This Sunday is Super Bowl LIII, and I’ve spent this week desperately searching for any reason to care. I may not know much about the teams, or the rules, or literally anything else, but of course I’ve managed to pinpoint the one Kardashian connection to this whole thing. If I have one talent in this life, it’s spending way too much time thinking about the Kardashians. This theory could actually be bigger than Kylie announcing Stormi’s birth during last year’s Super Bowl, because fans think Travis Scott will propose to Kylie during this year’s halftime show.
As you may know, Maroon 5 is headlining this year’s Super Bowl halftime show. While my mom is very excited about this, I’m prepared to chop my ears off if I have to hear “Girls Like You” one more time. Luckily, they’ll be joined by Big Boi (of Outkast fame) and Travis Scott. If I have to hear “Sugar,” at least I’ll also get to hear “Sicko Mode.” You win some, you lose some. But in this situation, Travis Scott might be bringing more to the table than just his music.
From the second I heard he was performing, I was hoping that Kylie Jenner would show up at some Super Bowl-related events. While we don’t have confirmed details of anything yet, or even proof that Kylie will be in the same state as Travis, there’s a major theory gaining steam that Travis Scott will propose, and he and Kylie might get engaged during the big game. As long as they’re not already married, this honestly seems very possible, and I’m prepared to tell you why *dusts off laptop, opens up Powerpoint*.
First of all, Travis Scott recently told Rolling Stone that when he proposes to Kylie, it needs to be amazing: “We’ll get married soon. I just gotta sturdy up—I gotta propose in a fire way.” If I were Travis, I would buy an island in the Bahamas and propose in a ~fyre~ way, but I guess he’s not as into true crime documentaries as me.
Besides the Super Bowl being a massive occasion with tens of millions of people watching, it’s also a day with personal significance for Travis and Kylie. Last year, after basically going into hiding for the better part of a year, Kylie chose Super Bowl Sunday as the perfect time to drop the pregnancy reveal heard ’round the world. I personally remember crying while watching this video on a Subway platform, because that’s where my priorities are. Judge me all you want, I’m at peace with my life choices.
If you’re like me, this is potential Super Bowl proposal is the most exciting sports news you’ve heard in years. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. People are even betting on whether the proposal will go down on Sunday. I’m no expert at gambling, but right now the odds are +180 YES, and -220 NO, according to Monster Roster, an algorithm-driven betting service. My sources tell me that this means you should bet YES, because then you’ll win more if you’re right. Or you can just say f*ck it and get in on your boyfriend’s actual Super Bowl betting pool, because I don’t really know how any of this works.
We’ll be on high alert this Sunday for any proposal shenanigans, and you should be too. This year has already been stressful AF, so I really need this to happen right now. Come on Kylie, don’t let us down!
Images: Shutterstock; Giphy; Kylie Jenner / YouTube
Super Bowl LIII is finally here this weekend! (That’s 53 for those of you who didn’t pay attention in your lesson on Roman numerals.) That means it’s time for us to get drunk on beer for the first time in 2019 (calories don’t count during the Super Bowl, right?) and pretend to care about who’s going to win the game. We all know the real reason betches like to watch the Super Bowl. It’s not about the food, or the drinks, or the commercials—it’s about finding the hot players that we can pretend we have a shot with. So we found the hottest guys on both teams who are single. Time to fire up those DMs and shoot your shot.
Julian Edelman, New England Patriots Wide Receiver
I know, I started this list with a guy under 6 feet—such a faux pas! That being said, he’s single, hot as hell, and getting paid 11 million for two years. Most importantly, he’s an ex to Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima, so if you landed him you’re practically Angel status.
Philip Dorsett, New England Patriots Wide Receiver
After doing some serious social media stalking, I think it’s safe to say that Philip Dorsett is as single as can be. Sure, he also isn’t 6 feet tall, but just looking at that face makes me feel butterflies. The fact that he’ll make $8 million over 4 years makes me feel butterflies too.
Braxton Berrios, New England Patriots Wide Receiver
Some light social media stalking has led me to conclude Braxton is single. What I mean by that is I googled “Braxton Berrios girlfriend” and the only result that came up was this tweet:
S/O to my Girlfriend on #nationalgfday You’re probably in a relationship with somebody else rn but we gonna handle that later. See ya soon
— Braxton Berrios (@HNYNUT_BERRIOS) August 1, 2016
So let’s assume Braxton is single. He’s only 5’9″, but he signed a four-year contract with the Patriots worth over $2 million, which is probably $2 million more than I will ever make in my lifetime. He was placed on the injured reserve list in September 2018, but hey, maybe you can nurse him back to health.
John Johnson III, Los Angeles Rams Safety
The fact that John Johnson III is only 23 years old is making me revisit my whole “don’t date younger guys” philosophy. This stud recently dyed his dreads bleach blonde this year because it’s “the easiest color to spot. Same reason why cabs in New York are yellow.” Marry me now? Oh, and give me the name of your hairdresser, please—my roots look terrible.
Jared Goff, Los Angeles Rams Quarter Back
Okay fine, Jared looks like a goofy Ryan Gosling. But he’s quarterbacking a football team in the Super Bowl at 24 years old and has a 27.9 million, 4-year contract. So he’s hot enough. Rumor has it he’s dating some model/actress but the most credible thing on her IMDB is playing “Teenage Girl #1” on Entourage in 2006, so I think we all still have a shot.