Stop Blaming Your Relationship Problems On Astrology

“Why do all you girls put your sign in your dating profile?” I was on a date (yes, success!) and we veered into the category of “other people on the apps.” I made fun of all the pictures of dudes with fish, and the number of men seeking “ethically” non-monogamous relationships. My date wanted to know why the women he saw on the apps cared so much about his astrological sign. He thinks it’s full B.S., even less meaningful than a Meyers-Briggs or Enneagram delineation. 

Ok, Does Anyone *Really* Date Based On Astrology?

It might seem like nobody is actually dating based on their zodiac sign and it’s all for the memes—Teen Vogue ran an article saying astrology doesn’t matter—and yet, next down on the Google search, was a piece from the same outlet on who one should date based on astrological signs. Still need more proof to know you’re not the only one filtering out Scorpios? Bumble says their star sign filter is their most used qualifier. MTV says one third of the young people (Gen Z) use astrology to determine their compatibility with a date.  

I took to the internet to ask who believes the fault is in our stars when it comes to love. I got a wide range of responses. Maud Waterman, a Los Angeles based filmmaker, instead of bread baking or TikTok content creation, used her free time during the pandemic to study astrology. She says, “I’m definitely a believer! If you had asked about a year and a half ago I would have been a skeptic, but I did an unfathomable amount of studying (yeah, I’ve got textbooks) over quarantine and I now use astrology in my daily life.” I heard from several astrologers who operate in person, on the internet, or even on TV. I heard from an aura photographer (which I guess is a thing), crystal specialists, and psychics. What color is your aura, do you think? I hope mine’s purple.

I heard from skeptics who think, like my date, that it’s all a bunch of hocus pocus, and people like Michelle Davies—a life coach and editor of The Best Ever Guide to Life—who used to believe in astrology until it started negatively affecting her relationship. She says, “It’s because I was looking at our relationship dynamics through the lens of astrology, disregarding that certain things can be worked at through free will and effort.” Now she can think of astrology as a suggestion, but not a mandate. 

I won’t name names, but some people have been dumped for their obsession with astrology, and there are people who swear by it anyway and would rather die (or stay single) than date an Aries. I interviewed two experts for further information on the psychology behind astrology and how it relates to the psychology of love: Clarissa Silva, Behavioral Scientist/Relationship Coach, who can be called a skeptic; and Maria Shaw, psychic astrologer and reality star, who has done readings on the eighth season of 90 Day Fiancé. 

Ask The Experts

Even if you’re the most diehard horoscope checker, Silva says, “Astrological signs are labels, not dating deal breakers.” She adds, “Determining actual compatibility is far more complex.” I agree that it makes sense that one little piece of the personality puzzle is not enough to seal your fate, even if they are a Scorpio. 

Shaw agrees. She says that, even if a reading shows that two people are not meant to be together, she would never tell someone what to do in their relationship. She also believes that you can’t simply look at someone’s sun sign to know compatibility. You need to do their full “star chart,” which entails using accurate info about the time, place, and day you were born. This gives a full picture of one’s past lives, present personality, and future path. 

But What If You’re Dating A Skeptic… Or A Sagittarius?

Can you still use astrology to inform your decisions about the relationship if the other person thinks it’s woo-woo nonsense? Shaw says, “Use the astrology as a tool for yourself. Don’t push your opinions to get them to believe.” That said, you can still arm yourself with all the information, should you so choose: “Knowledge is power,” she says. If you simply can’t go on a second date without the full astrological picture, Shaw advises, “Get their birth information, find out about them, and decide if you want to go forward on this. You want to know where this thing is gonna lead.”  She does emphasize getting consent from the person before charting their stars, but says it’s okay to use the information to inform yourself on whether or not you want to stay in a relationship—much like any other information you might find out in your routine pre-date social media stalking.

Silva, on the other hand, warns that this kind of judgment “can result in meaningless or erroneous predictions on compatibility.” She elaborates, “Astrology provides a layer of the complexity of personality but can’t make predictions on compatibility and long term happiness.” She says you can use astrology “as an entertainment source or a source of providing hope or direction for those that seek out this as guidance,” but that astrology is quite literally fake news: “a pseudoscience because it hasn’t passed the rigor of scientific inquiry to qualify as evidence-based.” Believers are going to say that something as intuitive as astrology cannot be studied by science, but many skeptics are going to insist on peer-reviewed evidence before committing to a life led by the stars. 

Shaw has patience with the idea of skeptics. She says people who are getting wrong information are either not looking at the full picture or are getting information from a suboptimal source. Some websites copy info from other sources or from looking at only the sun sign instead of the sun, rising, and moon signs, not to mention the planetary alignment at the time of your birth. Still, when I summed this up on my next date with the skeptic, his eyes rolled so hard they got stuck that way and he had to go to the doctor (not fact). 

Does Astrology Matter?

So, here’s why people use star charts to guide them in their relationships: either they truly believe in it, or they find it fun. None of us knows what we’re doing, so any guidance that gives us the answers we seek is going to be welcome. Just like I really shouldn’t be dating Slytherins anymore, someone might take a personality profile of a Taurus and use it as a reason to say, “Thank you, next.” Conversely, maybe a Ravenclaw with a Hufflepuff rising like myself can read an Aquarius’ profile and swoon, while knowing his sign won’t guarantee he isn’t a dick whistle. 

As for me, I’m an astrology agnostic. I can’t know whether or not my tendency to multitask and chat is due to my being a Gemini or some other mix of nature and nurture. But isn’t it fun to dream? As we ended our call, Shaw said that, according to the planets, “We’re coming into a romantic period. We’re going to see people getting back to being romantic and wooing people. People want to fall in love and be in love.” Aw.

A skeptic might say that we’re getting into a romantic period because we’ve been locked in our houses in our sweatpants all winter. But either way, isn’t it nice to imagine that, as the plague recedes, there are people out there, maybe a soul mate or, as Shaw put it, “a past life connection,” ready to “walk your path?” Whether it is written in the stars or not, as we head into a potentially disease-free summer, full of starry nights and warm breezes, I wish you love, or, at least, some fun with a handsome Pisces. 

Image: Lucas Ottone / Stocksy.com

What The Royal Baby’s Birth Chart Predicts About His Personality

On Monday, May 6 at 5:26 a.m. Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, the Duchess and Duke of Sussex, welcomed a baby boy—jolting our collective ovaries and filling our Instagram feeds with congratulatory posts. The royal baby is seventh in line for the throne, and the eighth great-grandchild for Queen Elizabeth. And while most are busy waiting for a photo and a name reveal, thanks to astrology and the birth time, we’re already able to take a deeper look into the royal baby’s personality and what his relationships with his parents might be like.

Bougie Baby

The royal baby, like Queen Elizabeth, is a Taurus, a sign that’s noted for appreciating the finer things in life. Tauruses are stubborn, strong leaders, making this kid a natural fit for royalty. The royal baby is also a Taurus rising, which will give him a commanding personality and ability to influence. Sharing a sun and rising sign, both in Taurus, will strengthen the royal baby’s ability and desire to operate from a position of power. Early on in his life, this can manifest as boastful or arrogant, but as he matures, he will be able to lead with grace and leave a strong impression on others.

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We are pleased to announce that Their Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Sussex welcomed their firstborn child in the early morning on May 6th, 2019. Their Royal Highnesses’ son weighs 7lbs. 3oz. The Duchess and baby are both healthy and well, and the couple thank members of the public for their shared excitement and support during this very special time in their lives. More details will be shared in the forthcoming days.

A post shared by The Duke and Duchess of Sussex (@sussexroyal) on

When he was born the moon was in Gemini, which will only add to his charm and intellect. He’ll be able to make emotionally controlled decisions and be an effective communicator. There can be some anxiety with this placement of the moon—there is a tiresome restlessness and curiosity that could cause him to overthink or talk a lot. Mars, the action planet that drives our ego and desires, clashed with Jupiter, the planet of abundance, in the sky at the time of the royal baby’s birth. This points to a competitive spirit, possible temper (tantrum) issues, but overall an overwhelming passion for life. Venus, the planet that rules love and affection, made a hard connection with Saturn, the planet of restriction, at the time of this birth. This particular sync up can mean a lack of self-confidence that can be ultimately damaging to personal, romantic relationships. Feelings of rejection and loneliness might haunt the royal baby and keep him playing the field longer than necessary instead of settling down. He’ll have to work on self-love before he can enter a committed, sustainable relationship.

Mother’s Nature

So, he’s got the spirit of a royal and the foundational skills to lead, but what’s life going to be like growing up with mom and dad? Meghan is a fiery Leo and Baby Sussex is a grounded Taurus. By nature, the personalities of these two sun signs can easily clash. In astrology, they form a tense aspect called a square, which can bring energy to the relationship, but also pose a handful of challenges. The basic personality needs of each sign are not compatible, which can be draining and cause ego conflicts. It adds an element of frustration and competition to the way the pair interacts.

But Meghan’s affectionate Venus sign is in Virgo, a fellow earth sign that’s incredibly compatible for Taureans. The way she loves and gives affection links up harmoniously with the royal baby’s Taurus sun and rising sign, adding levity and unconditional love to the relationship. Meghan and her baby also have moon signs in intellectual air signs—Meghan’s in Libra and Baby Sussex’s in Gemini. The way they process emotions is very similar, which will create a comfortable and loving home environment.

The #royalbaby is here! Congratulations, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. The baby is 7th in line for the throne, which is crazy, because right now I’m 7th in line for the key-making kiosk at my grocery store. @RoyalFamily

— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) May 6, 2019

Difficult Dad

Prince Harry and the baby share an astrological aspect that is one of the most highly-touted among astrologers: a sun-moon conjunction, meaning the baby’s sun sign (Taurus) is the same sign as Harry’s moon sign (Taurus). The sun represents our outer self, while the moon represents our inner self. When two people share this aspect they form a deep bond, and share a mutual, effortless understanding of the other’s nature. There is an unrivaled trust in one another’s personality and belief system.

Despite this powerful connection, that’s not to say Harry is destined to be the favorite parent—there are still some stressful planetary connections between the pair. Harry’s Saturn, planet of restriction and structure, forms a stressful connection to Baby Sussex’s Venus, the planet of love. This can result in Harry being overly critical of the royal baby’s actions, or overly demanding of him in general. Baby Sussex in turn might view his dad as unsympathetic over time. Harry’s Saturn also forms a tense aspect to the royal baby’s Sun, his basic sense of self. Baby Sussex might feel as if he can’t be his true self when he’s with Harry—like he needs to hide or suppress part of his personality. This also feeds the overly critical nature of Harry’s Saturn, and might leave the royal baby feeling overly sensitive.

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This afternoon, His Royal Highness The Duke of Sussex shared the news of the arrival of his and the Duchess’ first born child. Their son was born early morning on the 6th of May, 2019 and weighs 7lbs and 3oz. Their Royal Highnesses thank you for your support and kindness during this exceptionally joyful time in their lives as they welcome their baby boy.

A post shared by The Duke and Duchess of Sussex (@sussexroyal) on

That being said, we’ve certainly got time to see how Baby Sussex’s personality develops over time. All that’s certain for now is: He’ll be charming af and a natural-born influencer, most likely on the political (or social media) scene. Now back to waiting on that name reveal.

Images: Shutterstock; @sussexroyal / Instagram (2); @TheEllenShow / Twitter