When Head Pro calls you a “slut,” he’s doing so in a super progressive, feminist way to show his solidarity, and he’s honestly offended that you didn’t realize he was being an ally. Email him your pressing dating questions at [email protected], and follow him on Twitter and Insta at @betchesheadpro.
Hey Head Pro,
So a few years ago, I had a MAJOR work crush on this guy. I couldn’t get him out of my head. He would pop up, totally uninvited, in sex dreams, like all the time. The thing was that back then, I had a really serious boyfriend. Serious enough that I quit that job to move to be with him. Obviously, here we are, with me writing to you—it didn’t work out.
I’m moving back to my home city soon and thinking about hitting him up. Here’s the question: IF we got back in touch, and IF he was interested, and IF anything happened:
Bad move or okay move to admit to him that I couldn’t get him out of my head back in the day?
It’s honest, and my nature is to be honest. And I feel like it’s a good thing to hear that someone thought you were hot….maybe?? In this context, though, would it just make him think I’m an unserious and kind of slutty girl?
For what it’s worth, I feel really good saying me and him never crossed a line when we worked together. Separately, I also kind of feel like he reciprocated? And separately-separately, he might not even text me back so who tf knows if this question is worth any airtime at all! But I really hope he does, and I really hope it is.
Lmk?
Yours truly,
The horniest entry-level ex-coworker in town
Dear Horny Entry-Level Ex-Coworker,
Honestly this probably wouldn’t have been worthy of airtime, if not for 1) the little tidbit at the end mentioning that you used to work together, and 2) that it brings up a larger question: When, if ever, is it a good idea to tell a guy that you think he’s a sexy studmuffin?
The question itself isn’t that interesting (spoiler: you never need to do this), but your reasons for waffling on it are: you’re worried he might think you’re “unserious and slutty.” Shoving aside the ridiculous idea that any reasonable person would ever react to a compliment that way, this is a fine example of the deeply f*cked up way we think of women and courtship!
What is a slut, exactly, and what’s slutty? Is it a woman who’s had too many sexual partners? How many is too many? Does it matter whether or not she was dating them at the time they were humping? Is someone “slutty” when they flirt too much? When they dress too (in your opinion) provocatively? If so, ok—again, what about her are those actions/behaviors revealing? That she has too much sex? That she sleeps with other women’s partners?
You don’t know, and you can’t answer any of those questions in any way that would *extremely online debate nerd voice* hold up to even mild logic or scrutiny. It’s because sluts effectively aren’t real; the term is just a pejorative we use when a woman we don’t like behaves in a way that’s inconsistent with our values and/or worldview and we lack a more precise way to describe our displeasure. Think about it: Guys love easy sex, but plenty will tell you they don’t like sluts. How does that compute? It doesn’t, because sluts are only real in the sense that that’s how we refer to women who don’t act the way we think they ought to (in the case of most men, that means “having sex with anyone who’s not me”).
Thinking about it that way, your “unserious and slutty” descriptor becomes even funnier. Your real self-criticism is right there in “unserious”: Most of us have grown up in a world where the default circumstance is men making the overtures to women. Therefore, you hit upon the idea that a woman flipping the script and making the overture to the man is so odd, so unbelievable, that he would think it was a joke before he gave it serious consideration. BUT, because this is also a cultural and sexual norm you’d be breaking, you slapped the “slutty” label on there because it just felt right. We know, for you at least (and probably a lot of people), what defines a slut: a woman who’s sexually aggressive outside of established norms (even if that woman is you).
Realistically, these aren’t risks—guys really do tire of having to do all the heavy lifting, and an invitation to the Bone Zone Cafe from the cute office girl you used to flirt with would be a godsend. Instead what you have to contend with is the potential embarrassment if he for whatever reason rejects or brushes aside the compliment. I think I’m being scientifically accurate when I say that would be embarrassing enough to cause you to rend your skin from your flesh and throw it into a fireplace.
Don’t be an idiot. Did it take your ex-boyfriend saying he cranked his hog to you before you agreed to date him? Of course not. Just do some mild social media stalking to make sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and then message him on your platform of choice. A text that says “hey I’m back in town, let’s catch up :)” is about as clear as you need to be.
Moving twice in a short period of time sounds like hell,
Head Pro
When Head Pro calls you a “slut,” he’s doing so in a super progressive, feminist way to show his solidarity, and he’s honestly offended that you didn’t realize he was being an ally. Email him your pressing dating questions at [email protected], and follow him on Twitter and Insta at @betchesheadpro.
Images: Alex Holyoake on Unsplash, Giphy
If you follow any of the stars of Vanderpump Rules on Instagram, you’ll notice that Lala Kent’s new movie came out. It’s called The Row, and was released July 27th on iTunes and very few theaters. I first heard about this movie while listening to a podcast Lala was on. She said they decided to make her the star of the movie halfway through production. Sounds totally legit and not at all like someone dropped out. I’ll be honest and say I wasn’t expecting this sorority horror movie to be good. I was hoping it would at least be fun (it wasn’t). It required the same number of drinks as The Bachelorette to get through, so don’t see it in theaters. Be like me and rent it on iTunes with a bottle of vodka nearby. Or just read this recap instead.*
*Obviously, all of this contains spoilers.
The movie opens with some very extra EDM music and strobe light effects interspersed with hot women partying. This both makes me nauseous and sets a very accurate tone for the rest of the movie. Lala, a 28 year-old woman freshman in college, is being dropped off on campus by her muscular bald dad. I Googled her dad to see if he was older than Lala’s boyfriend (sorry!) and his name is Randy Couture. You’re welcome. Randy Couture turns out to be a detective, and immediately busts a meth lab. The lab is run by exclusively Victoria’s Secret models in bras and he kills one. This will have almost no bearing on the rest of the movie.
What the slutty meth lab does prepare us for is twofold. 1) Every woman cast in this movie looks like a lingerie model. 2) The women will rarely wear more than lingerie.
Back on campus, Lala’s friend talks about how much she likes sleeping with professors. They decide to rush the “Victoria’s Secret sorority” (told you this movie had a theme), Lambda Phi, where it turns out Lala’s mother was president. Gasp. Lala is shocked, because her mother died when she was a kid and Muscle Dad doesn’t open up much. Lala, who has spent the first half hour of this movie wearing knee-length dresses and refusing alcohol, reacts to this news by getting sh*tfaced. In case we forgot this was a horror movie amidst all the underage drinking and lingerie, one of the sorority girls is violently stabbed to death outside in lingerie and a robe.
TBH, I kind of expected this stabbing to have more of an effect on everyone. The police force literally says “this won’t be the last,” which like…is it not your job to stop it? The Lambda Phi girls take molly “for Isabel” (the dead girl), which makes me very sad for the state of female friendship in this movie. Lala is driven home by a stalker valet who tells her his sister was in Lambda Phi. Another girl is stabbed to death in hot pink lingerie.
Every girl in this movie five seconds before being murdered:
The rest of this movie pretty much drifts away with more of the same. Detective Dad struggles with case-solving and opening up emotionally to his daughter. Valet Guy shows up everywhere Lala goes without her questioning it. The Lambda Phi house mother, who very clearly wants to bang Detective Dad, tells Lala that her mom hazed a girl so badly she killed herself while she was Lambda Phi president. Lala is super upset with Detective Dad for not telling her this, which is very legit but also couldn’t she have Googled this information? Two more girls are stabbed in the shower without any significant leads on the murderer. It honestly does not seem like the police are interested in this case.
I won’t tell you who the murderer is, because I think that knowledge should be saved for those of us who actually had to suffer through watch this. I can tell you that there are plenty of suspects, because every guy who hits on Lala in this movie has the facial hair and demeanor of someone who murders for sport. If you’re wondering about the acting range Lala displays in the movie, she bounces solidly between “Lala trying not to get in trouble with Lisa” to “Lala drunkenly yelling at a party.” She laughs, she cries, she only wears a bikini once—which makes her 600x more clothed than the rest of the female cast—and she manages to refrain from calling her detective dad “Daddy.”
Mostly, this movie is 87 minutes of frat parties interspersed with bodies being hacked up, with lots of gratuitous nudity. If you want a reason to feel bad about your summer body, this movie will do the trick. But while it at least delivers on the promised “hot people partying” premise, the dialogue and soundtrack are honestly so bad that it’s not worth blowing a Sunday afternoon on. Lala should maybe stick to reality TV where she can be her hilarious self, not star in someone’s first shot at a legit movie after a long career in porn. I’m not saying that describes The Row’s director, I’m just saying that’s really what it felt like.
Images: Giphy (3)
