Look, I know you’re already planning to go out Saturday night but Sunday (yes, this Sunday) is supposed to be all about the OG Betch aka Queen. No, not Beyoncé. Your mom, duh, but Bey comes pretty close. You can’t look like a good daughter while you’re wearing last night’s makeup and reeking of vodka at the brunch table. Get your shit together, Carol!
For the sake of your grandmother’s fragile heart and your mother’s naïve mind, don’t show up to Mother’s Day Brunch wearing an outfit that will make them wonder how many people you’ve slept with (this past week). You should aim to look worthy enough to have afternoon tea with the Queen of England, or at the very least, one of the old ladies your grandma plays Mah-Jongg with. Looking like the poster child for functional mother-daughter relationships will make up for the fact that you probably got your mom a shitty last minute gift (because you didn’t read our gift guide) and/or the fact that you conveniently got her the most extra, least personalized, overpriced Hallmark card you could find.
Your mother most likely deserves her own fucking island as gratitude for all those times she made you and your friends Hump Day treats after school. After all, she’s not like a regular mom. She’s a cool mom. (P.S. Take a shot for every person who uses that quote as their Instagram caption this weekend.) But since you can really only afford to get her a candle, the least you can do is not show up to her celebration brunch looking ratchet. Follow our tips to look like the virginal angel you definitely aren’t.
Oversized Straw Hat
Bring out your inner (PG-version) Samantha Jones by wearing an obnoxiously huge sun hat.
^^^ Me wondering why my friends always think I’m so damn extra
Nothing says “brunch” like wearing the floppiest fucking hat you can possibly find. Other than chugging your mimosa every time someone asks if you’ve “settled down” yet, you can now roll your eyes as far back into your head as you want without anyone noticing. This hat is (somehow) rose gold so you don’t even have to suppress your inner basic-ness.
Some Sort Of Cute Sundress Or Romper
If you don’t wear a cute sundress, did you even really brunch? Since all you wear is black, wear a colorful dress or romper, preferably with a fun print, to convince the Fam you’re not totally depressed. (Bonus points if you can get one that twirls because, Boomerang, obviously.) Opt for a fit and flare style because you’ll need to hide that bloat by the time brunch is over and look good on
Even though you probs wear chokers to work now, leave it at home on Sunday because your grandma doesn’t need to know you’re low-key into BDSM. Swap out your black velvet choker for a big statement necklace full of pink, sugar, spice, and everything nice. Everyone will be admiring it so much they won’t even notice you secretly drinking them under the table.
Semi-Low Neutral Wedges
You will probably be the only inappropriately drunk person at the table, so it’s imperative you wear shoes you can walk in by the time you leave. Honestly, we all know day drinking = blacking out by noon, so as long as you’re not snapping your ankles every time you try to walk, you’re good.
Find neutral colored wedges that will go with anything you decide to wear. The smaller the wedge, the better for you—and the less snide comments you’ll get from your mom about how you’re “not her daughter” because she “could never walk in those heels”. Aim for a pair that has a “business in the front, party in the back” vibe. For example, wedges that lace up in the front and zip up in the back means you can literally kick them off when you get home and pass out.
If you can get through brunch without throwing up in your purse or getting lectured about your drinking problem, congratulations. Your mom probably doesn’t think you’re a mistake anymore.