Anyone who has ever been to a Vegas pool party knows the familiar sight of betches everywhere in tiny Beach Bunny bikinis paired with beat-ass wedges. In fact, not to make assumptions here, but I guarantee at some point you’ve even been one of those aforementioned betches. I mean, I myself am even guilty of shaking my bikini-clad ass to Diplo in a pair of uncomfortable wedges. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the reasoning behind it—wedges elongate your legs and lift the butt. So why wouldn’t you want to wear them with your swimsuit, right? Well, because you’ll look like a try-hard, just like everyone else who’s ever attempted it. And, assuming the majority of pool parties you’ll attend this summer will be a lot less aggressive than the ones in Vegas, you’ll want a more practical, and definitely more stylish, shoe option than a wedge. Unfortunately, wearing flip-flops is social suicide, so it leaves us in a tricky position. Where do you find cute yet comfortable shoes to wear to a pool party? Here are some sandals you can wear instead of try-hard wedges or fugly flip-flops.
You know those cute gladiator sandals you love to wear? Yeah, they’re going to be a no-go when it comes to pool parties. When you’re at a pool party, you’ll want a shoe that you can easily get on and off so you can quickly get back and forth from the bar. Duh. Notice how I didn’t say “because you’ll be getting in and out of the pool” because, pro tip, no one actually goes swimming at pool parties. You came here to do laps, weirdo? Try your local YMCA for that, not a pool party. Basically, you want to look for stylish sandals that require minimal effort to put on, like these options below.
Slides are essentially just a more casual type of sandal. They’re cute, easy, and they’re not flip-flops. Like, idc if your flip-flops are Rainbows—they’re still flip-flops and are therefore still hideous. Put your Havaianas away, bitch! It’s time to elevate your poolside style and swap your flip-flops for a pair of trendy slides.
For an edgy and sporty look, you could even wear the currently popular athletic slide. Styled correctly, you’ll look super fashionable and very Hailey Baldwin-esque. Styled poorly and you’ll look like a former student athlete who posts inspirational Instagram quotes with way too many emojis in between every word, so just know your limits here. Of course, as cool as they are, I probs wouldn’t try wearing them to a Vegas pool party; pretty sure the bouncers would be having none of that.
You insist on being extra, don’t you? Fine, but still NO WEDGES! The only shoe I’ll accept with some height is a platform sandal. Platform sandals make you look extra fashionable, unlike wedges, which make you just look extra. Now, don’t take a mile when I only gave you an inch here. Keep the heel height minimal, please. Trust me, I know it seems like I’m being harsh, but I only have your best interest in mind.
We are blessed to live in a world where options of shoes to wear to a pool party (and anywhere) are limitless, so take advantage! We’ve come so far…don’t set us back now with your Payless wedges and Walmart flip-flops.
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There are things that have happened in the past that seriously just need to stay in the fucking past, especially when it comes to fashion. I know it’s been said that fashion tends to repeat itself, but now that I’ve seen literally every staple that was in my closet pre-puberty, I feel nauseatingly ancient AF. Case in point: slide sandals. First, there were the OG Nike slides that basketball douchebags only wore with socks (and yet they still do, GROW UP). Flash forward a decade, everyone suddenly acted like they blacked out during their entire childhood because they all flipped the fuck out when Rihanna brought back the iconic jelly slides. Ya, okay, they were only cool because they were transparent and as a child, you get easily entertained. As a twentysomething adult? I’m going to go ahead and say you need to leave that shit in the past. But since we’re in the 21st century, everything old is new again (yeah, you can quote me on that) so if you desperately want to fit in, here are some chic slides you have to buy:
1. FENTY Puma x Rihanna Women’s Satin Bandana Pool Slide Sandals
People are not only going crazy over the jelly style of Rihanna’s FENTY Puma slides, but this pair has constantly been selling out too. In addition to pink, they also come in green and white (but pink is the best, obvi) with a satin bow. They’re comfortable and give off many Paris Hilton vibes. I guess these are tolerable.
2. Steve Madden Women’s Softey Pool Slides
Even though I’m totally shitting on slides rn, I tend to grow a little weaker every time I see someone rocking a furry style. Probably because they look comfier than anything I’ve ever owned and also because this means I can totally get away with wearing slippers out in public. I’m not going to admit whether I’ve actually done that because it’s currently not the right place or time, but let’s just say desperate times call for desperate measures. P.S. No animals or Cam’rons were harmed in the making of this shoe, so you can breathe now.
3. Kate Spade New York Brie Slides
These just barely make it over the line of acceptable to wear out to a winery or some other upscale event. With a polished chain and white fringe detail, make sure to choose your outfit wisely. Opt for a casual summer dress or your go-to everyday jeans for a clean, classy look that isn’t over the top.
4. Schutz Carmem Toe Ring Slides
The more I look at these, the more I convince myself to pull my card out because I have no self-control
when it comes to shopping. These are v stylish and modern for your typical slides. The bright colors make a perfect addition to any outfit. You might have RBF, but whenever someone appreciates your shoe game, they’ll see you’re not so much of a bitch if you can wear a color other than black.
5. Sol Sana Twisted Slide
If you’re low-key the world’s biggest hypocrite because you think slides are kind of ridiculous and you’ve shat on them so many times to your friends but now you’re starting to think they look cute (aka me), then this pair might be the one to go for. Featuring only the most basic colors EVER, these aren’t obnoxious enough to draw a lot of attention so you’ll subtly still fit in, despite how much shit you talk.
6. Anthropologie Anisa Slide Sandals
Get a pair of slides that take your average outfit to the next level, literally, with a slip on style that features a 2 inch heel. You’ll dip it low all night long in these. The neutral colors allow you to wear them to work (lame) or for your next alcohol binge (yay).
7. FENTY Puma x Rihanna Jelly Slides
At first, I only added these as a joke, but I also know that you’re definitely a basic betch who just needs to get her hands on a pair of jellies—just for old times’ sake, you know? If you really just have to be that girl, only wear them near a body of water. Not to Trader Joe’s and don’t even think about going near a bar in them. Just don’t do it okay, promise?? Now, everybody take some