Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.
On Saturday night, I was hustled, scammed, bamboozled, and hoodwinked into having dinner with three of my recently married friends. Annnnnnd kill me. Anyway, even though I was both a guest and a bridesmaid at all three of these girls’ weddings, they spent the first hour of dinner showing me pictures as if I didn’t spend my rent money on being a part of their nuptials. The main takeaway? Wedding Instagrams are to newlyweds what “take me back” vacation photos are to single people. So naturally, the bride and groom want their wedding to be as Insta-worthy as humanly possible. Understandable.
Unless you’re Adriana La Cerva getting married in Tony Soprano’s house, the bride usually gets to drive when it comes to every little detail of her wedding. But sometimes, brides attempt to take that too far. This leads me the most amazing thing I’ve ever read on the internet, the Reddit Am I The Asshole (AITA) subreddit titled “AITA for asking my bridesmaid to temporarily change her vibrant hair colour for my colour schemed wedding?” Ok, I’ll give her a point for being British, but will definitely crown her the asshole here because it’s 2020 and friends shouldn’t ever ask friends to change their appearance for a wedding.
But I know what you’re thinking: maybe this girl has like, bright blue hair, which I could kiiiinda understand the bride wanting to change even though the demand is unreasonable. And you’d be wrong. Even I didn’t see this twist coming.
The bride starts off strong:
“The ongoing issue is that my wedding has a blue and green peacock theme” (why) “and guests have been asked to follow this colour scheme with their clothes. Hair wasn’t originally included at all in the colour scheme, but my cousin Ella has natural bright ginger hair.
I would never ask someone to permanently change their hair for my wedding, I know that would be bonkers so I suggested some temporary hair dye, but Ella argued that she has been growing her hair for six years and doesn’t want to risk the colour not washing out. I thought this was ridiculous because it literally says washes out in like 14 washes. But Ella says because her hair is completely natural colour it might take strongly to her hair.”
First of all, wtf is a blue and green peacock theme? Why peacocks? Will there be peacocks at the wedding? Where does one procure peacocks? I need more info on the peacock situation. Condolences to Ella, though, on her lack of a soul, but as my beautiful redhead girlfriend complains about all the time tells me, once a ginger dyes her hair, it’s really hard to get her natural color back. Anyone who’s friends with a red-headed person knows this because it’s literally all they talk about, so the fact that the bride is asking her bridesmaid/cousin who’s never taken a foil to the head to dye her hair for the sake of fitting in with the weird af wedding theme is pretty rude. Honestly, Ella shouldn’t have to explain why she doesn’t want to f*ck up her hair with drugstore chemicals, but here we are. Also, 14 washes? Unless you wash your hair every damn day, that could take weeks to get out, and the bride is acting like it’s easy-peasy.
“So I gave up on that avenue and suggested a wig, it is one day, one single day, and there are some amazing wigs these days. I had a look on Instagram and you wouldn’t even be able to tell. But she said she would feel self-conscious and weird wearing a wig and that because her hair is butt length that it might sit weird on her head. So she won’t dye it, and won’t cover it up. I really don’t want to come across as a bridezilla but butt-length flaming red hair will destroy the wedding photos, and ruin the colour scheme completely.”
I once went to a birthday dinner that was wig-themed, so I got a Kylie Jenner-looking number and truly hated it. It was so uncomfortable and stupid-looking that I couldn’t keep that thing on for more than a few minutes at a time, and my hair is only shoulder length! I can’t even imagine trying to get a wig on a head of hair that’s basically grazing the floor at this point. Tbh, I feel like the bizarre color scheme and wild peacocks will ruin the photos more than your bridesmaid’s very normal hair. Also, it’s not like she just recently dyed her hair magenta and it’s all anyone can see. Like, we’re talking about her natural hair color here. No one is going to be like, “She seriously came to this wedding with the hair color she was born with?”
Im at a loss, I can’t cut her from the wedding because my mom would murder me, but I can’t have freaking Merida ruining the photos, AITA for asking this of her for just one single day?
First of all, Merida was a brave soldier who saved her mother, there’s no need to bring her into this. Also, is anyone else seeing the hilarious irony here? Just the English major? Cool. So the bride is saying that her cousin should just dye her hair because it’s one day of her life, but this horrible dye job will not only live forever in the photos, it will also likely ruin her natural color and take at least two weeks to rinse out. Like??? Anyway, to answer the bride’s question, yes, honey, you are the asshole.
Before I end, there’s an update!
EDIT: Ella has dropped out of the wedding because we couldn’t reach a compromise so it doesn’t matter anymore. I now have to deal with my mom and aunt chewing me out over it all.
Honestly, good for you, Ella. F*ck your cousin. I’d drop out of the wedding too, and I probably wouldn’t even attend.
Look, the only time it’s okay to demand someone change her appearance is on makeover day for America’s Next Top Model. Other than that, we non-Tyras need to just let our friends and cousins and whoever look how they want to look. If red-heads are so offensive to you and your stupid photos, maybe don’t ask them to be in your bridal party. Then find a therapist to find out who hurt you.
Images: Unsplash
For more, subscribe to our NEW Betches Brides newsletter
You guys know why I’m here, right? I’m basically The Bachelor internet rumors correspondent. *Adds to resume* So it should come as no surprise to you that when Danielle Lombard aka Danielle L aka D-Lo did an AMA on The Bachelor subreddit, I was on that shit like a former Bachelor contestant and a FabFitFun box. For those of you who have lives and don’t procrastinate endlessly at work don’t Reddit, “AMA” stands for “Ask Me Anything.” Basically, a celebrity or person of interest will log onto Reddit, usually take a selfie of themselves holding up a paper that says “Hi Reddit! It’s me, Todd Kraines” or whoever they are so they can authenticate their identity, then Reddit users will post questions in a single thread, and the aforementioned celebrity/person of interest will answer them at their will.
Y’all still with me? Okay, good. So in D-Lo’s AMA, she spilled a LOT of tea. For instance, she revealed that Dean called her up mere hours after Bachelor in Paradise filming wrapped and spent five hours on the phone convincing her to give him another chance, only for him to act like a fuckboy again the second she turned around. She also provided some major insight into why Nick and Vanessa broke up. And again I say, I fucking love Reddit. It is truly a magical place. Anyone who tries to convince me otherwise will get a swift block.
First off, for all you Vanessa haters (all of us), D-Lo just gave you some more ammo. One of the top questions was why Rachel and Vanessa aren’t friends anymore, and it’s because Vanessa allegedly “called Rachel something that was extremely derogatory.” She added that it was so bad that “Vanessa had to be separated for the rest of the show.” Yooooo. That is serious. Danielle doesn’t specify what Vanessa called Rachel, so I’ll just leave you all to your imaginations. So not only is Vanessa annoying and a fame whore, but she’s also like, a terrible person. ABC, RELEASE THE TAPES!
BUT HERE’S WHERE IT GETS REALLY GOOD. Someone asked the following: “I will probably ask what the beef was with Vanessa and all the women. What nick did to make all the women on his season hate him. Why All the women didn’t leave when they knew they never wanted to marry nick and Thought he was ugly. Why would Vanessa accept nicks proposal when she despised him and went out of her way to cheat on him.” (Capitalization inconsistencies are OP’s own, not mine.)
Danielle addressed the questions, saying, “I think most of the girls felt like Nick never wanted to get married and he just wanted to be on TV. So that really pissed a lot of women off.” Okay, so that’s not really that groundbreaking. But she did add, “Maybe for Vanessa, it became more of a competition? But I don’t think that she cheated on him? It was just ironic because she told Nick I was just there to be famous since I’ve modeled in the past, but you come to find out later that she’s actually and model and tv host/actress in Canada and that Nick’s been taking acting classes out in LA.”
If you can read between the lines, which is what I got my PhD in, Nick and Vanessa broke up because they were both fame whores who couldn’t stand each other, and once the initial endorsement money ran out they no longer felt the need to keep up the charade. So basically what we all thought to be true is confirmed by someone with insider knowledge. Also, I laughed myself into a coma at the idea of Nick Viall’s lisping ass landing a role anywhere other than a reality TV franchise he’s basically blackmailed his way into staying a part of.
Thanks Danielle. Thanks Reddit. I’d recommend reading the entire AMA because there’s lots more tea where that came from.
