Libra season is upon us, and for once that actually means good news. Fun, flirty Libra is here to let loose after Virgo got your sh*t together, and now it’s time to balance things out and have a little fun. Now is a perfect time to experiment with your look (who will see it anyway?), send some risky sexts, and open yourself up to new things. Who knew you could actually feel *good* in 2020?
Aries
Libra season is gonna be huge for you, Aries. Your natural gifts will bring easy rewards, but the challenge will be turning off your competitive nature for a sec to enjoy it. Yeah, it can be lonely at the top, but it doesn’t have to be if you remember all the people who helped along the way. Like the friends who answered your texts when you had an existential crisis at 2am. Every night. For three weeks.
Taurus
Are you spending hours trying to solve all the world’s problems? Same girl, same. This week, give your mind a break from constantly turning and let yourself do something truly dumb, like a crappy reality tv marathon, or texting an ex to see “how they’re holding up.” That should occupy you for a few hours. Or days…
Gemini
As Eliza said to Hamilton, take a break, Gemini. You’ve been exhausting yourself trying to keep up but like…what’s even the point? This week, give yourself some time to truly kick it. I’m talking face masks, bubble baths, and leaving your phone on do not disturb. The group chat can wait until tomorrow (unless you remember a funny meme you forgot to send, which does count as an emergency).
Cancer
Cancer mad!!! This week, you might find yourself angry at those closest to you for reasons that range from “legitimate grievance” to “they won’t stop existing near me.” Breathe. Use some of Libra’s diplomatic energy to talk yourself down before you end up blowing up your quarantine pod over an ill-timed “kk” in the group chat. It’s not worth it (though we all know that sh*t is passive aggressive).
Leo
Libra brings a softness to everything, including you Leo. Let yourself be vulnerable this week. If this were 2003, I’d tell you to set some song lyrics as your away message and blast Something Corporate until your mom asks you what’s wrong, but the year is 2020, and so i’ll just tell you to talk to your friends about your feelings instead. It’s less dramatic, but it works.
Virgo
Handing your season over to Libra might feel difficult (how will things ever get done?!?), but use this as an opportunity to bring more balance to your life. If you’ve been racing to get sh*t done for weeks, that means it’s time to slow it down. Not every second of the day needs to be scheduled, thought through, and planned.
Libra
Welcome to your season, and it couldn’t have come soon enough. Your sign is all about justice and in case you haven’t noticed… we’re in need of it. Use the energy you get from having the Sun in your sign to make a difference. Register voters, volunteer in the election, or find some other way to give back to your community. At the very least, it’ll take your mind off the end of the world for a sec.
Scorpio
You may be feeling a bit out of control lately, so it’s time to pull it back. Resist the urge to dive headfirst into some new thing and focus on the things you already have going on. Like that pile of clothes that has been growing in the corner of your room since April. It’s starting to develop a mind of its own.
Sagittarius
The chaos of the world has been weighing on you lately. This week it’s important for you to find a way to unwind. And that probably begins with turning off the news for a couple of hours. The Betches Sup Newsletter will catch you up with whatever you missed in the morning.
Capricorn
Open your mind, Capricorn! Libra season is the perfect time for you to let some new ideas bounce around in that brain of yours. Hard to believe, but you don’t actually know everything. Open yourself up to the possibility of learning something from others (and then they’ll probably be a lot nicer when you realize your way was better all along).
Aquarius
Your sign loves to look at the big picture, but unfortunately the big picture is literally on fire right now. Use Libra season as a chance to focus on small wins. You can’t stop climate change, end racism, and bring Ruth Bader Ginsburg back before November, but you can make your voting plan or volunteer to be a poll worker. Baby steps.
Pisces
Your job this week, Pisces: do nothing. Yep that’s right. The stars want you to put a pause on basically everything and just observe for a little while. Sometimes your split-second decision making can lead to less-than-desirable outcomes. Like the time you went home with that DJ in college.
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Passions run high with Venus in Leo forming a 90-degree square with Uranus in Taurus this week, setting up the ultimate contest between head and heart. Yeah, you want to just say f*ck it and run into the woods with any marginally attractive person with antibodies, but your logical side is here to remind you that you f*cking hate the woods and this guy has a neckbeard. The good news: the stars are aligned for some very good sex. So at least there’s that.
Aries
Reality check, Aries! This week you may be forced to deal with some hard truths about a situation—or should I say situationship—that you’ve been avoiding. Sorry, but it can’t all be fun and games. (See also: every single thing that’s happened in 2020).
Taurus
With passions high, tensions could flare in a way your typically chilled out sign is not accustomed to dealing with this week, Taurus. Can’t we all just smoke a bowl get along? Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, even if it means disrupting the chill vibes to give someone a much needed reality check. They’ll thank you later. Or not. Not really your problem.
Gemini
You’re in denial, Gemini. Don’t deny it. Take some time this week to get your head on straight and decide what path you want to take. You don’t have to decide right this second, but you do have to decide eventually. Preferably this century. After a nice long walk.
Cancer
Repeat after me, Cancer: you are not everyone’s mom. Your mommy sensibility has been kicked into high gear lately (understandable), but did you know you are also a person to be taken care of? You’re about to crack under the pressure of holding up the world. Take a step back and recenter. The kids can cut the crust off their own sandwiches this week.
Leo
Don’t lose sight of your goals, Leo! All that glitters is not gold and you’re in danger of getting caught up in the hype while forgetting what’s really important. The fame and glory is great and all, but you want to get it for actually doing something. Unless your goal is to be an influencer, in which case go for it.
Virgo
Something you’ve been bottling up could come exploding out at an inopportune time this week. Unless, of course, you choose to handle it thoughtfully first. Don’t let this situation get into a “last straw” scenario. We’ve all seen Snapped. We know how that ends.
Libra
Sorry to say this, Libra, but the world is here to interrupt your chill. Your peaceful bubble is getting passionately burst this week. Yeah, it might bring drama. But drama is the spice of life! Or at least that’s what Bravo tells me.
Scorpio
Time to reassess your commitments, Scorpio. Are there some things that you agreed to at the beginning of quarantine that no longer serve your late-stage quarantine life? Now may be the time to extricate yourself from an unfulfilling situation. I bet your college friends are low-key sick of the twice-weekly Zoom happy hours as well.
Sagittarius
Hold off on any big decisions regarding your love life this week Sagittarius. Your head isn’t on straight. Passions are running high and the things you feel strongly about this week could barely be a blip on your radar the next. Blame it on the planets and keep him on read just a little bit longer.
Capricorn
Embrace spontaneity this week, Capricorn! Even though that’s so not your thing. Some unexpected opportunities could pop up in your love life, and it’s your job to go with the flow. Remember, rom-coms would be pretty boring if none of our leading ladies ever followed up on that hot guy they ran into on the street. (Like, literally ran into on the street and was almost hit by a car.)
Aquarius
Strap into the emotional rollercoaster this week Aquarius, cuz you’re on it. Might as well throw your hands up and enjoy the ride. And yes, the rules of regular roller coasters do apply in that you’re allowed to scream as loud as you want at the scary parts.
Pisces
Time to turn off that empathy chip for your own survival, Pisces. You’ve been so bombarded with other people’s emotions lately you can hardly deal with your own. Tune out the noise and tune into yourself. I promise the group chat will still be in crisis when you return.
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You’ve heard of Mercury in retrograde, but have you heard of Mars in retrograde? This week, this feisty planet flips it and reverses it for a two-month retrograde. What does that mean? Oh, all kinds of annoying things like lack of motivation, low libido, general frustration, ugly crying, and screaming at your significant other for saying “k” weird. Just blame it on Mars in retrograde. I’m sure they’ll understand.
Aries
Slow it the f*ck down, Aries. You’ve been going at warp speed lately, but with your planetary ruler putting it in reverse, that’s a cosmic sign you should take things down a notch. Or twelve. We still have a little time left in summer 2020 (whatever that means), so get that last-minute beach trip in and stock up on frozen margs. No need to get into Back to School mode just yet, no matter what the “calendar” may say.
Taurus
You’ve had your eyes looking forward for the past few months, but now it’s time to turn your third eye inward. Those painful feelings you’ve been avoiding dealing with? Deal with them now, or they’ll deal with you. Usually at an inappropriate time like during your morning Zoom meeting, or at your first actual date in six months.
Gemini
You’re gonna wanna hit save an extra 2-300 times this week, Gemini. With Mars retrograding in your technology-focused 11th house, typos, texting mishaps, and bad email etiquette abound. Be extra careful with sensitive communications (aka shady Slacks) until the danger passes. Then resume sh*t talking with abandon, as usual.
Cancer
Retrograde Mars is making you feel like you might bite the heads off of everyone, so it’s important to remind yourself to chill. Maybe your roommate truly has been breathing extra-loud lately, but now is probably not the best time to bring it up. If you still feel that way when Mars is back in regular motion, you can ask them to take their huffing and puffing down a peg (also maybe suggest they take a COVID test).
Leo
Forward motion feeling like it came to a sudden halt? You can thank Mars’ retrograde ass for that. The next few weeks you might notice the pace of your life come way, way down. You may find it harder to get motivated, and once you are motivated you might find it harder not to just say f*ck it and start watching Million Dollar Beach House. Instead of fighting it or giving up completely, split the difference and do your work *while* watching Million Dollar Beach House.
Virgo
Sorry to anyone who may be relying on you for their sexual encounters this pandemic, because this week, you are just not feeling it. While Mars in its normal state had you insta-stalking any marginally attractive person who looked your way, Mars in retrograde has you seriously considering a life of celibacy. Being a nun worked for that chick in The Sound of Music! Until it didn’t…
Libra
Your relationships are up for their quarterly review! Who is getting promoted, and who is being let go? Chances are quarantine has shown you which members of your crew are providing essential services, and who can be closed down until further notice. Make some tough decisions now so you don’t have a wedding photo crowded with people you barely talk to later.
Scorpio
Work smarter, not harder, Scorpio! Retrograde Mars has you rethinking your routines and realizing that some of the sh*t you’re doing is a waste of time. Like, what is the point of waking up at 6am every morning if you’re just gonna stare at the ceiling for an hour? Set the alarm for 7 (aka when you really get out of bed) and stop kidding yourself.
Sagittarius
You’re another sign who just got hit with a libido torpedo courtesy of retrograde Mars this week, archer. Embrace it. All the energy you were using trying to make pandemic dating happen can be put to other pursuits, like actually reading a book or finding a vaccine. You were using a *lot* of brainpower on dating, after all.
Capricorn
Mars in retrograde has you shifting focus to what really matters: family. Have you been calling grandma regularly? Answering texts from mom? Letting dad tell you all about his new home improvement project (which he actually already told you about yesterday)? Now is the time. Remember, these people have literally wiped your ass before. You kinda owe them.
Aquarius
Remember in high school when you kept getting in trouble for “problems with authority”? Yeah… you’ve still got them. With Mars in retrograde you’ll be particularly sensitive to anyone telling you what to do. But gentle reminder: your boss is allowed to do that. Be careful not to buck authority so much you find yourself out of a job. You kinda need that to survive.
Pisces
Keep your mind on your money and your money on your mind this week, as Mars in retrograde means you might incur some unforeseen expenses. Be sure to put a little money aside in a rainy day fund. If the first nine months of 2020 are any indication, you’ll probably need one for the zombie apocalypse/sharknado/asteroid to come.
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