It’s cold outside and you’re 5 minutes way from texting your friends and cancelling that catch-up-over-wine plan you’ve already cancelled three times. Just do it. Stay inside. Get high and google a bunch of these balls to the wall insane conspiracy theories. And then next time you actually get your shit together and go out and be social, you can tell everyone about them. You’ll sound like really, really smart. Or insane. Whatevs.
Lots of people are headed to Denver to get high AF but a decent amount of loonies think that the Denver airport is also the home to Illuminati headquarters. Conspiracy nuts are convinced that the artwork is conveying a secret alien language and that the runways are purposefully laid out in a swastika. Again, this theory is probs just exacerbated because everyone there is high.
So, when Nelson Mandela was released from jail tons of people were like “WTF, wasn’t he dead?” Well, first of all, rude. He wasn’t dead. But second of all, it spurred this new theory that we are all living in multiple alternative timelines. So the people who were like “WTF, wasn’t he dead?” were remembering an occurrence from an alternative timeline that actually did happen. Scientists call this collective memory, but we aren’t getting stoney baloney to read what scientists have to say, we’re interested in conspiracy theorists in their mom’s basement making us question reality.
Katy Perry Is JonBenet Ramsey
There’s a small legion of folks who are convinced that child model JonBenet Ramsey who was brutally murdered in 1996 was actually…not murdered. And not only was she not murdered, she is now world famous pop sensation Katy Perry. I mean, could this be true? Sure. But does Katy Perry also just look like every hot girl from musical theater camp in 2003? Yes.
Stevie Wonder Isn’t Actually Blind
This one is actually incredibly fun because in trying to determine if Stevie Wonder is blind or not you get to watch dozens and dozens of his performances and there’s a reason he’s famous— he’s very talented. But some people think it’s a schtick. Blind or not he’s a musical visionary, soooo.
I mean a reality star who got famous for putting his name on steaks and tall buildings is our president so like, I’m ready to believe that aliens are real and are being hidden in Area 51. People believe that crashed UFO crafts are kept at the government owned private land outside of Las Vegas. There is tons to be read about the mysterious plot of land and you should honestly consider having one of your Las Vegas bachelorette party activities be “breaking into Area 51.” Doesn’t that sound more fun than penis cakes?
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