All The Ways You Can Support The March For Our Lives Tomorrow

Let me paint you a picture: just over a month after the horrific deadly shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School that killed 17 and wounded many more, lawmakers have made great strides in passing new gun violence prevention laws and making the protection of our citizens and children a top priority. There is peace and unity across party lines. Instead of guns, we use our words to get our message across. Everyone is safe and sound, and no March For Our Lives is needed. Obviously, that’s a load of fairytale bullshit. I mean, have you seen the news?

If you’re fed up with the lack of common-sense gun safety laws and want to do something about it, the students of Parkland have got ya covered. This Saturday, March 24th, is the March For Our Lives, organized by the survivors of the Florida shooting to speak out against gun violence. While the main march is in Washington D.C., there are plenty of other ways to get involved wherever you live all across the country. So delay that Saturday morning hangover for one more day – there’s important activist shit to do.

Find A March Near You

Unless you have a ton of frequent flier miles or unlimited money for bus fare, you probably won’t be able to hop over to D.C. last minute to join the official march (and if you do have those things, hit me up. This bitch needs a vacation). Luckily, there are dozens of sister (yes – the march is a woman) marches organized in different cities, so there’s bound to be at least one that’s accessible to anyone who feels like joining in.

Click here to find a march near you, and start prepping your witty protest sign now so you can get a bunch of likes on Insta from all the people impressed with how woke you are. (Make sure to tag @MarchForOurLives and @Everytown, and use the #MarchForOurLives hashtag!) I’ll offer my sign suggestion, since I’m feeling extra generous: “The only guns that should be allowed in this country are Michelle Obama’s!” You can have that idea for free, folks.

Pick Up A Copy Of Time Magazine

Yes, they still make print magazines that you can actually physically flip through instead of scrolling past some tweeted quotes from an article. How retro. Time‘s new cover features five of the Parkland shooting survivors looking hella badass and like a squad of teens from a Marvel movie who are about to reveal their superpowers and save the world. These students are not far from actual superheroes, and their intelligence and maturity is definitely worth reading about.

Join The National Walkout

Following the widely successful walkout a few weeks ago where thousands of students of all ages left their classes and stood in solidarity emphasizing the need for common-sense gun safety laws, another walkout will be held on April 20th. This is the anniversary of the Columbine shooting, which is one of the first mass shootings we millennials can remember. It goes without saying that this date is often significant for another reason, so let’s just hope that everyone can muster up the energy to slowly walk out, maybe with an added sense of calm and Bob Marley’s “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” playing in the background.

In conjunction with the walkout, The Sup will also be engaging in a Facebook blackout on April 20th, standing in solidarity with the students, and also protesting Facebook’s social abuses and the spread of fake news. You can join us by turning your profile picture and cover photo black and not posting anything for 24 hours. Honestly, social media is a cesspool and only leads to getting mad about politicians’ tweets or FB stalking an ex so, like, you’re only doing yourself a favor by logging off.

Donate To The Stoneman Douglas Victims’ Fund

GoFundMe is the charity of the future. On crowdsourcing alone, the Stoneman Douglas Victims’ Fund has already raised over $4.5 million to provide relief and financial support to the victims and their families. No donation is too small, but just make sure you only donate to verified pages, otherwise you might be paying for some scammer’s new yacht, and that is definitely the opposite of charitable goodness.

Call Your Representatives

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: nothing is going to change unless we get legislators to listen to what the people are saying. You can reach your local representative by calling (201)-224-3121 and asking for the lawmaker in your state. Or, you can just go down this list of legislators who voted no to expanding background checks and making it harder for people to purchase guns. Turn it into a drinking game: take a shot for every senator you get to bitch out, and chug your drink if it sounds like they might actually change their stance.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now! 

These Are The Companies That Broke Up With The NRA After Parkland

In the aftermath of the horrific Parkland school shooting, a number of U.S. companies are reconsidering the terms of their relationships with their fuckboy ex the NRA. The NRA is so not hot right now, seeing as literal children are dying and teens are asking for stricter gun control laws to help save lives, and the NRA is all like, “lol no.”

In short, companies are making a smart marketing decision finally breaking up with the NRA. They’re cutting all ties in terms of co-branding, investments, and membership deals, and essentially telling the NRA, “you can’t sit with us.” Here’s a list of those companies, who — for the record — can sit with us.

Actual footage of companies cutting ties with the NRA

Allied and North American Van Lines

Both of these moving companies told the NRA that it was their time to move and GTFO of their houses.

Allied Van Lines no longer has an affiliate relationship with the NRA effective immediately. We have asked them to remove our listing from their benefits site.

— Allied Van Lines (@alliedvl) February 23, 2018

northAmerican Van Lines no longer has an affiliate relationship with the NRA effective immediately. We have asked them to remove our listing from their benefits site.

— North American VL (@northAmericanVL) February 23, 2018

Delta Airlines

Delta announced that they would no longer be giving the NRA discounted rates, and to keep their names out of their mouth. Okay, Delta, I will now *consider* forgiving you for all of my delayed flights.

Delta is reaching out to the NRA to let them know we will be ending their contract for discounted rates through our group travel program. We will be requesting that the NRA remove our information from their website.

— Delta (@Delta) February 24, 2018

First National Bank of Omaha

The bank cut ties with the NRA after their customers warned them that the NRA was being a total dick and it was time to end it. The customer is always right, after all.

Customer feedback has caused us to review our relationship with the NRA. As a result, First National Bank of Omaha will not renew its contract with the National Rifle Association to issue the NRA Visa Card.

— First National Bank (@FNBOmaha) February 22, 2018

Paramount Rx

The pharmacy announced that it is working on having a friend break up with the NRA for them. Very reminiscent of a middle school dance where somebody ends up crying in the bathroom. Love it.

Thank you all for your feedback.

Paramount Rx issued the statement below.
“The prescription discount program that is made available to NRA members is offered through a third-party vendor. We are working with that vendor to discontinue the program and remove the offering.”

— Paramount Rx (@ParamountRx) February 24, 2018

United Airlines

The airline followed Delta’s lead and took away discounted rates for NRA members and asked to no longer be associated with the NRA’s fuckery.

United is notifying the NRA that we will no longer offer a discounted rate to their annual meeting and we are asking that the NRA remove our information from their website.

— United Airlines (@united) February 24, 2018

Enterprise Holdings Inc.

The car rental announced the date for their divorce party. We fully support their choice to leave the NRA’s ass.

Thank you for contacting us! All three of our brands have ended the discount for NRA members. This change will be effective March 26. Thank you again for reaching out. Kind regards, Michael

— EnterpriseRentACar (@enterprisecares) February 23, 2018

Hertz Corp.

Another one bites the dust.

We have notified the NRA that we are ending the NRA’s rental car discount program with Hertz.

— Hertz (@Hertz) February 23, 2018

Avis and Budget Car Rentals

The NRA is going to need to call their mom for a ride, because all of these car companies are totally ditching them.

MetLife Inc.

The insurance company announced it will no longer offer discounts to NRA members. Welcome to the world of shitty health insurance, NRA members. So glad you could join us.

Chubb Ltd.

 The insurer announced that it’d be ending its relationship with the NRA, and a spokesperson claimed this decision had already been in the works. I guess now it’s *officially* over.

TrueCar

Another car company telling the NRA to fuck off. This is honestly starting to get sad. Lol jk, this is hilarious.

Simplisafe

The home security company announced that it will no longer be in bed with the NRA. Wow, so sad.

Symantec Corp.

The company that makes Norton Antivirus software realized that the NRA is the ultimate virus and called things off.

Wyndham Hotels

The hotel company announced that they will no longer be associating with the NRA. Repeat after me, “I don’t know her.”

Best Western

Best Western showed everyone up by making it clear that they dumped the NRA’s sorry ass back in 2014. Okurr.

Starkey Hearing

The hearing aid company has decided to end things with the NRA and focus on their career. You do you, boo.

I would also like to point out that the majority of these companies broke up with the NRA via Twitter. Savage.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

 

7 Heroic Ways Our Government Is Combatting Gun Violence

Yesterday was another normal day in America where a gunman entered a high school and murdered 17 people. Wow, I wish that sentence could be read as an outlandish joke but the gun violence at Florida’s Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School was the eighth school shooting to occur this year. Yep. Eighth. There’s only been seven weeks in 2018 so far. It hasn’t been long enough for the people who resolved to lose weight this year to cancel their gym membership yet.

Luckily we live in a country that is incredibly responsive to these sorts of attacks and are horrified that children must worry about being gunned down while passing notes about their crushes. Here are the heroic measures members of the government have taken to make sure this doesn’t happen again:

Prayed

The OG response to mass shootings. So far it hasn’t really *worked* per se, but what’s that thing about 10,000 hours of practice? Hopefully we aren’t all dead by then!

Tweeted

Since praying is unfortunately a private event, it is important that the people we pay to govern our country write a 280-character message letting us know they prayed. That’s what we’re paying them to do. Pray and write about praying.

Prayed and Thought

Prayers can be empty gestures, you might think and you’d be right! It’s important to also think while praying. These politicians are thinking very hard. Thinking about how innocent people are being killed in learning institutions they once felt were safe. And when they are done thinking they will frown so people know they are thinking sad thoughts.

Lit A Candle

Perhaps this tiny flame will light the way toward a more peaceful future. Nothing is more actionable than lighting a small fire.

Went On A Contemplative Walk

How does this keep happening, they wondered as they strolled down the aisles of Wal-Mart, past the section for “toys for girly girls”, located next to the fishing rods and semi-automatic rifles. “Why do young people turn to guns?”

Sat In A Comfortable Chair In Their Comfortable House In A Gated Community That They Can Afford Because Of The Money They Accept From The NRA That Let’s Them Continually And Conveniently Ignore This Violent Epidemic

*stares blankly ahead*

Prayed And Went On A Walk

Maybe those earlier prayers weren’t reaching Jesus but they were inside when they prayed and the roof couldn’t interrupted the signals like a bad wifi connection or something. Better just be sure and pray outside. That way more people will see them praying which is great PR. And that’s what matters, right? It’s important they look concerned and not important at all that children stop getting murdered between Algebra and World History class.

Now, if for some reason this doesn’t feel like enough, that is understandable. We all grieve in different ways. Some people grieve by continuing to accept money from an organization that profits off of fear and innocent people dying, and others grieve by donating to, say, Everytown For Gun Safety, an organization committed to building safer communities and decreasing gun violence. To each his own, I guess!

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!