Happy shortest day of 2020! That’s definitely something to celebrate. And that’s not all, kids! This Monday is also The Great Conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter, a cosmic event that occurs once every 20 years. This year, Saturn and Jupiter will meet in Aquarius for the first time in over one hundred years, sending off major humanitarian vibes, and bringing in a new season of progress and human creativity. Oh, and did I mention it’s Capricorn season? The heavens really are doing *the most* right now.
You’re being your best solstice self this week and you’ve got the inbox to prove it. Don’t ignore work opportunities that come your way just because it’s Chirstmas Eve’s Eve. With Capricorn’s energy in your corner, you might find yourself squeaking out a few last-minute 2020 goals, or getting a jumpstart on 2021. ‘Tis the season!
An LDR? In this economy? With the Sun in Capricorn, you may feel yourself pulled toward long-distance alliances, i.e. you suddenly have the urge to call your high school friend who moved to Europe and ask her what it’s like there. Between Capricorn’s influence and the solstice, you’re looking to expand your horizons, and yes, that does include changing your location range on the apps. Who knows? ‘Tis the season for matching with a guy on Ship, only to find out he’s really the prince of a small Scandinavian nation!
The solstice means some major rebirth for you, Gemini. Can you handle it? With Capricorn chilling in your house of intimacy and strong emotions, things are about to get reality-TV-level messy for a little while. Resist the urge to tell people they smell like hospital, and for the love of God, don’t attend your frememy’s Met Gala themed luncheon unless you can behave yourself. It’s not worth the free Airpods.
I regret to inform you, Cancer, that you’ve tested positive…for the holiday spirit! (I’m so sorry.) With the Sun in Capricorn, you want nothing more than to go hard on your closest relationships and show the people who have been there for you during this hell year exactly how much you care. I guess what I’m saying is: you’re gonna feel the urge to make baked goods. Lots and lots of baked goods.
Thank goddess for Capricorn, because it’s the only reason you’re going to be able to finish your pre-holiday workload this week. The new celestial season is giving you just enough of a boost in motivation to finish that one thing you have to get done before the holidays (aka the hardest task in the world to complete), meaning you’ll be able to actually relax next week instead of frantically drafting “sorry for the delayed response!” emails to your entire inbox. A holiday miracle!
Well, aren’t you just the star on top of the Christmas tree! This week the Sun sweeps into Capricorn and you sweep into your best goddamn self. So what, there are no holiday parties!?! New Year’s Eve be damned! You’re bringing the shiny, sequined, NYE vibes to everyone you encounter this week, even if that’s just your boyfriend and your cat.
Winter solstice? Capricorn season? That can mean only one thing: comfy time. Bust out your fancy sweatpants (you know the ones), light an overpriced candle, and get under your gravity blanket, because you are all about the cozy home vibes until at least 2021. Pretty convenient if you live in on of the many places in the U.S. where you are legally required to remain indoors. They won’t have to tell you twice!
The holidays plus Capricorn’s influence are making you feel super social these days, which can be tricky in this time of limited socializing. But don’t worry! Focus on quality time with the people you do see, even small interactions throughout the day. Just don’t bother your Postmate for too long. They’re at work.
The sun’s journey through Capricorn means that now is the perfect time to sit down and write out those 2021 goals, even if the only one you’re sure of right now is “not cry every day.” This week you’re able to look to the future with a clear view, knowing full well that the goals you set now are totally allowed to change. Especially if there’s like, a global pandemic or something.
Welcome to your season, Capricorn! You are mildly enthused. With the sun in your sign, you are fully on your Capricorn game, closing out the year on fire while everyone else is on their couch. Just don’t forget to focus on the true reason for the season: your birthday.
A Great Conjunction?!? In your sign?!?! Things are about to get weird as f*ck. Being that you are already attuned to the humanitarian vibes, don’t be surprised if you feel the energetic shift this week more than most. Listen to your intuition, and if you have any weird dreams, write that sh*t down. Or at the very least give a detailed account to the group chat.
Hello, Pisces? Earth to Pisces? Whether you’re technically on the clock or not, you will be mentally OOO starting with the winter solstice on Monday. Blame it on the…everything. Try not to let other people on social media let you feel bad for mentally checking out the last week of 2020. They’re actually the crazy ones.
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As you probably know based off how fucking crazy this month has been already, Saturn, aka the hardass of the Solar System, is in retrograde. When Saturn is moving normally, it’s that bitchy voice in the back of your head that stops you from doing things like charging $300 worth of Korean skincare products to your company card, or to attend The Dud’s birthday event even though you know she’ll want to play board games and while drinking the one bottle of wine she bought for six people. Basically, Saturn forces you to be a good person, even when you’re dead inside. When Saturn is in retrograde, though, it means your whole decision making system is out of wack. Think that now is a good time to send your boss that list of grievances you’ve been compiling? Maybe wait until September for that. The one good thing about Saturn in retrograde is it can be a time for you to deal with the shit that’s been bothering you forever and clean house, whether it be by actually cleaning your house, or by deleting that fuckboy’s number from your phone. Basically, it is time to take out the trash, rather than accumulating a bunch of new shit you don’t need. Just practice this sentence: “Sorry, I can’t go out. Saturn is in retrograde and I don’t trust my ability to make sound decisions right now,” and you’ll be fine.
Thank god the drama of last week’s full moon has mostly passed. Enough of that shit, amirite? Anyway, your decision making abilities are prime this week. If you don’t have any, like, major life decisions to make in the week ahead, you can come up with something to pick, like a vacation or a date from Tinder. I mean, as far as that goes, good luck will come out of your wise and well-timed choices this week.
You are empowered this week. Kind of like how Beyoncé’s twin fetuses are giving her the power to slay so hard, the Sun and Mercury in your sign are really bringing the good vibes your way. It’s a very good week for you to use your schmooze skills to advance your place in the world. Other people totally have things to offer you like cool event invites or jobs or shit like that. Impress people with your charm this week and totes reap the benefits soon.
Your new year begins at your birthday. Fucking duh. That means in the time you’re dropping hints to others for how to plan your birthday celebration, you should also be thinking about what you want out of the year ahead. Do you want an actual boyfriend and not another fuckboy hookup? Do you want to land a new job? Would you rather move to a whole different city or country? Who the hell knows! The world is your oyster and all that cliché shit.
You, unfortunately, are feeling a bit overwhelmed heading into the start of the week. That Sunday night mental freakout Is the real deal. Just chill and remember that you always get your shit done no matter how overwhelmed you feel on Monday morning. Likewise, your social goals are advancing this week. This might be the time your boy hints at a DTR or you are getting more invitations to social shit you may or may not be interested in. Careful of where you decide to give your fucks. Prioritizing is important.
The Sun continues to hang out at the top of your chart this week making you, once-a-fucking-gain, very high visibility. I mean, as a Leo, you’re pretty much used to getting a lot of attention, but this week it might seem overwhelming. Oh, poor you. Careful with all that attention, though—a misguided Instagram caption or an embarrassing tweet could get you attention for all the wrong reasons.Like, how stupid would it be to get fired because you tweeted a dumb joke? Pretty fucking embarrassing.
The weather is bipolar and, like a bad boyfriend, it has you ready to ditch for somewhere more stable. Be on the lookout for sweet travel deals or just beg your dad to let you use his SkyMiles to take business class somewhere you can wear a bikini. Thanks daddy! If a vacation is just not an option right now, like because you have to work or something stupid, at least plan a weekend car trip or something. A change of scenery is just what you need to clear your mind and get refocused.
You might get the chance to live a childhood dream this week. Like, how random is that? As a Libra, you’re busy going through a transition in your life that might take years to complete. You’re busy becoming who you are, obvi. This transition will be complete by 2018, but if you’re feeling a little lost and directionless right now, that’s why.
The Sun has decided to hide in your chart for the next few weeks. Yes, no Sun in the chart means you’re going to be super tired and generally shitty feeling until it reappears. Take the nap time to really work on your dreams. Yes, that sounds like a lame Pinterest quote, but really, taking this time to map out a plan for your future in your head will help put you at ease about all the shit going on in your life. Also, this will make you feel a lot better about napping through all your plans this week.
You’re focused AF in the week ahead. When people ask you about anything that isn’t work right now you probs don’t even really know how to respond since you haven’t had time to think about much else. Sure, that sounds super boring, but your career won’t cheat on you and all that, right? That’s a good way to look at it, probably. Anyway, take the weekend to treat. yo. self. If there’s ever a time you deserve a mani-pedi, it’s now.
Capricorn betches are lucky AF this week. Good times abound and you’re high energy—no venti non-fat iced vanilla latte needed. Like, you’ll still drink it but it’ll only take your energy level over the top. Whatever you’re working on this week is going to advance your reputation. As if you needed more street cred, but really. Use the boost in energy and the favor of others to tackle that to-do list you’ve been putting off. You’ll definitely get the help you need to finish your tasks, no strings attached.
Mother’s Day in the rear-view mirror has you focused on family and the future of yours. All the wedding and baby shower invites that are melding together in a big disappointing mural on your fridge has you worried about what your future holds. Like, chill TF out. It sounds like something stupid that a basic from high school shares on Facebook, but you need to remember that your timeline doesn’t need to follow everyone else’s. Just do you boo. Also, do you really want to be changing shitty diapers instead of enjoying a drunk brunch on Mother’s Day anytime soon anyway?
You’ve gone through a pretty radical change recently and it has you questioning your entire world view. What you thought you wanted doesn’t actually seem all that appealing at the moment. As my favorite Victorian Era Writer/Dead GBF Oscar Wilde said: “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” Profound AF, right? Anyway, calm your shit about changing your plans. I mean, sometimes life just takes you in a direction your didn’t expect and you need to just go with it, for your own sanity.