I don’t know if you guys heard, but last week, Kendall Jenner’s stalker was arrested by ICE. This revolting man, John Ford, is the guy who allegedly showed up at her pool and on her porch on two separate occasions. I thought Canadians were supposed to be nice, but thankfully that crazy mofo was here illegally, so he’s getting deported. This is surely a huge relief for Kendall and the whole Kardashian clan. According to TMZ, ICE “made it clear” that had this guy stayed in the country, there “could have been a tragedy.” I mean, no sh*t. Why wasn’t he imprisoned after the first couple times he was caught? Kendall’s story isn’t even close to one of the craziest celeb stalker incidents. Inspired by this small bit of justice, I decided to remind you all why you should definitely want to be rich, but avoid being famous at all costs. Just a warning, these are dark af.
1. Jodie Foster
This is a tale that many young women are familiar with, but (hopefully) not on a level like this. In 1981, a gross old man was creepily trying to get a young girl’s attention. This literally happened to me walking my dog yesterday. But given I’m not a “famous”, and I’m also kind of old now, it just meant this weird guy yelled at me a bunch until I crossed the street. Unfortunately for Jodie Foster, her old guy was John Hinckley Jr. He was obsessed with her movie Taxi Driver and began stalking her, showing up at her college, and trying to get her attention. That didn’t work, so he sent love letters. That didn’t work, so he shot the President. Not only is he out of both prison and the psychiatric hospital now, btw, but he was super pissed when Jodie came out as gay, because had he known that, he wouldn’t have bothered. Wow, a stalker and a homophobe! What a guy.
2. John Lennon
The ’80s were a scary time for fandom. In 1980, Mark David Chapman went to get an autograph from John Lennon. That went well, and he was like, okay I totally should just go home now. Oh wait, no. He went back instead and shot and killed Lennon. Turns out, Chapman was a nutcase who thought he was Holden Caulfield from The Catcher in the Rye. If you only pretended to read it in high school, Holden’s whole thing is that everyone is phony. Chapman took this to mean that Lennon was phony, and thus he must kill him so that he can become Holden IRL. Literally, he thought he was going to become a whiny, 16-year-old fictional character. That was the goal. Thankfully, he was denied parole in 2016. RIP John Lennon.
3. Sandra Bullock
In 2014, Joshua Corbett, a random superfan, broke into Sandra’s house and was banging on her bedroom door. He told her that he was her husband and she belongs to him. He had sent her a bunch of letters prior to this, bitching that he was waiting for her to come home to him, but she didn’t. Sandra called the police, he was arrested, and then they found 24 guns, explosives, and a notebook describing how he was going to rape her. WTF. Lock. Him. Up.
4. Rebecca Schaeffer
In the ’80s, Rebecca was the star of a TV show called My Sister Sam, and she had a huge fan base. One fan in particular, Robert Bardo, had some mental health issues, and had a shrine in his bedroom dedicated to her. He spent all his time watching VHS tapes of her show and every TV appearance he could find. Then, Rebecca did a love scene on another TV show, which Bardo considered a huge betrayal. So he showed up at her house (finding her address from the DMV, btw) and shot her. Bardo later told police that he killed her because he had “to eliminate I cannot attain”, which may as well be the national motto for toxic masculinity.
As someone who grew up completely obsessed with J.Lo’s movie Selena, I consider this one a personal attack. Yolanda Saldivar was Selena’s superfan and president of the Selena Fan Club. She also had a shrine of photos of Selena, and yet no one was like, “hey, maybe something’s a bit off with this chick”. Selena was too nice to Yolanda, letting her manage her clothing brand, and even becoming actual friends with her. But then, Yolanda remembered that she was a trash person, and risked their friendship and business relationship by stealing money from the boutique. Selena found out and fired her. Yolanda did a bunch of crazy sh*t to get sympathy from Selena, even falsely claiming she was raped. When that didn’t work, she shot Selena.
Rihanna actually had to get a restraining order against a fan after he threw a chair though her window, broke into her house, and claimed he was her future husband. Yikes. I know you can’t exactly apply logic here, but still, why did he think that strategy would work?
7. Taylor Swift
This one is actually pretty well-known, but still very scary. Basically, some man thought he was married to Taylor, and threatened to murder anyone who came between him and his beloved. He sent her threatening emails, tweets, and letters saying things like, “If anyone in Taylor Swift’s family gets killed, it is not my fault.” Jesus Christ. I’m filing a restraining order on Taylor’s behalf. Nobody should have to go through that.
These are just a few of the worst stalker stories of all time. I don’t understand why anyone would want to be famous with these kind of creeps lurking around. What other creepy stalker stories did I miss?
Images: Wikimedia Commons (6)
Since Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez got back together this fall, there have been very few details and lots of speculation about the particulars of their relationship 2.0. Well, it sounds like Selena’s family has similar questions, because Justin is reportedly not invited to the Gomez family Christmas. I’d say it’s trouble in paradise, but LOL, their relationship has not been paradise.
Apparently, Selena’s family still isn’t sold on the idea of her being back with Justin, and can you blame them? They had a very public relationship and breakup the first time around, and most moms think Justin is, like, the dumbest person on the planet. That might be a little harsh, but just ask your mom about Justin Bieber, and she will likely scoff before saying something about how he seems immature.
Justin’s family, on the other hand, is reportedly thrilled about Selena being back in the picture, because they really just want Justin to end up with a nice girl. Okay, can we stop this narrative about Selena being a “nice girl”? In the real world, calling someone “nice” is just code for a boring person you know absolutely nothing about, but they’ve never done anything to hurt you. It’s not a fucking personality trait. But yeah, okay, in this context it seems kinda fitting.
So for now, Justin and Selena will have to keep their relationship out of Texas and the presence of Selena’s family. Sounds rough, but honestly, going home for the holidays can be pretty fucking rough too. Justin can just stay in LA and smoke weed with his
male lover pastor during Christmas, and then he and Selena can have plenty of fun when she gets back. Sound good, kiddos?
There are only six weeks left this year, and most of 2017 has been a big mess. From our tragic political situation to basically everyone you know and love being a sexual predator, the good moments have seemed few and far between. At this point, we’ll take whatever we can get, which is why today we’re discussing the reunion of one of our most iconic celebrity couples: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. After Selena and The Weeknd broke up, she was spotted going to breakfast and church with Justin not long after. And just yesterday, they were photographed kissing at Justin’s hockey game.
You might not love Justin. You might not love Selena. But deep down, you know that they just sort of belong with each other. It’s not like they can’t be apart, but some force of nature always seems to pull them back together. We’re completely sucked in, and it turns out there’s a scientific reason why.
Cosmo enlisted some psychologists to tell us why we care so much, and tbh, they read us like a book. They talked about how Justin and Selena represent the romantic first love that never actually works out for real people, like how you thought you’d be with your high school boyfriend forever but didn’t make it past Thanksgiving your freshman year of college. They also delved in to how Justin is the bad boy, and we just want Selena to make him better. “She appears to soften him and redeem some of the rougher edges of his character. In turn, it gives consumers ‘hope’ that true love can conquer all,” Dr. Azadeh Aalai told Cosmo. No, shut up, we’re not crying. We’re not sure what these psychologists do in their actual careers, but they should also consider writing #Jelena fan fiction in their spare time.
All of this goes a long way toward explaining why we all about lost our damn minds when Selena traded in The Weeknd for her old flame. They seem to be spending lots of time together, but will it last this time?
If history repeats itself, the answer will obviously be no. Justin has a clear history of bad boy tendencies, and Selena will have to decide if she wants to stick around through another one of his douchebag phases. She could basically date any guy in the world, so Justin will really have to work to earn her trust again. We also have to remember that Selena was dating The Weeknd literally less than a month ago, so there’s a chance that Justin could just be a rebound for her. She knows he still loves her, and it’s nice to feel loved. It’s too soon to know if that shit will last, but we’ll obviously be paying close attention.
Another question that remains to be answered is how public Jelena 2.0 will be. In the past, they’ve kissed on red carpets, openly dedicated (many) songs to each other, and talked in interviews about their relationship. But in 2017, things are happening a little more discretely. We all know they’ve been hanging out together, but there have been no sensual Instagram pics or anything yet. A good indicator will be the American Music Awards this Sunday, where Selena is set to perform live for the first time in over a year. She’ll surely be nervous, and maybe having Justin there with her will be just what she needs? As long as she doesn’t cry onstage, we’ll take it.
We may not know if Jelena will be around forever, but at least Justin and Selena have given us something to talk about that’s not Donald Trump. In 2017, that’s basically all we ask for. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go listen to Selena’s entire discography to look for clues.