthy.” But still, at the end of the day, he says, “I remain a Taylor fan.”