In these trying times, it’s important to maintain normalcy in any way possible. Shower and get dressed every morning, or do an at-home workout. Or in my case, spend the majority of your time thinking about Real Housewives. Just because Bravo has suspended production on its shows doesn’t mean there’s nothing going on in the Bravo-sphere. There are lots of problematic coronavirus posts, but the most interesting development has to do with the Tres Amigas.
Of course, I’m referring to The Real Housewives of Orange County’s Tamra Judge, Vicki Gunvalson, and Shannon Beador, who have spent the last three seasons as a (mostly) inseparable trio of friends. Some people loved them, many people hated them, but they were a total package deal. Things were bound to change after Tamra and Vicki both announced their departures from RHOC earlier this year, and it looks like the Tres Amigas have officially cracked.
On Sunday, Tamra busted through the coronavirus noise on Instagram with a cryptic quote post that immediately raised some questions. The post says: “Fake friends are like shadows. They follow you in the sun but leave you in the dark.” Wow, that’s deep.
With her firing from RHOC, and her ex-husband’s ongoing battle with Stage 3 throat cancer, it’s no secret that Tamra’s life has been tumultuous lately, but the particular timing of this post was pretty openly shady. It came just hours after Shannon Beador posted a picture hanging out with fellow Housewife Kelly Dodd. Kelly hasn’t been on such good terms with the Tres Amigas recently (Vicki literally sued her), and Kelly and Shannon pretty clearly hated each other at the most recent reunion.
My, how the tables have turned. We’re not even supposed to be seeing people right now, and there Shannon and Kelly are, arms around each other with their respective significant others. In terms of the future of RHOC, this is a good sign, because with Vicki and Tamra leaving, she had to be friends with someone. But clearly her Tres Amigas colleagues aren’t thrilled that Shannon has reconnected with Kelly.
As of right now, both Tamra and Vicki have unfollowed Shannon on Instagram, which means it’s officially just the Dos Amigas now. For what it’s worth, Shannon still follows both of them, but we’ll see how long that lasts. I have a feeling that these friendships have been on the rocks since Vicki and Tamra found out they weren’t being asked back next season, because honestly, who wouldn’t be mad about that? So now they’re stuck at home without their Housewives paychecks, while Shannon is still making money, and hanging out with someone they both hate. Sure, it might be petty, but I can totally see how Shannon posting the photo with Kelly was the final straw for Vicki and Tamra.
It’ll be interesting to see how Shannon and Kelly finally patch up their differences—and if it lasts—but it’s unclear when that will happen. Production started last month for the landmark 15th season of The Real Housewives of Orange County, but depending on how the coronavirus pandemic pans out, we might have a little longer wait than usual. Production shut down last week due to health concerns, and currently all Bravo production is on hold until further notice. Other shows affected include The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Dallas, as well as Southern Charm‘s already-delayed seventh season. Luckily, the New York, Beverly Hills, and Potomac housewives’ upcoming seasons are finished, so at least there’s still something to look forward to.
Images: Bravo/Getty Images; tamrajudge, shannonbeador / Instagram
There are a number of traits that all good Real Housewives have in common. An aspirational lifestyle, a highly suspect business venture, and a toxic husband are par for the course, but what really sets a Housewife apart from her castmates is the ability to deftly lob an insult, especially at another Housewife. This requires quick thinking and a way with the English language that few of us mere mortals possess, and when it’s done right, the results are simply magical. Below, I’ve rounded up some of the best Real Housewives zingers in history and provided real life scenarios where you can use them, so you too can feel like a friend of seasoned Housewife. You’re welcome.
“Well, Even Louis Vuitton Makes Mistakes”
Whether you love her or hate her, you can’t deny that Luann has had some of the most iconic lines in the history of The Real Housewives of New York. One of her absolute best came in season 4 when insulting castmate Alex McCord’s “Herman Munster shoes.” Alex immediately clapped back saying they were Louis Vuitton, and without missing a beat, Luann gave us this gem of a comeback, both winning the argument and proving she belongs in the Housewives Hall of Fame.
When To Use It: We’ve all known someone who never misses an opportunity to brag about the various labels they’re wearing. Next time Dorit that person pipes up, you can hit them with a variation of this epic line. For example:
Dorit: OMG could you die over this new purse?! It’s Gucci!
You: Well, even Gucci makes mistakes.
“, You Bald-Headed Scallywag”
OK, so Marlo may not technically be a Housewife, but she is putting in more work this season than many a cast member of The Real Housewives of Atlanta (looking at you, NeNe). She’s long overdue for her peach, and no moment proved this more than in a recent episode on the cast trip to Toronto. As SnakeGate continued to unfold, the entire cast seemed to get into it with each other, with Marlo and Cynthia going head to head about the accusation that someone recorded Cynthia talking smack about NeNe. Cynthia loses it and goes off on Marlo, and out of the clear blue, Marlo refers to Cynthia as a “bald-headed scallywag.” The creativity in busting out a term not used in the mainstream lexicon since the wake of the Civil War leaves me no choice but to stan.
When To Use It: Although Marlo was referring to Cynthia, another woman, I think this jab would work perfectly for that f*ckboy in your life who you’re not quite ready to cut, but who continues to annoy you with his games. If he’s bald or balding, great. If not, then you can take a page out of his textbook with a neg that will surely have him considering a Rogaine purchase. The exchange could go something like this:
F*ckboy: Sry, forgot to press send. U comin over later?
You: Chad, you bald-headed scallywag
“Not Well, Bitch!”
Although Dorinda joined The Real Housewives of New York in season 7, it feels like she’s been there from the beginning. In just a few seasons she has become a fan favorite, and her incredible one-liners have everything to do with it. In season 9 she gave us this wonderfully versatile response when asked by Sex and the City author Candace Bushnell, of all people, how she was doing after a particularly heated argument with castmate Sonja Morgan. In turn, we were gifted this simple, yet incredibly effective phrase. Dorinda, we thank you for your service.
When To Use It: The beauty of this one is that it can be used in so many different scenarios to capture your mood. The “I’ll tell ya how I’m doing” preamble is optional, but when you use it, it hits so much harder. Either way, it’s a fantastic way to shut up that annoying co-worker Karen who cheerfully asks you how you’re doing at 9:03am on Monday before you’ve even had a sip of your iced coffee. Or it’s a perfect response to the group chat attempting to piece together a blackout girls’ night. Like so:
Jackie (to the group): Really hurting this morning. How are you guys doing?
You: I’ll tell ya how I’m doing: not well, bitch!
“I Don’t Know If She Wants To Be Me, Or Skin Me And Wear Me Like Last Year’s Versace.”
Dina Manzo only appeared on the first two seasons of The Real Housewives of New Jersey (and randomly season 6), but she will always be remembered for her biting zingers, chief among them being her description of the one and only Beverly Ann Merrill Danielle Staub in season 1. After a bizarre encounter where Danielle hugged Dina over and over and awkwardly complimented her boobs, Dina delivered this perfect description of Danielle’s strange obsession with her. We miss you, Dina.
When To Use It: This line is best used when you want to highlight the Single White Female in your life who is seemingly always around and annoying the ever-loving shit out of you. Whether she keeps going after the guys you like, insincerely compliments you in a backhanded way, or is always showing up to frat parties in a sad variation of your outfit from last week, you can describe her as such:
Your Bestie: What’s up with Hannah? She’s basically wearing the same dress you wore last weekend.
You: I don’t know if she wants to be me, or skin me and wear me like last year’s Versace.
“Is Your Ass Jealous Of The Sh*t That Comes Out Of Your Mouth?”
I can’t say I’m going to miss Tamra now that she’s gone, but she did leave us with some truly memorable jabs. Tamra does her best work when she’s angry (never forget Jesus Jugs) and she exploded during the season 6 reunion when she sensed that Gretchen was being less than truthful, giving us this truly excellent insult. RIP, Tammy Sue.
When To Use It: This one comes in handy whenever you want to call bullsh*t on someone who is obviously lying. Of course, you can use it for more serious lies like Tamra did, but it also works when you want to joke around with someone close to you about a more harmless lie. Case in point:
You: Hey, just got here. What’s your ETA?
Friend (just got out of the shower): On my way!
You: Does your ass get jealous of the sh*t that comes out of your mouth?
Of course, there are far too many incredible Housewives insults and many of the very best had to be left off this list. What are some of your favorites and how would you use them in the real world? Sound off in the comments. Until then:
Images: Bravo; Tenor (2); Giphy (4)
Just weeks ago, a grown woman was caught on film having a meltdown while on the job. She yelled at her boss, suggested that she was the reason for his success, and publicly shamed a coworker with same-sex proclivities, saying, “We don’t do that” and “Turn it down!” In any other functional workplace, this behavior would get a person immediately fired, but in Real Housewives land it gets you ratings and a promotion. Of course, this isn’t the first time Vicki Gunvalson has gone off the rails, but it is the first time it has felt like a palpable line had been crossed. After her entitled and delusional outbursts at The Real Housewives of Orange County season 14 reunion, it became clear that she had fallen prey to some classic Real Housewife pre-retirement symptoms, suffered by many fellow Housewives, past and present. Read on for the signs a Real Housewife should leave the party.
1. Not Fully Participating in Filming and Reunions
There are always going to be parts of our jobs that we don’t like, for example, having to interact with other human beings partnering with coworkers on group projects. However, we’re paid to fully execute our responsibilities, and a Housewife’s duties are no different. This means showing up to all filming obligations, regardless of whether you feel like it or are getting along with your fellow castmates. Unfortunately, Lisa Vanderpump didn’t seem to understand this concept throughout season 9 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, when she just decided to stop filming midway through and chicken out on the reunion because she wasn’t getting along with the other women. It’s no wonder she was fired won’t return for the upcoming season. NeNe Leakes is also currently suffering from a similar delusion on this season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. She’s barely been a presence and is leaving the heavy lifting to “friends of” like Marlo Hampton. It’s like asking an intern to bear your entire workload. Aspirational, but not how it actually works. If the Bravo execs have any sense, they’ll give Ms. Leakes her walking papers.
2. Forgetting The Show Is An Ensemble Effort
It’s natural that in any season there are going to be fan favorites and breakout stars. But Housewives get into trouble when they start believing their own hype and convincing themselves that they are the stars of their shows and their fellow castmates are merely supporting players. Vicki demonstrated this over and over again on the season 14 reunion, constantly making references to “my show” and saying “Get her off my show!” in reference to Braunwyn. Teresa Giudice is also guilty of using similar language on multiple occasions. What both Vicki and Teresa fail to realize is that they are on a show that thrives—nay, depends—on the interactions between cast members. Unless you’re Bethenny Frankel, you’re not compelling enough to carry your own show. Suck it up and know your role before you find yourself out of a job.
3. Crossing Moral And/Or Legal Boundaries
As Housewife fans, we live for drama, but when that drama derives from behavior that is immoral or downright illegal, it becomes hard to stand by the Housewife in question. We can never forget Vicki’s entanglement with real-life Dirty John Brooks Ayers, who spent the bulk of season 10 perpetrating a cancer scam, and although she was fully aware of this claimed to know nothing about it, she lost a lot of her luster with fans and the storyline was widely considered a low point for the series. Behavior that goes even further and ventures into criminal territory will get you fired, as Phaedra Parks learned after the revelation during the season 9 Atlanta reunion that Phaedra spread defamatory rumors claiming Kandi and Todd wanted to drug Porsha in order to take advantage of her. Attorney Phaedra should have known better than anyone that no one wants to deal with lawyers.
4. Being Inauthentic
We’ve all deduced by now that “reality” television is hardly real in the way, say, documentary footage or live news reporting is real. Plots need to be fleshed out, and at times that leads to storylines that can come off a bit contrived. However, when a Housewife herself is inauthentic, it’s a deal-breaker, and a telltale sign that she has no business being on the show. Tamra Judge on Orange County is a perfect current example. A woman who was once a pot-stirring firecracker prone to taking her top off is now, over a decade later, a pot-stirring firecracker prone to taking her top off. Only now it’s no longer novel and comes off as a desperate attempt to stay relevant on a show that is evolving without her. Another party guilty of inauthenticity of a different type is Dorit Kemsley on Beverly Hills. Forgetting about her put-on accent, Dorit’s refusal to air any of her real-life controversies makes her one of the phoniest Housewives we’ve ever had. It’s unclear what she brings to the show, other than a piggish husband and a penchant for over-the-top, label-displaying fashion she can’t actually afford. Yawn.
5. Avoiding Drama
Just like part of the job is showing up to filming at the appointed times, another integral part of being a Housewife is getting into it with other Housewives. Yet, year after year, there are always several women who complain that they “don’t want any drama” and refuse to go toe-to-toe with the others. In fact, aside from Puppygate, the entire cast of Beverly Hills built a whole season around this ethos, leaving us with one of the most boring seasons of the show we’ve ever seen (and that’s saying something). Even Namaste Teresa is a shell of the table-flipping, prostitution-whore-calling woman she once was, staying out of the fray and letting other people like Danielle Staub do her bidding. One might say this is growth and one might be right, but we all know dignity and maturity have no place on reality television. If I wanted to watch respectful and thoughtful people politely interact with one another, I’d put on The Great British Bake Off. Pick a lane, people!
It will be interesting to see what Bravo does with its OGs, who are some of the worst offenders when it comes to this list. While there’s something comforting about keeping around those who have been there from the beginning, getting rid of the women who aren’t pulling their weight keeps the others on their toes, especially those who lack the self-awareness to course-correct like Lisa Rinna, who does her best despite her drama-eschewing castmates. What other signs are there that a Housewife needs to go and who do you think needs to get off our screens? Let me know in the comments!
Images: Paul Morigi/Getty Images; Giphy (4); Tenor (1)
Earlier this week, The Real Housewives of Orange County’s 14th season premiered. It was pretty much what everyone expected, relatively entertaining and slow. But what happened offscreen was anything but slow. Housewives Tamra Judge and Kelly Dodd got into an explosive Twitter war on Tuesday night, and it did not disappoint.
If you know anything about Tamra Judge and Kelly Dodd, you know they are both ruthless and cutting. These two have only really ever gotten along when they were both attacking the same person. They find common ground in hatred. But normally, they are at odds and both incredibly alpha. Also, it is rumored that Tamra feels that if Kelly had her way, she would be demoted just like fellow costar and the OG of the OC, Vicki Gunvalson (RIP Vicki).
Tamra and Kelly have been feuding off-camera since they finished filming the new season, and that means they’re always taking it to Twitter or Instagram to sound off on what the other might be saying in their testimonials.
This specific feud began when, during the premiere, Tamra was showing off her new house and in my opinion, was just really happy about her new home. Kelly fired off a tweet that started it all, saying “Living in Coto you’re rich!! Lmfao who says that?? Coto is in the sticks!”
And if you have been watching RHOC, you know that Tamra is not a doormat by any means, and will not just take things lying down. So naturally, she attacked.
These two are legends when it comes to fighting and taking low blows. Truly, no one does it like Tamra Judge and Kelly Dodd, which is why this feud is instantly iconic, and honestly I never want it to end. What can I say? I am a messy bitch who lives for drama.
After Tamra said, “Let’s compare income? If it bothers you that much,” she shot another brutal dig at Kelly: “I pay for my houses. I don’t date old men for money,” and Kelly’s response sent me screaming.
Really, “take ur own cbd & relax” is one of the best insults I’ve ever heard.
This fight went on for several hours, and they weren’t just replying to each other, but to fans who were chiming in as well. Ultimately, this all resulted in Tamra deleting her tweets, per the advice of Bravo executives. The producers tend to not like when the housewives get too messy while the season is airing.
Season 14 of RHOC is just starting, so there should be plenty more drama between Tamra Judge and Kelly Dodd. It should be pretty interesting to see what this season has to offer us, and I’m looking forward to seeing how the women interact without Vicki holding an orange.
Images: Bravo; RHOC_KellyDodd, tamrabarney / Twitter
So, this week’s Photoshop Fail is actually a little different. Because instead of calling out a celeb (or fake celeb) for their horrible mistakes that give away their personal mutilations, this one has already been done for us. As in, I don’t even need to find the photo because the subject of the bad editing found it and called it out herself. I was actually going to write a completely different article, but then I saw Tamra Judge, of Real Housewives of OC fame, post this.
Can we talk about how awesome it is that Tamra decided to call out these dumb f*cks for Photoshopping her (and soooo poorly) because they were too cheap to pay for new photos? Which is insane considering how much money this franchise makes. Someone call Andy! But also, as a side note, woman, how much work have you had done? That first photo is unrecognizable. But, I appreciate that Tamra doesn’t seem to edit her body in her photos. I mean, when you’re fit as f*ck, I guess you don’t need to. Which makes sense because she owns a gym.
Take note, celebs. This is what fit looks like. Her waist size actually fits a rib cage and even organs! The perspective is weird due to being taken in a mirror, but those are some pretty straight doorways and background pipes, IMO, so I think this one is legit. Again, take note, everybody.
So back to the problem photo. Apparently she said this is from Season 9, but she wasn’t in the first couple seasons, so from my research, it seems like the photos are actually promos from Season 10 and 11.
This, according to Tamra, was the real pic.
And Season 11:
Clearly the same outfits, but uh…. something’s a bit wrong with Tamra’s smile. Which is really funny because the other ladies look pretty identical in both pics. Here’s closer view of the same face with a different background.
It honestly does not even look like her? Who smiles like that? It’s like they took the smudge tool and went, “look, she’s extra happy.” Like they’re drawing a smile in third grade.
And since I know you guys love GIFs:
Sorry for the quality, I couldn’t find a bigger version of the scary smile. It literally looks like some editor was like, “hmmm, not happy enough.” And just pulled her face up. She looks like Wybie from Coraline when his cheeks are sewn into a smile.
Horrible work. Also, he made her eyes bigger and her face smaller, which, f*cking rude. But really, it looks nothing like her. The budget for this show is insane, I cannot fathom why they couldn’t just take new pics. And also? Why was Tamra the only one edited? Everyone else has their original faces?
This reminds me of when Pretty Little Liars took photos from one of their early seasons, edited the sh*t out of them to make all the girls look like blowup dolls, and posted it as their promo for one of the last seasons. I believe it was Ashley Benson who was so ragey and called it out. It was horrific. Maybe I’ll do it as a Photoshop Fail for a later week, even though it’s old now. But like, wtf man? You can afford to take new photos? And these are supposedly PROFESSIONAL edits?
Thankfully this season’s photos look much better (although definitely scarily airbrushed and no one has their original faces, but it’s Orange County, so what can you do?):
Tamra was at least allowed to make the face of her choosing for this one. (Sidenote: Emily and Gina are back? Uggggghhhh.)
Someone get Andy Cohen on the phone right now for the injustice that was Season 11. And btw, while we’re at it, we need to tell him how PISSED I am about Vicki Gunvalson being demoted to a friend. That is NO WAY to treat the OG of the OC!
Send me any Photoshop Fails you want me to check out! See you next week.
Images: Instagram (@tamrajudge) (2); Bravo (4); Giphy (2)
I’m just gonna come out and say it. This season of Real Housewives of Orange County has blown balls (but not Lydia’s husband’s, though, because he “got them chopped off.” Just ask her or watch like, 4 minutes of an episode). I can’t care anymore about whether or not Vicki and Tamra will make up or whether or not Peggy is going to understand anything anyone is saying or whether or not Lydia is going to pray over someone. I just can’t. The highlight of the season was Shannon not being able to disengage from her Peloton which was hysterical but not exactly what I expect to top the list of moments on Real Housewives. So thankfully, right in time for Thanksgiving I might add, the reunion started last night. I mean, if Andy Cohen asking shady af questions to overdressed women on couches rehashing all the shit they talked about each other doesn’t top your list of things to be grateful for, I don’t know what does. Fuck the mashed potatoes. You have some soul searching to do. And to celebrate the genius that is these reunions, we’re ranking the ‘wives by the one who sucked the most last night to the one that sucked the least. Let’s get to it.
7. Peggy Sulahian
Peggy just sat there. Tbh, I don’t remember her saying a word other than the awkward “Hi, Andy” at the beginning. This is your first (and probs last) reunion, Peggy. Fucking say something.
6. Lydia McLaughlin
Could this girl be more annoying? She’s like the Taylor Swift of Bravo. Constantly being a petty brat and talking shit about people, but always claiming to be the nice girl victim. Fucking vom. From her defending calling Shannon a psychopath because it was “to her face” to her not being able to be around drag queens because there isn’t a verse about them in the Bible (wtf?), it’s gonna be a hard pass on Lydia from me. Also, the whole “game friggin’ on” line she threw at Meghan in an attempt to be a badass was an epic fail.
5. Vicki Gunvalson
Even though she looked like a total asshole all season long, Vicki was able to somewhat redeem herself by actually apologizing to Shannon for telling the world her husband beat her. But like, this is a reunion, not an episode of Barney & Friends. Where tf are the slanderous allegations and inaudible screaming? You’re the OG of the OC. Give the people what they want.
4. Kelly Dodd
I wish there was an award for most improved Housewife, because Kelly Dodd would win. I mean, last season Kelly was good for TV and all, but she was a fucking head case. You can’t call someone a cunt at the dinner table. You just can’t. But all that said, come reunion time I missed old Kelly. I need drama. I need name-calling. I need the outing of secrets we were never supposed to know, but now we know because you’re pissed someone was mean to you on the bus in Ireland. She talked about her divorce, and I’m super pumped to see single Kelly next season, but I just expected more from the resident BSCB housewife.
3. Meghan King Edmonds
Meghan takes a spot in the top three, because she’s the only one who remembered that this is a fucking Bravo reunion and not a time to bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles that everyone can eat and be happy. She came to play. Did she totally start a fight with Lydia about not liking psychics out of nowhere for no reason? She sure did. And guess what? I’m fucking here for it. Because this is the Real Housewives of Orange County. Fucking argue about something insignificant and stop crying.
2. Tamra Judge
First things first. Tamra looks fucking hot. How is she 50? Who is her plastic surgeon? If I exercise, will I look like her in 25 years? Tamra, please DM me the answers to these questions. Thanks. Tamra’s biggest moment of reunion was talking about the state of things with her daughter, which apparently isn’t going so well. It actually made me feel real feelings, which was weird, but I was also finishing my fourth glass of wine at that point so maybe that explains it. Even though her main segment was depressing af she gets a high ranking for a) looking awesome and b) calling Shannon out for being a buzzkill all season long. That’s what real friends do, people.
Also, for the record. This ^ is what reunions are supposed to look like.
1. Shannon Beador
Shannon was clearly the star of last night’s reunion because it’s the first time she publicly spoke about her divorce from David, and most of the women didn’t know, so it was a bombshell. Was it a little teary/sad for my personal taste? Yes. But she did exactly what she needed to do. She took total responsibility for everything bad she did all season but managed to blame it on her crumbling marriage with her shitty fuckboy husband. Now, not only did she get the sympathy of America, she also put herself in a position where none of the women can come for her without looking like total assholes who are picking on the sad fat girl. We played, my friend. She also gets bonus points for losing 25 pounds in time for the reunion. Mazel!