For most betches, pulling together an acceptable fall outfit is almost as easy as finding a friend with an Adderall prescription. Thanks to the Olsen twins, it’s just a matter of throwing on an oversized black sweater, some sort of black bottoms and a pair of black boots. However, if you’re the kind of person who has that whiney “But I want it to be summer all year long!” mentality, and you’ve developed some sort of sick resistance to the fool-proof fall uniform, this might prove more difficult. If you believe that a “cute fall outfit” consists of a sundress, a duster sweater, and some vaguely fall-ish footwear, listen up. These are a few things you definitely should not still be wearing at this point in the year. And before you ask, no. I do not give a shit about the fact that it keeps getting hot AF in the middle of the day. If that’s something that bothers you then, idk, call your senators or some shit. The fact remains, if you wear any of these things past September, you can’t sit with us.
1. Eyelet Materials
Fold these up and stick them in that storage container under your bed, because you should not even be looking at anything made out of an eyelet material for at least the next six to seven months. Nothing says, “I’m a barely functioning member of society who has no clue what fucking season it is,” like a flowy white eyelet off the shoulder top in the end of October. Unless you’re being your summer self for Halloween, in which case, you’re fucking weird and have other problems to deal with.
I’m going to assume that you understand the world well enough to know that you should put away your summer wedges as soon as you get your first craving for a hot coffee instead of iced. The real offender here is any shoe style that’s like, an espadrille hybrid. Specifically, think of all those platform espadrille sneakers that aesthetic bloggers were rocking this summer. You should never have to pick a crunched-up leaf out of your carefully woven espadrille sole, so just don’t let it happen.
You know that part at the end of Mean Girls when Regina George becomes a jock, and it should be really sad because she used to be the HBIC, and now she’s wearing a fucking mouthguard? The only reason this scene isn’t totally heartbreaking is that she had a really good run as a popular betch before her downfall. The same goes for gingham. Gingham had a strong summer as one of the most popular prints, but it’s time for it to leave the spotlight and take its talents somewhere more subtle… like to the tea towel industry or something. If you’re still really feeling that vibe but want to update it for fall, just look for pieces that are a more autumn-y plaid or the checkerboard print Forever 21 keeps vomiting all over the place.
4. Palazzo Pants
In most cases, you should stop wearing palazzo pants in the fall and winter months. There are obviously some actually cool palazzo options that would pass as acceptable, but these are the exception and not the rule. Since the beginning of time (okay, maybe just since the beginning of Pinterest) most of you have been under the impression that if you throw on a sweater and boots, you can transition most summer wardrobe staples into fall outfits. However, a cable knit sweater and Frye boots does not a fall outfit make! Generally speaking, bohemian printed palazzo pants are for girls who want to brag about the fact that they have a great butt and/or smoke a lot of weed, and they (the pants) really have no place in your fall wardrobe.
At first, I assumed that including rompers in this list would be as obvious as including bikinis. Like, clearly you’re not going to wear a romper in the fall. Then I came across a bunch of photos of fashion bloggers wearing rompers with tights on Pinterest. Yep, TIGHTS. Unless you’re the manager of a Free People, you have no excuse to be wearing a romper in the fall, no matter how many floor length cardigans and pairs of thigh high boots you’re willing to disguise it with. Rompers are really already on their way out, so this shouldn’t be that difficult. Also, peeing in rompers is hard enough as it is. Don’t make it more difficult by adding fucking tights into the mix. Just don’t.
Images: Shutterstock; Pinterest (5)