Over the past month or so, there’s been plenty of messy celebrity news, but almost all of it has revolved around the coronavirus pandemic. Celebrities failing to quarantine, being tone-deaf on social media, trying to profit off the crisis—we’ve seen it all. But we all need a break from quarantine drama, and thankfully today’s messiness has absolutely nothing to do with COVID-19. We’re getting back into the soap opera that is Meghan Markle and her thirsty family, and I couldn’t be happier.
Let’s set the scene with some context. Right now, Meghan Markle is in a legal battle with British tabloid Mail on Sunday, after they published parts of a private letter she wrote to her father, Thomas Markle, in August 2018. In the latest round of legal documents, Mail on Sunday says that Thomas showed them the letter after one of Meghan’s friends mentioned it to People, so they did nothing wrong. But Meghan is arguing that she never authorized her friends to speak to People, so Mail on Sunday shouldn’t have even known about the letter. To be honest, I don’t really see why this is Mail on Sunday’s fault—shouldn’t Meghan be punishing whichever “friend” spilled the tea in the first place?
Whatever, I won’t try to decide the legal specifics here, but the latest filings gave us something much more important to talk about: texts that Meghan and Harry sent to Thomas Markle in the days leading up to their wedding. If you’ve ever paid attention to the Markle family, you know that they’re messy bitches who live for drama, so there’s a lot going on here.
On May 3rd, just over two weeks before the royal wedding, Thomas Markle was admitted to the hospital with “acute chest pains.” At the time, Meghan texted her father, saying “I’ve called and texted but haven’t heard back from you so hoping you’re okay.” Okay, supportive! Things weren’t necessarily smooth between them at this point, but it’s nice that she was concerned.
But the tone changed significantly a few days later, when Meghan and Harry learned that Thomas had posed for paparazzi photos in exchange for money. The photos, which clearly show Thomas Googling his daughter at an internet cafe, are low-key iconic. Needless to say, Meghan and Harry weren’t like, super thrilled by this discovery, considering that, according to the legal documents, Meghan had tried to get “logistics and supplies for her father discretely and with privacy, with care taken not to feed the press” and had told him “that he should keep a low profile until the wedding.” Oops!
Then, on May 14th, things took another turn when Thomas Markle said publicly that he would not be able to attend the wedding. Not only was this five days before the wedding, which is definitely not proper etiquette, but he didn’t even tell Meghan and Harry directly. Harry’s texts to Thomas upon finding out are really a sight to behold:
“Tom, it’s Harry and I’m going to call you right now. Please pick up, thank you.”
“Tom, Harry again! Really need to speak to u. U do not need to apologize, we understand the circumstances but ‘going public’ will only make the situation worse. If u love Meg and want to make it right please call me as there are two other options which don’t involve u having to speak to the media, who incidentally created this whole situation. So please call me so I can explain. Meg and I are not angry, we just need to speak to u. Thanks”
“Oh any speaking to the press WILL backfire, trust me Tom. Only we can help u, as we have been trying from day 1”
Okay, a few things. First of all, obsessed with Harry’s use of “u” throughout the texts. We love a royal who loves texting lingo! I also love that Harry introduces himself twice, as if the texts aren’t coming from the same number like, five minutes apart. Don’t worry Harry, I’m pretty sure Thomas knows exactly who it is. But most of all, I love that you can feel Harry’s anger spiraling out of control as the texts go on. Like, when he says “Meg and I are not angry,” don’t let that fool you—he and Meg are ABSOLUTELY angry. And then the way he finishes it off with a casual threat? Iconic, truly.
After that drama, things just got more bizarre the next day. TMZ reported that Thomas had suffered a heart attack, and once again, the tabloids knew before Meghan. Reportedly, Thomas then texted Meghan, and she responded, reminding her father that he’s basically been ghosting her this whole time: “I’ve been reaching out to you all weekend but you’re not taking any of our calls or replying to any texts…”
But to her credit, it actually seems like she was doing everything she could to help her father, even though he wasn’t cooperating at all. She texted him “Very concerned about your health and safety and have taken every measure to protect you but not sure what more we can do if you don’t respond…Do you need help? Can we send the security team down again? I’m very sorry to hear you’re in the hospital but need you to please get in touch with us… What hospital are you at?”
And then, later that day, she said “Harry and I made a decision earlier today and are dispatching the same security guys you turned away this weekend to be a presence on the ground to make sure you’re safe… they will be there at your disposal as soon as you need them. Please please call as soon as you can… all of this is incredibly concerning but your health is most important.”
That’s the last of the texts in the documents, so it’s unclear what happened after that. No matter how you feel about Meghan Markle in general, it seems like she was doing her best to get through to her nightmare of a father. Also, let’s not forget that this was all going down just days before her wedding, so I’m sure she had like, a million other things to be worrying about. So yeah, I can see why she would be hurt when, a few months later, her dad leaked a private letter to some rando tabloid that probably hates her. I get mad when my mom talks about me to her friends, so I can’t even imagine.
This week, Meghan and Harry also sent a letter to the major British tabloids, vowing never to collaborate with or speak to them, so it looks like they’re really focused on tidying up their image and quelling rumors. I’m sure the tabloids still won’t leave them alone, but maybe they’ll chill out a little bit. But even if nothing is going on, there’s clearly still plenty of old drama to talk about.
Photo by Samir Hussein/WireImage
If you’ve been anywhere near the internet over the last couple weeks, you’ve probably heard about some drama going on with the British Royal Family. Harry and Meghan are doing their thing, and then Queen Elizabeth did another thing, but there’s a lot to process when it comes to the reality of what’s happening. Especially if the only time you usually pay attention to the royals is when there’s a wedding, you might be confused about what’s actually happening right now. While I don’t expect most of you to learn all the royal rules or actually care about this sh*t, I thought it might be helpful to explain things in more… American terms. And by that, I mean the Kardashians, who are basically America’s royal family.
First, let’s go through some of the major characters. In this scenario, Queen Elizabeth is Kris Jenner (obvi). She runs this bitch. Prince William is Kim Kardashian, the favorite daughter. The chosen one. And Prince Harry is Kourtney Kardashian, a daughter who is still loved, but like, a little less. It’s not personal, it’s just the way things are. In this situation, there’s no direct Khloé parallel, but she’s used to being left out so I don’t feel that bad.
There are a lot of things that come along with being a Kardashian, but one of the biggest obligations is being on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Every family member has their own side projects, but at the end of the day, the show is the engine that drives the whole Kardashian empire. In the royal family, the equivalent of this is doing royal engagements. According to the Royal Family website, members of the family attend over 2,000 official engagements each year, which includes a lot of charity events, government ceremonies, and just general royal stuff. Most of them are boring, but they all have to get done. This is what it means to be a “working member” of the Royal Family.
And this weekend, it was announced that Harry and Megs will no longer be working members of the family. In 2019, Harry and Meghan attended nearly 300 engagements, and now someone else has to do all of those. Harry will always be a part of the family, but he’s walking away from the job aspect, which is quite similar to Kourtney taking a step back from KUWTK. In clips from the show, Khloé and Kim have complained that Kourtney’s absence puts the burden on them to film more and show more, and the same goes for the other royals now having to cover Harry and Meghan’s share of the work.
In the Queen’s statement this weekend, she cleared up some of the biggest questions about Harry and Meghan’s status, namely which titles they’ll use going forward. It’s important to note that no titles were actually taken away—they’re just agreeing not to use their HRH styles. When Diana divorced Charles, she was stripped of her HRH style, but this is different. That was a final decision, like Blac Chyna’s dreams of being Angela Renee Kardashian being flushed down the toilet, where this feels more like Scott Disick being permanently in the picture, just off to the side.
But what will Harry and Meghan do with their time, now that they don’t have to be at Kim’s house to film three days a week? Wait, f*ck, I’m getting myself confused. Honestly, I feel like Kim Kardashian and Meghan Markle would probably get along, so maybe a Sussex cameo on KUWTK isn’t that far-fetched? That probably won’t happen, but my point is that Harry and Meghan are now basically free to do whatever they want. They won’t be getting taxpayer money anymore, and they will repay the public funds that were used to renovate their home in the UK, which allows them to get jobs and work on that financial independence.
While Kourtney Kardashian has her lifestyle brand to focus on (lol), I have a feeling the Sussexes will be leaning into their charity work, in addition to maybe doing producing work. But who knows, maybe Meghan will relaunch her blog from before she married Harry? That would definitely be the Kardashian thing to do, but I doubt it’ll happen. Either way, Harry and Meghan are going to make tons of money, spend their time wherever they feel like it, and hopefully live happily ever after.
Images: sussexroyal / Instagram
Remember back in May, when we were all celebrating the birth of Master Archie? Yeah, that was less than two months ago. Wow, time really flies when you accomplish nothing with your life. Anyway, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are no doubt still adjusting to being parents for the first time, but things haven’t been all sunshine and rainbows when it comes to their staff. This week, reports surfaced that the couple have just hired their third nanny in six weeks, which, even with no additional context, seems like kind of an alarming pace to be going through nannies.
For reference, it seems like Will and Kate have had much better luck with their child care situation. They’ve worked with the same nanny, Maria Borrallo, since the birth of their first son George in 2013. According to author Louise Heren, who is an expert on British nannies (lol, who knew such a thing existed), Kate and Maria’s relationship is “very close, and they collaborate greatly on the care of the children.” I’m assuming the same can’t be said for any of the Sussex’s nannies thus far.
Because this is the Palace we’re dealing with, details on the circumstances of the first two nannies leaving are pretty light, but of course rumors have started to circulate. While it seems entirely possible that both parents might have been monsters, British tabloids have been quick to jump to the conclusion that Meghan must be a nightmare to work with. This seems like a pretty sexist assumption, as if the nannies couldn’t possibly have an issue with Harry.
The one piece of evidence as to why Meghan might actually be difficult is that the nannies are far from her first staff members who have left their positions. In the year since her wedding, to Harry, her personal assistant, personal bodyguard, and assistant private secretary have all left with little public explanation. People leave jobs all the time for all kinds of reasons, but it does seem like a lot of people leaving what would theoretically be pretty appealing jobs.
Interestingly enough, another report surfaced today that Meghan and Harry aren’t really as rich as you might think. They apparently don’t have access to the same royal financial resources as Kate and William, and therefore their house staff is very limited. They reportedly don’t even have a chef (peasants!), and Meghan orders her groceries from the UK equivalent of Fresh Direct. I don’t know why I find this so funny, but it’s actually pretty refreshing. Maybe the nannies are leaving because the Sussexes can’t offer a competitive salary and benefits?
For now, I’m just hoping nanny three works 0ut, because Meghan and Harry really don’t need any more drama. On top of being new parents, there’s still some lingering tension stemming from the rumors of the fallout surrounding William’s alleged cheating. Maybe Meghan and Harry are firing nannies on purpose to keep attention away from William? Maybe they couldn’t keep a secret, and had to be let go? Maybe Archie is a difficult af baby?! I don’t know, and neither does anyone else, really. What I do know is that I’m f*cking pumped for them to get to this stuff on season 26 of The Crown.
Images: Getty Images; sussexroyal / Instagram; Giphy
After months of waiting, the newest member of the Royal family is finally here. Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex, gave birth to a baby boy early this morning, May 6th. While we were all commuting to work this morning, reports spread that Meghan Markle was in labor, but luckily we didn’t have to wait very long. At around 9:30am, they announced the baby’s arrival with a post on the official Sussex Royal Instagram account, and added that the little prince weighs 7 lbs, 3 oz. Actually, they specifically said that “Their Royal Highnesses’ son weighs 7lbs. 3oz.” Nice and pretentious, just the way I like it.
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We are pleased to announce that Their Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Sussex welcomed their firstborn child in the early morning on May 6th, 2019. Their Royal Highnesses’ son weighs 7lbs. 3oz. The Duchess and baby are both healthy and well, and the couple thank members of the public for their shared excitement and support during this very special time in their lives. More details will be shared in the forthcoming days.
Unlike Will and Kate’s first baby, Meghan Markle Jr. (what I’m going to call the baby until we find out the name) will probably never be King, but he’s still in the line of succession. He’s seventh in line to the throne, which is significant because there could technically be a black King of England. Amazing. A lot of sh*t would have to go down in order for this to happen, but still, Meghan Markle has really changed the future of the Royal family.
Reports had long suggested that Meghan Markle Jr. would arrive at the very end of April or early May, and things looked even more sure when Prince Harry’s scheduled visit to the Netherlands this week was shortened to a single-day engagement. He will be in The Hague on May 9th to kick off the one-year countdown to the 2020 Invictus Games, a sporting event which is one of his main projects.
The arrival of Meghan Markle Jr. is probably a huge relief for everyone in the royal family, because the past few weeks have been a nightmare, with rumors that Prince William cheated on Kate Middleton. According to sources, these cheating issues are at the root of the reported disputes between Will and Harry, who used to be super close. Hopefully, this new baby will help the family mend some of their issues, or else Queen Elizabeth might have to put Will and Harry in timeout until they can play nice with each other.
Images: Shutterstock; @sussexroyal / Instagram