I’ll be the first one to say it: being gay can be pretty hard. Of course, there’s the societal prejudice and the ongoing battle for equal rights, but that’s not all we have to deal with. The world of gay sex and dating is basically a total nightmare, and your high school sex ed. class probably did less than nothing to prepare you for it. I’ve been out for the better part of a decade, and I still regularly find myself using Urban Dictionary to translate Grindr profiles that are essentially not written in English.
There’s no shame in wanting to learn, so I’ve picked out nine gay sex terms and concepts that can be confusing, even if you’re not a novice on the apps. Whether you’re a gay guy looking to brush up on your culture, or a girl who doesn’t want to ask her gay friend any problematic questions (we appreciate you!), this is all you need to know.
This one probably isn’t too difficult to figure out, but there’s no harm in explaining. If someone says they’re looking, don’t waste your time striking up polite conversation about their hobbies and interests. They’re here for sex, plain and simple.
In the real world, otters are adorable little animals who smash open sea urchins with rocks. In the gay community, you might be the one getting smashed. You probably know about bears and twinks at this point, but otters are a little more confusing. An otter is kind of like a bear, in that he’s pretty hairy, but skinnier.
When you’re talking to someone on the apps, it’s common for them to ask if you’re “DDF.” This stands for “drug and disease free,” and it’s a little bit problematic. First of all, it perpetuates the stigma of HIV (more on that in a minute), which is already a huge problem in the LGTBQ community. There’s also no way to know if the other person is being honest. Just because they say they don’t have any STIs or drug habits isn’t a free pass to not use protection. “DDF” is an easy question to ask, but it’s not really giving you all the information you need.
As I said, there’s a real stigma in our society about HIV and AIDS. As a member of the gay community, you owe it to yourself to be at least a little informed, and not be ignorant or offensive. “Poz” is the most common way of self-identifying as HIV positive, and you really shouldn’t block someone just because you see it in their profile. Many people living with HIV today have “undetectable” status, which means that the virus is at such low levels that blood tests don’t even detect it. The chance of an undetectable person transmitting the virus to you is extremely low, so just use protection like you normally would. This isn’t the ’80s, and you’re not a character in RENT.
Speaking of protection, we’ve come a long way. Of course, condoms are still very effective, and it’s always advisable to use them, but why limit yourself? In the last few years, a new HIV-prevention method called PrEP (Pre-exposure prophylaxis) has become widely available. While straight people have been slow to learn about it (what else is new?), it’s become common practice in the gay community. I’m not the one to explain how the science works, but PrEP reduces your chances of contracting HIV by 92%, which is pretty incredible.
Just like straight guys, gay men just love not using condoms. Talk all you want about how much better it feels, blah blah blah, whatever. “BB” is short for bareback sex, also known as having anal without a condom. I’m not here to judge, but it’s really important to make sure you and your partner are on the same page, because there are real potential consequences if you’re not careful. *gets off high horse and goes back to messaging daddies on Scruff*
If you think the only people doing meth are the psychos on Breaking Bad, I’m so sorry to burst your bubble. Meth has become a huge recreational drug in the gay community, so if that’s not your scene, it’s important to know what to avoid. A lot of gays call the drug “T,” short for “Tina,” because all drugs have like 40 weird nicknames. If you see a random capital “T” in someone’s bio, there’s a 99% chance they’re talking about meth. The word “party” is also usually about hard drugs, especially if the T is capitalized. Straight girls, be glad you don’t have to deal with this sh*t on Hinge.
If you’re not feeling the meth trend, good for you, your teeth won’t fall out! Poppers, which are actually legal, are sold in tiny little bottles and are usually marketed as nail polish remover or other household cleaning products. People like using them during sex, especially because they help certain parts of your body, um, loosen up. If you’re going to use them, make sure to do it in moderation, unless you want a wicked headache afterward.
You guys, it stands for water sports. Water sports, as in people who like pee. If this is something you’re into, go for it! If you’re appalled at the thought, then just kindly decline the offer and maybe find someone else to hook up with. There’s no shame in knowing what you like and what you don’t.
Are there any other important gay sex terms you want us to talk about? Let me know in the comments! Have fun on the apps, and if you’re unsure about something, don’t be afraid to ask questions. It’s your personal life, so your comfort should come first.
Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (3)
Nothing will transport you back to high school faster than being in a room full of people talking about some type of sex you’ve never heard of. Not that high school wasn’t fun, but who likes being reminded that once upon a time, they were a virgin who couldn’t drive? Even though it’s literally impossible to keep up with all the weird euphemisms for sex people come up with, you’re obviously not supposed to let on that you have no idea WTF truffle butter means. (You’re not going to like it. Or maybe you will—I don’t know the details of your sex life and I prefer to keep it that way.) I don’t know how people maintained a cool, sexually sophisticated façade before the internet, but luckily, we live in an era where you can pull up Urban Dictionary on your phone whenever you want. Blessings.
In the interest of pretending like you’re not totally vanilla, here are the definitions of 10 sex terms you’re too embarrassed to admit you don’t know.
1. Truffle Butter
Nicki Minaj wrote an entire song about this one, but if Googling it somehow slipped your mind and it’s too late to ask anyone, allow me to explain. Truffle butter is the result of going from anal sex to vaginal sex—apparently, it’s the tan shit (possibly literally) around your vag. In order to maintain my faith in humanity I’m just gonna assume it’s a thing that happens once and never again in any relationship, because the idea makes me want to puke. Also, hello, does nobody realize that’s a UTI waiting to happen? I am scarred.
BTW, the mess is also known by another name: Santorum. Please Google it because the origins of the name are the only good thing to come out of American politics since Jackie Kennedy’s dress sense.
I’ll keep this definition as short as the word itself: Chodes are short, fat dicks. This can be taken literally or figuratively—Jonah Hill, for example, could be considered a chode. Although he fits the definition to a T in other ways, Pussy Grabber-in-Chief is (surprisingly) too tall to fit in the category in the literal sense. And for those of you who are wondering, according to Google, Donald Trump is supposedly 6’2″, but given his clear Napoleon complex I’m going to declare that fact fake news.
The online definitions vary, but the basic definition of a creampie is when a dude’s semen drips out of you after sex. Because someone, somewhere will literally lick anything out of a vagina, creampies sometimes refer to when your partner licks said semen up once you’re done banging. I would take this time to ask “WHO DOES THAT??” but honestly, I don’t want to know. Please try to contain your vom.
Bukkake is not a trendy new sushi roll—it’s when a bunch of dudes jack off onto a woman’s body, which sounds enjoyable for precisely no one. Like, where do you gather all these dudes? What are the rules for eye contact? Do the men acknowledge that this is way beyond the rules of the bro code? What the fuck are women supposed to get out of it, aside from a lot of blackmail material? If I wanted to personally collect a whole bunch of DNA evidence, I’d work in a crime lab.
If you’re a bi betch or know anyone who plays for both teams, they’ve def complained about the idea of a unicorn before. Aside from being the mythical creature you asked for on your 9th birthday, unicorns are the nickname for a chick who joins a het couple for a threesome and enjoys it for some reason. Tragically for the swingers (read: fuckboys who don’t want to be monogamous but don’t have the balls to dump their GF) of the world, unicorns are way, way less common than porn would have you think. Which is precisely why they’re called “unicorns” and not “people in the bread aisle of your local grocery store”.
6. Tossing Salad
Once again, we have Nicki Minaj to thank for bringing this phrase to everyone’s attention. Tossing salad (like his name’s Romaine) is literally just going down on someone’s asshole. If you ever heard of The Human Centipede, it’s basically the sex version of that. If Queen Nicki’s into it, I guess it must be fun somehow even if it sounds like the fastest way to get e. coli and end up in the hospital. I’d rather just go to Chipotle.
7. Eskimo Sisters
We did an entire guide to the concept of Eskimo sisters, but if you’re crunched for time, here’s the short version. Eskimo sisters are two women who’ve had sex with the same person, AKA the #1 reason for failed friendships. (#2 is posting an Instagram where one person looks fat.) It’s a complicated, yet sacred relationship in any small social circle, but if you manage to navigate the awkwardness at first, it’s no biggie. Prominent eskimo sisters in pop culture include Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie (and possibly Marion Cotillard), Kristen Doute and Ariana Madix, and all the girls who make it to the fantasy suite on the same season of The Bachelor.
According to a bunch of scandalized articles written in 2014, bloodhounds are dudes who either don’t mind having sex with you while you’re on your period, or they’re actually into it. We would also call them “men”. The fact that “bloodhound” is even a term is proof we need feminism TBH. Unless your flow rivals the Red Sea, having sex on your period is not a big fucking deal, as we’ve previously established.
Because people are way too obsessed with how lesbians have sex, even straight people have heard of scissoring. Basically, it’s when two women rub their clits and/or lady bits together until someone comes or until they get bored. Most of the time, it’s more of a porn/male fantasy thing than an actual thing women do when they have sex, but I guess some lesbian couples actually like it. Maybe.
In case you missed the Broad City episode about it, pegging is when a woman wears a strap-on and fucks a man—yes, up the asshole. When a fuckboy tried to convince me to do anal (“pleaseeee? Just one time?”), I asked him if he would be willing to let me peg him, and that shut him down real quick. I’m just saying, nobody should expect their partner to take it up the ass unless they’re prepared to do the same.
Am I saying I feel like pegging is a win for feminism? Basically yes. The more you know.