The Most Obviously Fake Celebrity Relationships Ever

I think I’ve established, pretty vehemently actually, that I’m skeptical of everything that celebrities do. Yes, I still bring screenshots of their hair to my stylist, yes I still buy their sunglasses collaborations using their 20% discount codes, and yes, I monitor their social media accounts more closely than I do my friends and family members. But that doesn’t mean I’m so easily fooled! Only sometimes! And the one thing I will truly never believe is that any of their relationships are real. These people get paid to pretend! It’s easy for them! And I’m not just basing this on the fact that I personally can’t fathom why a rising actress would marry a Scientologist that jumps on couches, this is actually just a fact. Celebrities and publicists have even admitted to it. There are many reasons celebrity couples fake their relationships, whether it be for publicity, to keep a secret about themselves, or to horrify me with their fake kisses, the possibilities are endless! So let me tell you about my favorite couples that I BELIEVE (is that language cool, legal?) are faking it. 

1. Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello

So I think we all know by now that this one’s fake, right? We wrote about it extensively this past summer, as did anyone with eyeballs and the slightest hint of a pulse. Seriously, even the comatose were waxing poetic on the subject. So what’s the deal? Well, Camila and her boyfriend, dating coach Matthew Hussey (yes, apparently that’s a thing), broke up in June. Then, Camila and Shawn released “Señorita,” made a sexy music video, and bam! people thought they were together. They started teasing fans, until finally we got some aquatic makeout shots that I now see in my nightmares. 

To me, it’s obvious this relationship is for publicity. I’m just saying, do not trust them! 

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A post shared by Shawn Mendes (@shawnmendes) on

^^Yes, this definitely helped your case.

2. Timothée Chalamet & Lily-Rose Depp

On to our second-worst fake kissers of the bunch. Timothée is a rising star who did something scandalous with a peach in a movie, I think? Unclear, since all I really watch is To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before on repeat, but I think I definitely heard something about a fruit. Lily-Rose Depp is the daughter of a middle-aged man who dresses like a pirate and appears to have anger issues, among many other things. Oh, and he’s Johnny Depp, if that wasn’t clear. Timothée and Lily-Rose have been rumored to be dating a while, but now they’re in a movie, The King, together. 

The movie premiered in Venice in September, and the two seemed normal. AND THEN. We get photos like this! (scroll, pls).

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Timothée Chalamet and Lily-Rose Depp: What your parents see when they drop you off at college vs. What you see when your parents drop you off at college. 😜 (📷: BACKGRID/ Getty Images)

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Is this just how the kids are kissing these days? Maybe I’m the weird one? I mean, when I was 18 we were still waiting for Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince THE BOOK to come out, so it’s been a while. (Yes, I do have an extensive anti-aging routine, thank you for your concern).  Also, these pictures are clearly staged. Paparazzi do not get this close to celebrities on private property unless it’s sanctioned by the celebrity. And why would anyone WANT pictures like this out? For the publicity! I bet you all want to see The King, now, don’t you? See, it’s already working. Wake up, sheeple!!

3. Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson

Look, Kristen seems to be someone who is passionate in relationships! We all saw those cheating photos with Rupert Sanders. Obviously into each other. And she is all over her girlfriends these days! But when she was with Rob, did you ever see someone look more miserable in their life? And she’s an actress! It is her job to conceal her emotions and mask them with different ones! And yet the only emotion she could summon up with Rob was “bitter teenager forced to eat dinner with her mother’s new boyfriend.” And he was no better. The only vibes he was giving off were “I just ate something that disagreed with me and there’s no bathroom in sight.” True love? I don’t think so. Again, this seemed like a plot to get attention for the Twilight films, and their fanbase ate that sh*t right up, ponied up a ton of money for the movies, and some even maintain TO THIS DAY that Robsten is a secret couple. 

^^breakup footage

4. Taylor Swift & Tom Hiddleston

Again, and this is all my opinion if anyone on Taylor Swift’s team is reading this… Staged, staged, staged. No self-respecting man not in it for the fame and power would wear a tank that says “I Heart TS” out in public if he wasn’t getting something really good out of it. Like, more-press-than-he-could-ever-dream-of kind of good. Yeah, Tom was famous before he dated Taylor, but like, famous with nerds, not famous-famous. This helped him get famous-famous, but in return he had to pay with his dignity. I think he may regret it. (Taylor Swift™ No copyright infringement intended. Property of TAS LLC Management 2019©)

^^never forget

And there you have it, my favorite ALLEGED fake couples! Did I miss anyone you guys are convinced are faking it? I’m all ears for your theories. Go! 

Images:; giphy (2), shawnmendes, enews / Instagram

Are Shawn Mendes And Camila Cabello Actually A Couple?

After the whirlwind of celebrity weddings in the last couple weeks, we all need a new celebrity couple to focus on. Luckily, my attentions have been taken away from Brittany and Jax and refocused on two of the hottest young people in Hollywood: Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello. These two have known each other for a long time, but now it seems like their relationship might finally be at the next level. Let’s take a closer look at what’s going on with Shawn and Camila.

Back in 2015, when both Shawn and Camila were both just starting to get big, they released “I Know What You Did Last Summer” together. It was a bop, but everyone moved on pretty quickly. Fast forward to last month, when the two teamed up again for their new song “Señorita.” The song is catchy as hell, and it debuted at number two. Besides being a big hit for both of them, the steamy video ignited rumors that they’re romantically (or at least sexually) involved with each other. Seriously, watch the video, it’s hot as hell.

The video certainly isn’t proof that Shawn and Camila are together, but it’s hard not to get that kind of vibe from a video like this. But in the past week, Shawn and Camila have been caught by the paparazzi hanging out a few times, and it doesn’t seem like it’s a coincidence.

Here they are, leaving brunch together in West Hollywood on Sunday:

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Happy couple? Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello are either really really good friends who hold hands and embrace in public, or they’re dating. Your guess? #tmz #shawnmendes #camilacabello #music #couple ?Backgrid

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So like…they’re definitely f*cking. Or at least they want us to think that they are. In that second photo, she’s clinging on to him like she’s going to freeze to death without him, and it was not that cold in LA yesterday. I literally checked the weather.

Another important piece of evidence in this investigation is Shawn’s response when he was asked at a recent meet and greet if he’s dating Camila:

During a Q&A in LA, a fan asked @ShawnMendes if he was dating @Camila_Cabello. Mendes shook his head no.

— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) July 7, 2019

First of all, how f*cking awkward is that. Ladies, if you ever get to meet Shawn Mendes, don’t waste your time asking him out. He’s obviously going to say no, and it’s just going to be uncomfortable for both of you. He knows he’s pretty, so just leave him alone. But his response to the question about Camila is definitely interesting. He shakes his head like he’s saying no, but that could just be his disbelief that a fan actually had the balls to ask. Either way you look at it, this response just fuels the rumors more. Either it’s a half-assed denial, or a refusal to comment.

Shawn and Camila are very cute together, and I don’t doubt that they get along well with each other, but this whole ~relationship~ really feels like a PR move to me. Call me cynical, but any time two hot celebrities just happen to start dating when they have a project to promote together, I usually have to call bullsh*t.

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señor & señorita on the V Magazinita @vmagazine ??

A post shared by camila (@camila_cabello) on

When you think of how many celebrities manage to keep their relationship a secret for literal months or years, it doesn’t really seem like an accident that they’ve been caught by the paparazzi multiple times in less than a week. I’m not mad at the game that they’re playing, but I still know I’m getting played.

So when push comes to shove, are Shawn and Camila dating? Honestly, they might be. Whether it’s for publicity reasons or out of a genuine connection, I have a feeling we’re going to be seeing more of them together this summer. But I have serious doubts that this relationship will make it past the current promo cycle that they’re in. Also, Shawn is obviously supposed to end up with me, so he’ll have to dump Camila sooner or later. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Instagram: Shutterstock; Shawn Mendes / YouTube; TMZ_tv, camila_cabello / Instagram; PopCrave / Twitter