It’s another week, which means another Sephora Weekly Wow. Praise be. We’re only a week away from Halloweekend, so I mean, what better time to stock up on new contour, highlight, and color correcting palettes in order to pull off the best Riverdale, Big Little Lies, and Wonder Woman looks possible? This week’s beauty goodies are 50% off (ugh, there is a god) and to top it off, it includes obsessions such as Tarte, SMASHBOX, COVER FX, and Clinique. RIP to every penny we’ve salvaged from our last direct deposit. All for good reason, obviously. As usual, this wondrous sale lasts only a week, or until the shit sells out. Given these amazing picks, the latter is more likely, so shop now, or don’t say I never did you any favors.
This universal palette features six powder and cream shades, each with a custom undertone for natural-looking results. You can wear them alone or layer some up for chiseled cheekbones. The v healthy formula is packed with a shit ton of nutrients and some sort of Amazonian clay. Not that I know what that is, but it sounds legit, so I’m already sold. The glowing look is sure to last all night, even through
sweaty bars the worst of times, without running or making you look streaky.
Four different face palettes in one, that’s literally all there is to it. That should make you want to add it to your cart without reading the rest of this paragraph. Each palette offers a wide range of warm and cool shades designed for your lips, cheeks, eyes, and face, so you can create over 76 of your very own personalized looks. Mix and match with shimmer, blush tones, vampy lipstick shades, and so much more without having to buy a dozen different palettes. Each of the four palettes pop out of the cute little packaging, so you can apply on-the-go, and spice up your makeup routine every once in awhile.
Offered in two different shades, light and dark, this customized highlighting palette makes all of our strobing dreams come true. The four different highlighter shades feature two cream-based and powder-based formulas, so you can create a glowing look based on your #currentmood. The cream helps create a natural-looking radiance, while the powder finishes off your look with just a touch of sparkle, without making it look like you doused your face with glitter. Bless. Plus, you can totes use this on your body (aka for bomb cleavage, duh) for the same effect.
Finally, makeup that will erase any evidence of my lack of sleep and “occasional” alcohol binges held every Wednesday night, because sometimes getting through the week is tough, you feel? The palette comes with 15 creamy concealer shades that target specific areas in need of serious TLC. The color correcting magic helps eliminate dark circles, redness, and dullness. This miracle worker works on light, medium, and deep skin tones, so you’ll def find the one that complements you.
As the weather gets increasingly colder by the hour, our skin is slowly crying out for help. Whether it’s your lips, cheeks, or literally your entire face (story of my life), you’ll need intense hydration and moisturizing to get through fall and winters to come. The set is a three-step regimen that comes with non-drying facial soap, an exfoliating lotion, and multipurpose moisturizing lotion. Guys, this is also less than $20, so I’m not saying you’re an idiot if you pass this up, but let’s just say you’d be making a big mistake. HUGE.
Hey, hey, hey! How are my best girlfriends?! Ready to welcome the weekend with one too many drinks, regretful decisions, and impulsive purchases, I hope. Since it’s obviously Thursday, this means you can kick-start your weekend festivities with yet another Sephora Weekly Wow. Everything is half-off, fucking bless, and this week’s chosen ones include an Anastasia lip palette, Sephora highlighter palette, and like, other shit you’re most definitely going to convince yourself you need. IDC if you’re at work or aimlessly scrolling through your Insta feed, start adding these goods to your cart ASAP, so you can take advantage of this weekly deal before
other bitches get to it first they sell out.
1. Anastasia Beverly Hills Lip Palette
Remember in like, art class, where we’d learn wtf primary colors were and a bunch of other shit I don’t remember or use at all in my day-to-day life? Yeah, so, this one-of-a-kind lip palette is basically a paint palette, but for your lips. Duh. It has 18 shades, including primaries, neutrals, and brights, to mix and customize for your own personalized lip colors. Feelin’ a bit of nude, pink, *and* orange? Go fucking crazy, because the options are endless. This is perfect for whatever slutty animal you’re going to be for Halloween. And, you won’t have to buy a matte lipstick for a very long time
aka until next week.
2. Benefit Cosmetics Beauty Stowaways Influencer Must-Have Set
Maybe you low-key want Nicole Guerriero’s eyebrows, a contour as on-point as Manny MUA’s, or long lashes like Jeffree Star’s…or better yet, the lashes of someone who’s not a racist. IDK, your call. If you’ve even glanced at social media in the past like, five years, you’d know at least one of the aforementioned people simply because YouTube is making beauty influencers richer than we can fucking imagine. This limited-edition exclusive kit comes with five must-haves, each item handpicked by your fave beauty vlogger. It includes a brow kit, bronzer, roller lash, and more.
3. Cover FX Contour Kit
This palette basically does all the work for us. Instead of having to search around the world and back for the perfect concealer, bronzer, and highlighter, these shades were created with different depths and undertones to go with every skin tone. From light to deep, the four shades will help you achieve the best contour you never thought you’d see.
4. Cover FX Double Ended Contour Brush
And since Sephora is so fucking nice, they knew we’d need the perfect contour brush to go hand-in-hand with a bomb contour palette. This double-ended brush allows you to apply product super easily without fucking it up and blend seamlessly thanks to the high-quality synthetic fibers.
5. Sephora Collection Sephora PRO Dimensional Highlighting Palette
A picture speaks a thousand words, am I right? So, I mean, just LOOK AT THIS FUCKING PALETTE. It’s like, heaven-sent and the color scheme alone makes me want to buy it just to buy it (as I do with most things). The palette features three lightweight, buildable cream highlighters and two *high-shine* top coats to make your face look like goddamn sunshine. The combination of warm and cool shades allows you to layer or wear alone for a natural highlight or v dramatic shine.
6. Murad Hydro-Dynamic Ultimate Moisturizer
The multipurpose moisturizer is honestly everything we need for this season and frigid winters to come, so our faces don’t dry tf out. It not only hydrates your face without having it feel like a grease ball, but it’s also designed with an anti-aging formula to prevent discoloration and wrinkles. The avocado, sunflower, and fruit oils work together to make any sensitive skin type feel v soft for up to eight hours a day. Ugh, amazing.
I am so fucking happy that today is Thursday, I literally can’t even. Obviously because tomorrow is Friday and I needed this week to end like, the second Monday started, but also because it’s the start of another Sephora Weekly Wow. Like, guys, I wish I was exaggerating when I say this one is the best one by far and I won’t even feel bad about blowing my entire paycheck in one sitting (#CantStopWontStop), but I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. From a Tarte multi-purpose palette that makes you look like an Amazonian princess and a ~sparkly~ Urban Decay eyeshadow palette to a lip treatment that prevents your lips from looking chapped AF this winter, this is best thing Sephora could ever give us. I’d say start loading your cart now but, if you know what’s good for you, you’re already grabbing your wallet. These will def sell out ASAP, so shop now or forever hold your peace.
1. Tarte Clay Play Face Shaping Palette
This might be a set of 12 eye shadows, but these special neutral and smokey matte shades are good to use for an intense contour anywhere, including your nose if you want people to think you got a nose job or whatever. All of the shades are seriously to die for, because they look amazing on every skin tone. I mean, LOOK at those swatches. Since they’re made with Amazonian clay they will look 100x better than like, regular stuff by making it look natural, crease- and flake-free.
2. Urban Decay Moondust Eyeshadow Palette
Urban Decay’s Moondust palette is everything, in case you haven’t noticed just by looking at it. The eight shades fulfill all of our dreams with one-of-kind colors like Lightyear green and a Galaxy blue-purple-gray-whatever that looks something like my next manicure color. Your go-to smokey eye just got a HELL of a lot better.
3. Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment Sunscreen Spf 15
Behold, the Chapstick you’ve been looking for that works so well, you’ll def never want to lose it again. The award-winning treatment (Did anyone know lip balms got awards? No? Okay, that’s what I thought) protects and smooths your lips instantly by providing much-needed moisture. It protects from sun damage and also offers buildable coverage from 14 different bright shades. Trust me, you’ll want them all.
4. Sephora Collection Smoke Machine Smokey Eye Brush Set
Who doesn’t need new makeup brushes? I mean, it’s not like you actually wash yours anyway. Ain’t nobody got time for th—JK, that’s fucking gross and you should wash them immediately after work today. But if you’re
like me lazy and most definitely not going to wash your brushes after work today, buy this five-piece kit. Each brush allows you to sculpt gorg eyebrows and make killer smokey eyes. Plus, they come in a little pouch, so… new makeup bag? Yes, hi, sign me up.
5. Dr. Brandt Skincare Microdermabrasion Age-Defying Exfoliator
This is basically a miracle exfoliator that clears breakouts, erases scars, and fixes discoloration after the first use. If you’ve used this, you’d know I’m not even exaggerating. It also absorbs excess oil, so like, no more having to buy blotting sheets every week. And it smells like roses, so it’s def worth the splurge.
6. T3 Featherweight Compact Folding Dryer
This petite, lightweight, and v powerful blow-dryer was designed to make all of our fantasies come true, namely, achieving a last-minute blowout on-the-go. The portable blow-dryer is made for styling and speed-drying your hair wherever tf you are by coming with a travel pouch and dual voltage options. Although smaller than usual, it eliminates annoying af flyaways and frizz and still provides salon-worthy results for any hair type. Fucking miracle.
Alright guys, it’s yet another Thirsty Thursday *and* another Sephora Weekly Wow. Lord knows I need to chug six gin and tonics (hold the tonic, pls) and then indulge in some retail therapy, because how else does one “healthily” cope with the recent Kardashian-Jenner baby boom? Yeah, I thought so. Last week’s Weekly Wow wasn’t really all that “wow-ing” tbh so I didn’t fill you guys in. Believe me, you didn’t miss out. BUT, since this week’s Weekly Wow is under $15 again (PRAISE BE) and involves must-have lipsticks and non-glittery highlighter. This is worth a look. Below, I present you this week’s winners, but remember, once these are gone, you’re basically SOL.
1. Make Up For Ever Artist Rouge Lipstick
Known for their insanely smooth application and comfortable wear, these bold lipsticks provide a highly pigmented look unlike any other lipstick you’ve ever tried—and I know that’s saying a lot. Seriously, Make Up For Ever means what it says. The fun, bright colors are made to stay on basically forever without fading, and most importantly, not drying out your lips, because there’s honestly nothing worse than paper mâché mouth.
2. Stila Stay All Day Liquid Lipstick
There’s nothing I love more than a lipstick that also works as a chapstick, because like bobby pins, I literally always lose mine. ALWAYS. This full coverage lipstick hydrates your lips for up to six hours a day (um, amazing) and can be bought in either a matte or shimmer finish. It’s super lightweight, so you’ll probs forget you’re even wearing anything. An added bonus? It’s made with a betch’s fave fruit, avocado.
3. Benefit Watt’s Up! Cream-to-Powder Highlighter
This #flawless, non-glittery-shit-show of a highlighter is everything our dreams are made of. The cream-to-powder formula allows you to apply seamlessly for model-looking cheekbones and easily blend with its attached soft-glow blender. It’s a natural-looking Champagne glow that looks gorge on every skin tone. No wonder why it’s a best-seller for us Sephora addicts.
Shit has been hitting the fan this past week and I can barely keep up with it all. I mean, there’s a new iPhone, a Mean Girls musical, and I just can’t keep up with all of my fave shows coming back this fall. It’s all
first world problems too stressful. Lord knows I need a drink, or like, six so the fact that it’s also pay week makes it even better. You’d think I’d focus on using my newly acquired funds for adult things like paying rent and dry cleaning an overwhelming amount of clothes, but my financial obligations lie with better things such as buying more makeup. Obviously. It’s a good thing that 1) Sephora exists, and 2) the Weekly Wow sale falls on Thursday. For the third consecutive time, all of the makeup you probs dream about is $15 and under this week, so get to piling up your cart with these ah-maze products.
1. Tarte Lights, Camera, Lashes 4-in-1 Mascara
As if you couldn’t catch a hint from the name, this mascara does everything you could ever want from a little tube. Fuck a 2-in-1, it’s 2017 so a 4-in-1 sounds more like it. It lengthens, volumizes, conditions, *and* curls your lashes all at the same time, so it’s a good thing no one uses a lash curler anymore. The formula sounds legendary given that it promises bomb af lashes by “330 percent.” If you’re still having doubts, it’s also vegan so you’ll feel even even better about buying something that’s like, good for the earth and all the little birdies and the little monkeys.
2. LANCÔME Juicy Shaker
If there’s anything betches love more than most
people dogs, it’s good makeup and a strong drink. Combine the two, and you have this godsend of a creation: a literal cocktail shaker for a lip gloss. All you have to do is shake this a few times as you would if you made a hump day treat. The blend of v nourishing oils soothe and hydrate your lips, while the intense pigment provides the perf pop of color. Together, you have poppin’ lips, no fillers required.
3. First Aid Beauty Face Cleanser
Oh my god, finally a face wash that doesn’t make your face feel like fucking sandpaper. This face cleanser kind of feels like whipped cream so it’s obvs super soft and retains your skin’s natural oils, which is v necessary when temperatures get colder. It washes off all of the city pollution your face endures on a daily basis and removes your makeup way better than Neutrogena wipes.
Thank god it’s Thursday, honestly. Even though we had a glorious 3-day weekend
getting fucked up spending quality time with our dearest friends and family, this week has been going by slow as fuck. It doesn’t help that it’s been fucking depressing and rainy like, every other day. So I deserve to buy myself to a little reward for making it through the week without killing anyone. What a coincidence that it also happens on the same day as a new Sephora Weekly Wow. And as if it couldn’t get better, all of these necessities are $15 and under. Again. When I die, bury me inside the Gucci store a Sephora, plz and thx. Here’s everything you need to get from our biggest weakness this week before you miss out and have sooo many regrets.
1. Urban Decay Perversion Mascara
I don’t praise a mascara unless it actually works, I swear. My eyelashes are kind of like my best feature. Urban Decay’s non-sticky and non-clumpy formula contains Hairdensyl, a shit ton of healthy proteins that encourage lash growth so you never have to ask for extensions again. It provides a lot of nourishment so your eyelashes don’t fall out and brings an intense pigment for the blackest of black lashes
to match your soul.
2. bareMinerals GEN NUDE Buttercream Lipgloss
This lipgloss *literally* takes your lips from 0 to 100 after seconds of applying. It’s your fave lipgloss, but on crack. (Say crack again.) The sheer coverage comes in the nude shades all your dreams are made of, making your lips feel smooth and look fierce.
3. BeautyBlender Blendercleanser Solid
I bet you all of the $11.36 in my bank account that you treat your beauty blender like you treat your makeup brushes: you never fucking wash them. AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT? Well, now you have no excuse because this travel-friendly cleanser removes all of the dirt so you can start fresh whenever. And it also smells like lavender, so idk. At least your face will smell like
4. Murad Clarifying Cleanser
A face wash that actually works? Now, that is groundbreaking. But actually, this soap works miracles for even the worst of skin types, such as the train wreck I put my skin through every fucking weekend. It’s a deep cleanser that removes oil and irritants that trigger the worst breakouts. You can even use this multiple times throughout the day without it drying your face out. B-L-E-S-S.
There’s a little motto I go by when I need to remind myself that less is almost always better. You know, it goes something like “one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, more…” Yeah, it’s all fun and games until Jose fucks up your life after like, just a few
minutes hours. However, there are exceptions to this concept when it comes to the finer things in life: late night pizza MAKEUP. You can never have too much of the stuff that turns you from 2009 Kylie to 2017 Kylie. Never underestimate the power of plastic surgery good lipstick and don’t ever let anyone tell you differently. Speaking of poppin’ lipstick, we’ve been through not one, but three weeks of Sephora Weekly Wow sales. If you thought they were good before, you have another thing coming to you this fourth week. Bless your daddy’s heart credit card because everything in this week’s Weekly Wow is…..wait for it, drum roll please….. $15 and under. Just fuck me up, Sephora. From Tarte’s lip collection to Benefit Cosmetics mascara and even more Urban Decay goodies, start racking up those beauty insider points with these products before they sell out in like, an hour.
1. Benefit Cosmetics They’re Real! Lengthening & Volumizing Mascara
I am literally so picky with my mascara, it’s really not okay. I’m talking worse than my disgustingly complicated Starbucks order. Side note: Shout out to the baristas who put up with petty bullshit. Irregardless, I was not content with any overpriced mascara until I tried this beauty. This mascara really gives your eyes the dramatic length of questionably fake lashes after just a few coats. Its customized brush is designed to make even the smallest of lashes look perfectly curled, defined, thick, and long af. The mascara comes in three colors: black, brown, and “beyond blue,” but maybe you should stick with the first two if you don’t want anyone questioning your sanity (more than they already do).
2. Tarte Tarteist Glossy Lip Paint
These conditioning lip glosses soften your lips for smooth application and deliver super pigmented color so it doesn’t feel like an ordinary chapstick you could have bought at Duane Reade. They hydrate fugly chapped lips and leave a shiny finish without feeling like your lips are stuck together every time you rub them. There’s a variety of must-have nudes to the sultry dark purple everyone is wearing nowadays.
3. Tarte Tarteist Quick Dry Matte Lip Paint
Finally, a lightweight matte drying lipstick that doesn’t make your lips feel like fucking leather after two seconds. *cough* *cough* Kylie. This quick drying lip paint is a liquid-to-matte lipstick so 1) it doesn’t smear all over and/or get on your front teeth, and 2) you can have the liberty (and relief) of moving your mouth without your skin cracking.
Choose from pinks to browns to bright fuchsia, apply with the little wand, and have a drunk makeout sesh without making a fool of yourself. Miracle.
4. Tarte Tarteist Creamy Matte Lip Paint
And next, we have the glow-up of the matte lipstick: the velvet lip. This formula feels like your average lipstick but instead dries as a softer, smoother, enhanced matte. The ultra creamy lip paint comes in neutral or v bold choices including psychopath black and something called “Yaasssss”—no, I’m not encouraging this decision, that’s just literally the name of their lavender shade.
5. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion – Original
All six of these heaven-sent eyeshadow primers qualify for this week’s Weekly Wow. So I don’t
waste my time typing the same paragraph six times sound like a broken record, I’m only going to describe this once, as if the name alone doesn’t give it away. These eyeshadow primers glide on smoothly to keep your eyelids oily- and crease-free and enhance your eyeshadow shade for a full 24 hours. Because Urban Decay understands we all have like, different eyes and weird eye problems, there are six primer potions to choose from, each catering to a different need. To start, this OG of the bunch dries clear and allows you to blend with ease so no one knows you may have done your makeup while slightly intoxicated.
6. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion – Eden
This primer delivers the same smooth application, but in a simple nude shade. The matte drying primer helps reduce redness around the eyes, hiding the fact that you clearly stayed out until 5am (again). The neutral color blends in so well, you can even wear it as an eyeshadow if you’re really that fucking lazy (like, same here).
7. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion – Caffeine
The primer potion comes in a warm brown that works perfectly for deeper skin tones and is a long-lasting primer that stays smudge-proof. It preps your eyelids by smoothing out uneven texture and really intensifies brown eyeshadow shades for a bolder look.
8. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion – Anti-Aging
No one wants to say they had 10 plastic surgeries in a single day before they turned 25 (@HeidiPratt). I get it, Urban Decay obviously fucking gets it, which is why they created one of their famed primers specifically to hide the fact that we age. Formulated with special anti-aging ingredients, this primer eliminates horrifying wrinkles and tightens the skin around your eyes so you basically never look like you’re slowly dying—even if you feel like it. Its unique pigments brighten your eyes for an alert appearance and reduce swelling to ensure you never look a day over 21.
9. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion – Fix
This primer is actually the best one yet. Not only is it a limited-edition warm beige, but 100 percent of the proceeds go to selected women’s empowerment nonprofits. So like, now you really have to buy this and no one can say shit about it because you’re honestly helping a really good cause, damn it. Say it with me (and Bey), WHO RUN THE WORLD?!
Oh, here’s the primer:
10. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion – Sin
Yes, a primer infused with glittery shit is also an option. This pale nude comes with a shimmer finish that stays put all day long and elevates lame matte shades with a pop of sparkle. Glitter is always better, don’t even deny it. You can even wear it alone for a sophisticated champagne look when you’re really too hungover to function and already running late for brunch.
Finally, the best day of the week has arrived. It’s Thirsty Thursday, Friday Eve, whatever the hell you call it, and most importantly, it’s another Sephora Weekly Wow. Halle-FUCKING-lujah. If you don’t know WTF I’m talking about, you probably
live under a rock don’t have internet??? The event for anyone that’s beauty-obsessed (so like, all of us) is Sephora’s new weekly sale that selects products to be 50 percent off. The deal only lasts for seven days, or until inconsiderate bitches buy it all (which happens more often than not). Anyone with a sense of time knows a week is not that long, so I normally would advise against camping outside or anything dramatic, but again, a betch has to do what a betch has to do if it means grabbing that palette you’ve been eyeing for half off. I’m just saying, desperate times call for desperate measures. If you missed out on the last two sales, I’m honestly concerned here’s to hoping third time’s the charm. I got the hot gossip on this week’s goodies so, call an Uber and hustle to your nearest Sephora—or better yet, just get to online shopping, loser.
^^^Jessica Simpson is me. I am Jessica Simpson.
1. Urban Decay Naked Smoky Palette
There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. The limit does not exist for how many Naked palettes you can have, especially when one is literally 50 percent off. That one being the most essential for next season and all the “let’s get fucked up” festivities it involves. Create the Insta-worthy smoky eye you’ve been trying to achieve since like, 8th grade with this palette’s 12 irresistible shades and variety of finishes. From ~nudes~ to stunning grays to our beloved black, each shade is infused with top-notch ingredients to keep it smooth af for easy, breezy, beautiful blendability. Plus, the case features a full-size mirror and double-ended brush to make it easier to perfect your
slutty smoky look.
2. SMASHBOX Step-By-Step Contour Kit
A contour kit for dummies is essentially
what I need this is. This palette comes in two colors, Light/Medium or Medium/Dark, with three custom shades to define, bronze, and highlight for a natural-looking sculpted face. Natural is the key word here, so be sure to choose the color that looks best with your skin tone so you don’t up looking like a ratchet wannabe Kim K Aubrey O’Day. See:
Not only does it come with a full step-by-step guide “for all levels” (sooo if you’ve never heard of blending…), but it also comes with an angled brush for seamless application.
3. Philosophy Hope In A Jar
This is the holy grail of all moisturizers ever. Hope In A Jar basically speaks for itself in the sense that it truly holds the key to looking young and healthy forever in its little container. This lightweight moisturizer gently exfoliates your face by removing dead skin cells and reverses all the effects that stumbling home and passing out with your makeup on had on your skin. Yes, there is still hope for us.
4. Philosophy Renewed Hope In A Jar SPF 30
So like, take everything I just said above and add in a broad-spectrum SPF 30 to protect yo’ face from sun rays that cause wrinkles, uneven texture, scarring, and oh yeah, SKIN CANCER. The moisturizer smooths out your skin and provides long lasting hydration so you feel and look like a glowing goddess.
5. Philosophy Renewed Hope In A Jar Dry
Okay, I know this is beginning to sound redundant, but unlike the 100 seasons of Pretty Little Liars, I promise the more they create of these, the better they get. This formula takes on a new twist with ingredients specifically made for dry AF skin types.
Ugh, bless. So with all that damage the sun caused your skin this summer, you’ll need this extra hydrating moisturizer so you don’t feel like Hanna here ^. Infused with long-ass words I can’t pronounce and don’t feel like typing along with some “Asian fruits,” this formula promises a glow that’ll last all day long.