Now that there is some—albeit incredibly vague—info on how we can reenter the world when coronavirus finally GTFO, I am feeling eager to get my skin back on track. I don’t know about you, but when I go out to dinner with my friends for the first time after being locked in my apartment for what will be at least two months, I want to glow. Luckily for me, Sephora’s annual spring sale is upon us! As always, Sephora is offering different deals and savings for each of their three member tiers. From April 17th through May 1st, Rouge members can save 20%; from April 21st through April 29th, VIB members can save 15%; and from April 23rd through April 27th, Insider members can save 10%. I am a proud Rouge member, so let’s f*cking do this.
If you’ve read any of my articles, you know that there are more skin care products in my medicine cabinet than there are food items in my pantry. I have no shame in my game. It took years of trial-and-error to discover which products are the best, so you can trust I know what I’m talking about when it comes to my recommendations.
The only YouTube channel I subscribe to is Klossy, which belongs to, you guessed it, Karlie Kloss. I don’t care who she’s married to, I love her and will continue to do so for the rest of my days. Anyway, Karlie has the best skin I’ve ever seen, so when she recommended this night serum, you better believe I went out and bought it, and I am happy to report that it works. My skin isn’t really problematic, but I want that dewy, plump look, and that’s what this serum delivers.
Like any skin care product, though, you have to use it consistently and for a while before you start to see the effects take hold. I started to notice how good my complexion looked after about three weeks. It’s incredibly moisturizing, smells delicious, and it’s the perfect consistency. What else you got, Karlie??
I buy this twice a year for one specific purpose: visiting my parents in Florida. My skin may be able to withstand the pollution and whatever the f*ck is coming out of manholes in New York, but it cannot deal with the Florida humidity. My skin gets really oily and then I start to break out, so I visit my parents pretty infrequently. The one thing that absolutely saved my skin is this specific charcoal mask. I have tried about 10 types of charcoal masks in my lifetime, and this Clinique one is that actually works.
It feels like you’re spreading a thick, goopy paste on your face, but after about 30 minutes, it dries and hardens and, something magical happens in that phase of the mask. When I rinse it off, my skin is soft and supple with zero traces of excess oil. I’m obsessed.
This product was my first foray into skin care. I bought it when I was a sophomore in college after talking to a Bloomingdale’s salesperson for way too long. As the name suggests, this is a very lightweight moisturizer that falls between a gel and a cream. Because it’s so lightweight, it’s perfect for summer. Also, all Bobbi Brown moisturizers are made with a built-in primer, so you can save a few seconds in the morning when you’re getting ready.
This toner is another Karlie recommendation for when you’re traveling, because planes really dry your skin out. Before I went on my study abroad trip, I asked my mom to get it for me and she said, and I quote, “Who do you think you are? You’re not a jet-setter!” Rude. To spite her, I bought it for myself and I have no regrets. I use it as a toner and spritz it on my face right before I put on my moisturizer.
My dermatologist suggested that I massage my moisturizer into my skin while it’s still damp from the toner because it will absorb better, which makes sense because, if you think of your skin like a sponge, it won’t absorb a thick cream when it’s bone-dry. This doesn’t really do much, but it smells amazing, isn’t that expensive, and it’s something else I have in common with Karlie Kloss.
I recently learned that vitamin C is an essential ingredient in skin products for anyone who wants nice skin. I incorporated it via an eye cream because I wanted to test it on a small area before I introduced it to my whole face. Safe to say, it works! This eye cream is really moisturizing, which is important because the skin around your eyes is much thinner than the rest of your face and is usually the first to show signs of aging. Yikes! Using a product that protects against free radicals (something vitamin C does) and moisturizes is a really good way to slow down aging around the eyes. It also smells fantastic.
Until I tried this mask, I always thought sheet masks were kind of stupid. Like, you pay all of this money for something you use once for a few minutes then throw away. Then I tried this mask and I’m questioning everything I once believed to be true! Tatcha is a brand you’ll likely find in any high-end natural beauty store, and the products are 100% worth it. This mask is made with vitamin E, fatty acids, nutrient-rich rice, ginseng (which has a calming effect), and a bunch of other sh*t that gives you an instant glow.
And for anyone who’s wondering, sheet masks are packed with nutrient-rich serums that absorb best into your skin when you’re wearing the sheet and looking like Hannibal Lecter, but the serum is still very much on your skin when you take the sheet off, so they aren’t exactly a waste.
Dior Lip Glow, $34
I am weirdly specific when it comes to a tinted lip product: it can’t be sticky, it has to be the perfect shade, and it has to last through my morning coffee. This Dior lip product is literally perfect. First of all, it’s incredibly moisturizing. Secondly, it goes on clear and within a few seconds, changes color due to a bunch of science I don’t really understand. For me, it transforms into rosy pink with a coral undertone, but for my friend, it becomes more of a purple color. I’m truly baffled by this magic, but I won’t question it.
Until recently, I was a firm believer in all cleansers being the same, so paying more than a drugstore price was unnecessary. This cleanser is the definition of a super basic (in a good way) product that does exactly what it says it’s going to do. Wet your face and massage this into your skin for a few seconds and rinse off with warm water. Boom! You’re cleansed! It leaves your face feeling soft and clean, but without stripping your skin. I’ve said this before, but if your face feels tight and dry, your cleanser is too harsh!
Double cleansing is an important part of any skin care-lover’s daily routine. The first step involves taking off your makeup and the second one is cleansing. This Clinique balm is unparalleled at removing makeup, so I highly recommend getting yourself a tub ASAP. It has the consistency of soft wax, but it works. Scoop a little out with your fingertips and move it around in your hand to break it down a little. Then, once it’s slightly softened, move it around your face and it literally melts your makeup right off. Don’t believe me? Use this then dab a clean white towel on your face and you won’t see any residual makeup!
This purchase was a catch-22 because, on the one hand, authentic tans are horrible for your skin, but on the other, my natural skin tone is concerningly white. This self-tanner is unreal and legit impossible to f*ck up. I always strayed from self-tanner because I feel like it always looks fake and streaky—especially on people’s wrists, ankles, elbows and knees. This, though, is different! You mix a few drops with your go-to lotion and then spread it all over your body and it always turns out even and natural-looking. I’ve used this on my legs many, many times and I’m always impressed with how good it looks.
Images: Mercy / Unsplash; Sephora (10)
Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.
Not to brag, but I spend a f*ck ton of money at Sephora. So when twice a year they have their seasonal bonus discount, I’m happier than a Game of Thrones fan on a Sunday night. Like, let’s face it—it’s expensive to be beautiful. Even if you’re not into makeup, keeping up with a five hundred step Korean skin care routine costs enough to make you want to quit your day job and just become a stripper. Sorry mom and dad, but I have to afford this flawless face somehow… Anyway, we all should take advantage of this rare discount on beauty (which will also help keep me off the pole for another month or two until I run out again.) Sephora’s spring bonus offer started on April 26th for Rouge members (yes, of course this is me) and starts May 2nd for VIB and Insiders, ending on May 6th for all parties. So that being said, here are the must-buy items from Sephora that you should be adding to your cart like, rn.
1. LANEIGE Lip Sleeping Mask ($20)
This product is my holy grail. No joke, I haven’t had chapped lips even ONCE since I started using this a few months ago. I have tried sooo many lip products in an attempt to relieve my chapped lips, and this is the ONLY one that has actually worked. I use this on my lips every night and wake up with luscious soft lips in the morning. Even though it’s a sleeping mask, it also works great as a hydrating gloss for the day. It makes your lips look instantly moisturized and gives them a perfect subtle pink glow.
2. Tan-Luxe The Face Illuminating Self-Tan Drops ($49)
This product has been my secret weapon for over a year now, and I can’t say enough good things about it. In fact, I’ve turned several friends and family members into religious purchasers of the product. First off, Tan-Luxe’s mission is to bring a skin care approach to self-tanning, so you can trust with full certainty that it’s both safe and beneficial for your skin. Additionally, their products are organic, non-toxic, and cruelty-free. And, probs most importantly of all, their products give you that subtle just-got-back-from-vacation glow that we all constantly strive to achieve. These drops are intended to be added to your regular moisturizer, serum, or oil. However, I find the best results when, instead of mixing with my moisturizer, I apply my moisturizer, then wait a few minutes and apply the drops directly on top. It’s an oil, so it goes on super smooth and consistent, and the result is a tanned and flawless face, with imperfections blurred and all. No need to Facetune this selfie, baby!
3. Benefit Cosmetics Gimme Brow+ Volumizing Eyebrow Gel ($24)
If this makeup product were a book, it’d be “How To Do Your Eyebrows For Dummies.” It’s the simplest product to use with maximum results. Yes, like I’m sure many of you are, I too am a devotee of Anastasia Beverly Hills’ brow pencils. However, I’m rarely sitting around with enough time in the morning to spend filling in my mismatched eyebrows hair by hair. By using tiny microfibers to give your brows instant fullness and definition, Benefit’s brow gel takes 30 seconds to apply and looks super natural. This is my day-to-day necessity because like, eyebrows can make or break a person. And, for anyone who’s ever experienced the misfortune of over-tweezing their brows, you know how truthful of a statement that really is.
4. BECCA Shimmering Skin Perfector Pressed Highlighter ($38)
This highlighter is a cult-favorite among makeup enthusiasts everywhere, and let me just tell you, it’s for good reason. Like, you know when you see all those makeup artists on Instagram whose clients have the most radiant, dewy glow??? Well, that’s actually achievable sans a glam squad for even us mere peasants with this product. Especially if you get the iconic Champagne Pop shade, which is their best-selling shade of soft gold with a peachy-pink pearl glow.
5. Dr. Dennis Gross Skincare Alpha Beta Extra Strength Daily Peel ($88)
Okay, so these peel pads are obvi a bit pricey, which is why I always wait for the twice a year bonus offer to purchase them (or at least, I try to). Because honestly, even without the bonus, these peel pads are still worth it. Dr. Dennis Gross knows his sh*t, and these daily anti-aging peel pads are a true testament to that. Of course, given their price, I definitely do not use them on a daily basis as suggested. Rather, I use them 2-3 times per week and, let’s just say, they have become an ESSENTIAL part of my skin care routine. Like, I can see a noticeable difference in the brightness of my skin when I’ve procrastinated buying a new box and don’t use them for a few weeks. So trust me, take advantage of the spring bonus offer to get a discount on this incredible product while you can.
6. Urban Decay All Nighter Long-Lasting Makeup Setting Spray ($32)
I’m pretty sure every girl knows the eighth wonder of the world that is this setting spray, although I had to still put it on this list because it would be a sin not to. This amazing weightless setting spray keeps your makeup intact and fresh for up to 16 hours. And, let’s just say, I’ve had a few benders in my college days that would serve as testament to the effectiveness of the product. Oh, and also, for anyone who’s ever accidentally taken an extra long nap post-day drinking, just to wake up at 10pm as all your friends are about to leave for the bar, this product is a true FOMO preventer because you’ll be pretty much ready to go right after waking up. But that’s just for anyone out there who’s ever experienced that—not myself of course.
7. FENTY BEAUTY BY RIHANNA Gloss Bomb Universal Lip Luminizer ($18)
I get it, some of you may consider lip gloss to be juvenile. You’re all about a matte ~lewk~. Well, to each their own, but I’m here for a dewy look. Like, before highlighter was a thing, I was putting baby oil on my cheekbones for a subtle glow, something I learned from the Olsen twins in one of those $10 special edition magazines all about them. (I was a true fan girl, to say the least.) So anyway, back to what I was getting at: I love a subtle nude glossy lip, and this lipgloss is the epitome of that. It’s a universally flattering rosey nude shade that looks great either alone or applied over your lipstick. Not to mention, it’s not sticky and glides on smooth for a perfect flawless finish.
8. Philosophy Renewed Hope In A Jar Refreshing & Refining Moisturizer ($39)
I am a slut when it comes to moisturizers. As someone whose skin is often way more dry than anything else, I’m always on the hunt for a good new moisturizer. And let’s just say, I have about ten different ones in my bathroom currently. However, I put this one on the list because it is one of the few options that is lightweight enough to wear during the day, while still being hydrating and powerful enough to use at night. For example, I’m madly in love with La Mer’s classic Crème de la Mer. However, it’s just way too thick for wear during the day. On the flip side, this Philosophy moisturizer is suitable for both day and night, not to mention also for all skin types. It gives a soft dewy hydrated feel that isn’t too thick or slimy, so you can easily still apply your makeup over it.
9. Laura Mercier Translucent Loose Setting Powder ($39)
This is another beauty product with a devoted following, so I’m going to assume this is not the first time you’re hearing about it. But, what I can do is be here to vouch for it. This powder is the perfect final step in your beauty routine to not only make sure your makeup stays on your face, but actually stays in place on your face. It’s lightweight, and blends seamlessly over your makeup for that final no-filter-filtered makeup look. Like, attention Insta thots everywhere, you’ll no longer have to hide behind the dog filter because this product gives your skin that perfect flawless finish.
10. Tarte Amazonian Clay BB Tinted Moisturizer Broad Spectrum SPF 20 Sunscreen ($36)
This BB tinted moisturizer is my daily replacement for foundation when I don’t want a fully snatched face. Like, on a casual Tuesday I’m not trying to have a beat face, ya know? So instead, I use this and it provides just the right amount of coverage to blur all my imperfections without making me look caked. Not to mention, it also has vitamins and sh*t in it, like Amazonian clay (hence the name) and chamomile, to bring your skin amazing benefits while you wear it.
So disclaimer, everyone’s skin is different, and what works for me may not work for you. However, as a human guinea pig for all things beauty, these are the products that have proved to be stand out stars, at least in my book. And, as someone who has wasted enough money on this sh*t to have just paid off her student loans by now, I’m experienced and somewhat credible in this department. Somewhat.
Images: @BoxedWaterIsBetter / Unsplash; Sephora (10)
Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.
Hey, hey, hey! How are my best girlfriends?! Ready to welcome the weekend with one too many drinks, regretful decisions, and impulsive purchases, I hope. Since it’s obviously Thursday, this means you can kick-start your weekend festivities with yet another Sephora Weekly Wow. Everything is half-off, fucking bless, and this week’s chosen ones include an Anastasia lip palette, Sephora highlighter palette, and like, other shit you’re most definitely going to convince yourself you need. IDC if you’re at work or aimlessly scrolling through your Insta feed, start adding these goods to your cart ASAP, so you can take advantage of this weekly deal before
other bitches get to it first they sell out.
1. Anastasia Beverly Hills Lip Palette
Remember in like, art class, where we’d learn wtf primary colors were and a bunch of other shit I don’t remember or use at all in my day-to-day life? Yeah, so, this one-of-a-kind lip palette is basically a paint palette, but for your lips. Duh. It has 18 shades, including primaries, neutrals, and brights, to mix and customize for your own personalized lip colors. Feelin’ a bit of nude, pink, *and* orange? Go fucking crazy, because the options are endless. This is perfect for whatever slutty animal you’re going to be for Halloween. And, you won’t have to buy a matte lipstick for a very long time
aka until next week.
2. Benefit Cosmetics Beauty Stowaways Influencer Must-Have Set
Maybe you low-key want Nicole Guerriero’s eyebrows, a contour as on-point as Manny MUA’s, or long lashes like Jeffree Star’s…or better yet, the lashes of someone who’s not a racist. IDK, your call. If you’ve even glanced at social media in the past like, five years, you’d know at least one of the aforementioned people simply because YouTube is making beauty influencers richer than we can fucking imagine. This limited-edition exclusive kit comes with five must-haves, each item handpicked by your fave beauty vlogger. It includes a brow kit, bronzer, roller lash, and more.
3. Cover FX Contour Kit
This palette basically does all the work for us. Instead of having to search around the world and back for the perfect concealer, bronzer, and highlighter, these shades were created with different depths and undertones to go with every skin tone. From light to deep, the four shades will help you achieve the best contour you never thought you’d see.
4. Cover FX Double Ended Contour Brush
And since Sephora is so fucking nice, they knew we’d need the perfect contour brush to go hand-in-hand with a bomb contour palette. This double-ended brush allows you to apply product super easily without fucking it up and blend seamlessly thanks to the high-quality synthetic fibers.
5. Sephora Collection Sephora PRO Dimensional Highlighting Palette
A picture speaks a thousand words, am I right? So, I mean, just LOOK AT THIS FUCKING PALETTE. It’s like, heaven-sent and the color scheme alone makes me want to buy it just to buy it (as I do with most things). The palette features three lightweight, buildable cream highlighters and two *high-shine* top coats to make your face look like goddamn sunshine. The combination of warm and cool shades allows you to layer or wear alone for a natural highlight or v dramatic shine.
6. Murad Hydro-Dynamic Ultimate Moisturizer
The multipurpose moisturizer is honestly everything we need for this season and frigid winters to come, so our faces don’t dry tf out. It not only hydrates your face without having it feel like a grease ball, but it’s also designed with an anti-aging formula to prevent discoloration and wrinkles. The avocado, sunflower, and fruit oils work together to make any sensitive skin type feel v soft for up to eight hours a day. Ugh, amazing.
Shit has been hitting the fan this past week and I can barely keep up with it all. I mean, there’s a new iPhone, a Mean Girls musical, and I just can’t keep up with all of my fave shows coming back this fall. It’s all
first world problems too stressful. Lord knows I need a drink, or like, six so the fact that it’s also pay week makes it even better. You’d think I’d focus on using my newly acquired funds for adult things like paying rent and dry cleaning an overwhelming amount of clothes, but my financial obligations lie with better things such as buying more makeup. Obviously. It’s a good thing that 1) Sephora exists, and 2) the Weekly Wow sale falls on Thursday. For the third consecutive time, all of the makeup you probs dream about is $15 and under this week, so get to piling up your cart with these ah-maze products.
1. Tarte Lights, Camera, Lashes 4-in-1 Mascara
As if you couldn’t catch a hint from the name, this mascara does everything you could ever want from a little tube. Fuck a 2-in-1, it’s 2017 so a 4-in-1 sounds more like it. It lengthens, volumizes, conditions, *and* curls your lashes all at the same time, so it’s a good thing no one uses a lash curler anymore. The formula sounds legendary given that it promises bomb af lashes by “330 percent.” If you’re still having doubts, it’s also vegan so you’ll feel even even better about buying something that’s like, good for the earth and all the little birdies and the little monkeys.
2. LANCÔME Juicy Shaker
If there’s anything betches love more than most
people dogs, it’s good makeup and a strong drink. Combine the two, and you have this godsend of a creation: a literal cocktail shaker for a lip gloss. All you have to do is shake this a few times as you would if you made a hump day treat. The blend of v nourishing oils soothe and hydrate your lips, while the intense pigment provides the perf pop of color. Together, you have poppin’ lips, no fillers required.
3. First Aid Beauty Face Cleanser
Oh my god, finally a face wash that doesn’t make your face feel like fucking sandpaper. This face cleanser kind of feels like whipped cream so it’s obvs super soft and retains your skin’s natural oils, which is v necessary when temperatures get colder. It washes off all of the city pollution your face endures on a daily basis and removes your makeup way better than Neutrogena wipes.
Thank god it’s Thursday, honestly. Even though we had a glorious 3-day weekend
getting fucked up spending quality time with our dearest friends and family, this week has been going by slow as fuck. It doesn’t help that it’s been fucking depressing and rainy like, every other day. So I deserve to buy myself to a little reward for making it through the week without killing anyone. What a coincidence that it also happens on the same day as a new Sephora Weekly Wow. And as if it couldn’t get better, all of these necessities are $15 and under. Again. When I die, bury me inside the Gucci store a Sephora, plz and thx. Here’s everything you need to get from our biggest weakness this week before you miss out and have sooo many regrets.
1. Urban Decay Perversion Mascara
I don’t praise a mascara unless it actually works, I swear. My eyelashes are kind of like my best feature. Urban Decay’s non-sticky and non-clumpy formula contains Hairdensyl, a shit ton of healthy proteins that encourage lash growth so you never have to ask for extensions again. It provides a lot of nourishment so your eyelashes don’t fall out and brings an intense pigment for the blackest of black lashes
to match your soul.
2. bareMinerals GEN NUDE Buttercream Lipgloss
This lipgloss *literally* takes your lips from 0 to 100 after seconds of applying. It’s your fave lipgloss, but on crack. (Say crack again.) The sheer coverage comes in the nude shades all your dreams are made of, making your lips feel smooth and look fierce.
3. BeautyBlender Blendercleanser Solid
I bet you all of the $11.36 in my bank account that you treat your beauty blender like you treat your makeup brushes: you never fucking wash them. AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT? Well, now you have no excuse because this travel-friendly cleanser removes all of the dirt so you can start fresh whenever. And it also smells like lavender, so idk. At least your face will smell like
4. Murad Clarifying Cleanser
A face wash that actually works? Now, that is groundbreaking. But actually, this soap works miracles for even the worst of skin types, such as the train wreck I put my skin through every fucking weekend. It’s a deep cleanser that removes oil and irritants that trigger the worst breakouts. You can even use this multiple times throughout the day without it drying your face out. B-L-E-S-S.
There’s a little motto I go by when I need to remind myself that less is almost always better. You know, it goes something like “one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, more…” Yeah, it’s all fun and games until Jose fucks up your life after like, just a few
minutes hours. However, there are exceptions to this concept when it comes to the finer things in life: late night pizza MAKEUP. You can never have too much of the stuff that turns you from 2009 Kylie to 2017 Kylie. Never underestimate the power of plastic surgery good lipstick and don’t ever let anyone tell you differently. Speaking of poppin’ lipstick, we’ve been through not one, but three weeks of Sephora Weekly Wow sales. If you thought they were good before, you have another thing coming to you this fourth week. Bless your daddy’s heart credit card because everything in this week’s Weekly Wow is…..wait for it, drum roll please….. $15 and under. Just fuck me up, Sephora. From Tarte’s lip collection to Benefit Cosmetics mascara and even more Urban Decay goodies, start racking up those beauty insider points with these products before they sell out in like, an hour.
1. Benefit Cosmetics They’re Real! Lengthening & Volumizing Mascara
I am literally so picky with my mascara, it’s really not okay. I’m talking worse than my disgustingly complicated Starbucks order. Side note: Shout out to the baristas who put up with petty bullshit. Irregardless, I was not content with any overpriced mascara until I tried this beauty. This mascara really gives your eyes the dramatic length of questionably fake lashes after just a few coats. Its customized brush is designed to make even the smallest of lashes look perfectly curled, defined, thick, and long af. The mascara comes in three colors: black, brown, and “beyond blue,” but maybe you should stick with the first two if you don’t want anyone questioning your sanity (more than they already do).
2. Tarte Tarteist Glossy Lip Paint
These conditioning lip glosses soften your lips for smooth application and deliver super pigmented color so it doesn’t feel like an ordinary chapstick you could have bought at Duane Reade. They hydrate fugly chapped lips and leave a shiny finish without feeling like your lips are stuck together every time you rub them. There’s a variety of must-have nudes to the sultry dark purple everyone is wearing nowadays.
3. Tarte Tarteist Quick Dry Matte Lip Paint
Finally, a lightweight matte drying lipstick that doesn’t make your lips feel like fucking leather after two seconds. *cough* *cough* Kylie. This quick drying lip paint is a liquid-to-matte lipstick so 1) it doesn’t smear all over and/or get on your front teeth, and 2) you can have the liberty (and relief) of moving your mouth without your skin cracking.
Choose from pinks to browns to bright fuchsia, apply with the little wand, and have a drunk makeout sesh without making a fool of yourself. Miracle.
4. Tarte Tarteist Creamy Matte Lip Paint
And next, we have the glow-up of the matte lipstick: the velvet lip. This formula feels like your average lipstick but instead dries as a softer, smoother, enhanced matte. The ultra creamy lip paint comes in neutral or v bold choices including psychopath black and something called “Yaasssss”—no, I’m not encouraging this decision, that’s just literally the name of their lavender shade.
5. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion – Original
All six of these heaven-sent eyeshadow primers qualify for this week’s Weekly Wow. So I don’t
waste my time typing the same paragraph six times sound like a broken record, I’m only going to describe this once, as if the name alone doesn’t give it away. These eyeshadow primers glide on smoothly to keep your eyelids oily- and crease-free and enhance your eyeshadow shade for a full 24 hours. Because Urban Decay understands we all have like, different eyes and weird eye problems, there are six primer potions to choose from, each catering to a different need. To start, this OG of the bunch dries clear and allows you to blend with ease so no one knows you may have done your makeup while slightly intoxicated.
6. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion – Eden
This primer delivers the same smooth application, but in a simple nude shade. The matte drying primer helps reduce redness around the eyes, hiding the fact that you clearly stayed out until 5am (again). The neutral color blends in so well, you can even wear it as an eyeshadow if you’re really that fucking lazy (like, same here).
7. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion – Caffeine
The primer potion comes in a warm brown that works perfectly for deeper skin tones and is a long-lasting primer that stays smudge-proof. It preps your eyelids by smoothing out uneven texture and really intensifies brown eyeshadow shades for a bolder look.
8. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion – Anti-Aging
No one wants to say they had 10 plastic surgeries in a single day before they turned 25 (@HeidiPratt). I get it, Urban Decay obviously fucking gets it, which is why they created one of their famed primers specifically to hide the fact that we age. Formulated with special anti-aging ingredients, this primer eliminates horrifying wrinkles and tightens the skin around your eyes so you basically never look like you’re slowly dying—even if you feel like it. Its unique pigments brighten your eyes for an alert appearance and reduce swelling to ensure you never look a day over 21.
9. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion – Fix
This primer is actually the best one yet. Not only is it a limited-edition warm beige, but 100 percent of the proceeds go to selected women’s empowerment nonprofits. So like, now you really have to buy this and no one can say shit about it because you’re honestly helping a really good cause, damn it. Say it with me (and Bey), WHO RUN THE WORLD?!
Oh, here’s the primer:
10. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion – Sin
Yes, a primer infused with glittery shit is also an option. This pale nude comes with a shimmer finish that stays put all day long and elevates lame matte shades with a pop of sparkle. Glitter is always better, don’t even deny it. You can even wear it alone for a sophisticated champagne look when you’re really too hungover to function and already running late for brunch.
Finally, the best day of the week has arrived. It’s Thirsty Thursday, Friday Eve, whatever the hell you call it, and most importantly, it’s another Sephora Weekly Wow. Halle-FUCKING-lujah. If you don’t know WTF I’m talking about, you probably
live under a rock don’t have internet??? The event for anyone that’s beauty-obsessed (so like, all of us) is Sephora’s new weekly sale that selects products to be 50 percent off. The deal only lasts for seven days, or until inconsiderate bitches buy it all (which happens more often than not). Anyone with a sense of time knows a week is not that long, so I normally would advise against camping outside or anything dramatic, but again, a betch has to do what a betch has to do if it means grabbing that palette you’ve been eyeing for half off. I’m just saying, desperate times call for desperate measures. If you missed out on the last two sales, I’m honestly concerned here’s to hoping third time’s the charm. I got the hot gossip on this week’s goodies so, call an Uber and hustle to your nearest Sephora—or better yet, just get to online shopping, loser.
^^^Jessica Simpson is me. I am Jessica Simpson.
1. Urban Decay Naked Smoky Palette
There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. The limit does not exist for how many Naked palettes you can have, especially when one is literally 50 percent off. That one being the most essential for next season and all the “let’s get fucked up” festivities it involves. Create the Insta-worthy smoky eye you’ve been trying to achieve since like, 8th grade with this palette’s 12 irresistible shades and variety of finishes. From ~nudes~ to stunning grays to our beloved black, each shade is infused with top-notch ingredients to keep it smooth af for easy, breezy, beautiful blendability. Plus, the case features a full-size mirror and double-ended brush to make it easier to perfect your
slutty smoky look.
2. SMASHBOX Step-By-Step Contour Kit
A contour kit for dummies is essentially
what I need this is. This palette comes in two colors, Light/Medium or Medium/Dark, with three custom shades to define, bronze, and highlight for a natural-looking sculpted face. Natural is the key word here, so be sure to choose the color that looks best with your skin tone so you don’t up looking like a ratchet wannabe Kim K Aubrey O’Day. See:
Not only does it come with a full step-by-step guide “for all levels” (sooo if you’ve never heard of blending…), but it also comes with an angled brush for seamless application.
3. Philosophy Hope In A Jar
This is the holy grail of all moisturizers ever. Hope In A Jar basically speaks for itself in the sense that it truly holds the key to looking young and healthy forever in its little container. This lightweight moisturizer gently exfoliates your face by removing dead skin cells and reverses all the effects that stumbling home and passing out with your makeup on had on your skin. Yes, there is still hope for us.
4. Philosophy Renewed Hope In A Jar SPF 30
So like, take everything I just said above and add in a broad-spectrum SPF 30 to protect yo’ face from sun rays that cause wrinkles, uneven texture, scarring, and oh yeah, SKIN CANCER. The moisturizer smooths out your skin and provides long lasting hydration so you feel and look like a glowing goddess.
5. Philosophy Renewed Hope In A Jar Dry
Okay, I know this is beginning to sound redundant, but unlike the 100 seasons of Pretty Little Liars, I promise the more they create of these, the better they get. This formula takes on a new twist with ingredients specifically made for dry AF skin types.
Ugh, bless. So with all that damage the sun caused your skin this summer, you’ll need this extra hydrating moisturizer so you don’t feel like Hanna here ^. Infused with long-ass words I can’t pronounce and don’t feel like typing along with some “Asian fruits,” this formula promises a glow that’ll last all day long.
Alright, guys. It’s on like Donkey Kong—omg pretend I didn’t say that. It’s the second week of Sephora’s Weekly Wow Sale, so if you missed out last week, now is your chance to take advantage of this deal before the items all sell out. In case you were too hungover to read about what this crazy good sale is all about, Sephora recently started this weekly sale that highlights select products for half off every Thursday. The catch? The sales only last for seven days or until the products sell out—the latter is more likely. So you basically need to be ready as soon as midnight hits (
love shopping makes us do crazy things) or use those stalking skills you oh-so-casually use on your boyfriend’s Snapchat to find out what those must-haves are beforehand. Don’t worry though, you’re in luck because since I’m basically Nancy fucking Drew. Sidebar: Can someone put “basically Nancy fucking Drew” on a resume? Asking for a friend. Anyway, I found out which lucky products are the chosen ones for this week’s Hunger Games Weekly Wow, thanks to a community post. Bless. Grab them before they’re gone, and may the odds be ever in your favor.
1. Smashbox #SHAPEMATTERS Palette
You think 2-in-1 is good? Well, try a 3-in-1 palette that features 16 v popular shades, including nine award-winning eyeshadows. This palette will condense your makeup bag a whole fucking lot with its contouring powders, highlighter, and brow enhancement shades. There are 3 contour powders to complement a variety of skin tones so everyone can look and feel like a diamond with their flawless cheekbones. You can even redefine and create eyebrow arches with 3 different powders, wax, and a cool af double-ended brush. Plus, it comes with a full-size mirror so you don’t even have to feel bad about showing everyone how narcissistic you are when you do your makeup on-the-go.
2. Benefit Cosmetics Soft & Natural Brow Kit
All three of Benefit Cosmetics’ brow kits are part of this amazing weekly sale, so to start, this is a kit that’s ideal for those of you who feel like your eyebrows are nonexistent or too light to function. The kit comes in three different colors so you can find the one that’s right for you (and please choose wisely), and includes everything you need to shape, fill, and set your eyebrows in literal minutes for a look that lasts all day. Highlight, fill and blend, and apply the setting gel so those hairs stay where they belong. The set even features stencils in case you’re all like ??????? when you open this (same, though).
3. Benefit Cosmetics Defined & Refined Brow Kit
This kit does for your eyebrows what a steady hand does for your winged eye: It makes them look fierce AF. To shape your brow for an arch so sharp it could kill, this set comes complete with a conditioning primer, BROWVO! pencil, and highlight for a full, on-point
selfie look. In case you need like, so much help, they even provide a mapping tool to help you create an arch that doesn’t look like something you’d have seen Gwen Stefani sporting in 2001. (Seriously, Google it.)
4. Benefits Cosmetics Bigger & Bolder Brow Kit
From innocent daytime to “don’t fuck with me today,” this kit is loaded with everything you could possibly need to customize your eyebrow based on
how drunk you are your current mood. It includes a natural-looking cream-gel color, portable brush, and that familiar setting gel we love so much for your own perf crafted brows. Your friends will be begging you to do their own in no time.
5. Perricone MD Cold Plasma Anti-Aging Face Treatment
You can’t lie and you just can’t hide it—you will eventually age. We have to constantly choose between looking like Snow White or tan our worries away and settle with looking 10 years older than we really are. Why is life such a bitch? LMK. To eliminate all signs of aging, this is your go-to. This fab cream gets rid of all fugly wrinkles, awk forehead lines, and annoying blotchy skin in just a couple weeks—so like, just in time for school. It restores your skin’s moisture and shine for a look that will still get you ID’d for sure.
6. Perricone MD Cold Plasma Anti-Aging Eye Treatment
Everybody tells you to “live life!!!”, “YOLO” “stay out late, never sleep, stay young!!!” but they never tell you how fucking dead you look after one night of living your
reckless best life. Ya, thank you for this god-awful hangover and under-eye baggage that isn’t anything like fucking Louis Vuitton baggage.
No, Kim, that’s not how it works. Sry. ^
To restore both life and light into those dark soulless eyes of yours, all you need is this cream to fight your inner 80-year-old and hide many
drunken sleepless nights’ worth of damage. This can also be used as an eyeshadow primer, so new hangover makeup? I think yes.
7. Tarte Rainforest of the Sea™ Eyeshadow Palette Volume II
The second generation of this fan-fave palette comes in eight cool-toned shades that don’t require primer or even a brush. They’re that good. Their creamy formula allows them to go on smooth, seamless, and crease-free so they can be worn either wet or dry (do people actually put makeup on wet eyes? I have so many questions). Mix and match the colors for a nightclub-esque smokey eye or a clean nude eye for any other occasion in which you’re not getting wasted.