This year has been nothing short of Earth-shattering, and with good reason. The transits we experienced this year—most notably, Saturn (structure), Pluto (transformation) and Jupiter (expansion) consistently causing contention in Capricorn—were meant to shake us to our very core. Some might say this is uncomfortable. Others might say this is insane. And still, others might say, “give me a f*cking break already.” All of those people are me and my Gemini personalities.
But here’s some good news (cue John Krasinski direct-to-camera look). We’re moving into the Age of Aquarius! Saturn and Jupiter, huge ruling planets for us here on Earth, enter into Aquarius within days of each other this month—making way for their Great Conjunction on the winter solstice, Dec 21st. This massive energy will shift us into the concepts of innovation, connectivity, and welfare for the global community.
TL;DR: 2021 will be nothing short of revolutionary. Read on to see which area of your life will be destined for growth. Make sure to check both your Sun and your Rising signs* for the utmost accuracy.
*Your Sun sign is your fundamental identity. It points to your general personality, approach to life, interests, and how you shine.
*Your Rising sign (or Ascendant) represents how you show up and the direction in which you move through the world. This sign was on the horizon at the time of your birth and therefore sets up your entire chart (which is why accurate birth time is important). It’s arguably a more predictive way to determine what you’ll encounter and how you’ll meet it.
Aries
Your freedom will come from having absolutely zero limitations on how you’re connecting with the world. This could look like having a much larger purpose to influence great change. I sincerely doubt you’ve been waiting to get in the game, but this year will give you agency to take it global. This could look like getting involved through a non-profit or taking up more space on social media to advocate for something you’re passionate about. We’re all waiting to see what you’re going to start (no pressure).
Taurus
If 2020 taught you anything, it’s that you can navigate insecurity. You’ve also learned that life is a two-way street, meaning you don’t have to do everything yourself. Recognize where you’ve gotten through de-stabilizing times with a little help from your friends. Next year gives you a great opportunity to take calculated risks to advance your career. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. We’re all rooting for you.
Gemini
Exploration and communication of the themes that have come to light in the last year will be your goal in 2021. What ultimate truths have you learned? How can you integrate these into your life philosophy? How can you help others understand? The way you communicate these will be uniquely yours, Gemini. Our advice is to make these truths snackable and lighthearted, even if the subject matter is anything but. It’s show and tell time!
Cancer
You’ve certainly had time to be intimate with yourself in 2020. How many sex toys did you buy? Be honest. But in true Cancerian fashion, you likely were more concerned with finding intimacy in a partnership. This year will encourage you to focus on yourself in order to experience true breakthroughs. And no, I’m not just talking about orgasms, but I’m not not talking about orgasms.
Leo
You’ll experience serious potential for love and partnership next year, Leo. If you’re single, make sure you’re intentionally manifesting your “perfect” partner. And simply saying “I’m manifesting a partner” will not cut it. Visualize the feeling of being with someone, take note, and then ask the universe for some help on the delivery. If you’re in a committed relationship, you’ll experience power-couple vibes. Hello, Bey and Jay.
Virgo
Personal revolution is happening for Virgos in the house of your rulership (6th house) which means you’re receiving double-down energy. This would be the year to feel completely supported in focusing on your health and routines, getting your edge through the use of technology. Oh, and domestic matters will be your bitch, too. So hey, if you’ve been thinking about buying a Peloton, this is your sign. (No, they didn’t pay me to say that.)
Libra
F*ck the establishment, Libra! 2021 has you feeling all sorts of brave, playful and yes, maybe a little rebellious. Will this shock the people around you, since you of all people like to color inside the lines? Sure. Does that really matter? Not in the least. Give yourself permission to take the spotlight, or at least the ring light, and do what makes you happy.
Scorpio
Mastering family life and maternal instincts will be on your radar next year, Scorpio. This could look like establishing the house rules for everyone in your domain or simply establishing how you’d like your own chosen family to run. Remember that the very nature of family means it’s more of a democracy than a dictatorship, so try your best to be firm, yet accommodating on the issues you could care less about, like where you put the TV. You can’t make every hill the one you’re willing to die on.
Sagittarius
You normally travel the world for inspiration, but this year you’ll be called to learn from your immediate environment, your neighborhood, or simply your closest friends and family. Your new approach will have a well-spring of creative ideas percolating for you all year, and you’ll want to talk to your newfound teachers about them. Take that airplane out of your Instagram bio once and for all, and make an impact in your neighborhood instead, Sagittarius.
Capricorn
Listen closely, because this one is def going to be music to your ears, Capricorn. Next year holds major earning potential for you. (I can literally hear a collective YES!) All the work you’ve put into your craft will certainly pay off next year, so enjoy watching the stacks rise. That said, try bringing something back into the fold that you scrapped this year for lack of time or expertise. You’ll have more resources to revive it this year.
Aquarius
It’s your time, Aquarius. You’re THE most equipped for this new age we’re entering, so don’t be surprised if you feel the intrinsic need to step out and lead this revolution. Everyone is catching up to your line of thinking, but we do actually need you to be constantly innovating and moving the needle forward. Your gut will rarely be wrong—just go with it and don’t second-guess it.
Pisces
Bless my Pisces, always ready to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Next year will have you fully embracing who you are, the magical mystery tour that is life. Walk into the unknown the same way most of us walk into Target: willfully blissful and leaving with so much more than we intended to. (Also, not sponsored.)
Images: Kwangmoozaa / Shutterstock; Giphy (12)
Because I have no faith in committing to bettering myself for an entire year, New Year’s resolutions aren’t really my thing, but for those of you who vowed to improve your lives by like, going to the gym and ~traveling,~ you’re probably excited for the first official weekend of 2020. This horoscope is for you guys. If you need some guidance on how to start the new decade, look no further. According to yearly-horoscope.com, “2020 will be a year when all the zodiac signs will be able to take advantage of a new beginning, both in their personal life and financially.” Lol, could this be a little less specific? Can’t wait for what’s to come!
Aries
Aries likes to be number one at everything they do, so you guys are def fans of making New Year’s resolutions, because doing so just gives you an opportunity to meet a goal. Overachievers like you may be annoying as hell to those around you, but you don’t give a f*ck because you’re here to win. This weekend, you’ll spend your days making spreadsheets of your five-year plan and spend your nights telling people about them. You’ll want to get your life on track this weekend so you know what to expect for the year ahead, but don’t spend too much time on this because, if our government has taught us anything, it’s that all plans fall apart rather quickly. Use this opportunity to be a little more adventurous, ya know? Explore a new neighborhood at the very least.
Taurus
From both the internet and my Taurus friends, I’ve learned that Tauruses “enjoy relaxing in serene, bucolic environments surrounded by soft sounds, soothing aromas, and succulent flavors.” Wow, deep. Anyway, even though Tauruses are described like literal babies, they’re nothing if not down for whatever, so take a seat and let your friends do the planning this weekend. Expensive dinner? Sure. Stay in with a bottle of Pinot? Sounds delicious. Go out until 5am? Fine, whatever. Take this time to mute your group chat until someone puts forth a time and place, then just meet everyone there. You do you, Taurus.
Gemini
Geminis are impulsive, nosy, and intelligent creatures who like to know everything about what everyone’s doing. You check everyone’s Instagram stories not because you love them, but rather, because you want to know where everyone is so you can make an educated decision on where you’ll be posted up. Geminis can’t be tied down, so maybe don’t meet up with the guy who spent your whole first date telling you how much you’d love his parents. Stick with Mr. Right Now this weekend, because starting a new decade in a will-we-won’t-we war just doesn’t sound like your cup of tea.
Cancer
Anyone under this sign may claim to be psychic, because Cancers are famous for being able to pick up on various energies. OMG, it’s like they have a fifth sense! I mean, picking up on energies is a fancy way of saying you can read a room, so congratulations on not completely lacking empathy. You’ve been going hard all damn year, so take this weekend to chill with friends. Nothing crazy or expensive. Maybe invite your friends over for a potluck dinner where all you have to provide is the table and your friends bring everything else.
Leo
Leos are known for being theatrical, and they think of themselves as kings and queens. Honestly, I was born into the wrong sign, I think. Anyway, Leos are happy to be the loudest in the room and love to have all eyes on them. If you’re a Leo, this weekend take your quieter, more subdued friends out on the town where you can drink and dance until you can’t no more. This is your time to start the new year with a f*cking bang, so throw on a blue wig and go to an underground salsa club, or slip into your finest and end up at a 5-star hotel bar, the night is yours to own.
Virgo
I am a Virgo and I proudly fit into the little box presented to me: Virgos have a deep-rooted presence in the material world. Yeah, sounds about right. Obviously, there are a lot of more down-to-earth qualities Virgos possess, but none that relate to this weekend specifically. Go shopping this weekend. You just got paid, so spend that hard-earned cheddar on that pair of boots you’ve wanted since last summer, then take them for a little walk around your favorite bar. If you’re really feeling yourself then be bold and invite the guy you’ve been seeing for a little while. It’s time for him to finally meet your friends already.
Libra
It is my personal belief that all Libras change their names to something like Juliana and become yoga instructors, because Libras are obsessed with balance and harmony. Right on, I guess? So start the year on a good note and find your center. Whether that means hot yoga, vegan pizza, and an early night, or a romantic dinner date with your SO, do you. You won’t be persuaded to join your friends for an all-night banger, so maybe just put your phone on do not disturb until the weekend is up. That seems like something Libras would do anyway.
Scorpio
Scorpios are as passionate as they are emotional, so maybe do yourself a favor and take it easy this weekend. By going out, you’re just setting yourself up to get in a fight with your boyfriend and regret the whole thing the next day. Instead of going out, keep it casual and invite everyone over for wine and cheese. I mean, everyone likes wine and cheese, right? What could go wrong?
Sagittarius
You guys don’t do anything unless you’ll learn something from it. You’d make my dad so proud! You’re pretty much up for anything, so if the crew wants to go out, join them! When you drunkenly text your ex 87 times, you’ll learn a valuable lesson that will keep you on an upward trajectory. You generally don’t regret anything (like, anything) because you’re always on an educational path that is leading you in the right direction. So if you want to crush the last of the bottle, do it!
Capricorn
Capricorn is represented by the sea goat, a mythological creature with the body of a goat and tail of a fish. Wow, swipe right! The significance of the sexy dual-creature situation is that Capricorns are good at navigating physical and emotional realms, which makes you an ideal friend in situations like “What should we do tonight?” You’re the decision-maker and your friends are grateful for you. This weekend, see how you feel before setting the plan in motion. If you want to go out, do it. If you’d rather stay in, your peeps are down. The weekend is your oyster.
Aquarius
You guys are assertive and independent, so if your friends are all tired from their NYE parties, but you want to go out, you’ll do it. Grab a small group of your friends and head to your favorite bar to see where the night takes you. It may even take you to uncharted territory, but since you’re such an explorer, you’re okay with that. Maybe you’ll even meet someone who strikes your fancy along the way. Sold!
Pisces
Generally, Pisces have a little trouble distinguishing between reality and fantasy, but you don’t really care. Managing expectations is not something at which you’re particularly skilled, but if fantasizing that the sh*tty college bar your friends dragged you to will end with your long-time boyfriend finally proposing, more power to you. You see the best in everything, so you tend to be happy to do whatever the crew wants to do. Just go with the flow and wear something cute, because you never know what’s going to happen!
Images: Giphy (12)
It may be hard to believe given the fact that you’re probably just now surfacing from a food- and alcohol-induced coma, but there’s magic in the air this weekend. The Sun and Jupiter both enter Capricorn today, a union that only takes place once every 12 years, which means that for the next two days, anything could happen. Yes, maybe even getting off your parent’s couch and eating a vegetable, but let’s not get too crazy.
Aries
This weekend is brining good news, Aries. Let’s just say that some long-awaited things will finally be coming to fruition, and it’s all down to your hard work and borderline obsessive dedication. Whatever, the ends justify the means, right? This could be a small-scale achievement or something that’s been a long time in the making, so make sure you celebrate accordingly!
Taurus
This weekend is the perfect time to pursue any passions or adventures that you’ve been holding yourself back from, Taurus. You’ll find yourself not only acutely motivated to get after them, but suddenly with the means of doing so as well. Don’t waste this opportunity! It’s time to, dare I say, take the bull by the horns (I know, I’m sorry).
Gemini
This is a weekend for bold moves, Gemini. You’ve had something to say for a while now and have been uncharacteristically quiet about it. Well guess what? NOT ANYMORE. Arm yourself with your favorite form of liquid courage and then make your voice heard. It’s the holidays, so you don’t need to worry about the ramifications until next week.
Cancer
The union of Jupiter and the Sun is going to give you that extra boost of courage to start making moves, Cancer. If there are things being left unsaid, or relationships that could use a little definition, this is the weekend for getting after it. Your typical aversion to change will be nowhere in sight for the next two days, so don’t be afraid to go big.
Leo
If there’s anything about your life that you’ve been unsatisfied with, Leo, this is the weekend for tackling it. For the next few days you’re going to find yourself dedicated to making changes, be they personal, environmental, or physical, and there’s a good chance they’ll actually stick. Don’t be afraid to take a good look at your life (almost impossible to do this time of year, I know) and figure out which parts of it you’re unhappy with. Does this almost sound like a New Year’s resolution? Well, yeah. But just less cliche.
Virgo
It’s time to start repping yourself, Virgo. You’ve been working hard—on your career, on your relationships, on yourself—and it’s time that people started recognizing it. You don’t need some big occasion to showcase how great you are, just get out there and let the people know what you’ve been up to. Recognition is an important step in the process, and well-deserved at this point.
Libra
This weekend you’ll find yourself wanting to connect with family and friends. Don’t fight it! That’s literally what the holidays are for! Don’t feel guilty shirking social responsibilities in lieu of kicking back with the people you care about, and likely don’t get to see as often. There’s nothing quite so soothing as looking like a total bum on your parents’ couch, watching movies and eating food that your normal self wouldn’t be caught dead even looking at. Soak it all in! This doesn’t happen all that often.
Scorpio
Your weekend forecast shows 100% chance of functional communication, Scorpio. Maybe not the outlook you were hoping for, but one that is very much needed. Spend the next couple days getting things off your chest, that way you can go into the new year with a clear conscious and substantially less baggage. It may not always be the easiest route, but it’s the one that will have you feeling better in the long run.
Sagittarius
You hear that, Sagittarius? It’s the sweet dulcet tones of you spending a bunch of money this weekend. Those post-Christmas sales won’t know what hit them. You’ve done a great job of being financially responsible this year (for the most part), so what better way to celebrate than getting out there and spending all that holiday cash? Don’t feel guilty—you deserve a treat now and then, too.
Capricorn
Get ready, Capricorn, because this weekend you’re going to go against all your instincts and do the one thing you truly hate doing: take a risk. We promise, it’s going to be okay. The Sun and Jupiter moving into Capricorn is going to have you feeling like luck is on your side, and it’s time to finally make those bold moves you’ve been secretly plotting for months. You’ve thought about it, dreamt about it, spent an outrageous amount of time strategizing around it, which just leaves one thing left: doing it.
Aquarius
This weekend is about you, Aquarius. That’s it. The only things you need to concern yourself with the next 72 hours is what you want, what you need, and what position you’re most comfortable in pursuing those two things. The new year and all the stress that comes with it is right around the corner, so hold onto this last bit of 2019 and use it to rest before real life kicks back in.
Pisces
The Sun and Jupiter entering Capricorn has fostered the perfect environment to get the gang back together. You’re feeling social, you’re feeling nostalgic, and you’re feeling like maybe getting day drunk—so call up your friends and make it happen! Being an adult means that these kind of reunions don’t get to happen as often as we’d like, so take advantage of the downtime and relive your college years—you know, when you just hung out on a couch with your friends all day and worried about literally nothing. Ah, youth.
Images: Giphy (12)
Venus enters Aquarius today, which means the weekend just got a lot more exciting. From social butterflies to sleepy homebodies, everyone is about to kick things up a couple notches. Prepare yourself for the madness by checking out our weekend horoscopes.
Aries
Venus entering Aquarius this weekend means one thing, Aries: your social calendar is about to pop off. For the next few days you’ll find that you suddenly have limitless energy for entertaining and given the time of year, it didn’t come a minute too soon. Take advantage of this boon and be sure to light up the room at every event you attend. Going home for the holidays inevitably means running into people from your past (both good and bad), so you might as well make it worth their while.
Taurus
There’s good news on the horizon, Taurus. All your hard work is about to pay off in a big way, but under one condition: that you keep at it. It can be tempting to abandon work for a seemingly limitless supply of Christmas cookies and mulled wine, but you’ve got to stay strong. Months of patience will finally lead to what you’ve been waiting for, so avoid the peppermint schnapps until you’ve achieved what you set out to do. After that, though? All bets are off.
Gemini
Spontaneity is in the air this weekend, Gemini. Venus entering Aquarius is going to inspire you to drop everything in the pursuit of a grand adventure. And you know what? Maybe it’s worth pursuing. You’ve had a hard year and have more than earned the right to blow off a little steam. This weekend, consider shirking responsibility and doing whatever your heart desires. What are the holidays for if not a little indulgence?
Cancer
Love is in the air, Cancer! Or at least, the newfound patience and desire to work for it is. Venus entering Aquarius means that you’re going to suddenly find yourself ready to settle down, or take an existing relationship to the next level. Don’t fight it! Let yourself be swept up in the madness and see where it takes you. After all, ‘tis the season to be merry—and if that means hooking up with your high school crush, so be it.
Leo
You may find yourself feeling extra needy this weekend, Leo. Don’t worry, that’s just Venus settling into Aquarius and stirring up some formerly stifled emotions. Let yourself lean on those close to you, and don’t be ashamed to admit that you might be in need of some extra TLC. Even you are allowed to let your guard down every once in a while.
Virgo
You’re getting your groove back this weekend, Virgo. You may have found yourself feeling entirely unmotivated lately and chalked it up to pre-holiday procrastination. Well now that Venus has entered Aquarius, you’re back in business. Take advantage of this sudden onslaught of productivity by finishing all those projects you’d been putting off. Two weeks off will be all the sweeter knowing you’re coming back to a clean to-do list.
Libra
Time to put away the groutfit and break out the party dress, Libra. This weekend marks the beginning of your return to society, something you’ve been desperately avoiding these past few weeks. There’s no better time to make an entrance than during peak holiday season. Treat yourself to a little extra glam and then hit the town. It’s time to close out 2019 in style.
Scorpio
There’s nothing wrong with taking a break, Scorpio. The holiday season has already worn you out, so this weekend is the perfect time to recharge before diving back into the swing of things. Invite your friends over for a chill night on the couch or, better yet, turn off your phone and get in some quality you time. The world will survive without you for two days, but you may not last through one more Christmas party without a break.
Sagittarius
If you’re looking for a sign to let loose this weekend, consider this it, Sagittarius. Just because your birthday season is coming to a close, it doesn’t mean that it’s time to dive back into bed. You’ve still got energy to expend! So dust off those party shoes for one last hurrah, and make sure to leave a bottle of water by your bed. You can sleep when you’re dead, right?
Capricorn
It’s going to feel like life is pulling you in two direction this weekend, Capricorn. While it may feel easy to succumb to one or the other, we highly recommend you opt for a little balance. Your all-or-nothing personality may reject this notion, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it. What is the holiday season about, if not compromise?
Aquarius
You’re no stranger to being the center of attention, Aquarius. In fact, it’s a position you inhabit with glee. This weekend will be no different—if anything, it’ll be even more over-the-top than usual. We urge you to be sure to take care of yourself while you’re out entertaining the entire town, because you of all people know how exhausting the limelight can be. You don’t have to dim your light, but do be sure to recharge it.
Pisces
You know what you’ve earned, Pisces? Some peace and quiet. After what feels like a lifetime of entertaining, organizing, and just general socializing, it’s time to take a break. Use this weekend to kick off your self-imposed exile. Your Netflix queue is overflowing, your bed is calling, and that takeout isn’t going to order itself. Feel free to go fully off the grid without any guilt, and then consider returning to the real world come Monday. Or, you know, don’t.
Images: Giphy
The forecast next week calls for a low UNDER 20 degrees, so like, I officially think we all need to collectively be on winter vacation. How am I supposed to get work done in the frigid environment that is my office? How am I to function when it’s dark at 4pm? Where is my will to live? I mean, if you’re going to tell me that drinking at work is frowned upon, what do I have left? Help a sister out, here.
Thanks to Mercury f*cking our sh*t up and being in retrograde until November 20th, I assume most of us had an emotional rollercoaster of a week. Will the planets and stars continue to ruin our lives and make us feel way too many feelings?! Find out in your weekend horoscopes.
Scorpio
Everything is so damn inspiring, Scorpio. Seriously, everything from leaves falling off trees to the way your meal for one is spinning in the microwave has you wanting to create art and sh*t. However, Mars is messing with Pluto and making you more likely to get easily frustrated and/or blow up at someone, so maybe it’s best if you channel your inner Vincent Van Gogh and be a bit of a loner for the weekend.
Sagittarius
You’re feeling delighted by everything, Sagittarius, and the cosmos want you to share it with like, everyone. The moon is pushing you to try something new, so maybe Saturday is the perfect time to head to that nude model art class. You may even be mature enough to sketch a penis without giggling!
Capricorn
Head into the great outdoors this weekend, Capricorn. The planets are preaching self-care, and the quiet of nature could be the perfect way to calm your back-and-forth feelings. If it isn’t going to be cold as f*ck on Sunday, plan to sit outside with your PSL and stare at people. Write in a journal so people think you’re deep, too.
Aquarius
Get out of town, Aquarius. A change of pace is the best thing for you, so Saturday morning, make a plan to drive two to three hours out of the city and do something autumnal and adorable. The weekend is ideal for learning, so lean in to exploring stuff.
Pisces
Time to stare down the barrel of your finances, Pisces. You’ve been avoiding it, but it’s time to get one of those fancy apps that yells at you for the amount of money you spend on dining out and ordering Pizza Hut every other day. It’s also a great weekend to do a sit-and-think about your current career. Are you happy? Is it time to update your resume? Time to have an adult conversation with yourself.
Aries
Tis the weekend for romance, Aries. That’s shocking, ’cause you’re usually a sassy pain in the ass, but, apparently, Mars wants you to be happy Friday and Saturday, so it’s a great time to head out and try to meet people. You’ll also feel a strong desire to be active af on Sunday, so go for a jog then tell all your friends about what an amazing picture of health you really are.
Taurus
Your intuition is on f*cking point this weekend, Taurus, so listen to your gut. Friday, Venus is creating a sexy hot energy all around you, so head on out and use it to your advantage. Need a fling? A partner for cuffing season? A free drink? Whatever—you do you.
Gemini
Plan for a good f*cking time this weekend, Gemini. Call up your posse and schedule some basic activities like brunch, apple picking, or throwing pumpkin beers in the trash. You’re gonna be feeling extra intuitive, so it’s a good time to check in with your friends and see how each of them are doing while offering your sage wisdom about everything from dating to which Taco Bell menu items are least likely to give you gas.
Cancer
Get ready for some drama in the home and family department this weekend, Cancer. Mars is stirring sh*t up (typical), so try to keep in mind that tensions may be running high and you can stay out of it if you want. Focus on yourself with a trip to the spa or a much needed cut and color with your go-to salon stylist.
Leo
You won’t be able to sit still this weekend, Leo, so get ready to seize Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and make the most of them. Romance and adventure are both on the docket for Saturday, so don’t be surprised if that hike you decided to go on in the spur of the moment leads to a rom-com-level meeting with a laid-back, cool, hot, single guy who seems too good to be true. That probably won’t happen, but we can hope.
Virgo
Mercury is pushing your communication buttons, Virgo. You’re feeling smart af, so put that intellect to good use by actually reading a book this weekend or learning how to do your taxes. You could also get really drunk and discuss climate change with your besties if that’s your vibe.
Libra
Distress and discomfort are the name of the game this weekend, Libra. On Saturday you’re going to feel pulled between wanting to perform some much needed self-care and taking care of those around you. The good news is that if you’re careful, you can do both. Take time to comfort friends and family with their everyday bullsh*t, then head into the spa for some necessary you time. Come Monday, you’ll feel accomplished af.
Images: Giphy (12)
Goodbye Libra, and hello Scorpio! You know all that friendly, go-with-the-flow energy you cultivated last month? Yeah, that’s gone now. Scorpios have a reputation for being intense (think Taylor Swift in the “Blank Space” video), meaning Scorpio season makes us all a little more likely to get a little crazy. This emotional season asks us to go deep into our own wants and desires, and is all about developing your own intuition. Sure, this can lead to some increased paranoia as you open your eyes to the world around you, but Scorpio season also has some benefits. Namely, it’s the sexiest season of the year, meaning if you play your cards right you can end this month with a few more notches on your bedpost, and some late night experiences that would make even Samantha Jones say “Oh my!”
Aries
Speaking of Samantha Jones, this sexy, sensual season is coming straight for you, Aries. Not only is Scorpio a naturally sexy sign, but it is also chilling in your house of sensuality all month, meaning your life is about to turn into an episode of Taxi Cab Confessions. Now is not the time to be coy about what you want, especially in the bedroom. Whether you’re partnering up with someone new or someone you’ve been with for a while, now is the time to really advocate for your own desires, no matter how weird or “freaky” they might be. And pro tip for all the ladies out there, if a dude considers you wanting an orgasm to be an out of line request, steal his phone and order yourself an Uber immediately.
Taurus
Have any unfinished business left over from Libra season? Yeah, now is the time to tie that up. Preferably before Wednesday, when Scorpio will inject its iconically intense energy into your life, making you focus less on your to-do list and more on your intimate relationships. Don’t be surprised if you feel the need to call up a long lost friend or actually make that coffee date you’ve been saying you’ll make for months. Scorpio is all about going deep with people, meaning this month you’ll be way more focused on the biggest questions in the universe (“what is the meaning of life?”) than the minor questions of the day (“when was the last time I washed these jeans?”).
Gemini
Put the flask down, Gemini! Scorpio season has you transitioning from party animal to work horse as the Sun heads into your house of work, organization, and healthy routines starting this Wednesday. Intense, laser-focused Scorpio is giving you all the energy you need to actually finish up some of those 2019 goals that you low-key forgot to achieve this year. Yes, there is still time Scorpio season has you transitioning from party girl to promotion girl as the sun heads into your house of work, organization, and healthy routines. Yes, there is still time to learn to meditate or run a 5k. But probs not if you spend every weekend in the depths of another epic hangover.
Cancer
This Wednesday, Scorpio lands in your flirty, fun fifth house, making you the ultimate partner right now. Single Cancers will start to find themselves attracting a lot of attention from other singles in their area, so if you haven’t downloaded Ship yet, now’s probably a good time. Coupled-up Cancers will find new ways to connect with their partner, bringing back some of that “new relationship energy” you both thought died after the first time you farted in front of each other. Single or not, Cancers should use this month to take romantic risks and expand their horizons. You might discover something new about yourself, or at least have a funny story to share at brunch.
Leo
Take a deep breath, Leo. You’ve been in go, go, go mode since the summer, but Scorpio season is asking you to slow it wayyyy down. It’s time to bust out the ugly sweaters and and embrace the hygge energy by getting cozy as f*ck. Your need to be constantly out and about has finally extinguished and you’re ready to settle in for the cold weather months. You might not even realize how bad you need this social and emotional break, but come Wednesday, you’ll be telling everyone that you never want to hear the words “happy hour” again.
Virgo
It’s time to step into the spotlight, Virgo! Your sign typically prefers to run things behind the scenes, but confident Scorpio is pushing you to take the spotlight. Scorpio asks us all to accept our own power, meaning you’re ready to finally step into some leadership positions that should have gone to you like, yesterday. Sure, putting yourself out there can be scary, but considering how much other people f*ck up on a daily basis and get away with it, your hardworking, diligent sign could probably stand to take a few more risks and live to tell the tale.
Libra
It’s natural to be feeling some end-of-season blues as your birthday month comes to a close, Libra, but we can’t be the center of attention all the time. Starting Wednesday, the Sun will be chilling in Scorpio and your second house of finances and security. This means you’re gonna have to tone spending way way down from last month, when you could basically justify any purchase by saying, “well it’s basically my birthday.” This month, you’re going to be glued to that pesky little number in your checking account and digging yourself out of whatever hole your birthday shopping spree, week of birthday drinks, and impromptu birthday vacation put you in.
Scorpio
Welcome to your season, Scorpio! This month, everyone is going to be a little more like you, meaning you won’t be the most intense person in every room you walk into for once. You’re feeling confident and sexy, meaning you’re in an amazing position to help people connect with your inner Scorpio. As an added bonus, not having to explain yourself all the time means you’ll finally have time to work on your own sh*t and shed the baggage that is holding you back. Deep conversations, sexy strangers, and transformational experiences (aka all your favorite things) await you this month, Scorpio! Tbh the rest of the world is kind of jealous.
Sagittarius
Your typically outgoing sign grows introspective on Wednesday as Scorpio replaces Libra in your chart. Now is an amazing time for going through old journals, or starting a new journal if you’ve never done it before. This month is all about your connection with yourself, which can be tough for a sign that loves groups and partying so much. That said, this Scorpio energy will also give you the opportunity to experience one of the greatest feelings known to humankind: canceling plans.
Capricorn
Scorpio season is all about intimate connections, meaning your typically career-focused sign will be pulled to examine your work/life balance and, spoiler alert, there is none. Starting Wednesday, it’s time to apply some of that professional drive to your social life, and actually seek out new experiences or people. Go to happy hour with that coworker you think you might like. Take up an old friend on an invitation for a coffee date. Call your f*cking mom. Remember Capricorn, there’s more to life than just career success, and if you don’t have relationships with people, you won’t even have anybody around to be jealous when you do make it big.
Aquarius
What were your career goals for 2019? Have you hit them? Could you do more? Scorpio season means the Sun is in your tenth house of career ambition, and you’re going to be feeling particularly motivated to get sh*t done. Two months is a lot of time, and there are probably more than a few things you could still knock off that 2019 to-do list. Sure, becoming Ariana Grande’s best friend and life coach is probably not gonna happen before January 1st, but asking your boss for a raise might!
Pisces
Get ready, Pisces. Starting Wednesday you’re going to be turning Scorpio’s intense energy on yourself, cleaning out your closet both literally and figuratively. You’re going to feel an intense need to get your sh*t together, whether it be by switching over to your winter wardrobe and donating a bunch of clothes you haven’t worn since the Obama administration, or letting go of relationships that haven’t served you since even longer. You won’t miss any of it, I promise.
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They say summer is the best season to fall in love, but I beg to differ. See, what most people don’t realize is, the weather is a major game-changer. It can truly make or break your sizzling love affair. One thing’s for sure: When the temperature drops, our panties follow mother nature’s lead. It’s inevitable. Cupid always makes a cryptic cameo once the fall and winter roll around, which is why this time of year is often referred to as “cuffing season.” People aren’t just looking to just get it in during cuffing season. On the contrary, they are looking to get cuffed… in every sense of the word. Do yourself a favor and test your luck during the next cold front.
So what will cuffing season bring for you? Thotumn, a real relationship, all of the above? These are your cuffing season horoscopes:
Aries
Taurus
Gemini
Cancer
Leo
Don’t air out your dirty laundry just yet, Leo. Try to keep some things to yourself—especially while texting your crush. Seriously, you’re going to have to put those jealous claws away before you scare them off. Sit tight, though. The real fun will begin once Sagittarius season (November 22) rolls around. That is, if you put your ego away, of course.
Virgo
Bask in the pleasures of life, Virgo. Single and ready to mingle? You’ll be craving the finer things and indulging in your comfort for the majority of October. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a mental health day, it’s important that you put your picture-perfect checklist away before you let something good go to waste. After all, there’s no such thing as perfect, you know.
Libra
You’re in love with love, Libra. Your birthday season will be swirling with romance, and you’ll be feeling as irresistible as ever. Then again, when are you not adorably charming? Let your crush wine and dine you this season, especially once November rolls around. The sun will be shaking up your pleasure-seeking second house of money, and if you’re not splurging at the mall, you might as well let someone worship you.
Scorpio
Trick or treat, Scorpio. Cuffing season has your name written all over it, because who are we kidding? You know a thing or two about those autumn and winter nights. Lana Del Rey song or not…mid-October and November will be sizzling with passion, and your crush(es) won’t able to resist your sultry poker face. Quit playing games with their hearts, Scorpio. Karma is a messy bitch who lives for drama.
Sagittarius
Don’t be afraid to take the unconventional route, Sagittarius. Your social life will be lit in October, so decide whether or not you want to keep people “friend-zoned,” or if you think they deserve that holiday hall pass. As cliche as this sounds, having a friend with benefits is very likely during this time. The good news is, you’ll most likely keep it a secret, given November’s rather cryptic astrology transits.
Capricorn
Try taking a walk on the wild side, Capricorn. Trust me when I tell you, being uptight is not a good look for you. Just so you know, it’s not that there aren’t any opportunities for love this season, it’s that you’re usually too pragmatic to realize what’s right in front of you. I’m totally serious, too. Besides, with the sun beaming through your shady 12th house of secrets towards the end of November, no one will have to know. What do I mean by that, exactly? Go and get your secret love affair on, Capricorn. You’ll thank me later.
Aquarius
Is there TSA Pre for the mile-high club, Aquarius? OK, I’m kidding. Aside from charming your superiors to death this cuffing season, you could also be traveling for business more than usual during this time. What’s it going to be? Business or pleasure? Venturing into unknown territory is inevitable towards the beginning of October, so try to make it a good time. However, don’t do anything too crazy, because once November rolls around, you’ll be back in the spotlight.
Pisces
Despite your innate desire for intimacy and soul-to-soul connection, you’re also very guarded… even with your more serious partners. What are you afraid of, Pisces? I’m not saying you’re doomed this season, I am simply advising that you go with the flow. Although, one thing’s for sure: November will be an adventure. With the sun beaming through your expansive ninth house of travel, you might decide to take an impromptu vacation and perhaps meet someone along the way.
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No matter how long it’s been since you’ve had an actual back to school, the back to school energy is in the air, and it’s time to get your sh*t together. Is it any wonder that this very special time of year falls directly in the middle of Virgo season? The stars work in mysterious ways… Here’s what you need to know this week so you can get things on track, whether it’s in the classroom, the boardroom, or the bedroom.
Aries
Last week’s Virgo wellness energy is continuing into this week as you stay focused on health and self-care. I’m talkin’ green smoothies. I’m talkin’ superfoods. I’m talkin’ HIIT classes that make you feel like you want to vomit, or die, or vomit and then die. No pain, no gain Aries! But it’ll all be worth it when you can finally open a jar of pickles without asking for assistance.
Taurus
Focus up, Taurus! You’ve been getting distracted by shiny objects lately (understandable), but it’s time to cultivate some appreciation for the sh*t that’s right in front of you. What are you thankful for right now? By taking a little time this week to appreciate what you have, you’ll be more refreshed and ready for all the amazing things to come!
Gemini
Put on your fluffiest robe and slip on your house shoes, because this week is all about the comforts of home, Gemini! The stars are giving you permission to cancel every last plan you thought you had this week and trade them in for seven consecutive nights of couch potato-ing. And after a full summer of being a social butterfly, you f*cking need it. Don’t be afraid to hibernate! Your fans—I mean friends—will still be there when you return.
Cancer
You’re still floating around like the social butterfly you are this week, Cancer, and channels of communication are open. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself going deep in the group chat, or missing half the party because you got caught up talking about the meaning of life. Human interaction in fueling you right now, so take it where you can get it. Just remember, your server doesn’t actually want to hear your life story. They’re just a person working for tips.
Leo
Summer is (basically) over, Leo, and it’s time to get serious. Specifically, it’s time to get serious about money. Gone are the days when you spend your entire paycheck on last minute beach trips. The holidays will be here sooner than you think, and IOUs are not acceptable presents. Start saving now and wow everyone with your gift giving abilities come December. (And who loves wow-ing everyone more than a Leo??)
Virgo
Finally! It’s your season, and for exactly one month people will care about having their sh*t together as much as you do. Okay so, nobody actually cares about having their sh*t together as much as you do, but they’re trying and you appreciate it. Okay, no you don’t, but still…it’s not a bad thing. Don’t be surprised if you have a lot of people hitting you up for advice this week, hoping to steal some of that Virgo glow for themselves. Just remember, you can’t fix everyone. Don’t even try.
Libra
You’re a hurricane of creativity right now Libra, so don’t let it go to waste! Now is the perfect time to sign up for a local drink-and-draw class, or to bust out the ol’ adult coloring book and start coloring in those lines—or don’t color in the lines. I don’t want to stifle you. Just be sure to find a healthy outlet for your creativity so it doesn’t burst out in the form of increasingly creative new insults for your ex.
Scorpio
Connect with your inner Billie Eilish this week and let your freak flag fly, Scorpio! You’re not in the mood for anything mundane or “normal,” so it’s time to hit up your weirdest friend (you know, the one who moved to a cannabis commune and changed her name to ‘Star Fruit’) and embrace the odd! I’m not saying you have to go full Midsommar, but a little Halloween-in-August energy never hurt anybody.
Sagittarius
Goooooooooooals! You’re all about them this week, Sagittarius. Don’t be surprised if career advancements and opportunities find you. The stars are aligned for some major money moves this week, so keep an eye out for opportunities in unexpected places and get ready to shine. Even if you’re not feeling particularly motivated yourself, put on your best boss b*tch face and fake it ‘til you make it. You’ll be happy that you did.
Capricorn
Fun fact, Capricorn: in Greek mythology, Capricorn was represented by Pan, aka the “horny sea goat” of the zodiac. And you’re uh…embracing that ancestry this week. Yep. That’s right. It’s sexy time. The work that you put in to shake up your love life last week is coming (literally) to fruition this week, so maybe keep those nights open. Actually, you might wanna keep your mornings open too. Just saying…
Aquarius
Keep an eye out for romantic connections in unexpected places this week, Aquarius. Maybe it’s time for a recalibration of your standards? Not saying you need to start dating someone who still lives with their mom and thinks cargo shorts are fancy, but maybe you don’t have to swipe left on anyone under 6’7. There are plenty of 6’5-ers out there who are also deserving of love. (And you can always make them wear lifts if necessary).
Pisces
You’re another sign that’s feeling the urge to flirt this week, Pisces, and your best bet may be someone outside your typical type. Worse case scenario: you have a subpar hook up with someone you weren’t really sure you’d like that much anyway. Best case scenario: turns out your mailman was the love of your life all along. Who knew?!?!
Images: Giphy (12)
