Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.
When it comes to sex, I don’t need to tell you there are a lot of different ways to have it. Fast sex! Slow sex! Sweaty sex! Shower sex! Super hot, “brag about to your friends at brunch” sex, and “lazily put your hand down your pants while watching Bridgerton” sex. And while there are a lot (like, a lot a lot) of ways to get off, what works for one person might not work for someone else. But luckily, there’s a way to figure out how you should elevate your sex game without actually trying that hard, thanks, of course, to zodiac signs.
Now, it doesn’t matter whether you believe in astrology or not (*cough* liar *cough*). The truth is, your sign is actually majorly telling when it comes to not only your personality, but your sexual appetite. In fact, if your 2022 goal is to have actually good sex, then selecting the toy for your sign is not only smart, but it’s fate. And since the stars told me you’d be here (and yes, by stars I mean my editor), here’s what your sign thinks you should try this year. Don’t thank me for having the best sex of your life. Thank *~the universe~*.
Fire Signs: Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius
As the name suggests, fire signs are known for bringing the heat and taking calculated risks, so now’s the time to retire your showerhead and do something a little more daring. Trust us, you can do better than your apartment’s mediocre water pressure.
As the very first sign of the zodiac, it’s no surprise Aries is all about being coming first. You know. Literally. Even though you’re a little impatient at times, that’s just because you’re looking out for #1, and when it comes to getting off, that’s absolutely not a bad thing. In fact, it’s low-key essential. IDK about you, but the last time someone made sure I orgasmed first was never.
Whether you’re hooking up with someone or just going at it solo, you need a toy that’ll get the job done fast, because according to you, if you’re not first, you’re… well, you’re always first, so the rest of that’s irrelevant. That’s why you need a wand vibrator. This iconic style has over 16 vibration options and can be used all over your body to scratch that sexual itch fast. Your playful side will love the sparkly blue and pink options, and your selfish side will love the fact that’ll it’ll get you off in mere seconds.
Even if you know jack shit about the zodiac, you probably know Leo is represented by a lion. And while, like a lion, Leos tend to spend way too much energy on their hair and for some reason always want to nap in the sun, you’re also the queen of playing cat and mouse. The chase is half the fun for you, and once you’ve captured
your prey a partner, you like to run the show. And thankfully, there’s an easy way to lean into your bossy tendencies that can double as sexiness: BDSM.
Take the role of a dominatrix and incorporate some powerplay in 2022. Not only do you get to call the shots, but it actually counts as erotic so like, win-win. To get your full Leo-ness, grab a pair of animal print wrist cuffs to keep your minion(s) in place. If you want even more control, there’s a matching blindfold (which you can use solo) and flogger that’ll help you go all Fifty Shades but in a non-problematic way.
Hi Sag, so good of you to make it. You know, since committing to something—anything—isn’t your best quality. Since you’re probably skimming this while waiting in line at the airport, watching Netflix, or pretending to pay attention in a Zoom meeting, I’ll cut to the chase: You need something that can keep up with your restless ways. With an attention span as robust as a goldfish’s and a constant need to go out and explore, a clunky sex toy or accessory that’s going to weigh you down are big nos. What you need is something sleek, portable, and fast. Enter: the Vesper vibrating necklace from Crave.
At a glance, it just looks like a chic cylinder necklace, but upon closer inspection, you’ll notice a little button that when pressed, turns the charm into your clitoris’ new BFF. Not only is it super quiet and easy to clean, but it’s USB rechargeable so you don’t have to worry about international plugs when you’re off chasing your next #wanderlust whim.
Earth Signs: Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn
The most grounded of the signs, earth signs tend to gravitate toward anything classic, understated, and sophisticated. While you’re not likely to see a glow-in-the-dark ball gag here, there are still plenty of ways to get off if you like to keep things a little more vanilla and a little less “smack my ass and call me by your ex’s name.”
When it comes to basically anything in your life, you expect the absolute best absolutely all the time. Things like massages, subscription boxes, and “just because” peonies are your bread and butter, and if it doesn’t make you feel like a pampered f*cking princess, it’s not for you. While there aren’t a ton of sex toys out there that’ll meet your standards, Zalo’s Marie vibrator will impress even your fancy-ass taste.
The classic wand shape—which can be used for internal or external stimulation—has eight different vibration settings and comes in three different colors (red, blue, and pink), but it’s the extras of the toy that’ll actually make a Capricorn like you interested. Inspired by the opulence of Marie Antoinette, the vibe has a 24 karat gold chain and tip that somehow makes lazy afternoon orgasms seem extremely high-end. Plus, it comes in a Rococo-inspired gift box that will absolutely become a focal point of your bedroom’s French-riviera-meets-Gossip Girl aesthetic.
The fact that Virgo’s here reading this is a major win. As Type-As with a desire to please, sex toys—especially out-of-the-box sex toys—might make you feel a little squirrely. No matter how clean and uncomplicated you are, though, we know deep down even you like to get dirty every now and again (as long as there’s plenty of hand sanny around, ofc). That’s why a simple yet elevated vibrator that you don’t have to panic about if you leave it on your dresser is the move.
Crave’s Wink+ could literally pass as a (very pretty) pen or lipstick, so you can toss it in your purse or suitcase or pocket, and you don’t have to worry if someone stumbles across it because it looks hella inconspicuous. And as far as using it, it’s about as simple as vibrators get. The singular button sifts through the seven total speeds/settings and the entire metal body is waterproof so it’s all good for that shower cry you have to have in order to destress after a day of perfectionism.
Hardworking, ambitious, and practical, as a Capricorn you’ve had it all since you started beating out all the slackers for awards and promotions. While some people might accuse you of being too calculated, you know the truth: Hard work + a logical brain = getting everything you’ve ever wanted. And this year, we want you to have lots and lots of really good sex. But because you need data and numbers to determine whether or not it’s *actually* good, a smart IA vibe like the Lioness is where it’s at.
Basically, the toy, which looks like your typical rabbit vibrator, uses built-in sensors to literally track your arousal and orgasms. You then sync it to the app where you can see the data behind your sesh and discover ways to—get this—get better at orgasming. If the thought of looking at your pleasure charted on a freaking graph doesn’t get your Capricorn nipples hard, the fact that the company’s slogan is “never measured, never improved” should do it.
Air Signs: Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius
Right this way, weirdos. As the unique, innovative, and delightfully strange ones of the zodiac, air signs are the folks most likely to let their freak flags fly really fucking high. For them, the more unexpected, the better—and sex is no exception.
Geminis tend to get a bad rap for being fickle, but you know what others fail to see: That your whim-chasing personality is a mf gift. Instead of constantly overanalyzing, you like to just go, whether that means snagging concert tix you can’t afford or kissing people you shouldn’t. Since your desires—and partners—are always changing, one toy probably won’t cut it. That’s why you need an unexpected sex toy multi-pack in your 2022 life.
From the company Cute Little Fuckers (perfect name), these strange yet adorable (like you!) vibrators work with anybody and any gender, so if your sexual preferences or partners ebb and flow, these toys will still have you covered. Plus, the different shapes mean you can try everything from penetrative masturbation to inserting a fake purple octopus up your ass. And let’s be real, if anyone’s going to love playful sex toys that could double as stoner animation, it’s you.
Romantic yet indecisive, Libras could never go for a standard vibrator because not only do you want options, but you want those options to *mean* something. What’s the point if it doesn’t involve chest-heaving passion, dammit?! Having so many feelings is exhausting, isn’t it? Luckily, you’re not alone. In fact, couple’s kits are a major component of basically every sex retailer because finding new and exciting ways to connect with someone is kinda the point. That’s why a sensual multipack, like Lovehoney’s Midnight Magic Kit, is huge for a flirty little thang like you.
The kit comes with everything from a bullet vibrator to a suction vibrator to a penis ring, all of which can be used with your partner du jour. Light the scented candle and roll those sexy dice for a year of constantly changing sexual experiences that go beyond just hooking up and gazing into each others’ eyes. You can connect! Emotionally! With sex toys! Libra, your time is now.
As the certified Aquarian of pretty much any group, I’m here to tell you the rumors are true: We’re just as non-conforming and independent as these types of roundups make us seen. The worst thing that can happen to an Aquarius is they feel like everyone else, so an outside-the-box sex toy is the only way to actually please you. Enter Lelo’s ENIGMA, with a name as fitting as the toy design.
The chrome purple vibrator looks straight-up futuristic, and the fact that it can deliver different types of orgasms depending on how you use it is right up an Aquarian’s ally. The best part is, if you roll up to a sex sesh with this bad boy, I can guarantee your partner will have never seen anything like it, thus making you the coolest, most unique person they’ve ever been with. Not that you aren’t already, but still, it’s nice to have your bases covered.
Water Signs: Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio
Why are water signs so emotional? Because they’re always crying. Kidding! Sort of! Truthfully though, when it comes to feeling the feels and getting all sentimental, no one gets mushy quite like these H20 signs.
Poor, exhausted Pisces. From always saying “yes” to plans you wish you could ditch and constantly trying to find ways to express your creative side, those bags under your eyes have taken up permanent residency. It’s a good thing Gen-Z decided they were cool though, especially because trends are basically your blood type. It’s not so much that you like what everyone likes, but it’s honestly just easier than constantly searching for the next thing to inspire you. That’s why 2022 is the time for you to chill TF.
Since you’re already big on baths (hello they’re trendy and your symbol is a fish), why not incorporate something that’ll reduce your bubble time stress even more? Lovability’s WaterSlyde is a literal slide you attach to your bath faucet that directs that sweet sweet water stream to *exactly* the right spot. So not only is it sustainable, one-of-a-kind, and doesn’t require a charger (which you lent to your friend last week), but it’s also no-frills, which means less stress and more screaming in ecstasy from the water.
The tricky thing with Cancers and sex toys is that typically when you have sex, you like there to be a connection. Not every time— you’re not a nun or anything. But a deep, passionate, tear-my-heart-out-and-eat-it-with-blood-running-down-your-face kind of love isn’t too much to ask, is it? Not at all. And while things are great when you have it, losing it is pretty much a travesty. That’s why 2022 is going to be the year we bridge the gap between letting go of the past and hanging onto it for dear fucking life. To do this, you need a human penis (preferably one attached to a human you love, or at least like) and a DIY dildo kit.
The point here is you’re going to make a mold of your beloved’s penis that will then become a dildo you can use for the rest of your life. Think about it. Years later when you’re looking through your memory boxes of pictures and letters, you can whip out this baby and remember what it was like to get laid by whatever person isn’t texting you back quickly enough right now. No, it’s not exactly healthy, but hey, at least it’s better than stalking (which you really need to stop doing, BTW).
Last but literally never least is the most passionate sign of the zodiac. As a Scorpio, you probably read the rest of this article like “…and?” Very little surprises you because, duh, you are the surprise, and picking a sex toy that you either haven’t tried or haven’t considered trying is near impossible. As the sign least likely to shy away from a dildo or blush at the idea of buying a vibrator, your chaotic personality calls for a toy as delightful as it is terrifying: an anal training kit.
Whether or not you’ve already ventured into backdoor play, this kit from Adam & Eve is made to turn butt play beginners into straight-up pros for anal sex, penetrative pleasure, or simply bragging rights. And if you get bored using it on yourself, insist your newest plaything try it out. Because if anyone can get their partner to shove a giant, 6″ anal plug up their ass, it’s you.
Images: Nuria Seguí / Stocksy.com; adameve.com; lewandmassager.com (2); cloneawilly.com; lovabilityinc.com; lelo.com; lovehoney.com (2); cutelittlefuckers.com; lioness.io; lovecrave.com (2); zalousa.com
Navigating relationships and sex drives in 2020 has been a total trip. Virtual and IRL dating has been wild AF, the thirst has been realer than ever, and living in general has basically felt like riding a roller coaster without a seatbelt. Especially with COVID-19 cases on the rise again, it’s time to do what’s safest by continuing to f*ck ourselves. Literally.
With the holidays right around the corner, you owe it to yourself to gift yourself one (or all) of these 14 awesome sex toys. Because let’s face it, we all deserve (read: need) them and the stress reliever that comes along with masturbation right now.
1. Sweet Vibes Charmed
As one of my personal favorites, I’m naturally putting it at the top of the list. Charmed is a powerful wand vibe that has a fun little fin on the head for pinpointed pleasure. Slip the tip in between your lips (please appreciate this rhyme) to stimulate the clit directly. If you’re on the more ~sensitive~ side, use the smooth back of the ball to please yourself. With four super powerful vibration settings to choose from, I promise you’re gonna have a good time.
2. Honey Birdette Bullet
This bullet vibe hits the spot every time. It’s small enough to hide in your nightstand and powerful enough to please TF out of you with five intensities and patterns. Oh, and it’s waterproof, making it a perfect toy to slip into your bathrobe and sneak into the shower with you.
3. We-Vibe & Womanizer Golden Moments Kit
If you’re a toy fan, you might already know about the Womanizer. If you’re into toys and in a relationship (nearby or LDR), you probably already know about the app controlled We-Vibe. If you don’t know about either, now’s your chance to buy both at a discount! This limited edition kit combines clit suction Womanizer Premium and dual stimulating We-Vibe Chorus to offer you $100+ off the OG prices of buying both toys separately. It’s basically the perfect gift for yourself… and your partner, if you decide to share.
4. Vibease Bluetooth Erotica Responsive Panty Vibrator
Do you like audiobooks? What about vibrators? Now what if I told you we could combine those two things to give you the most satisfying reading experience known to humankind? Introducing: the Vibease Bluetooth responsive panty vibe. Slip into a good book and masturbation sesh at the same time with this vibe that fits in your panties and vibrates according to what you’re listening to (via Bluetooth). Yes, really. This gives erotica a whole new meaning.
5. Desire Remote Control Butt Plug
Prostate owners, get you one of these remote controlled butt plugs. Actually, if you don’t have a prostate, you should get one, too. This silky smooth silicone plug has a flared base (which is IMPORTANT so it doesn’t get lost in your body) and is designed with a dented tip in an effort to maximize P-spot stimulation. It also boasts 8 modes and 12 intensities so your booty can experience all the sensations.
6. Zumio X, S, or E
Zumio is another masterpiece of a toy that I’ve been obsessed with for a while. Its SpiroTip™ technology doesn’t vibrate, but rotates in teeny tiny circles that please your sensitive parts with ease. There are three Zumio models to pick from: X, S, or E. You can read more on their website about each of their intensities, but TL;DR: X has a long stem and medium tip, S has a shorter stem and large tip, and E has a curved, rigid stem and precision tip. Plus, they’re offering a free special gift (25-page self-pleasure guide) with purchases this holiday season.
7. CalExotics Shameless Seducer
CalExotics’ Shameless Seducer is one of the more expensive products on the list, but that’s because it offers a LOT of stimulation. It’s penetrative, self-thrusting, and *very* unapologetic to whichever hole you’re using it on. It’s basically in the shape of a classic rabbit vibe, but it offers seven vibe patterns, four thrusting modes, and an additional flickering teaser that mimics a tongue. It’s wild. You’ve been warned.
8. CalExotics My Pod
If you’re a tech fan, you’re going to love My Pod. This toy is self-cleaning. Did you hear that? SELF-CLEANING. That means when you’re lazy AF after you’re done playing with this vibrator, you can literally throw it back in its pod and it’ll cleanse itself. No more forcing yourself to get up from bed and wash it in the bathroom. A miracle.
9. Unbound Puff
Where are all my clit suction toy lovers out there? I can’t see or hear you, but wherever you are, trust that the Puff is for you. As one reviewer in the comments writes, “Puff the magic dragon” is “LIFE CHANGING.” It’s a compact suction vibe with five different settings that’s waterproof and quiet (which is perfect for anyone living in close quarters during quarantine).
10. Emojibator Fruit Basket
Buy yourself a fruit basket this holiday season! But not just any fruit basket… one that vibrates. LOL. Emojibator bundled a bunch of their super cute and fun veggie- and fruit-shaped toys to give us the gift of ~sexual vitamins~ this year. With 10 vibration settings and the funniest sh*t to potentially put on your kitchen table, you can’t go wrong buying this. It comes with an eggplant, banana, chili pepper, and a pickle. Absolutely amazing, and if nothing else, funny AF home decor.
11. Organic Loven Rianne S Heart Vibe
The Rianne S Heart Vibe brings “love yourself” to another level. This 10-speed vibe is rechargeable, made of medical-grade silicone, and packed discreetly but designed beautifully so you’ll probably want to showcase it on your bookshelf or nightstand. Want the gift that keeps on giving? You can also subscribe to one of Organic Loven’s adult subscription boxes full of goodies like toys, condoms, books, and more.
12. Le Wand Arch
Arch is from Le Wand’s Stainless Steel Collection, and it’s absolutely beautiful. Not only is it a gorgeous product, but it’s also perfect for those who crave G-spot stimulation with its special curvature and girth. Bonus: throw this in the fridge to chill it up a bit before sliding it in. You’re welcome.
13. Satisfyer Love Triangle
Satisfyer is a staple brand in my toy box(es) for good reason. Their products are always made with body-friendly silicone and pack super strong stimulation abilities. The Love Triangle is a clit suction toy that syncs with an app and combines Satisfyer’s award-winning air-pulse tech with deep vibes to please us in allll the ways. It also comes with a hygienic cap so you can keep the toy safe from allergens and dust and crap when you’re not using it.
14. b-Vibe Anal Training & Education Set
If you’re a butt play beginner, get yourself b-Vibe’s anal training set. This kit comes with products and training guides that everyone needs to kick off their anal journey as safely, knowledgeably, and pleasurably as possible. If nothing else, you’d be giving yourself the gift of booty education this holiday season. You’ve already baked all the different breads. Why not learn something else?
Happy holidays, friends! Well, maybe not happy, because, you know… 2020. But may your holiday season be as pleasurable as possible. These toys can definitely help.
Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.
IMAGES: Pexels, GIPHY, Sweet Vibes, Honey Birdette, Lovers, Lovehoney (2), Zumio, CalExotics (2), Unbound, Emojibator, Organic Loven, Le Wand, Satisfyer, b-Vibe
If you’re quarantining alone, you’ve probably felt at least somewhat of a—how do I put this gently—desperate longing for any form of human touch. Pour one out for the days where we were just a swipe away from fulfilling any *ahem* need we may have. Honestly, I would dissolve into a puddle if someone so much as shook my hand right now. We are currently an unknown number of days from getting back to any sort of “normal”, but fortunately, there are some very ~effective~ ways to tide yourself over until then.
Before we get to the “how” though, let’s (gently) touch on the “why”. Aside from the fact that they feel pretty damn good, orgasms are actually extremely good for you. In both men and women, reaching climax regularly was shown to boost your immune system, alleviate pain, and reduce stress by releasing endorphins. In case you forgot, we’re in the middle of a freaking pandemic. We need all the immunity boosts we can get. We could also stand to drastically reduce our stress levels due to the anxiety of adjusting to this new normal, and pain reduction would be helpful too—because all of this is an enormous pain in the ass. Or, I don’t know, maybe you get headaches.
Some of you may be fortunate enough to be quarantined with a partner (although after being in such close quarters for this long, you may be tempted to murder them for breathing too loudly), but for many of us, we’re flying solo. Now that states are starting to open up and people seem to forget that we are, in fact, still in the midst of a pandemic, the NYC Health Department is advising that if we REALLY INSIST on having sex, we should probably do it with masks on. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like the least-sexy sexy time I could possibly imagine (although if maskplay is your thing, go to town—I’m not here to kink shame). Relationship Therapist and Owner of CouplesCandy.com Megan Harrison echoed our mask concerns. She explained, “I don’t believe people will change their romantic lifestyle so significantly by wearing masks during sex. The mouth is the center of many of the fundamental components of human activity. Consumption, speech, the breath, communication, kissing—all of which play an important role within intimate relationships. Masks would drastically alter the experience and I fail to see how people would have the discipline to wear them.”
In the same helpful, slightly tongue-in-cheek pamphlet from the NYC Health Department titled “Safer Sex and COVID-19”, the experts remind us that the safest sex right now is sex with yourself. Thanks, guys. Hope your people are getting paid the big bucks for that one. Though these tips come from the NYC Health department, sex during COVID carries the same risks everywhere. Regardless of where you live, these tips are solid.
That’s the great news, though—you don’t need another person to reap the benefits of the big “O”. Technically, you don’t need any tools at all to get the job done. A lot of the time, though, they make it a much more pleasurable experience. Especially when we’re not able to experiment with new partners, we may as well experiment with new toys.
As expected (and really, we appreciate their essential work), online sex toy companies are rightfully making bank right now. We-Vibe and Womanizer, owned by Wow Tech Group, both had sales over 200% what they would normally be during this time of year. According to Vice, B-Vibe, Le Wand, and the Cowgirl had sales increase threefold compared to the same sales period last year. We stockpiled toilet paper, hand sanitizer, yeast, and now we’ve settled on filling the next logical need: we’re thirsty. Even some of the people who were formerly averse to the the idea of using sex toys have come around (cum around?) to the idea that maybe they’re not so bad. Psychologist Laurie Mintz told the LA Times, “People are scared. People are lonely, and I think there’s been enough talk it’s destigmatizing sex toys and masturbation—finally—and that could be one of the very few positive outcomes of all this.”
Speaking of destigmatizing sex toys and masturbation, women are putting in the work. According to a study by online sex toy shop Ella Paradis, women spend nearly twice as much on sex toys as their male counterparts. What can we say? We like to accessorize. Ella Paradis shared the U.S. cities that spend the most on sex toys—honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if these five cities also rated themselves higher on a happiness scale than their less satisfied neighbors.
US Cities Spending the Most on Sex Toys:
1) New York, NY
2) Los Angeles, California
3) Chicago, Illinois (Chicago native here, we’re doing GREAT)
4) Houston, Texas
5) Dallas, Texas
Ella Paradis also studied which states have the highest sex drives, which somehow isn’t the exact same list as those buying the most sex toys. Looking at you, Florida—time to go shopping.
US States With the Highest Sex Drives
2) New York
It’s impossible to say with certainty where exactly this market trend will go from here, but as long as having safe(-ish) sex still requires full PPE, it’s also probably safe to say that sex toy sales have probably not yet reached their climax. Check out some great sex toys here, and make sure you pick them up before we too are hit with the dreaded “sold out”.
Images: Stas Svechnikov / Unsplash
Quarantine = people cooped up with family members and roommates. This means less privacy, which can obviously screw up any solid masturbation routine. Enter: whisper-quiet sex toys! That no one will ever hear you using! And no, we’re not talking about your hands (which are equally as great, TBH).
I asked a bunch of sexperts for their favorite super quiet, borderline silent sex toys that are safe to use no matter where you live, who you’re living with, and where you’re using them, and here’s what they said. I also dropped a few of my personal favorites below because I basically test sex toys for a living. So whether you’re in bed, in the shower, or in the room next to your parents, go grab one of these toys and enjoy a secret solo masturbation sesh.
1. SKYN Thrill
Once upon a time in high school, I was made fun of for having a lipstick vibrator in my bag. Now, I write about sex on the internet. Anyway, SKYN’s Thrill bullet vibe is designed as a travel-sized tube of lipstick, so it’s super discreet, unlike how I bragged about my top-secret vibrator to my friends back in the day. This “makeup” has three speeds (which are all quiet), is waterproof, and is even gold plated. Masturbate in private like an undercover boss.
2. K-Y Warming Lubricant
Surprise! Lube is a sex toy—an awesome and silent one, too. “Lubricant is an amazing way to enhance any sexual experience, but if you’re looking for something extra to spice up your solo play, you can experiment with warming lube,” says Gabi Levi, a sex and relationship expert who runs an erotica site called Shag Story. “Using your hands to pleasure yourself with heated lube is a quiet, fun, and unique way to have fun masturbating.” I’ve tried it before and can confirm it’s both fun and very intense.
3. Unbound Spike Wheel
Gather round, kinkier friends. This one’s for you. It’s basically a supercharged pinwheel, and it’s amazing. “This toy is a unique option on the list because it’s usually for couples who like to engage in BDSM play. But, as I like to say, there are no rules when it comes to masturbation, and it’s an awesome toy to play with alone for those of us who like it a little rough and enjoy a bit of pain with our pleasure,” says Levi. She recommends using this spiked wheel to ~tickle, tantalize, and tease~ yourself. “Press deeper for a more intense sensation as you roll it silently around your curves.”
4 & 5. Hot Octopuss Amo and Digit
First off, let’s appreciate the name “Hot Octopuss.” Now, let’s talk about their super quiet toys. “Both the Hot Octopuss Amo and Digit are small but powerful finger vibrators that give you all the rumbly sensation you crave without the excessive noise of bigger vibrators,” explains Kayla Lords, sexpert at toy shop JackandJillAdult.com. So whether you’re into quiet finger vibes or sneaky bullet vibes, Hot Octopuss has got ya covered.
6. LELO MONA™ 2
This toy testimonial from Kate W., co-founder of Pleasure Better (a site aimed at helping people embrace and enjoy their sexuality), is flawless, so I’m just gonna drop it here and let her educate you. “I prefer vibrating toys as my go-to playmate for solo fun so it’s important that they’re whisper quiet. My absolute favorite is the Lelo Mona 2. I’ve used it camping with other unsuspecting campers nearby. I’ve even used it to orgasm in bed next to my husband without him waking. It’s also waterproof for solo shower fun!” Relationship and camping goals.
7. Lovehoney Silencer Whisper Quiet Classic Vibrator
Dead quiet? Yes, the words “silencer” and “whisper quiet” are literally in its name. Affordable? Check. Do you need it during quarantine? Totally. “If you’re really trying to be ‘whisper quiet’ then you want to get a vibrator that is made to be quiet,” says Levi. “Nobody will hear you using this vibrator, even if you’re sharing a wall. It’s also 7-inches long, which is arguably the perfect size for an insertable sex toy.” But remember, friends. It’s more about the motion of the ocean, if you catch my drift.
8. Le Wand Chrome
“The Le Wand Chrome vibe is powerful, rumbly, and remarkably quiet,” says Searah Deysach, longtime sex educator and owner of toy shop Early to Bed. “Because it’s waterproof, it also makes an excellent choice for using in the bath or shower.” Now you have no excuse not to masturbate. You can use this toy in the shower OR in your bed—the only two places you’re frequenting lately.
9. Crave Vesper
“The Crave Vesper is a necklace with a secret so you can use it almost anywhere,” says Deysach. “Nearly silent, it looks great on neck and feels awesome on your body!” Rock it around the house then let it rock your V (sorry, had to). Then wear it in public when we’re finally allowed out again.
10. Satisfyer White Temptation
When I was living with my parents, this was one of my regular go-to sex toys. It’s really strong but equally quiet, which is exactly what ya girl needed back then. “With a rumbly, whisper-quiet motor, this special toy sneaks up on you, making you melt and ask for more,” adds Megwyn White, somatic sex educator and director of education at pleasure product brand Satisfyer. #truth
11. Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40
The Womanizer is super silent…well, as close to silent as you can get, obviously. If you love clitoral stimulation and you need to get off ASAP, use no other toy than this one. This specific Womanizer is a collab between the pleasure pros at Lovehoney and Womanizer, so you know it’s gotta be good…or you can just take our word for it. (It’s good. Trust us.)
Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.
Images: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels; SKYN; K-Y; Unbound; Hot Octopuss; Jack and Jill; Lelo; Lovehoney (2); Early to Bed (2); Satisfyer
Let’s have a moment of silence for all the hookups that can’t happen right now due to social distancing orders…. andddd now let’s move on. If you’re single, thirsty, bored, and stuck inside without anyone to
bang hang with at the moment, then you’re well aware by now that the struggle is real AF. But there’s good news! You’ve got the solution right at your fingertips… literally. There are just about a million solo sex toys on the market (not an official figure), and we have nothing but time (to try them all out).
“Masturbation is not only pleasurable, it’s also extraordinarily healthy and one of the safest ways to boost a positive connection to self while reducing stress and supporting overall health and well-being, which is exactly what we need during this quarantine,” says Megwyn White, somatic sensuality guide and director of education at Satisfyer, a pleasure product company. “So next time you feel stressed, under the weather, or can’t sleep, try a little self-love. It can make a real difference in shifting your state and giving your body the boost it needs.” Say no more, sis. Here are some of the best solo sex toys you need to try during isolation that won’t break your bank and will give you that ~release~ you’ve been desperately craving.
1. Zumio X
If you thrive on strong vibrations, then you gotta get a Zumio. This thing is POWERFUL but also super quiet, which is perfect if you’re quarantined with family or roommates right now. It also has a trademarked tip called the SpiroTip that rotates in super small circles for hyper-pinpointed action. It feels ah-mazing.
2. Honey Birdette Taurus
I recently tried the Taurus because I’m a newfound wand vibrator fan. Trust me, a sex toy-loving Scorpio: You need this wand. It comes in black or purple, offers five different (strong) intensities, and is 100% waterproof. It’s the perfect thing to spice up the showers you’ve only been taking twice a week. Nope, just me? K, moving right along.
3. The Chickie Emojibator
Yes, this is a sex toy shaped like a baby chick. Yes, it looks just like the emoji. And it’s actually f*cking awesome. With eight vibration settings and eight more suction settings, your clit is getting allllll the love it wants and needs with this body-safe silicone chickie. The Emojibator brand also sells chili pepper and eggplant emoji vibes. Do with that info as you will.
4. Le Wand Bow
Okay, first off let’s mention how sleek and sexy stainless steel sex toys are. Now, let’s talk about how amazing Le Wand’s Bow is. If you love internal play, the Bow is specifically designed to curve toward the G-spot or P-spot areas for maximum penetrative pleasure. It’s even ribbed for added sensation. Bonus: You can also throw it in the fridge to experiment with temperature play. You’re welcome.
5. CalExotics California Dreaming Malibu Minx
Do you like penetrative toys? What about clit suction toys? What would you say if I told you there’s a brand out there that combined those two into one magical product? Yup. CalExotics created a penetrating, clit sucking vibrator that will rock. your. world. The Malibu Minx has 10 different vibration patterns and three vibrating speeds to rotate and enjoy. Oh, and did I mention this thing is also waterproof? It’s basically the whole package.
6. Satisfyer Pro 2
White says this device is a brand best-seller and ideal for solo stimulation. Why? Because “it uses Satisfyer’s proprietary Air-Pulse Technology and mimics the sensations of oral sex through pressure waves which activate the sensitive 8,000 nerve endings of the clitoral glans.” That sounds super science-y and official, so let me just say that I’ve used it and can confirm that it definitely stimulates those nerve endings. 10/10 would recommend (which is why it’s on this list).
7. Satisfyer Strengthening Balls
I know what you’re thinking. Kegel balls??? Yep. According to White, “wearing the love beads for about 15 minutes a day trains your pelvic floor muscles, the muscles that enable you to experience breathtaking orgasms.” And what better time to start training than now in quarantine, amiright? Upon insertion, here’s her advice on how to use it: “Inhale deeply to expand the lower abdomen, and then slowly exhale as you concentrate on contracting the muscles of the vaginal canal, and then release allowing orgasmic energy to ripen within the body. Be mindful to focus on the deeper muscles and not to grip the glutes or abdomen.” She also recommends using this with the Pro 2 (above) to achieve a ~blended orgasm.~
8. Snug Plugs
Maybe you want to start exploring butt stuff during the quarantine. If you haven’t ventured into anal territory yet, but(t) you’re curious about how it feels and what it’s like, train yourself with some colorful weighted Snug Plugs. They come in four different sizes so you can size up or down as necessary. Because if you aren’t learning a new skill with all this free time, what have you really been doing with your time? (JK, I’ve been lazy AF and haven’t learned any new skills.)
9. Lovehoney Gyr8tor
I tested this thing out at sex camp last year, and it’s WILD. This pleasure product is futuristic AF… like, it literally gyrates. WTF is gyration? This thing spins around in circles and dances to the beat of its own rhythm with 12 (!!) different settings inside your vagina, and it feels like no other toy you’ve tried before. I promise.
Image: Stas Svechnikov / Unsplash; Amazon (2); Lovehoney; Babeland; Satisfyer (2); Le Wand Massager; Emojibator; Honey Birdette
Do you experience pain and discomfort from penetrative sex? Not a fan of the Great American Challenge or other forms of silicone dicks? Got a partner who sucks at pleasing you or you just want to turn the fun up a notch? If you answered “yes” to any or all of those questions, you’re not alone! Thankfully there are heroes out there to save the day, bless their souls. Their names? Ollie, Fin, and Eva II… aka sex toys that cater to folks who prefer clitoral stimulation, dislike penetration, or want the max level of pleasure by playing with clit vibes during penetration.
According to sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, “Not only is external stimulation more likely to lead to arousal and orgasm for many folks, but the endorphin and oxytocin release associated with sexual pleasure can have a palliative effect on the body.” Well, we did the research and compiled this list of the best clitoral vibrators, suction toys, and wearables for ultimate pleasure because we care about you. You’re welcome.
1. Satisfyer Luxury Haute Couture
Precious metal. Black leather. 11 different intensities. No, I’m not talking about what you wore to the bar on Saturday and the stages of how embarrassingly drunk you got throughout the night. I’m talking about Satisfyer’s sexy-as-hell Luxury Haute Couture. It sits comfortably in your (or your partner’s) hand, is super soft, and uses special patented Air Pulse tech to massage your clit without any contact. It’s basically magic.
2. We-Vibe Melt
What makes Melt a good option for anyone looking for clitoral stimulation? It’s small, has an ergonomic design, doesn’t painfully suck the life out of your clit, and can be used alone and with your partner whether you’re in the same room or not. Dr. O’Reilly says, “Rather than suction, Melt uses Pleasure Air™ technology—tiny waves of air that provide the sensation of kisses and pulsing waves right where you want them. It fits perfectly between your bodies in almost any position and can be controlled through We-Vibe’s We-Connect app with easy-to-use, intuitive controls, so you can play together even when you’re apart.” WTF more could you ask for?
3. LELO Sona Cruise
LELO’s Sona Cruise isn’t a global bestseller for no reason. It uses SONIC WAVE technology to promote big Os. Like??? What even is a sonic wave, but who cares if it makes you cum? This toy has a huge surface area, changes pressure when the toy is pressed harder against the body, is “whisper quiet,” waterproof, and has eight different pleasure settings. Sign. Us. Up.
4. Unbound Ollie
TBH, I was always intimidated by wand vibrators, but this thing has changed my life for the better. Ollie is my new best friend. It’s big, strong, powerful, waterproof, made of medical-grade silicone like my favorite menstrual cups, and everything else a vulva owner would ever want in a personal massager, except it’s kinda loud. Don’t believe me? Rude, but fine. Trust this person who eloquently reviewed it on Unbound’s website, “I have almost called in sick to work multiple times in order to stay home with my new life partner Ollie.”
5. Le Wand Petite
“People can’t seem to get enough of this vibe,” says Alicia Sinclair, the founder and CEO of Le Wand and other amazing sex toy brands. There’s a larger version of this gorgeous rose gold wand vibrator if you want to size up, but the Petite offers the same 10 powerful speeds and six patterns as the OG. It also has three separate attachment pieces for internal stimulation if you want double the pleasure. This toy makes for a great vibrator AND accessory to match your rose gold iPhone.
6. Dame Fin
Dame is the creator of Fin, which is a fun little finger vibe that’s perfect for all types of play. You can wear Fin during solo play, partner play, and foreplay. It actually feels like an extension of your hand. It practically turns you into a sex robot. JK, but it is an awesome wearable that provides extra stimulation whenever you want it. PERIOD. FIN. Like, as in “the end.” Get it? Great. Cool. Moving right along.
7. Unbound Palma
Whereas the Fin isn’t really something you can wear out and about, Unbound’s Palma can be rocked as a piece of jewelry or used to rock your world. It’s a vibrating ring that everybody needs in their jewelry box. Are jewelry boxes even a thing anymore? Anyway, Palma is waterproof, made from surgical grade stainless steel, and comes in silver or gold depending on your style preference. Wear it in a pool, at the mall, in the bedroom, and literally everywhere else. Just be prepared to lie or tell people it’s a vibrator when they ask where you got it.
8. Satisfyer Layons Purple Pleasure
The Purple Pleasure is part of Satisfyer’s Layons collection because it…wait for it…lies on the clit. For a small vibrator, this thing has a LOT of power. It’s super quiet, has 15 different orgasm-inducing vibrating patterns (5 speeds and 10 settings), and is waterproof so you can bring it into the bath or shower. Pro tip: I’ve used this toy at the same time as another one and it was uh-mazing. Two toys are better than one, but this will definitely do the trick on its own.
9. Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40
This incredible suction toy is the product of a collab between two of the biggest names in the sex toy industry, Lovehoney and Womanizer. The Pro40 combines Womanizer’s Pleasure Air Technology, an ergonomic design, and six intensities to please TF out of you or your partner. Again, let’s resort to a stellar review left by a customer on Lovehoney’s website: “Oh. My. God. I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. I swear I’ve just seen Jesus! This toy is unreal! A complete game changer! I can’t even…wow. Just wow!” I rest my case.
10. Dame Eva II
Eva II takes the phrase “look ma, no hands” to the next level. If you want a vibe that perfectly tucks into the labia while you’re bumping and grinding someone then you need this toy. It looks like a cute little bug or some type of creature with wings but it’s way stronger than a flying ant (?) with three wild vibrational pulses. It’s not going to secure to your body if you’re doing flips and tricks but it will survive most sex positions.
And there we have it. 10 clit-friendly sex toys to deliver the external pleasure that you’ve been so desperately craving. I can personally vouch that all of these products are fun to use solo and/or with a partner, but I highly recommend you try them out for yourself.
Images: Matheus Ferrero / Unsplash
If you’re anything like me, you probably think of sex toys as something to be used in the privacy of your own home, either alone or with your partner. But that’s beginning to change as high-tech start-ups reconceptualize the way we think about sex toys, especially when these companies are run by women. One notable manifestation of this trend are sex toys that double as wearable accessories. With these, gone are the days where your only option for a vibrator was a veiny phallus molded from the dong of a washed-up porn star (though if that’s your thing, do you). Read on for a list of sex toys you can take with you anywhere.
1. Secrets 5 Function Remote Control Vibrating Black Lace Thong
While it may look like your typical lace thong, this baby has a hidden pocket that fits a mini vibrator. What’s more, it’s also remote control operable up to a range of 10 meters, so you can cede control to someone else if that’s your kink. According to the product description, “you won’t have to choose between turning up to work or climaxing, popping to the post office or climaxing, or going to a wedding or climaxing.” The wedding example is a bit of a weird flex, but these undies could come in handy for one of those work meetings that could have been an email.
2. Amelia Nipple Clamp Chandelier Earrings
These earrings are not necessarily for the faint of nip heart. Though they may look like your typical architectural jewelry, they’re modeled after the alligator nipple clamp, a staple in the BDSM world. The great thing about clamps is that they can be adjusted to suit your tolerance, whether it’s a simple desire to increase sensation or to heighten pleasure with some pain. Considering that the nipples are a major erogenous zone for many people, these earrings are a creative option that will both get you off and completely fool your more vanilla co-workers.
3. Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace
If you’re toying (see what I did there?) with the idea of purchasing a wearable sex toy, this is the one I would start with. The Vesper necklace is perhaps the most well-known and popular wearable sex toy on this list, and it’s easy to see why. Its sleek design and three power settings make it both a beautiful piece of jewelry and a powerful vibrator. And there’s just something indulgent about wearing a literal vibrator out in the open: as one reviewer put it, “It’s like wearing a secret around my neck and in public!”
4. Cleo Bangle Handcuffs
If the nipple clamps weren’t for you but you’re game for some light BDSM, these bangles are a great option. They’re dainty, yellow gold and engraved, making for a beautiful pair of bracelets on their own. But after a long day of enduring passive-aggressive emails from Karen in Accounting, you can meet up with your partner outside of the office (or in the office if you’re having an affair with a coworker, I don’t know your life) and use these “surprisingly strong” handcuffs for a little bit of fun.
5. Palma Vibrator Ring
Rounding out the list is a ring with 5-star reviews that doubles as a vibrator. What appears on the surface as a chic cocktail ring is actually a multispeed waterproof vibrator with customizable modes that let you control the vibrations with your own hand movements. Although it may seem small, reviewers agree that this sucker “packs a punch.” I guess my ex was right and size doesn’t really matter after all.
The growing prominence of wearable sex toys on the market is exciting. By allowing people, especially women, to literally wear their sexuality on their sleeve (or neck, or ear, or finger), wearable sex toys subverts the societal notion that sex is something shameful that needs to be kept hidden. That’s a vibe (OK, I’ll stop) that we can all get into.
Images: Marvin Meyer / Unsplash; Giphy (1)
Contrary to popular belief (primarily held by insecure men), sex toys aren’t designed to be anybody’s competition. In fact, it’s quite the opposite—they’re great for solo play, spicing things up with your partner, AND boosting your chances of cumming with them. What?! Yup. Sex toys are for EVERYONE, especially couples. They’re basically little angels that have cum down from the heavens in all shapes and sizes to bless us with powerful orgasms. Because I’m an angel in my own way, I’ve compiled a list of the best sex toys to use with your partner, including vibrators, wearables, plugs, restraints, and fun accessories too.
Sweet Vibrations tuLips
Sweet Vibrations’ tuLips is a clitoral vibrator that’s cleverly named after the mystical, magical clitoris. Whereas a lot of clit vibes stimulate just the tip, the tuLips is designed to stimulate the ENTIRE clitoris that’s hiding beneath the surface and wants just as much love. This cute and colorful vibrator is small and quiet, but it’s actually a beast with 10 settings and five intensities. Vulva owners, you need this—trust me, a fellow vulva owner.
Satisfyer Multifun 2
I’ve been a Satisfyer fan ever since I tried the Power Flower vibrator that personally introduced me to God, and all of their other toys are just as amazing, including this one. The Multifun 2 is perfect for all couples and body parts. Use it on nipples, on a penis, or angled into the G-spot. Did I mention you can create up to 100 sensation combinations with this bad boy? Yeah… the Multifun is, like, soOo fun!
Satisfyer’s Ring supports hard dicks and pleased clits. All you gotta do is stretch it over a penis or dildo and vibe until you O. If you’d rather use this ring as a hand-held vibrator, you can do that too. Whatever you’re into. I keep rhyming. Sorry. Long story short, this ring “for men” can be (and should be) used by anyone and everyone.
Wild Flower Enby
The Enby by Wild Flower is a genderless vibrator that looks like a bike seat, except it’s way more pleasurable to sit on. What’s super cool about the Enby is you can use it in so many different ways. Enjoy dry humping? Rub away. Want to use it with a harness? Go ahead. Would you rather fold it and massage your partner with it? Have fun. Wild Flower’s website says it best: “Its flexible shape leaves room for users to pick their own sexual adventure. No matter your identity, Enby has something for you.”
Dame Eva II
Eva is small and powerful as f*ck. It’s a hands-free couples’ vibrator that comfortably tucks between the labia and vibrates the clitoris in three different strengths. Vulva owners can wear it during penetration for added pleasure. When I received mine and turned it on for the first time, the third setting shook my entire hand. It was intense. So was the orgasm. Oh, and Dame Products is suing the MTA for its sexist, unequal ad approvals that favor male ED products and reject companies that cater to women’s sexual wellness, so that’s all the more reason to support Dame and its phenomenal catalogue of toys. #DerailSexism
Club Vibe 3.OH Hero
“The great thing about the butt is that it’s an EOO, an equal opportunity orifice, aka no matter your gender, you can enjoy a bit o’ booty play,” said Babeland’s awesome Brand Manager Lisa Finn. Do we love her? We love her. This slim and powerful remote, app, and sound-controlled anal plug is perfect for teasing and pleasing. And it’s not called “Club Vibe” for nothing. When you turn on Club mode, it picks up nearby sounds (yes, including moans) and turns them into vibrations. How f*cking cool is that?!
Satisfyer Plugs are perfect for beginners interested in anal training. This training kit includes three differently shaped plugs, each with increasing diameters. Satisfyer’s Director of Education Megwyn White says that these can be inserted as a form of foreplay to enhance pleasure or used during penetrative sex to intensify sensations. Remember to lube up your butt plugs, friends! Speaking of lube, this flawlessly brings us to the next two items on the list…
Babeland’s Lisa Finn also told me, “Whenever our staff gets asked what the best product in the store is, we almost always have the same answer: lube! Lube is the best inexpensive sex toy you can own. It makes everything slicker and cuts down on any bad friction for a more comfortable and intimate experience. BabeLube Natural is vegan, cruelty-free, paraben-free, glycerin-free, and is compatible with all kinds of toys, condoms, and barriers.” Enough said. Actually, wait, let me add that the ingredients are also mostly organic, including aloe, hibiscus, flax, and green tea. K, now enough said.
CocoLube is a unisex coconut-based lube made up of coconut-derived oils that smells delicious, is long-lasting, toy-safe, non-toxic, and all that other good stuff. It’s also free of the not-so-good stuff, like parabens, petrochemicals, and preservatives. You can either use it as a massage oil or as a sex lube, or both.
LELO Tiani 2
The Tiani 2 is one of LELO’s best-selling couples toys, and that’s not just because it’s so sleek and sexy. This wearable toy is worn internally by women during sex and controlled with a small remote that can be manually turned up or down or automatically changed via SenseMotion™ technology. What’s SenseMotion™, you ask? Oh, it’s just LELO’s casual technology that’s responsive to you or your partner’s body movements and adjusts the vibration pulsations accordingly. This is some V high-tech stuff, my friends.
When my Crescendo came in the mail, I spent wayyy too much time bending it into wayyy too many shapes. Mystery Vibe’s Crescendo is a flexible vibrator that adapts to you and your partner’s unique bodies and needs (like, it literally bends). Its curvy structure allows you to ride it, insert it, lay on it, or do whatever the f*ck else you want with it. The possibilities are endless. This toy also syncs with an app for fun remote lovin’.
Let’s face it. Handcuffs are all fun and games until someone loses the key then you and your partner have to figure out a way to carefully break them without breaking anyone’s wrists. No? No one else? Okay, anyway… Unbound’s Cuffies are restraints made from strong, body-safe silicone so you can keep the kink without the keys. CEO and co-founder of Unbound Polly Rodriguez says these are great introductory handcuffs. Want to get into BDSM? Getchu some cuffies.
Tracey Cox Supersex Beginner’s Bondage Kit
Not a fan of handcuffs? How about a bondage kit? This one is velvety and sexy and attaches to bed frames or table legs or whatever you want to be tied to (or tie someone else to). I like Lovehoney’s product description more than anything I can cleverly come up with, so here’s what it says: “Whether you want your lover’s body bound and at the mercy of your whims, or you just want their hands tied so they can’t hog the remote, the Tracey Cox Bondage Kit is for you.”
Liberator Heart Wedge
This adorable heart-shaped pillow is equal parts lovely and orgasm-inducing. Sure, it can go incognito and look like a random pillow on your bed, but its strategic incline is designed to promote deeper penetration, easy G and P-spot access, and oral sex without the neck cramps. It’s basically the stealthiest, cutest piece of bedroom decor ever.
This wearable finger vibrator by Unbound looks like a badass ring, but it’s so much more than that. The Palma is so versatile that you can casually wear it out to dinner then use it on your partner during the drive home. You’re basically investing in a multi-functional gold or silver piece of beautiful jewelry.
Last but certainly not least on this list is MysteryVibe’s Tenuto. This vibrator is one of the very first high-quality wearables for people with penises, with motors that strategically stimulate the penis, balls, AND perineum ANDDD the clitoris during PiV sex. The Tenuto is flexible for all body types and can be used as a cock ring, a nipple stimulator, or a personal massager.
So, yeah, to those who believe sex toys are your competition and not your friend, what were you saying? Humor me and try any of these toys and I bet you’ll change your big, fat “NO” into a bigger, louder “OH.”
Also, this article is not sponsored by any of the toy brands mentioned in this article… but if any of these companies want to sponsor me, please slide into my DMs just like you effortlessly slid into my….. heart. K, bye.